The Monster Hunters

  “Okay,” said the instructor, a former U.S. Navy SEAL turned Monster Hunter named Sam Haven. He was our main weapons and tactics instructor. Sam was the walrus-mustached man, a burly guy with a penchant for western wear, rodeo belt buckles and Stetson hats. He was also a bad mo-fo, whom I would never on my best day want to mess with. “Load up.”

  Somebody else pushed the button to activate the pneumatic target system. The five plates reset themselves with a hiss. I decided to show off a little for the crowd. Since the action was open, I quickly plucked a spare round of buckshot from the elastic sidesaddle mounted on the shotgun’s receiver. I dropped it into the chamber, and instantly slammed the pump forward. Instinctively my support hand moved to the bandoleer of spare shells strapped across my chest. Grasping four cases, I palmed them under the loading port and rapid fire shoved them in as if my hand itself was a spring-loaded mechanism. Snick, snick, snick, snick. Four shells loaded in under two seconds.

  It was a trick used by three-gun competitors. We would often shoot in long field courses involving rifles, pistols and shotguns. The shotgun portions sometimes consisted of twenty or even thirty separate targets. Since we were scored according to our total time, and since shotguns are low-capacity weapons of five to nine shots (with some exceptions), the winners were the people who could keep their weapons loaded the fastest. Combine large groups of hyper-competitive type A personality gun people, and I guarantee you will see some amazing and creative ways to do things.

  I heard another Newbie say something about a magic trick. Not magic, my friend, just the result of practicing until my thumbs were a mass of nerve-deadened scar tissue. I tucked the shotgun back into the correct position, positioned my feet, and squared off against the targets. I indicated my readiness to Sam.

  He leaned in close and spoke loud enough that he knew I would pick it up, but quiet enough that the rest of the class would not. His breath smelled of Copenhagen chewing tobacco.

  “You’re gonna have to show me how you do that loading trick.”

  I grinned, and answered, “Shooter ready.”

  Beep. This time I was really in the zone. The five shots came out as a continuous thunder of buckshot pelting steel to the ground. I lowered the smoking muzzle.

  Sam paused before saying the time. “One-point-eight-two seconds. Hot damn.”

  I could not help but gloat a little as I smiled for my nemesis. Grant Jefferson. The smug bastard had only been able to do it in 2.5, which was still pretty respectable, but not even close to as fast as mine. And the best part was that he knew it. He was the one who said my first run had been a fluke. Grant was not used to being bested at anything. I enjoyed watching as he stomped off in frustration. He did not like me, and the feeling was mutual. I handed the shotgun over for the next shooter.

  Grant was no Newbie. He was a full-fledged member of MHI, and also one of our instructors, though he was the junior man on Harbinger’s team. He had only come out to shoot in the hopes of showing us poor folks how it was done. Grant was totally my opposite. Lean and handsome, witty, charming, a product of the finest schools, and descended from the oldest established (as in super wealthy) New England families. He even had nice hair. He was the type of person everybody liked, and everybody wanted to be liked by.

  I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him. I thought he was a pompous ass from the moment I had met him, and I felt the primal and instinctual need to beat him up and take his lunch money.

  But the real reason that I hated his guts was that he was Julie Shackleford’s boyfriend.

  Julie and I had only spoken briefly since my arrival at the compound, and that had been mostly a “Hi, how are you” kind of thing. I had been totally swamped with training, and she was always occupied with one piece of business or another. It wasn’t like she had ever even given me any sort of indication that she liked me as anything other than as an employee, so I don’t know why the thought of her dating a jerk like Grant bothered me so much. As much as I hated to admit it, I had a horrible crush on her.

  Sam interrupted my reverie. “Pitt! I want you to tell everybody else how you shoot like that. I’ve told y’all what I know, and most of you still can’t shoot for shit, you damn bunch of worthless derelicts, so let’s get a fresh perspective. The pump is not your main weapon, or even your first choice, but there’re times when it is the absolute best thing you can have. We have a lot of specialty rounds that won’t run through a semi. Every one of you needs to know how to use this thing because one of these days it might save your life.” Knowing how to do things because they might someday save your life was the mantra of our experienced Monster Hunters.

