The Education of Sebastian

  “I want to make love to you again,” he said softly.

  “So do I.” It was important to reassure him. “But I want to walk on the beach with you. I want to walk on the beach with you and hold your hand and to not be afraid that someone will see us.”

  My smile was sad and he leaned down to kiss me softly. He wasn’t the only one who needed reassurance.

  The breeze was cool in the night air so I insisted that Sebastian wear his sweatshirt, in spite of my selfish desire to watch the ripple and play of his muscles as he moved.

  I’d left the house in just my summer cocktail dress but luckily the car had a picnic blanket in the trunk. Sebastian draped it carefully around my shoulders.

  The tide was a long way out, the shoreline stretching almost to the horizon; we wandered along the cold, flat sand, under the moonlight, leaving the footprints of lovers. I couldn’t help staring up at him as we walked hand-in-hand. His strong, clear profile, and soft, sensuous lips were thrown into relief by the moon’s light; he was beautiful. And for now, he was mine.

  “What?” he said, looking down at me, amused.

  “You’re so beautiful, Sebastian. And when I look at you I feel… happy.”

  He swallowed and turned to face me.

  “I want to make you happy, Caro. You look so sad most of the time.”

  “Do I?”

  He nodded and ran his thumbs across my cheeks before leaning down to kiss me.

  His lips were so gentle, his kisses so sweet. I pulled him closer, wrapping the blanket around both of us so were shrouded under the moon.

  Desire blazed through me again. I hadn’t known it could be so consuming, so devastating, so utterly impossible to think of anything but consummation. And seeing Sebastian so desperate for me, I was aroused beyond belief.

  “Let’s find our dune,” I said.

  He grabbed my hand and started dragging me up the beach.

  “I can’t keep up!” I shouted at him, half-laughing, unable to match his long strides.

  But he didn’t slow down; instead he swept me into his arms and staggered towards the nearest dune where he carefully stood me on my feet.

  “Here,” he said, his voice commanding.

  “Yes, sir!” I threw him a quick salute and a reluctant smile spread across his face.

  “Sorry,” he said. “I just really want you.”

  I threw the blanket at him and he caught it one-handed.

  “Don’t be sorry,” I said. “Let’s have a picnic.”

  “We haven’t got any food.” He looked puzzled.

  “I was planning on eating you.”

  His eyes widened with shock then a dazzling smile lit up his lovely face.

  “Okay,” he said shyly.

  For a moment the blanket floated above the sand as he spread it out, a matador with his cape.

  I sat down rather inelegantly and watched him sink down beside me. I lay back and held up my arms to him in invitation. Accepting, his heat and weight pressed me into the blanket, his hands greedy on my body.

  His touch was becoming braver and more confident and I celebrated in that; because I’d been the one to teach him. And there was no doubt that I was learning from him, too. I was beginning to understand what it meant to be loved. It was terrifying.

  He rolled onto his back and pulled me on top so he could unzip my dress. His fingers were hasty, fumbling deliciously. He pulled the dress open at the back and ran the palms of his hands across my bare skin. I groaned into his throat and slid my teeth to his neck, biting more sharply than I’d meant.

  Suddenly the dress seemed constricting. I pushed away from him, knelt up and pulled it off. For the second time in a few hours it was thrown to the ground; this time I didn’t care.

  I unhooked my bra and dropped it to the sand, my nipples hardening in the cool air. He sat up, his eyes wide and needy, then tugged his sweatshirt over his head.

  “You’re still wearing too many clothes,” I said, raising an eyebrow. “I think I should undress you. Lie down.”

  He obeyed immediately and I knelt across him feeling wanton with need. His hands skimmed up my thighs, over my hips, crossing my stomach until they rested on my breasts, stroking them, caressing them. A sound like purring came from deep within his throat and he sat up, the hard muscles of his stomach contracting, and he nuzzled his face between my breasts. Then, angling his head to one side, he sucked my left nipple, hard. I gasped and his eyes flickered up but his mouth didn’t move away, his tongue teasing me, flicking from side to side. I arched my spine, throwing my head back. He ran his nails lightly across my skin then cupped my buttocks and squeezed them. His erection was hard, trapped by his jeans, pushing against the material as if it was trying to climb through the denim to reach me.

