With the Band

  I take his phone. Okay, it's not bad. The pictures are actually really cute. They're from mini golf, and we're both smiling and messing around. Thankfully, there aren't any of Kitt helping me swing, but we weren't noticed until after that.

  "Yeah, we got bored of hanging out in the hotel all day. I beat him."

  Dad nods his head. "Is there anything else?"

  "Such as?"

  "I'm not blind. Does this mean anything?"

  Oh God, I have to lie to him again.

  My stomach burns as the lie forces its way past my lips. "No. Why?"

  "I can see how you look at him, Texas."

  I sigh. Shit, keep cool. "Dad, he's gorgeous. I'm not blind either. But you don't have to worry. Come on, what would he ever see in me?"

  "Don't you ever do that to yourself," he snaps. "I won't have you tearing yourself down."

  I'm a shitty person.

  "Sorry," I mutter. "But it's true. He's a rock star, and he can have anyone in the world."

  "Do you like him?"

  "I might have a small crush. It's fine. I can handle it."

  His face pales. "Are you sure?"

  "Of course. We're good friends, and I won't ever lose that. And you never know. When he's old and past it, like you, and ready to settle down, he might just be able to convince me that he's good enough."

  Dad laughs. "As a person, Kitt is one of the most decent. But his career choice in respect to him dating my daughter..."

  "Yeah, yeah, I get it. Kitt isn't like other musicians, Dad. They're not all bad."

  Gritting his teeth, he dips his head. He can't argue with that because he knows it's true. Filthy Sound respects the rules set out by him. Mostly. They don't do drugs, and they're not arseholes. But getting my dad to do cartwheels over me being with one of them will take time.

  "Please be careful."

  I roll my eyes. "Please. I can handle Daniels."

  "But can you handle your heart?"

  Nope.

  "I can. Don't worry, Dad. I'm not going to get hurt."

  "If you need to talk to me or if you want me to talk to Kitt..."

  I almost laugh in his face. Like I want him to talk to Kitt.

  "I promise, I will talk to you. But I swear to God, if you mention this to him, I will take you down, old man."

  Laughing, he ruffles my hair, like I'm still two. "I had a feeling something like this would happen."

  "Way to go, psychic."

  "I'm serious, Texas. I don't want you getting hurt."

  "And I don't want to get hurt. You don't have to stress. Kitt would never hurt me anyway."

  I'm counting on that because he might as well be walking around with my heart in his pocket.

  KITT

  MONDAY, MAY 25

  CZECH REPUBLIC

  Things with Tex have been getting serious. Really serious. We need to tell Mark soon, before we get home, because, right now, I feel like we're standing still.

  I've always been moving forward, and it bothers me more than anything else that Tex and I are stagnant. And with her, I want it all. I'm impatient. I don't care that we've not been together long, and it's a big secret. We've got to tell Mark and get it over with, so I can do something really fucking stupid that I won't regret and propose.

  Like I said, I want it all.

  She's it for me, and there's no point in waiting. Right?

  I can feel the stress of it weighing me down. I didn't used to get so tired, and it's not all due to the crazy tour schedule.

  In Greece and Italy we spent as much time together as we could. We skipped after-parties to go back to my room. We spent stolen moments kissing when no one was around. Everything was perfect.

  But, now, we're on the bus, and I feel the distance between us. It's like thick iron bars are separating us. I'm back to acting like I'm not completely in love with her.

  The idea of it makes me sick to my stomach.

  I rub my eyes and sip coffee as Milo walks into the kitchen area from his bunk. He freezes. He looks at me and then his watch.

  "Funny," I mutter.

  "What are you doing up so early?" he asks, popping a cappuccino pod in the coffee machine.

  "I couldn't sleep."

  "Why? What's up? You've never had any problems with sleeping."

  "Nothing's wrong."

  He stops and turns on the spot. "Kitt, I swear to God, if you don't tell me what's going on, I'm going to punch you in the face. We've been friends since we were kids, so tell me what the fuck is going on with you, man."

  I shove my fists into my tired eyes. "Texas."

  "What's happened now?"

