The Monster Hunters

  “Hello again, Earl. And if it isn’t Owen Pitt, CPA. I warned you not to fall in with this crowd.”

  “Hey, Myers. How’s it hanging?” I mumbled through my mouthful of high-quality rug fibers. He barked an order and my arms were yanked in a vain attempt to get me up. The Fed doing the pulling couldn’t dead-lift me, and I wasn’t feeling particularly cooperative. Another one grasped me, and with a grunt they jerked me to my feet. I was about ten inches taller than my old friend that I had dubbed the Professor. Agent Franks stood behind him, now in his black body armor and carrying a brand new FN F2000 with grenade launcher. The stone-cold killer looked far more comfortable in his combat gear than he had been dressed up at the hospital. Myers was still in a cheap suit.

  “Franks. What’s up, my brother? Kill anybody interesting lately?”

  “Tons.”

  “Good for you,” I said cheerfully.

  The muscular Fed read the message on my lime-green attire. “Nice shirt.”

  “We’re not doing anything illegal, Myers. We called and let you guys in on this case as soon as we knew how big it was. We’re totally in our rights.” Harbinger had a thin smear of blood next to his lip. Apparently one of the Feds had felt the need to help him to the ground.

  “You are at a crime scene related to that case and you haven’t bothered to call. That could be construed as withholding information concerning a monster menace,” Myers stated in a smug and condescending manner, “which is very illegal.”

  “We just got here. We were meaning to call. My cell phone wasn’t getting a signal,” he lied.

  “I bet. So tell me, how exactly did you find this place?”

  “We flew down the coast until we spotted the motor launch missing from the freighter. The same launch I told your people about last night.”

  “So you just happened to fly around until you found it? And you just picked it out of the ten thousand other boats around here.”

  “Pretty much.”

  “I’m supposed to believe that?”

  “Come on, Myers. How else do you think we found this place? Do you think we have visions or magic dreams or something? Okay, I give up. You got me. We called the psychic friends network, they gave us the coordinates.” My boss certainly turned into a smart-ass when dealing with federal agents.

  “So what are you guys doing here?” I asked.

  Myers started to answer and then caught himself. “None of your damn business.”

  “You got our call last night about the seven vampires and the Cursed One, and within a few hours you end up right here. That has got to be an amazing coincidence.”

  “Yes. Pretty amazing coincidence, Mr. Pitt.”

  “Ironic,” Franks said, patting his Belgian assault rifle tenderly.

  “Yeah, silly me. Never mind I said anything.”

  Myers’ phone rang. He still had that annoying ring tone of “Take Me Out to the Ballgame.” “This is Agent Myers . . .” He listened for a minute, then he covered the receiver and spoke to us. “Earl, get your crew and take them home. This is no longer your affair. If I see a single Monster Hunter poking around Georgia I’ll shut you down so fast your head will spin.”

  “I’ve got Hunters that live in Atlanta, Myers.”

  “Well, they better not be doing anything involving this case. At all. Period. I want you and your freak show back in Alabama immediately. You’re lucky you caught me in a good mood. I don’t want to hear about you doing anything with these seven vampires, or anything related to them. This case and everything pertaining to it is a federal matter. Got that?”

  “Understood. Mind if we call a cab or something?”

  “Get them out of my sight.” He went back to his phone call.

  We were shoved rudely out the front door. Franks stopped us on the porch long enough to undo our handcuffs. I rubbed my tender wrists. My boss leaned in close and whispered a single word.

  “Stall.”

  I raised a single eyebrow incredulously. What the heck was I supposed to do? Talk about the weather?

  “Hey, Franks?”

  “What, Pitt?”

  “What about our guns?”

  “They’re evidence.”

  “Evidence of what?” I had the urge to punch the morose man in the snout. He was one ripped son of a gun, he even had big veins bulging in his forehead and neck, so at least I would get a good fight out of it. Except the other forty Feds would probably shoot me. Scratch that stalling plan.

  “Crime.”

  “What crime?”

  He shrugged.

