With the Band

  He sighs.

  "Dad, we don't lie to each other."

  Except, now, we do because I'm having a secret relationship with Kitt, and I agreed to keep it from everyone. I feel sick. My stomach turns over, and I look away from him.

  I'm a horrible, shitty daughter.

  Fabulous.

  Don't think about the guilt you're feeling when he looks you in the eyes. You're not doing anything with the intention of hurting him.

  "Lately, I've been feeling my age."

  Dad's not really that old, but his lifestyle has been rough on him. It would have been on anyone. Plus, from a young age, he had a baby to raise alone.

  "You don't have to work yourself this hard still. I'm confident you can live off the billions you have in the bank. Not even I could blow through all of that."

  "The money isn't an issue, Tex. I've always done this, and I'm not sure I could give up music."

  "You can still sing in the shower. I won't tell the label."

  He rolls his eyes and sits at the table. "Coffee's taking a while..."

  "I'm on it, I'm on it. Seriously though, if you need to take it easier, you can. Don't tour as much; don't release albums every five minutes. Plenty of old people do it when they've reached that special point in their lives where their bones creek when they move, and they can't handle their whiskey anymore."

  "As ever, pumpkin, you're a delight."

  "Hey, I'm being helpful here."

  "No, I'm pretty sure you're mocking your old man."

  I tilt my head to the side and give him an innocent smile. "Yeah, that, too. But, I worry about you, and I'm telling you to slow down."

  "Mark's slowing down?" Kitt asks from along the hallway. He's pretending to have just come out of his room.

  My heart jumps into my throat. I look over my shoulder, and another wave of guilt washes over me so hard and so fast that I almost lose my footing. Lying to Dad feels so wrong.

  "He needs to. He's past it now," I say.

  "I am not past it!"

  "See? He's not past it," Kitt replies, not quite being able to look directly at me either.

  Great.

  I laugh a little nervously and turn away. We're off to an awful start if we don't want Dad to guess.

  "Coffee, Kitt?"

  "Please."

  He walks past me, careful to leave as much distance as he can in the small space. Why would he go out of his way to avoid me like I'm contagious?

  Is he trying to get us caught?

  I'm glad he gave me a wide berth though because I hadn't realised how bad I would feel about this. It's like the happy Kitt rainbow over my life has dulled. Being with him was supposed to be pure, not tainted with guilt.

  Because you know doing it like this is all wrong.

  "You got up late," Dad says, shuffling over so that Kitt can sit down.

  I bite my lip as I pour the first mug. Kitt is often up earlier than everyone else with me. He does his best lyric-writing at the crack of dawn apparently. Everyone knows that.

  We have to be more careful.

  Am I overthinking this?

  Yes, because you're a mega bitch who's lying to her dad, and obsessively stressing over it is what you deserve.

  Kitt yawns. "Yeah, didn't sleep too well last night."

  I know that's a lie, and my eye twitches.

  After he kissed me for ages, we fell asleep, and he didn't stir once. But, obviously, I'm not going to be pointing that out.

  Dad's eyebrows lift. "Oh, yeah?"

  Kitt laughs. "No, nothing like that."

  "Now that I think about it, you're quite behind Milo, Will, and Coop. Did you not take the bet in the end?"

  He'd better be very behind them.

  Kitt runs his hand through his hair and shakes his head. "Nah, not really my scene anymore."

  "Good for you. Not all of us feel the need to sleep with everyone because it's the done thing."

  "And because you had an oopsy," I say, smirking at him.

  Dad glares. "Yes, thank you, Texas. Babies and touring are difficult to juggle. You'd be better off concentrating at one thing at a time. If not, they turn out sarcastic as fuck and never let you live it down."

  Kitt and I laugh.

  "No baby plans for a while yet," Kitt says.

  A while? By that, he'd better mean at least ten years. This body ain't going through childbirth for a really long time.

  I still remember the video my personal tutor made me watch for sexual health and education when I was fifteen. I saw a woman's foofie split, and all of a sudden, the curiosity surrounding sex went right out the window. The next day, I made an appointment to get on the pill, and I take it religiously.

