Here Be Sexist Vampires

  “You’re going to have to tell me what’s going on because all the emotions swirling around that office are giving me migraines,” whined Fletcher one evening as he barged past me and into my apartment. As always looking like he had just stepped out of a fashion magazine. I felt even drearier now considering that I was waltzing around in my white fluffy robe and silk pyjamas.

  “Well hello to you too, Fletch. I’m fine thanks.”

  He spotted the three empty bottles of Vodka flavoured NSTs on my table in front of the sofa and sighed. His words were gentle but firm. “Spill the beans, lady.”

  I sat beside him on the sofa. Well, I flopped down onto it. “Remember the night when Jared and I nearly had a fumble?”

  “How could I forget? The pair of you were throwing that much heated passion around that I was sweating cobs and downright bloody horny. Not that Norm was complaining when I got back to the room, mind. I was like a bleeding jungle cat the way I -”

  “Fletch I love you but could the record please show that I do not want to visualise my friends doing it so feel free to withhold those kind of details.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Prude.” In vampire speed he retrieved a bundle of NSTs from my refrigerator and returned to the sofa. Taking a honey flavoured one from the bundle, he spoke, “So, you were saying...”

  “He told me about his consort collection...and then asked me if I’d like to join it.”

  Fletcher’s mouth fell open. “No!” As of this moment, he was absorbed in the conversation.

  “Yes.”

  “The randy bastard. You’d think three was enough. Well don’t keep me in suspense, tell me what you said.”

  “I told him I didn’t want to be a consort again, and that I couldn’t sleep with someone who collected women – who all live in the same apartment, by the way.”

  “No!”

  “Yes.” I didn’t realise until now just how much this had all got to me. “He couldn’t seem to wrap his conceited head around that, and he wouldn’t let it drop. Then we had another kiss. I’d been absorbing some of his energy because I was wiped out from the blood link being broken with my Sire, but I couldn’t get him to let go of me before I took too much of his energy. So the idea of the kiss was to distract him.”

  “That’d definitely distract randy ole Jared. I’m guessing from that look on your lovely face that it didn’t end there.”

  “Oh no it did. I mean, we didn’t do anything more than kiss. But the kiss had gotten a bit...”

  “Tongue-tastic,” he supplied.

  “Yeah. So then Jared made his proposition again. I said no again and then we ended up arguing. I don’t even know how it got so bad. I mentioned that his brother didn’t have a consort and he seemed to take that as I liked Evan as well. And when I said he saw women as possessions like my Sire had, he got all pissed off telling me not to ever compare me to either of them again. He said he’d let it all go and I could get on with my ‘celibate lifestyle’.”

  Fletcher tilted his head as he considered it all. “So, basically, he’s sulking over a bonk.”

  “A bonk that I won’t have with him, yeah.”

  He snorted and adjusted his glasses. “Half his problem is he’s too used to getting whatever he wants.”

  “Have you noticed that Joy’s been turning up at the office at least once a night?”

  “What? Who? Oh you mean that cross between a whippet and a witch. Personally, I don’t know how he can shag something that looks like it’s just escaped from Azkaban.”

  I instantly burst into laughter. Thank God Fletcher had turned up. He always had a way of making everything not seem so bad. The truth was that it had it annoyed the hell out of me that Joy had been turning up the past few nights. She and I did the ‘hello’ and ‘bye’ thing but that was all. Once she brought the other two consorts along. Both were Kejas too and almost as gorgeous as Joy. Daniela had a very Mexican look about her and a bust that any woman would envy, which completed compensated for the fact that she was dopey beyond comprehension. Tammy was dark-skinned and very voluptuous but the devious expression that seemed to be fixed on her face kind of negated her beauty. They also hello-ed and goodbye-ed me. Daniela actually seemed sincere about it, as opposed to the other two; their dark grins always made it feel as though they were really saying, ‘We hate you, please die’.

  Jared would watch me closely when they were around. No idea why. I took to focusing on whatever documents were in front of me, no matter what they were. I would sooner have left the office altogether but then it would have looked as though their presence bothered me in some way and I was not about to let Jared believe that. Even though it was true. I have to admit to having a lack of rationality where Jared was concerned, though it made no sense. As such, the whip nearly materialized in my hands a few times when Joy gave him them noisy kisses of hers. Whipping her into insensibility would have felt good.

  “I wouldn’t let her or him bother you, luv. Spit him out of your mind. What about that Max bloke? He’s alright, and he likes you well enough. Luscious too.”

  “Yep, he is,” I admitted. Max had continued his flirting and always on his own time, to his credit. I was actually beginning to think that the wanker wasn’t all that bad. The way he didn’t take life too seriously made him an attractive person to be around. I laughed a lot when he was there.

  “Can I ask...I’ve noticed Evan goes to the office a lot these days, who is it he goes to see? I would’ve thought it was Jared, but whenever I pop my head through the door to speak to you he’s perched on your table.”