  “Dude, that FAL and that 4506 belonged to the Hunter that got killed yesterday. Have a little heart. Give them back and I’ll deliver them to his sons. Give them something to remember their dad by.”

  “No.”

  “Why not?” I knew that there was no way that was going to happen. The Smith was legal, but the full-auto FAL had to be the property of MHI, because it would be too illegal to own without the special paperwork and permissions. Stupid laws.

  “Evidence.”

  “Listen, you monosyllabic moron. Let me spell this out. You can’t just go around confiscating private property. There’s a fourth amendment. Maybe you heard of it?”

  “Did you just call me a moron?” That was possibly the longest sentence I had ever heard from him.

  “Yeah, I did. I’m using my right to free speech to call you a moron. That falls under one of those other amendments.”

  Franks handed his FN to one of the other Feds. He tapped his radio. “This is Franks. Are there any cameras or witnesses in the immediate area? Over.” He listened for a moment and then smiled.

  He hit me harder than I have ever been hit before. His fist was like lightning, striking deep into my gut. The air exploded out of my lungs in a rush. I have fought in dozens of brawls and underground fights, and won most of them. I’ve been hit by bikers, construction workers, crackheads, karate experts, and semiprofessional boxers, and just yesterday I had been hit by a vampire. Franks must be dropping some serious ’roids, because none of the others held a candle to him.

  I fell off of the porch and landed in the flowerbed. I jumped up, and turned to face him just in time to catch a hammer blow to the side of my head. I tripped backwards over the small white fence and landed on my back. Some of the other Feds stepped forward to give me a little stick time, but Franks just held his hand up to dismiss them. This was his gig.

  He waited patiently for me to stand up. I dropped into a fighting stance, legs bent, arms up, hands open and loose. The pain was displaced by my anger. I was ready. “Come get some.”

  “Okay.”

  Franks moved faster than I thought possible. I blocked his first two punches, and narrowly ducked under the third. His dark face was emotionless, and his eyes were unblinking. I threw a fast jab and then a hook. He dodged them easily, and then kicked me in the chest. I was rocked backwards in shock. He followed with a spin kick, again hitting me in the stomach. I grunted as my abdominal muscles absorbed the blow.

  I’m extremely fast for my size, unbelievably fast. I threw a flurry of punches, and then followed with elbow and knee strikes as the range closed. I did not manage to hit him once. Franks swatted my blows aside with bone-jarring force. He dodged under my elbow, blocked the knee, and then head-butted me in the face.

  With eyes watering, I dove for his waist. I had been a wrestler. If I could take him to the ground I would have a chance. He pushed off against my shoulders, avoiding my trap, and broke some of my teeth with a hook. He followed that by kicking me in the sternum. Good thing I’m padded with muscle or that one would have killed me.

  “Enough!” Myers shrieked.

  Franks instantly stopped. He was not even breathing hard. I was panting and bleeding. I spit a blob of blood and half of a molar on the ground. The Feds that had been watching moved aside to let Agent Myers through.

  “Striking a federal agent? This is a new low even for your thugs, Earl.”

  “He didn?
??t hit me. Too slow,” Franks stated.

  “I’ll try harder next time,” I gasped.

  “Look forward to it.”

  “Get off this property now before I have you arrested,” Myers ordered. Harbinger put his arm over my shoulders and led me away. We walked down the driveway, more like my boss walked and I weaved. My head was throbbing, my eyes were watering, my nose and lips were bleeding, my chest and stomach burned in pain, and I felt at least two broken teeth with my tongue. I had not gotten my ass handed to me in a one-on-one fight like that since I was fifteen.

  He waited until we were well away from the helicopters and perimeter of armed guards before speaking. “Good stall. Not exactly the tactic I would have used, but letting Franks beat you up was great.”

  “I didn’t let him.”

  “Good job anyway.” He pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and handed it to me. I held it tightly under my nose.

  “So what was the purpose of that little exercise?” I asked. “What was I stalling for?”

  “I was trying to listen in on Myers’ phone call. He was standing right in the living room.”

  “Do you have superpowers or something?”