  I pulled my breast out of his mouth and winced as I felt the sharp raking of his teeth.

  I sat further back on his thighs and undid the single button of his jeans. I fixed my eyes on his, wanting to savor his expression as I unzipped his pants.

  He leaned up on his elbows, his mouth slightly open, his breathing unsteady.

  Almost more slowly than either of us could bear, I pulled the zip down, then, running my fingers over his sweet skin, I bent down to kiss him below his waistband.

  He tasted different, not so good as before and I realized the odd, rubbery taste was from the condom we’d used earlier. Oh well, live and learn. Now time for the next lesson.

  “Take off your pants and pass me a condom,” I ordered, my voice low and brittle.

  He reached into his jeans pocket and passed me a foil packet. I rolled to one side and examined the little packet curiously while he kicked off his pants.

  “Weird things, aren’t they?” I said.

  “I guess,” he replied, his mind obviously elsewhere, as he reached over to run his hand up between my thighs and pushing his thumb against my clitoris the way I’d shown him. I convulsed so hard I nearly levitated off the blanket.

  “Oh, God!”

  “You okay?” he said, his voice concerned as he looked up.

  “Aah!” I gasped, utterly incoherent.

  I saw his expression change from concern to lust. He sank two fingers inside me, pushing slowly in and out, and continued circling my clitoris. Definitely a fast learner. My hands clawed the blanket as his other hand pulled roughly on my nipple.

  “Can I kiss you, down there?” he asked, hesitantly.

  I didn’t really want that. David had never showed any interest in performing oral sex on me – he’d made it sound dirty, sordid – unless, of course, he was the one receiving the pleasure. I wasn’t sure I wanted to start now, but I couldn’t say no to Sebastian either. If he’d asked me to fly to the moon naked on the back of a broomstick it wouldn’t have seemed an unreasonable request.

  “Okay, I guess,” I said quietly.

  He kissed my stomach, running his tongue down to my navel and biting my hip bone. Then he sat up, trailing one hand down my body and crawled between my legs. He pushed my knees up and curled his hands around them before his head disappeared between my thighs.

  Dear God! The feeling of his hot mouth down there, kissing me, nuzzling my pubic hair. It was a strange, alien feeling, disconcerting almost. But then he slid his tongue inside me and my hips bucked involuntarily. His hands glided up to my thighs and pushed my legs more widely open. I ran my fingers over his hair as he kneaded my thighs, unsure if I wanted to pull his head away or push him more deeply inside me.

  Then his tongue flicked against my sweet spot unexpectedly, and I exploded around him, calling out, sounds without words.

  I had no idea. I had no idea!

  My body continued to send a tsunami of tremors through me, the most powerful and unexpected orgasm I’d ever had.

  “I want to be inside you, Caro,” he said, his voice tight with urgency.

  I couldn’t speak; I think I nodded.

  He leaned over me and picked up the condom packet from where I’d dropped it,
my fingers nerveless. I watched mesmerized as he rolled the thin latex down his powerful erection, his own breathing equally rapid.

  He grasped himself in one hand then positioned the tip.

  “Please!” I gasped.

  He thrust deeply into me and groaned, my name, I think.

  I lifted my hips and wrapped my legs around his waist, crossing my ankles over his fine ass, and gripped him tightly.

  Each powerful thrust pushed me further and further up the blanket, and further and further into another dimension. My nails raked his back, his shoulders and biceps. I forced my eyes to open and gazed into his face, contorted, stripped bare: there was just me, just him and the endless ocean.

  I screamed his name as loudly as I could, needing to voice my love for him just once.