  The former SEAL spit a mighty wad of tobacco juices into the gravel. That was good. I noticed that most of the time he just swallowed the stuff. That could not be healthy.

  “Okay. Um . . .” I looked over the group and thought about what to say. “What I’m seeing from most of you is that you aren’t really familiar with your weapons yet. You need to get to the point where your gun is an extension of your body. You don’t think about shooting, because if you’re thinking then you’re going too slow. You just let the shot happen. Shotguns are more of an instinctive weapon than pistols or rifles. Some of you guys need to relax and let it flow.”

  I pointed at one of the other Newbies, a muscular black man with dreadlocks. “Trip here is a great example. When he uses the pump, it’s shoot, dramatic pause, pump, pause, shoot, pause, pump. You’re thinking too hard. Thinking takes time. It’s just boom and go. Like playing an instrument, you don’t think about the notes, you just play.” He nodded in understanding. Trip and I had hit it off, and he was currently my bunkmate in the barracks. His real name was John Jermain Jones, and he was at a loss to explain what his folks had been thinking when they had come up with that combination. The nickname that had stuck was Triple J, and after a week, most of us just called him Trip.

  Trip had been recruited by MHI after a voodoo priestess had placed a curse on his small Florida town and caused some of the recently deceased to rise from their graves to feast upon the brains of the living. He had solved the zombie problem with judicious use of a pickax. He was a great guy, and so far his only real challenge in training had been his lack of exposure to firearms, though he was coming along really well with the subguns. They just suited his personality more. Considering that a year ago he had been a high school chemistry teacher, he was actually one tough dude.

  “Then the other problem I see is that some of you are just kind of recoil sensitive, like Holly.” I pointed out the next Newbie. Holly Newcastle was an attractive young woman with bleached blond hair and an amazing boob job. She never told the rest of us how she ended up at MHI, but apparently she had worked as a stripper, or as she preferred, exotic dancer, before being recruited. The rumors were that it had involved a hot lesbian vampire, but I’m pretty sure that that was just wishful thinking by most of the guys in the barracks.

  As far as I could tell she had exactly zero experience with any sort of firearms, but she was coming along gradually. She really surprised me when it came to the class portion of our training; she had an amazing ability to soak up knowledge and monster-related trivia. She may have looked like the stereotype, but she was no dumb blonde. I had no doubt that whatever she had done to get herself recruited by MHI, she had done very well.

  “Holly, the shotgun kicks, but once you master the correct form, you learn to just flow with the recoil and it’s no big deal. It’s all about proper fit, and how you hold it. If you’re doing it right it doesn’t hurt at all.”

  “So what you’re saying, Z, is that it’s kinda like sex. If it hurts, you must be doing it wrong?” She smiled seductively and winked. I blushed. Everybody else laughed, including Sam the instructor.

  “Pretty much.” I had a sneaky feeling that Holly wanted me to help her with more forms than just her shotgunning. It’s kind of a bummer that for a person with such a dark complexion my cheeks turned red so easily. “Seriou
sly though, fit is very important; we need to find you a stock that’s a couple of inches shorter.” I hurried along before anybody thought to make a nasty joke about that comment.

  I continued my demonstration to the other new recruits. We were an odd collection. Ages ranged from mid-forties all the way down to barely old enough to drink. We had people from all parts of the country and all walks of life. We had everything from an Army Ranger to a taxi driver, from a narcotics cop to a librarian, and we even had a plumber. Take my word for it, you do not want to hear the detailed account of his first monster encounter.

  Despite our differences, we all had a few things in common. Every single one of us had come face to face with something from mankind’s darkest imagination, and every single one of us was a survivor.

