The Monster Hunters

  “Man, you’re a regular comedian tonight,” I said as I jerked another magazine out of my pocket and reloaded. “We’ve got to keep going, more bears coming fast.” But he didn’t respond. When I glanced back, he was facedown into the kudzu. “Aw hell.”

  Grant had kept on running for the workshop and I could no longer spot him in the dark. I could, however, hear the undead getting closer. Franks weighed a ton. The smart thing to do was leave him here. It wasn’t like I owed him any mercy. This whole thing was his and his stupid organization’s fault.

  I actually made it a couple of steps toward the workshop before I stopped. He wouldn’t have left me. “ARRGHH! Stupid Fed. Stupid Franks.” I scooped him up, got one arm over my shoulder, and shouted in his ear, “Move your ass!” His big head lolled to the side. He was unconscious. “Oh, it can never be easy. Never! Easy!” I heaved him into a fireman’s carry. The kudzu vines dragged at my boots. The shuffling, metallic snorting of the undead was getting closer. Safety was still a hundred yards away. I kicked my feet through the thick plants and tripped and stumbled for safety.

  I could see the workshop clearly now. Someone was moving in one of the windows, a long tube on their shoulder. I cleared the kudzu and could run again, slipping through the dirt, ankle throbbing with each step. A terrible noise came from the workshop and a streak of fire tore past. The trees behind us exploded. Rocket launcher. Oh, these monsters had picked the wrong place to mess with.

  More rockets followed. Judging by the rate of fire, Grant had reached the workshop and was joining in. Milo had a ton of stuff stashed.

  “Pitt!” A voice bellowed behind me. “I’m coming for you.”

  The Englishman.

  I risked a glance back. A towering thing was making its way through the smoke and falling debris, each footfall shaking the very earth. It had been an elephant once, and a big one, a majestic beast, but now its ivory tusks were sheathed in iron, its head plated in steel, its bones wrapped in wire and Kevlar sheets. Riding on its back was my nemesis. He was no longer wearing simple clothing, but had dressed for the occasion with an ornate black robe, a golden pendant of his squid god on his chest. His rough features shifted under the shadows of his cloak.

  “Hood,” I spat.

  He raised one hand, signaling a halt. The zombie elephant reared up on its hind legs, rising high into the air, blowing air through its dusty lungs like a damaged tuba. It came back down, forelegs slamming into the dirt with an impact that shifted the ground underfoot. “So you know my name . . . There’s power in knowing one’s name.” There was another bear, and something that looked like it had been stitched together out of a German shepherd and a goat, and behind them were at least a dozen humanoid zombies, all in various states of augmentation. His troops began to fan out in a circle around me. “How did you find out?”

  Franks was dead weight on my back. There was no way I was going to reach the workshop now, so I slowly lowered him to the ground. “Carlos Alhambra told me.”

  The shadow man nodded, unsurprised. “Killing him would have been smarter, but he deserved to suffer.” There was another concussion from the workshop, but Hood merely waved his hand in the direction of the oncoming rocket. The darkness seemed to coalesce and solidify, and the warhead detonated harmlessly well short of us. “Destroy that nuisance,” he ordered, and several of his minions immediately charged the workshop, scampering off through the swirling wall of black.

  The wall blocked the lights of the workshop, but Milo’s rocket fire had ignited the small copse of trees, and I had some flickering light to work with. But it was even dimmer than what I had in Mexico, and he had been virtually unstoppable there.

  “You got what you came for. Let the others go and I’ll come with you.”

  He laughed above me. “Oh, come on, mate. You had your chance to do it my way. I’ve squandered years of work for this moment. Do you have any idea how much time it takes to put together an army of the dead? I’ve been collecting corpses like some people collect stamps.” He stroked the mottled, rotting back of the elephant. “But tonight has put quite a dent in my collection. So, no, I’m going to see the heart torn out of MHI before I go.”

  “Where the hell do you get dead elephants anyway?” I asked.

  “The internet,” Hood responded. “Zoos, circuses, that sort of thing.”

  “Oh . . .” I still had the AK in one hand. He saw me thinking about it, and shook his head.

  “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

  “If you were me, I’d kill myself,” I responded. “And you know . . . that’s not a real bad idea. . . .” I raised the hot muzzle and stuck it under my chin.

  He stood on the back of his mount. “Wait!”

  “Delivering me with half my head missing might piss off the Dread Overlord, don’t you think?” I stuck my finger on the trigger. I wasn’t bluffing. “Call off your army and I’ll go with you. Otherwise I blow my brains out and you’ve got to break the news to your super oyster.”