  “I know how it might look, but I swear we’ve never flirted or anything. It’s always to see Jared but then me and Evan always end up laughing about something or other. I think he just finds it easy to talk to me because unlike every other woman in The Hollow I don’t mistake it for flirting and then try it on with him.” For some reason Evan had rejected every girl who showed interest in him, but he always turned them down gently; he was sweet in spite of the cockiness. Quite the opposite of his brother in that respect. One thing that really impressed me about him was that although his twin brother had been made Heir and was highly thought of and involved in absolutely everything, Evan wasn’t a bit jealous. He had told me that all that stuff wasn’t important to him; that he liked being just a Commander and that he thought his brother deserved the attention he received. “You know, I get the feeling that he’s a bit lonely sometimes, but I can’t work out why he seems to prefer it that way.”

  “Oooh, maybe he’s secretly gay,” he crooned, excited. Then he suddenly sobered. “Oh luv, please don’t tell Norm about the ‘oooh’, he’ll kill me.”

  I giggled. “I’ll take it to the grave.”

  “You’re immortal. What grave?” He picked up another of the NSTs, a curry flavoured one, and eyed it suspiciously. “Why is it that this looks more like a burst abscess?”

  Again I laughed. And that was pretty much how the evening with Fletcher went. I couldn’t help but absolutely adore the bloke. Every home should have a Fletcher.

  Chapter Eight

  (Jared)

  Although Joy was whispering something in my ear about plans for tonight involving chocolate mousse, handcuffs and a whip, my eyes were on Sam. I guessed that Joy’s loud whispering was for Sam’s benefit. She felt threatened by Sam, I now knew, which was why she persistently appeared at the office, and I had to wonder if Joy’s mention of a whip was just to ensure that she got Sam the whip-queen’s attention. If Joy had succeeded, Sam wasn’t showing it.

  She was at her desk staring at the documents in front of her, truly looking completely engrossed in what she was reading. Subconsciously she was twining a stray strand of her hair around her finger, reminding me of the time when I had my fingers in that hair. Her other hand was cupping her neck as she leant her head into it, reminding me of the time when I was leaving a trail of kisses along that neck. She was running her tongue along the inside of her bottom lip, reminding me of how that tongu
e had knotted with mine and how those lips had felt on mine. She was a greedy kisser, and I’d loved it.

  The gentle rise and fall of her chest as she breathed was repeatedly drawing my attention to her cleavage that was already accentuated enough by that low-cut vest. God bless Fletcher and his clothing advice. Every time she twirled her ankle my attention drifted to those legs that had felt so good curled around me.

  She could have no idea how much she, by doing nothing, was making me want her.

  I almost hated her for it.

  Hating her would be a good thing. She was the only woman ever to make me feel bad about myself. As soon as I’d calmed down after our fight I’d wanted to slap myself. She hadn’t meant that thing about her Sire the way it came out. I knew that. But I’d been an ass to her, and I regretted it. Would I tell her that? No. Pride and all that.

  It was stupid that I’d accused her of having a thing for my brother. She hadn’t. I knew that. But it was likely that she now did. Evan was just as bad as Joy for coming to the office all the time. Sam and he would then always end up talking. He always seemed to have something to say to her. It felt like I was being sliced at every time I watched her laugh at something he said or greet him with that big smile that she had never once showed me.

  Because of that, I liked that Joy came to the office. This way, both Sam and I felt awkward sometimes. She could pretend to be engrossed in those documents all she wanted, just as she always did, but I’d bet she was well aware of everything that Joy said and did.

  The night when Joy had brought along Daniela and Tammy hadn’t been a good night for me. I knew seeing the three of them would remind Sam of just why she had refused me, would make her conclude that she had made the right decision. I’d been hoping that in time she would come to change her mind, open her eyes more to the idea of what I’d offered. If she had, the three of them turning up together like sisters would have cancelled that right out, because Sam was right; she could never be a part of anything like that. She was more than that. I respected her for it. I wanted her for it. I almost hated her for it.

  It was always that I almost hated her. I could never get past the wanting her. Could never shake her off. Could never find anything about her that made me want her less. The wanting was quickly becoming aching. I didn’t want to be like this anymore; constantly thinking about and wanting someone that I couldn’t have but who my soul seemed to think was mine.

  Christ, now she’s just making it worse...She had left her chair and was stretching up to reach the top shelf of one of the filing cabinets, returning some documents. Her top had risen up and the small of her back was showing, flashing me some kind of swirly tattoo. To make it even worse, but at the same time better, was that I could see the top of her panties...red silk with a band of lace at the top. I was seriously at risk of becoming painfully hard.

  “Hey bro.” Oh great, Evan’s here.

  I nodded a little. It was all I could manage because I knew what was coming next...

  “Hey Coach,” he greeted Sam, grinning. Most of the Commanders were calling her that now, though they said it as a pet name whereas the recruits’ said it with an air of respect. She had come a long way with them, completely turned things around.

  Her head swerved, revealing that smile that she always had for him. I wish I could say that I thought she did it to get a rise out of me. But it was so obvious that the smile was authentic. “Alright Ev.”

  I stiffened. I don’t know why it got to me so much when she abbreviated his name like that. Joy seemed much more relaxed now that he was here. No prizes for guessing why. She loosened her hold on my neck but I still felt like I had a chimp hanging off my body.