  I lower my hands as he shakes his head and sits down, forgetting about his coffee.

  "I can't spend one more day pretending like we're not what we are."

  "Er, you're going to have to suck it up because you can't tell Mark yet. This isn't just about you. Think of me and Coop, too. The band, Kitt. Don't fuck this up."

  I groan as I tilt my head back. Everyone I'm loyal to is sitting on the opposite side of the field of what I need.

  You know you can never be that selfish. You won't put your needs before your boys, so grow a pair, and have some patience.

  Watching him through narrowed eyes, I mutter, "I wouldn't risk it, but I don't like it. I want everything with her, Milo."

  His eyes widen in surprise.

  At the start of the band, we kind of made a pact that we wouldn't let women get in the way. It helped that we were young, and none of us wanted anything heavy, so I can see why my admission is a shock to him. He had to know that I wouldn't mess around and cheat on her, but he probably thought it would fizzle out.

  We were supposed to shag our way through fans in our twenties before settling down in our thirties. I've managed only four years of casual sex before Tex ruined me.

  "Mark is going to flip, and while I've got your back, I'd rather it happened when we're not all cramped on a bus."

  "Tex and I have discussed that. Plan is to tell him when we get back home before we go to America."

  "Sounds good, man."

  "It's the best for everyone."

  "Why do I get the feeling that you're not including yourself in that everyone?"

  I sigh. "I want him to know. I hate the secrecy."

  "Do you love her?"

  "Yeah. She drives me fucking crazy, man. One minute, everything is great, and the next, I feel like I'm smashing my head against a wall. I can't keep up with this forward-and-backward thing. In private, we're either arguing or getting down to it. Recently, we've been more settled though."

  "Wow, you do love her." He laughs. "And it's got to be the stupidest thing you've ever done."

  "I'm not gonna argue there. Can't stop it either." I've tried.

  "What can't stop?" Texas says, yawning, as she walks into the room.

  She's smiling, but she's not cocky, so I know she didn't hear our conversation.

  "Cooper," Milo says, covering my arse.

  Thank fuck because I've got nothing.

  He shakes his head. "If I have to listen to one more sordid bet..."

  Texas folds her arms and narrows her eyes. "You're always in on those bets."

  "I know, but it's getting boring. Not enough new material. Beating him at the same bet is getting old," Milo replies.

  She looks suspicious as her eyes flit between us. Texas might be naive in a lot of aspects, but she can read people, and it doesn't usually take her very long to figure shit out.

  "What are you doing up so early?" I ask.

  "Ugh, I can't sleep. I either need someone to knock me out or a give me bucket of coffee."

  Milo smirks. "Which one? I'm good with either, and I'm sure Kitt is, too."

  Bastard.

  "I'll make you a drink," I say to Tex. I kick Milo under the table.

  "She hasn't decided yet, mate," Milo says.

  I stand up and raise my eyebrow. "Are you going to knock her out?"

  "Would you s
top me?" he asks, his grin widening.

  "Wouldn't you stop you?"

  Texas looks between us both like we've lost our minds. I certainly have.

  "That depends," he replies with a shit-eating grin.

  "On what?" I bite out.

  "On the consequences."

  He's loving this, goading me.

  "You honestly think any of us will stand back and let you smash your fist against her head?"

  "This is a lovely conversation," Texas mutters sarcastically. "I think I'm going to go back to bed before you start discussing different ways to beat me up."

  "No, we're done," I say a little too quickly.

  Mark will be up soon, and I want some time with her where any flirting won't result in my nuts being squashed.

  Texas smiles up at me and nods, and I can see Milo smirking.

  Don't look directly at him.

  "So, are you going guy-watching in Poland, Tex?"

  Her eyes instantly flick to mine before returning to Milo.

  If she answers yes to this question...

  "Um..."

  "Um?" Milo prompts.

  "Oh, for fuck sake! Milo knows, Tex." I turn to him. "You can stop being a dick anytime you want."

  Laughing, he shrugs. "I might not want to."

  Of course not. That shit just comes naturally to him.