  "Good. Suppose it does you no favours, keeping an eye on Texas at after-parties."

  I almost choke. Stirring the coffee harder, I pretend I've not heard.

  "She doesn't cause that much trouble. Honestly, I'd rather hang with her than prowl over women, like those dickheads."

  He's saying all the right things. If we start to let Dad know that we're getting closer without actually saying the words, it will be much easier when we eventually tell him we want to start dating.

  This could work. The lie is only temporary because Dad will know soon enough.

  Justify it however you need to. You're still a liar.

  "Glad to hear it because, as much as I trust Cooper and Milo, you're the one I trust with my daughter."

  Bugger.

  I turn around and see Kitt fail miserably in his attempt to smile. That hit him hard, too. His eyes are brimming with guilt.

  Dad's phone starts to ring upstairs. He groans as he gets up to get it. Both Kitt and I are relieved. His posture immediately relaxes, and his fists unclench. The second Dad's out of sight, Kitt is in front of me.

  How did he move so quickly? I gulp and tilt my head to face him.

  "Are you okay?"

  "I'm fine," I reply, breathless because of how close he is.

  "Really? You're pale, and you look like you're going to hurl."

  Wrapping my arms around my stomach, I shrug one shoulder. "I'm not good with lying to him. It feels..."

  "Yeah, I know. He trusts me with you. Shit. But he won't take it well. You know that."

  "I do. This isn't something we can just hit him with, but the alternative isn't easy. I've never lied like this."

  He sighs and looks up to the ceiling. "I'm sorry, Tex."

  "It's not all on you. We just need to find a way to start preparing him for us, like you could stop sleeping around, and then maybe in a few weeks, I can tell him I like you."

  "I've already stopped sleeping around."

  A smile creeps on my face. "Believe me, I've noticed."

  "I'll handle this however you want."

  I blink away a tear. "I hate lying. Why couldn't you have figured out you liked me after the tour, huh?"

  Things would have been so much easier. For one, we wouldn't have all been cooped up together for months. Dad would have had space and time to work through his dreams for me versus reality.

  "Timing, hey?" He smiles and places a kiss to my forehead.

  Footsteps coming closer have him jumping back. He dashes over to the table and sits down.

  I turn, so my back is to him because that, right there, him rushing off, is exactly why I hate this so much.

  Focus on the good. You have Kitt Daniels!

  But you could fuck up your relationship with the guy who gave you everything...

  Whatever I do from here on out, someone isn't going to be happy, and that's hard to accept.

  KITT

  WEDNESDAY, MAY 13

  BERLIN, GERMANY

  "Good night, Berlin!" I shout, raising my arm in the air.

  The crowd goes wild, begging for another encore.

  Cooper removes his top and swings it around on the end of his finger. He's such a fucking show-off. "Until next time, motherfuckers!"

  I jump on his back as we walk off. He
's sweaty and gross, but neither of us gives a shit. Fourth show, and it just keeps getting better and better. I drop down off Coop's back, and he gives me a playful shove to the chest.

  "Kitt, that was epic!"

  "We were epic," Milo says, chucking his arm around my neck and rubbing his fist on my head.

  I swat him away, laughing.

  Backstage, Texas is waiting. I lock my muscles to stop myself from running to her. Mark is here still, and I can't do what I want to in front of him.

  "That was awesome, guys!" Tex says, rushing forward.

  She hugs Milo first, which makes him smirk.

  She's doing it, so Mark won't suspect.

  Cooper is busy, running his mouth a hundred miles an hour to Jimmy, so she comes for me next. I'm so ready to have her in my arms.

  She gives me a knowing smile before I wrap her in a tight hug that tells her what I can't voice right this second--or at all.

  I love you is possibly the hardest fucking thing in the world to say.

  "I'm so proud of you," she murmurs against my neck.

  "Thank you."

  At the same time, we back up. I've not held her for nearly long enough, but Mark is watching, and it's making me feel sick. Because of him, I've just finished my fourth show.

  "Come on," Milo says. "Shower and after-party."

  Tex turns and walks beside him. "I'm so not showering with you."