  “Nope. I just have good senses,” he smiled. “And I know how to pay attention.”

  “So did you hear anything?”

  He was quiet for a long moment as we crunched our way down the long gravel lane. “Not really. He was talking way too softly. And there were helicopters overhead.”

  “So I took a beating for nothing?”

  “Pretty much. But it was entertaining.”

  We called for help and Milo retrieved us an hour later with the jacked-up Chevy. We drove south in silence. Our mission was at a dead end. The Feds were running us off. Harbinger was in a bad mood as we stopped for gas in a small town. Milo apologized, but apparently the newly purchased truck got about three miles to the gallon.

  Back at the Radio City Motor Lodge, the rest of the Hunters were not particularly thrilled either. The ten of us were gathered in our improvised command center, sweltering in the humidity. I passed the time by flicking pennies at the roaches scurrying up the walls. A few of the bugs were big enough that they shrugged off the impacts, and one particularly impressive specimen even latched onto the coin and kept it.

  “This is bullshit!” Sam said as he kicked a hole in the sheetrock.

  “If we took all of them down it would be the biggest PUFF bounty in history,” Boone added. “Seven high-level bloodsuckers, and we would be set for life.”

  “Myers doesn’t bluff. We’re on thin ice as it is.” Julie was the voice of reason. “We have to go home.”

  “I don’t like it at all, people, but we ain’t got much choice. We’re leaving. Boone and Priest can head back to Atlanta. You can take whatever gear that don’t fit in the Hind.”

  “I’m short-handed, Earl. I’m down a man, and it’s going to be a while before the other guys are healed up,” he said.

  “You guys earned the vacation. Spend some time with your families. Get some rest. We won’t send any missions your way until your team is up and running. As for short-handed, you want some Newbies? I think we can consider these graduated from basic training.”

  The Atlanta team leader critically studied Chuck, Holly, Trip and me. It reminded me of when we used to pick teams in grade school. I sucked my stomach in and tried to look tough. He looked each of us in the eye individually, and nodded in satisfaction.

  “Earl. I would be honored to have any of them. From what I understand, each one of them did good on that freighter, and that was some hairy shit. If they can keep it together through that, they’ll be just fine. I’ve been running with only five men, and five is a pretty small team to start with. I would take them all if you would let me.” I took that as quite the compliment.

  “I can’t spare them. I’m going to need to spread them around. I’ve got other short-handed teams, and we need to put together a new team based in the intermountain west. Sam’s gonna lead that one.”

  Sam quit angrily putting holes in the walls long enough to stammer something in surprise. I believe that he used the F word as noun, verb and adjective all in the same sentence.

  “Team Haven?” he said. “No way.”

  “We need another team. You’re the best man for the job. Congratulations,” Harbinger said. The former SEAL slowly sat on one of the beds in shock. Milo patted him on the back. The rest of us voiced our congratulations. “We’ll work out the logistics and the details when we get back to the compound. I’ve got to spread around my experienced people.”

  “Good for you, Sam. You’ll do fine. As good as any Navy guys can be expected, at least. So who do I get?” Boone said.

  “I could send you Grant,” Harbinger suggested.

  “Only if you give me Pitt too. Grant would end up at the bottom of the Chattahoochee within a week. I could deal with that,” Boone said. He grimaced as Julie slugged him hard in the arm.

  “Roberts was a gunman. You need a gunman. You get Mead. I watched him shoot that SAW on that freighter, and he was hell on wheels. He’ll do you proud.”

  “Aw, shucks,” said our big, simple Ranger.

  “Chuck, say hello to your new boss. Don’t screw up.”

  “Yes, sir!” he shouted. Boone shook his hand, welcoming him aboard.

  “Okay. Now for the rest of us, here’s the deal. We’re leaving, but we ain’t quitting this case. We keep working our sources. We put out the word to every team, every informant, and every sewer-dwelling mutant out there. As soon as these things show up on the radar we’re going to nail them. I’ll call in every single Hunter in the country if necessary. Feds be damned. We started this and we’re gonna finish it.”