  Evan stood by Sam’s desk, tapping it with his fingers. “I was hoping you’d still be here.”

  She seemed just as surprised as me by that. He had never come specifically to see her before. I won’t lie, I wanted to punch him.

  “I’m just leaving for the arena,” she said apologetically as she returned to the desk and tidied the pile of papers on top of it.

  “Actually, that’s why I’m here. I was thinking I could come along and watch. I’ll sit in the spectators’ box out the way and I won’t say a word, I swear.”

  “Aren’t you working with your own squad?”

  “I decided to give them half the evening off because it’s one of the guy’s birthdays.”

  “You’re too sweet” – Did she want me to punch her too? – “I said I’d let mine leave early if, and only if, they did good. Why the sudden interest in my squad?”

  “Well it turns out that, um, some pranks have been getting played on the other squads, particularly mine. The guys swear it’s payback from your squad, that a certain telekinetic individual called Harvey was responsible. But I thought they can’t possibly be right about that because you’ve only been training Harvey for like a week.”

  “Huh, weird.” There was just as much humour in her voice as in his.

  “And now I’m all curious. So, can I?” His grin was charming, he’d get his way.

  “Alright, but I need a favour from you.”

  He shrugged. “Whatever you want.”

  “I’d like to borrow your squad some time to spar with mine. It won’t be for another week.”

  “Do you think they’ll really be ready for that?”

  “Well you can decide that for yourself, can’t you?”

  I couldn’t bring myself to say anything to his “Later, bro” or her “See you later”. At least, not anything that wouldn’t be a threat, curse, or insult.

  Sam? Hell, I hadn’t even meant to call her. The last time I had spoken telepathically to her was when I had saw Max flirting with her at the pool. I wasn’t expecting a response now just like I hadn’t then, especially since she had continued to leave the office.

  Yep? Forced friendliness.

  Now I was going to have to come up with a reason why I had called her. I’ll be coming to watch too.

  I’m surprised you haven’t sooner, they’re your recruits as well.

  Joy grinned at me. “It’s only a matter of time.”

  “What?”

  “That’s if they’re not already.”

  I sighed. “Joy, when have I ever liked riddles?”

  “I was saying it’s only a matter of time before those two get together.”

  A blazing heat of half-anger half-panic shot through me and I felt like I’d explode. No. I couldn’t let that happen. I couldn’t let them be together. If she was to ever be with Evan for even one night there would never be any chance of there ever being anything between Sam and me. I couldn’t ever be with someone for even one night who had been with my brother. Too weird for me. And the idea of there never being a chance sparked a dull ache in me. All this over a goddamn fuck?

  “Are we going up now?” said Joy sweetly.

  “You are. I’ve got somewhere I need to be.” I moved so fast around the table that she lost her monkey grip on me.

  “Where are you going?”

  “Why don’t you get the chocolate mousse ready,” I suggested in an irritated voice. Not that I had any intention of following her up there.

  “It’s chocolate ice cream.”

  Oh. Turns out I’d been paying even less attention to her than I’d thought. “That too.” I went at vampire speed to the arena, expecting to see Sam and Evan along the way, but it seemed that they had travelled at vampire speed too.

  I joined Evan in the front row of the spectators’ box. He had his arms folded and a hand holding his chin, intensely interested. So was I. But only in Sam.

  “Hey bro, I didn’t know you were coming.”

  I only nodded at him.

  He sighed. “Jared, I could be wrong, but I could swear that I’m supposed to have done something, and if I have, I truly have no idea what it is.”

  I forced a mini smile and patted his back. “I’ve got a lot on my mind right now.” That was true. The upcoming attack on The Hollow’s walls was
n’t something that just slips from your brain.

  “I’m guessing that it’s mostly Sam.”

  “No,” I denied. “Squad stuff.”

  “Yeah. Right.” He shook his head grinning before then returning his attention to the scene below us.

  Sam was pacing in front of the guys who were all stood side by side in an almost perfectly straight line. None of them were smirking or fidgeting or whistling – which was more than what I could say for when they were training with me. Even Damien was focused. Wow, she ran a pretty tight ship. It was when she said the first few words that I realised exactly what they were focusing so much on doing.

  (Sam)

  “Harvey, there’s a tiny bit of excess energy around you, suck it in,” I said.

  “Yes, Coach.” His expression was aggravated, as always. Harvey still hadn’t rid himself of his arrogant streak so he always got touchy whenever he was singled out for one reason or another. For once, however, he didn’t grunt before doing as I’d asked. I took that as progress. It was a case of baby steps with Harvey.

  “Last session, you all met your goal of channelling all your energy. That’s an achievement, but it’s not yet the time to do a sing and a dance about it unless you can channel all that energy under pressure. During an attack, you won’t be in a nice, quiet arena, secure in your safety, with me right here to tell you if you’re doing it right. You’ll be out in the open, you’ll be surrounded by stimuli, you’ll have enemies hunting you down and you’ll have me to answer to if you don’t move your arse.”