  He nudges her. "Ugh, you're no fun."

  I don't know if it's because I'm with her now, but Milo seems to be winding me the fuck up at every opportunity.

  "How did that feel?" Mark asks.

  Grinning, I slap his back. "Indescribable."

  "I remember that feeling."

  I frown. "You've lost it?"

  "No, but it becomes the norm almost. You'll look after her tonight?"

  Dropping my eyes, I rub my chest. "You know I will."

  Your idea of looking after her and his are two different things. He won't like yours.

  "Can I ask you something?" He looks over and gives me a nod, so I continue, "If someone hits on her..."

  "I want you to kill them," he replies, looking me dead in the eyes.

  We stop walking, and I frown.

  "I'm joking, Kitt. Texas is her own person. As much as I hate it, I can't stop her from seeing anyone. I just hope the person she chooses is the right one."

  The right one. What does that mean? Someone like her ex?

  Mark liked Xander. He was safe. He never challenged Texas, and he never did anything to piss her off.

  I piss her off daily, and I'm never going to roll over and follow. I'll argue back, I'll push her, and I'll never have a nine-to-five.

  Yeah, I have no doubt the right one in Mark's eyes is not me.

  "Do men hit on my daughter a lot?"

  "No, I'm usually with her. I think they mostly assume she's with me." How do you feel about that?

  He laughs. "Good. Keep that up."

  I plan to. Officially. Exclusively.

  I've planted the seed. No need to go any further now. Tex's up next. In a couple of weeks, she'll tell him that after we've spent time together, she's starting to see me in a new light. Hopefully, it won't be a surprise for Mark.

  This will also help with the pictures that seem to turn up every-fucking-where. Tex and I have been spotted together many times, and at the minute, no one has been reading anything to it. That'll probably change soon, but at least Mark knows we're together more at after-parties, so he won't question us.

  Mark starts to walk, and I follow him. A dull ache is starting to spread across my forehead. There is so much riding on Mark taking this well, and there's not much room for error.

  I can handle Mark being angry with me but not with her. I don't ever want to do anything to come between them. They're rock solid, and that's how it needs to stay.

  Speaking of rock-solid relationships, I get my phone from my jeans pocket and dial my grandparents' house. I've not spoken to them in a couple of days. It's hard to find time to do everything, and they're always in bed by nine p.m.

  "Hello?" Nan says. Her voice is sleep-filled and worried.

  "So, I might've missed a few calls..."

  "Kitt Daniels, you are not too old to ground. And do you have any idea of the time?"

  "Sorry. I just wanted to check in."

  "Your aunt showed me pictures. It looks like you're enjoying yourself."

  "What's with the tone, Nan?"

  "What's with the womanising, Kitt?"

  Oh, fuck.

  "That's not what I'm doing." Anymore.

  "How is Texas?"

  Nan loves Tex. She never had a daughter, and I'm her only grandchild, so she instantly took to my girl.

  "She's doing good," I say. I mouth, My nan, to Tex as we walk into my dressing room.

  Tex holds her hand out.

  "Nan, I'm passing you over."

  Tex takes the phone and flops on the sofa. Looks like I'm not talking to my nan anymore today. Leaving them to it, I get ready to go out.

  I've just finished when Texas hangs up. Milo, Jimmy, Mark, and Cooper are in here now, too.

  "Your nan said bye and to call her soon."

  I take my phone back, and Tex's eyes narrow when I stroke the back of her hand.

  Coop claps his hands. "Let's go get fucked up!"

  Mark turns to me. "This is why I trust you with her."

  I swallow a whole lot of guilt as I smirk. Texas looks away and wraps her arms around her chest. This is especially hard on her. She shares most things with her dad, and something this big, she wants him to know.

  "She'll be fine with me, Mark."

  An hour later, and we're drinking whiskey like it's water, sitting around a massive table with so many celebrities that I feel a little overwhelmed. Apparently, I'm one of them now. I don't feel it.

  Texas is sitting so close that she might as well be on my lap, but no one bats an eyelid--except for Milo. He's smirking and periodically wiggling his eyebrows or pretending to slit his throat because that's what he thinks Mark will do to me when he finds out.