  At the beginning of our training we had been informed that not all of us would make it, and they had not been kidding. The experienced instructors made judgment calls as necessary, and many a recruit was sent packing with an extremely generous severance check and an admonition not to talk too freely about what they had learned. Other Newbies quit on their own. Some could not handle the physical stress; others, the mental. There was no real shame in quitting. Anyone was free to leave at any time, and many did. I thought about it a few times myself.

  I was too stubborn to admit it to anyone, but every day that I had been here, I had struggled with the idea of what we were doing. I was torn, part of me loved the idea and the challenge, but the part of me that had sought to be normal for so long was having a real hard time adjusting to the fact that I was learning how to kill monsters for fun and profit.

  The physical training was difficult, though according to our former Ranger, it was a total sissified cakewalk. Personally, my leg was still tender and weak, and the running was killing me. I hate running. I was still walking with a limp, and I had despised running when I was totally healthy. Running is for skinny people.

  Weapons and tactics was my favorite segment. Not just because it was what I had done for fun for most of my life anyway, but also because I excelled at it. Many of the Newbies struggled through, while others would never have what it took to work as a well-coordinated team, armed with lethal weapons, operating seamlessly together under intense pressure. That was fine. We had been told early on that not all of us would end up as the tip of the spear, on an actual fighting Hunter team. There was plenty of other work that also needed to be done—research, support, admin, technical stuff, and other jobs—but every employee of MHI was to be proficient enough that they could stand in as an emergency replacement if needed.

  Out of our current group I was guessing that about half of us would be assigned to Hunting teams. Not bad considering that we had started with forty recruits and now we were down to only twenty. There were a few I was not sure about, who could probably go either way, and then there were the last few, who personally I was not comfortable with even having loaded weapons anywhere near me. Some people just did not have the proper mindset to ever rise above mere proficiency with a firearm.

  The classroom sessions were by far the most educational for all of us, because regardless of what kind of bizarre background somebody might have hailed from, the things we were being taught were guaranteed to be new material.

  Earl Harbinger sat with his feet up on the desk. In one hand he held the remote control for the slide show, and the other held a yardstick that he used to point out interesting things. The photos on the slide show were disturbing to say the least.

  “There’s many kinds of undead. Undead is basically a catchall term for any being that’s scientifically dead, yet still animated. They range from your basic zombie, which is nothing more than a flesh-eating corpse, all the way up to your virtually invincible master vampires and pretty much anything you can think of in between. You’ll need to know them all—their strengths and especially their weaknesses.” Click. This slide showed a large number of chewed-up corpses littering a suburban street. It could have been in any town in the country. Some of the modest ranch-style homes in the background were on fire. “Undead are our bread and butter. In North America alone we average at least one incident involving them a month. Factor in South America and the Caribbean and we probably have a Hunter team working an undead outbreak at any given time. With your basic lower-level undead, the key is a swift response. They multiply like rabbits, and the denser the human population, the more danger there is.”

  Click. The next slide appeared to have been taken with a cheap disposable camera at a really bad angle. The subject was a woman lunging with filthy hands outstretched toward the unseen photographer. Most of her face was missing, and her lower jaw consisted only of exposed bone, but she did not appear to notice. Her eyes were wide and hungry.

  “Zombie. The walking dead. Not very fast. Not very smart. They’ll head straight for you, they never stop, they feel no pain, they never tire, and they never quit. Luckily they’re about as creative as broccoli. The real danger is their bite, as the guy taking this picture found out. A single bite is infectious and the victim’s destined to end up a zombie themselves. The worse the injury, the faster you die, the faster you come back. George Romero was an optimist. Yes, head shots work, but you’ve got to really damage their brains for a reliable stop.” We had learned that oftentimes cultural and entertainment ideas about monsters had some basis in fact.

  “Where do they come from?” one of the class asked.

  “Voodoo,” muttered Trip. The twenty remaining Newbies sat on metal folding chairs behind rickety plastic tables. We were in a small room located in the main building. The air conditioner kept us alive in the freshly arrived Alabama heat.