  “So if we do track them down and destroy them, how do we keep from losing our charter?” Milo asked. “I mean, if we get them, won’t the Feds just shut us down for nosing in on their case?”

  “Not if we just ‘blunder’ into the seven while we’re working on something else.”

  “Groovy.”

  We were dropped off at the little airport. The sun was gradually setting over the Georgia countryside, and mosquitoes and little evil gnats swarmed over our bodies. The Hind was prepped, and we made our way toward it, carrying duffel bags and heavy cases. The airport manager sat in a lawn chair in front of his little rusted trailer, an old gray dog curled at his feet. He waved at us lazily.

  I was at the rear of the group, lugging a heavy wooden crate filled with all manner of controlled destruction. The big guy always gets to carry the heavy stuff. Julie broke away from the others and stopped in my path.

  “Owen, we need to talk for a second.”

  “Sure,” I grunted as I set the crate on the ground.

  “First off, I appreciate all of the hard work that you have done. And I really appreciate you risking your life to save me and the others. That was very brave.”

  “Look Julie, I’m sorry, but—” She cut me off.

  “But what you did with Grant was over the line.”

  “You can stick up for your boyfriend all you want, but he left me behind. He left me to get killed by Darné.” My cheeks flushed hotly in sudden anger. I wasn’t about to be told that what I had done was wrong.

  “I know. That wasn’t right, but Earl will deal with it. Not you.”

  “Wait a second. You’re mad because I stepped outside my authority, and not because I punched out your boyfriend?” I was confused.

  “And you threw him into shark-infested waters, don’t forget the shark part. Your temper will get you killed in this job. It only takes one stupid decision to get you or your team killed. You need to keep the emotions in check.”

  “Like you,” I said pointedly.

  “I guess.” There was a long and uncomfortable pause. “Look, I just . . . I don’t want you to get hurt. You seem to do that a lot already.” She lightly touched my bruised and swollen face. Her fingertips were surprisingly gentle. “Damn. Franks really did give y
ou a beating.”

  “I am sorry. I’m not sorry about hitting Grant or even the swimming with sharks part, but I’m really sorry about . . . you know. I don’t want you mad at me.” I took a deep breath. “I felt like I betrayed you, and that’s what I’m sorry for.”

  “I’m fine, but I’ve got one request. Stay out of my business. What happens between me and Grant is between me and Grant. Not you, not Earl, not Milo, or Sam or anybody else who feels the need to harass me about it. I know how you guys see him, but I know him better than that. I’m sure he had a reason for what he did.”

  “Are you going to dump him?” I asked, suddenly hopeful. “Because he panicked and left me behind?”

  “What did I just say?”

  “Stay out of your business?”

  “Right.” She must have realized that her fingers were still on my cheek as she reflexively snatched them away. She lowered her voice to just barely over a whisper. “Owen, look . . . I know that . . . well, I know how you feel, and I—”

  “Brother of War Chief!” Skippy rumbled as he interrupted her. He was still covered from head to foot, the mirrored visor of his flight helmet was down, showing only my reflection. I was a little perturbed. Skip, you have lousy timing.

  The pilot fell to his knees and bowed again, until his helmet hit the ground. “Hind is . . . she ready to fly . . . Noble One.” His voice sounded like rocks being poured into a cement mixer. He sprang quickly to his feet.

  “Noble One . . . no carry . . . he no carry.” He made that horrible noise that represented his real name as he grabbed the handles of the heavy crate and bucked it up onto his knees. He clucked when I tried to take it from him. “Skip carry . . . Bring honor to tribe.”

  The black-garbed pilot waddled with the heavy load toward the waiting chopper. Julie’s brown eyes were wide behind her glasses. I shrugged. It didn’t make a lick of sense to me either.

  “Noble One? What the hell? He’s not your own personal porter, Owen,” she said as she turned and stalked away. The moment was gone.

  I took one last look at the sunset, swatted a mosquito, muttered something suitably profane, and followed Skippy, who was once again trying in vain to sing. It sounded particularly horrible when he tried to grumble-hum the sounds of the instruments.