  Too quickly, his body shuddered deeply inside me, his muscles contracting, sending waves of pleasure rippling through me.

  He collapsed and I pulled him tighter inside, milking every last inch of him. He moaned and lay with his head nestled into my neck, breathing hard.

  After several minutes locked together without moving, he reluctantly pulled out of me, making me gasp.

  I was cold without the heat of his body and I shivered slightly.

  He pulled the edges of the blanket around us and we curled up together, sated briefly. I half expected him to fall asleep; it was what David always did, but I was learning that they were different in so many ways.

  But Sebastian continued to run his fingers up and down my arm, gently stroking my skin. It was comforting.

  “Sebastian, can I ask you something?”

  “Of course – anything.”

  I was glad it was dark because just thinking the question, let alone asking it, was making me blush.

  “What is it, Caro?”

  “Well, I was just wondering… that was really… nice… when you… you know… kissed me… down there.”

  He nuzzled my shoulder.

  “Good.”

  “How… how did you know what to do?”

  His body was suddenly still, and his hand froze on my arm. I regretted my impulsive question immediately.

  “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me. I was just wondering…”

  “It’s not what you think, Caro,” he said quietly. “I’ve never… you know I’ve never been with anyone else. I’ve never… done that before.”

  “So, how did you know? Because it was amazing.”

  “Amazing? Really?”

  He sounded pleased.

  “Oh, believe me: I know what ‘amazing’ means, and that definitely qualifies.”

  He chuckled quietly.

  “Cool!”

  “So… come on… how did you know what to do? Or maybe you’re just a natural.”

  I sensed there was something he wasn’t telling me.

  “Come on, Hunter. Fess up. Other than being God’s gift to women…”

  “Okay, but promise not to laugh.”

  “Cross my heart.”

  He sighed heavily.

  “I looked it up.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Online. I looked it up. There are websites where you can… find out stuff.”

  I was astonished. It would never have occurred to me in a million years.

  “So... did you just do an internet search on ‘oral sex’?”

  I heard his quiet laugh again.

  “Kinda, yeah. A couple of years ago me and Ches were on my dad’s computer when he was out; he’d only turned off the screen so when we turned it on again it was on some porno site. Someone had posted a question about… that. I think it freaked us out at the time but I was thinking about it the other day after we… and I just thought… I just wanted… if we did it again… I just wanted to please you. I know I’m not very good at this and… well… after what happened that first time… I thought it might be good to… you know… pick up some tips.”

  I was so overwhelmed: not only that he’d done this for me, to please me, but that he was so open and honest.

  “Sebastian… I think you’re a wonderful lover. The things I feel when I’m with you… the things you make me feel… I’ve never, never felt like that.”

  I pulled his mouth to mine, trying to show through my kiss that I meant every word.

  “You’re very special, Sebastian,” I murmured onto his lips.

  “I love you so much, Caro,” he said huskily.

  We lay quietly for some minutes and I began to drift off to sleep. But then, in a hesitant voice, he spoke again.

  “Caro, can I ask you something?”

  “Of course. What is it?”

  My brain was happily disconnected from my body and my voice sounded dream-laden.

  He hesitated and I stroked his chest to reassure him.

  “Why did you change your mind?”

  “About what?”

  “About us.”

  “I haven’t. Oh, you mean… this.”

  “Yes. I mean, I’m glad you did – I was just wondering why.”

  I wasn’t sure I knew how to answer that. In fact I didn’t want to be reminded that this was… wrong.

  “I didn’t really change my mind: it’s still… dangerous for us, for me.”

  He wrapped the blanket more tightly around us as if that could protect me from the disapproval of the world.

  “I was too weak to stay away from you,” I whispered. “And today was so… I’ve never felt like this before. You make me feel alive. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t wrong and...”

  “How can you say that?” he said angrily, his body suddenly too still. “How can you say it’s wrong? How…”

  He stumbled, trying to find the words, and I gasped with pain.

  “Don’t be angry with me, Sebastian.”