  I mouth, Fuck off, and he throws his head back, laughing.

  He's drunk already. His dark eyes look about three shades lighter with the pissed glaze.

  Tex leans in, and her mouth is dangerously close to my ear. I shudder.

  "You've been quiet tonight," she says.

  "Guilt will do that to you."

  It was only an hour ago that Mark said he trusted me. Now, my hand is on his daughter's thigh under the table.

  "Why do you feel guilty?"

  I'm struggling with it hard, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. Nothing will stop me from wanting her or enjoying being with her, but the guilt makes me feel sick.

  "You know why. Mark took me under his wing, taught me everything I need to know about this industry, put us under the radar of the right people, gave us a spot on their tour, agreed to support our tour, and all he's ever asked in return is that we don't mess with you. I owe my career to him, Tex, and I couldn't even do the one thing he demanded in return."

  She avoids eye contact. "Right."

  I know she feels bad about this, too. She would never intentionally go against her dad's wishes.

  "What does that mean for us?"

  "Nothing," I whisper, trying to make this look like a normal, non-intimate conversation. "I'll deal with it the same way you are."

  Chewing her lip, she closes her eyes and then looks up at me. God, I'll never get used to the way she sees me.

  "Why does this feel like the end?"

  "I don't know. It's not, Tex. There will never be an end, not between us. This. Is. Not. Over."

  Her eyes fill with tears.

  Fuck.

  "Hey, don't. I want you, and I'm not giving you up. It won't be like this for long, I promise."

  "Do you want to cool things until we're ready to tell him?" she asks.

  I should want that. It makes sense; it's the right thing to d
o.

  I shake my head. "I'm not good at selflessness when it comes to being with you. You're still my girl."

  "Neither am I. So, we're okay?"

  "We'll always be okay."

  "Hey, motherfuckers, tequila!" Cooper shouts, raising his hands above his head.

  The table cheers, and a few people get up.

  "Cooper, where is your top?" Texas asks.

  He frowns and looks down, like he's unsure. "Oh, yeah. I need to get that back." He turns on his heel and stalks off toward the toilets.

  Tex turns her nose up and gives me a look. "I don't even want to know."

  "You're probably going to on the way home."

  "You drunk, Milo?" Tex asks as he stands and sways.

  "Not yet, babycakes, but that can be rectified, right?"

  "Oh, definitely. I'm so up for getting wasted tonight."

  I cheer inwardly. Drunk Texas all over me later is exactly what I need to get this guilt off my mind for a while.

  "Well, what are we waiting for?" He turns around and grabs two tequilas. He hands them to me and Tex and takes another for himself.

  I chuck the tequila back and slam the glass on the table.

  Texas is wincing as she stacks her glass on top of mine. "Jesus, I hate that stuff."

  "Why drink it?" Milo asks.

  She glares. "Why not?"

  "Point taken."

  "I got my top," Cooper says proudly, holding it up. He pulls it over his head and necks a shot. "This song is awesome."

  It's a remix of Snow Patrol's "Run." The original is one of Tex's favourites. Her back straightens, and her eyes widen in recognition.

  She looks between me, Milo, and Coop. "I want to dance. Who's coming?"

  "You'll be coming if you give me a second," Coop says, lifting his pale eyebrow.

  Clenching my fists on my lap, I take a deep breath. Fucker.

  "Hilarious, but rock stars just don't do it for me," she shoots back.

  I slowly turn my head. The fuck is she on?

  Her mouth twitches with the effort of keeping a straight face.

  "Lies, Texy baby. Come on, let's dance!" Cooper takes her by the hand and pulls her.

  She falls on the table, laughing.

  I'd help but it's funny.

  "Coop, you crazy twat!" she squeals.

  He reaches down, grips her around the waist, pulls her right over the table, and sets her on the floor.

  "I would've walked around!" she says.

  He chuckles. "I wanted to take you over the top."

  I watch Coop take my girl to the VIP dance floor, and Milo drops himself in the chair next to mine. He stares at me.