  “That’s one possibility, and a good thing to keep in mind. If you can bag the person that animated the dead to begin with, by all means do it. Animating the dead is a serious felony, and the Feds usually pay a good reward for renegade witch doctors or mad scientists. I’ve got to keep going, though, because we have a lot to cover. All of this information is in your packets, and I’ll get to specifics later, today is just the overview. Last thing on zombies, PUFF is usually about $5,000 a head, depending on the severity of the outbreak.”

  Click. The thing in the picture had obviously once been a person, but was now a hunched and rotting pile of rags and jagged edges and pointed teeth. The creature held what appeared to be a human leg in its mostly skeletal hand. It looked as if its lunch had been rudely interrupted by the flash of the picture. “This is a ghoul. Think of it as a super zombie on crack. Much smarter, much faster, way harder to stop. Luckily they’re rare, which is a good thing because the one in this picture soaked up about two hundred rounds before it finally quit kicking. Head shots don’t usually work, though they tend to slow them down. Your best bet is to hammer them until you break down their skeletal structure to the point where they just can’t fight anymore. Then burn them to be sure. They’re usually found around cemeteries, as they’re carrion feeders. PUFF for a ghoul runs around 20K.”

  Click. “This is a wight. Toughest of the zombie family. One of old Europe’s least popular exports.” This picture took me by surprise. Sure the creature was as nasty as expected, appearing to be a normal man except for his horribly distorted visage, sharp, black teeth and red eyes, but this picture caught my attention because it was an action shot. Julie Shackleford was in the corner of the frame, with a long spear in her hands, keeping the creature at bay while it clawed at her. She was wearing some sort of strange body armor that I did not recognize. Her dark hair had been captured flying wildly around her head like a halo, and there was an intense look of fear and concentration on her face. She was frozen in midmovement, gracefully lunging toward the claws of the undead beast. It was like a cover shot from Sports Illustrated only this time the sport was Mutant Tag and the penalty for losing was painful death.

  I studied her face. She was much younger, far too young to be doing what she was doing. Not as gorgeous and distinct then as she would turn out to be, but obviously filled with courage.
She was wearing her glasses, but I could still see her brown eyes, and her teeth were a hard white line in her face. My heart knotted at the sight of her in danger, though obviously that incident must have turned out just fine. She was beautiful.

  I’m such a sap.

  I snapped out of my reverie and tried to pay attention to Harbinger’s lesson. I had missed part of what he had said, but I did not dare ask him to repeat it. He was finishing up on the dangers of facing wights.

  “Their touch causes immediate paralysis, even through armor. It wears off quickly, but by then it’s usually too late. They can be insanely strong. So don’t screw around against these without backup and heavy weapons.”

  “What happened?” I blurted.

  “Huh?” he answered.

  “In the picture, with this . . . wight.”

  Harbinger paused. Probably debating whether he should rip me for butting in, or just tell the story. He was notorious amongst the Newbies for not telling the stories behind their adventures, as opposed to Sam or especially Milo who seemed to love it. Finally the internal battle was ended and he decided to share. However, the look he fixed me with let me know that I would be running laps until I puked because of the interruption.

  “Outside of Sandusky, Ohio, October of ’95. Just before Halloween. Crazy time of year in this business. My team was taking care of a ghoul problem at an old cemetery, when this one surprised us. We didn’t expect a wight. It popped out of the ground right in front of our vehicle, crushed the whole front end with its bare hands, and smashed through the window like it was nothing. I was in the passenger seat and it was on me so fast that it was a blur. It hit me and all of my muscles locked right up like I was frozen. Milo was driving. It nailed him too. Julie was in the back seat. She opened up right between us with her pistol, surprised it apparently, because it quit trying to kill me and Milo. The wight jumped on the roof and started peeling it back to get her. She bailed out with that spear.” He paused and chewed on his lower lip for a moment.