  "Knows what?" Tex asks cautiously, still trying to hide something I've just told her is out in the open with Milo.

  I tilt my head and say, "Come on."

  Sighing, she leans on the table, closer to Milo. "How?"

  "I could tell something was up with Romeo over there, so I made him tell me a while ago. You two are going to be in so much trouble if Mark finds out before we get home."

  Tex lets her forearms drop to the table. "Well, it's a good thing he won't be finding out then, isn't it?"

  Milo holds his hands up. "Hey, it won't be from me, but do you really think he won't? How are you going to hide it on the bus? I can feel the sexual frustration from here, so it's only a matter of time before your dad does, too. Hell, Coop senses it, and he usually only notices women who want him."

  Milo has a point. The deeper Tex and I get, the more obvious it's going to be. I can barely take my eyes off her, and sooner or later, Mark will figure out why. Then, I'll be dead, and Texas will be in a convent. She'd probably go, too. I'm not sure if she's quite worked out that she doesn't need to do everything her dad says anymore.

  "We'll be fine, and now, we have you," I say, smirking.

  If he's going to be on my case about it twenty-four/seven, then I'm going to get something out of it.

  He barks out a laugh. "If you think I'm going to be your lookout, you're fucking mental. I'm not giving Mark a reason to kill me, too. I'll keep your secret, but that's it."

  Rolling my eyes as I make Tex's coffee, I reply, "I never asked that."

  "Then, what are you asking, man?"

  "If we make an I'm-going-to-rip-your-clothes-off face, let us know?" Tex interjects. "Is that right, rock star?"

  I give her a look, not a ripping-off-clothes one. But she's hit the nail on the head. I feel the want every time I see her, and it's not going to be long before everyone else does, too.

  Milo chuckles. "All right, but it'd be easier if you just didn't look at each other."

  Do I look at her like that all the time? I can't not.

  Either Mark is seriously stupid, or he trusts me too much to think I would ever go there. Either way, I'm a dead man walking.

  "Impossible. Just look at this," Tex says sarcastically, pointing to her The Walking Dead T-shirt and black pyjama trousers covered in silver skulls.

  Yeah, she's a geek through and through, but there's nothing she can't make look sexy.

  "Come on, baby, you know zombies do it for me," Milo says, wiggling his eyebrows.

  "Really, man? Right in front of me?"

  Texas and Milo laugh, and I realise she's going to be siding with him to torture me. So much for us being a team.

  "I like a jealous Kitt," Milo mutters not so quietly to Tex.

  "Yeah, me, too," she agrees.

  "I'm seconds from putting salt in your coffees, guys," I pipe up, stirring the drinks too hard.

  "Well, I certainly look forward to watching you two navigate a secret relationship five meters from the person you want to keep it from and then having it blow up in your faces."

  Texas shoves Milo's arm. "You're a horrible friend, Milo."

  "You'd do the same for me, Texy."

  "I'm so going to hell," I groan.

  TEXAS

  THURSDAY, MAY 28

  GDANSK, POLAND

  Since the Czech Republic, something has changed with Kitt. He's irritable and withdrawn, and I'm not the only one who's noticed. It's not like him. Where has my cocky rock star gone?

  His mood is beginning to get on my nerves. I understand the pressure of the tour and our unique situation aren't exactly a laugh a minute, but he should be trying to make the most of it.

  We're not checking into a hotel tonight because we'll be leaving in the early hours, so we're camping on the bus, and I'm starting to wish I could go diva and demand a suite somewhere.

  Kitt is sitting near the front of the bus with his head in a notebook. He's not said a word to anyone for hours, and it's making me want to throw something at him.

  This is more than being in the zone. He's pulling away from us. I can feel it.

  I drain the last of my coffee, praying it would turn into something stronger. Unless he leaves his solitary corner, I can't talk to him. So, I'm left to fucking texting like a thirteen-year-old.

  Are you okay?

  Simple, but it says everything I want to say at this point. We'll see how this goes. I'm sure I'll have a few more words I want to use, if I'm not satisfied with his reply.

  I hear the low buzz of his phone in his pocket. He looks down, but he doesn't move to pick it up.