  I couldn’t bear it if you left me now.

  “Just… just please don’t say it’s wrong. I can’t hear you say that.”

  His hands were bunched into fists against the rough blanket.

  I sat up alarmed.

  “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it like that but nothing has changed. You’re still only 17 and I’m… still breaking the law. In the eyes of the world, I’m some disgusting, depraved sexual predator… a vile, awful…”

  “Don’t!” He shouted, his eyes furious.

  Abruptly, he pulled away from me, his fists pressed against his forehead.

  His sudden anger scared me. I was used to anger from David and it rarely touched me – but this… I felt torn in half.

  “Sebastian!”

  I tried to pull his hands away from his face, but he was too strong and refused to look at me.

  “Sebastian,” I spoke more gently. “You asked me why: and I’ve tried to explain. This isn’t going to be easy. You know this.”

  I stroked his shoulder.

  “Please?”

  Eventually he turned towards me, although he still couldn’t meet my eyes. He let me take one of his hands in mine.

  “Sorry,” he muttered softly.

  “Me, too.”

  He moved gently, wrapped me in his arms again and pulled me down so we were lying, a tangle of arms and legs and coarse wool.

  He kissed me with sudden ferocity, covering my face and throat with hard, burning kisses. His weight pinned me down as I ran my hands across the taut muscles of his back and shoulders.

  “I love you,” he growled. “That’s all that matters.”

  I badly wanted to believe he was right; I knew he was wrong.

  But I let his words, his hands and his body sweep me away. I realized with dim surprise that he’d grown hard again and his erection was probing between my legs. I wished I could just allow him to slide inside me without fear or consequence but the small, unquiet voice of reason was just about audible.

  I felt his wet tip push again against my thighs. I laid my hand firmly against his chest.

  “Sebastian,” I said, a warning in my voice.

  He groaned and rolled on
to his back, then fumbled around while I waited, growing impatient.

  “I can’t find the fucking condoms!”

  “What?”

  “They were in my jeans’ pocket, but I can’t find them now.”

  What?

  We scrambled around in the dark, frustration mounting. I grabbed handfuls of sand, sieving it through my fingers, trying to find the small packet.

  “Oh, for fuck’s sake!” he yelled suddenly and threw himself back down on the blanket.

  He looked so wretched and, well, kind of uncomfortable, that I couldn’t help smiling. I was really trying hard not to laugh but the situation was so ridiculous.

  “Oh dear,” I said, the humor obvious in my voice. “What are we going to do now?”

  He ignored my tone: I really hoped he wasn’t going to sulk. But I had a solution in mind.

  I stroked his satiny skin, still stretched tight over his erection. He groaned and turned his eyes towards me.

  I held him firmly, sliding my hand up and down him several times. His hips arched underneath me while his hands lay limply at his sides.

  Slowly, my intent now obvious, I knelt at his side and stared down at him.

  “Oh, fuck!” he breathed.

  Well, not quite, but this will have to do for now.

  Gently, I pulled his erection back towards my mouth and ran my tongue around the skin. I tried to ignore the rubbery flavor and hoped it would wear off soon. I decided to do some more wearing off using my tongue and teeth and, with great satisfaction, I watched him writhe and pant under my touch. I massaged his balls with one hand and spread my other hand out on his stomach, pressing him down into the blanket.

  “Caro!” he moaned.

  Hearing my name on his lips was extraordinarily arousing. For the first time I really wanted to do this, to take him all the way.

  I moved my mouth faster and sucked harder. I could feel him all the way to the back of my throat so I made sure I relaxed, then stroked my mouth up and down him rapidly. I felt Sebastian’s hands weave themselves through my hair and with a sound that was more animal than human, he shuddered and stilled.

  I swallowed quickly, trying not to think about the salty taste too much, then crawled over to curl up next to him. I was cold and the heat of his body was welcoming. I pulled the blanket around us and felt his arms sweep down my back.