  He's not going to bloody answer it.

  Seconds turn into minutes, and it becomes blatantly clear that he's decided to block reality for God knows how long. It wouldn't even be an issue if he'd told me that he needed a minute. I don't deserve the cold shoulder.

  I curl my hand around my phone and look away.

  Bellend.

  "Want that drumming lesson now, Tex?" Milo asks. His eyes are wide and speak more than his words. He's asking me to go with him to talk because he knows more, and he's worried about me and Kitt.

  I've got nothing better to do. "Yeah, but we have nowhere to play."

  "First, you learn about the drums, and then you learn how to play them."

  I salute. "Yes, sensei."

  Milo and I walk upstairs to his room, and no one even looks up, not even Kitt. He's far too involved in whatever he's writing. My apology letter, I hope.

  Milo is ahead of me and strides into his room with purpose. As soon as I'm in, he shuts the door and sits on the end of his bed. There is hardly any room in here, but we fit on the bed.

  "Kitt can be a patient person. But he's different with you. I know he's acting like a dick right now, but cut him some slack. He's just trying to work his way through this."

  "I don't get him, Milo. He says he's in, and then he won't even acknowledge me."

  "He told me he's been finding it increasingly difficult to pretend like nothing's going on. Kitt is crazy about you, and he hates that he has to hide it."

  "I'm not exactly doing a happy dance over here either. But I thought we were in this together."

  "We are." Kitt's voice cuts through the room like razor blades against my skin. He grips the door handle, like he'll fall without it.

  "It doesn't feel like it. Where were you last night? Where have you been today? I can count on one hand the amount of times you've looked at me since yesterday."

  "Cooper's calling me," Milo says, leaping off the bed and pushing past Kitt.

  I want to be able to leave, too.

  "Talk to me, Kitt."
/>
  Groaning, he roughly rubs his hand over his face. "There's nothing to say. Remember when you needed space? Well, this is me needing the same thing."

  "I also remember you chasing me."

  "And I also remember you telling me not to next time."

  "Oh my God, you're so frustrating!" I snap, shoving myself to my feet.

  "And you're not? I love you, Texas. I don't have the first fucking idea how to handle everything you make me feel. Couple that with the fact that this is secretive, and I'm lying to the man who opened the door to my dream..."

  "Yeah, my dad. Think lying to him is easier for me? Really?"

  "I'm not saying that. Jesus. Talking to you is like--"

  I hold my hand up. "Oh, don't finish that sentence. Come talk to me when you're done being a twat."

  He moves to the side as I storm out. It wasn't that long ago he would have followed me.

  What's happening to him?

  This feels like the end. Dramatic, I know, but he's never pulled away from me.

  In the five fucking minutes you've been together...take a look at yourself!

  I'm an idiot. That's never been in question. God, I don't know how to handle this with him either. I feel like I'm treading on thin ice sometimes, too. As incredible as this feels, it's not been easy.

  I spend the rest of the day sulking.

  The guys go off to the show, and I stay behind--well, sort of. We're parked outside, and Ted is here.

  "You look miserable," he says, stating the bloody obvious.

  "This is quiet time, Ted."

  Laughing, he raises his palms and kicks back, watching the football match on TV. I'm not in the mood for anything, and I don't want to end up snapping at him, so it's best to do our own thing tonight, and hopefully, tomorrow will be better.

  Can't get much worse.

  Unless Kitt ends things.

  Great, think about that.

  I wrap my arms around my stomach and curl on the sofa. He won't do that. We're a forever deal, but things are so shitty right now. One minute, we're happy, and the next...

  How do we get out of this back-and-forth habit?

  Chill. It's because your emotions are all over the place, and the situation is less than ideal.

  But will that ever change?

  Kitt makes me feel every emotion times a zillion. Can being out in the open magically fix that?

  After two hours, Ted is falling asleep. His closely shaved head bobs, and then his eyes flick back open. He's trying to keep himself awake but failing miserably.

  "Ted, go to sleep."

  He rubs his eyes. "I'm okay. I'll make coffee."