  “Hold on,” Franks whispered from the ground. He’d woken, and had reached into his suit, pulled out a flask, and was unscrewing the lid. Hell of a time for a drink. . . .

  Hood’s voice was soothing. “You don’t want to kill yourself. Suicides go to hell, you know.”

  “Oh, like you believe in hell,” I muttered.

  “Got me there, but we can still work this out. Alive is preferable, just for the amount of suffering that he can inflict on you, but dead? I could probably clean you up right well, if you leave me no other choice.” He seemed to grow angrier the more he thought about it. “You think you can threaten me with your death? I’m a king of death! Look around you! Death is my servant! Death is my art!”

  Franks put the flask to his lips and poured the contents down his throat. He grimaced in pain as if the liquid really burned going down. Some of it spilled out and dripped down his face. It glowed blue in the dark.

  That got Hood’s attention. “Well, well, well . . . Special Agent Franks, I’d almost forgotten about you. I see that you’ve some of the Elixir of Life. I always wondered how something like you managed to stick around for so very long. Personally, I’d thought that Herr Dippel had taken the formula to his grave. You really must give me that recipe.” Franks dropped the flask and began to convulse in the dirt. Hood shook his head sadly. “Painful, and wasteful. You can’t expect a dosage of the Elixir to save you now.”

  Franks was shaking badly as he struggled to his feet, using my belt for help. I kept the AK pointed at my brain. I could hear his body reacting to the potion. Franks’ bones were popping. The veins in his face were pulsating. The shadow man was obviously surprised by this development. Franks smiled, teeth white in the dark. “One dose? Try five, asshole.”

  Hood paused. “Impossible . . . No flesh could withstand that level of purification.”

  “You’ve got to work up to it.” My protector shrugged out of his coat and yanked off his clip-on tie, Glocks dangling on both sides from a double-shoulder holster. His shirt hung in a blood-soaked ruin. The firelight flickered across his body. The muscles in his neck throbbed and pulsed. He pulled off his strangler gloves and tossed them to the side, the bones in his hands cracking as he rolled them into fists.

  His left hand had HATE tattooed across his knuckles . . .

  The dead trucker in Montgomery had that same tattoo.

  No. That was the dead trucker’s tattoo . . . That was the dead trucker’s arm.

  My mouth fell open and I almost dropped the AK. Franks spoke quietly, “Primary mission. Protect Pitt from the Condition.” He glanced over at me, one blue eye reflecting the firelight and nodded through gritted teeth. “I’ve never failed a mission.”

  Franks was built out of spare parts. . . .

  The shadow man, suddenly afraid, gestured at his undead. “Take them!”

  The monsters surged forward. I jerked the AK down and opened fire. Franks crossed his arms, then whipped them outward, a Glock appearing in each hand, fir
ing with terrifying accuracy right through the joints in the zombies’ helmets. The elephant bellowed, stampeding forward, coaxed on by its master. Hood shouted a maniacal cry as the elephant bore down on us.

  There was a blur of motion as something leapt through the air onto the elephant’s back. Earl Harbinger landed directly behind Hood, dumping an entire magazine of .45 from his Tommy gun into his enemy’s back. Hood’s body rippled like water. The gun emptied in seconds, Earl Harbinger grabbed the shadow man by the robes and flung him from his perch. Hood fell hard in the dirt. Earl jumped after him, landing in a crouch. The elephant was heading right at me, and I dove aside, tree-trunk legs crashing past like thunder.

  “You!” Hood spat from flat on the ground. The robes shifted as his flesh turned to molten shadows. They swirled and re-formed. Now he was standing. He calmly brushed the Alabama red clay from his fancy outfit. “So my assassin failed.”

  Harbinger stood. “Shot the hell out of me with silver bullets.” He raised his arms, displaying his battered leather bomber jacket. “You should have told her to shoot me in the head. I don’t just wear this coat ’cause it looks cool. This is one-hundred-percent-genuine minotaur hide.” He thumped it for emphasis. “Bulletproof.” Earl smiled his predatory grin. His eyes were glowing gold. “You’re looking good, Marty, for a dead man.”

  Undead were swirling all around. The humanoids were wearing helmets of hardened steel, only their lower jaws open and chomping. I shoved my muzzle into an onrushing zombie’s mouth. The jaws clamped down automatically and I fired, the bullet ricocheting around inside the bucket, pulping the skull to bits. A zombie bear intercepted Franks, knocking him to the ground, slicing him about between the razor sharp legs. The Fed, unperturbed, jammed his guns into the intersection of the bear’s protected head and body and severed the neck with a slew of 10mm rounds. The bear collapsed, crushing him beneath.

  Hood and Harbinger were circling each other. The Condition’s high priest was speaking. “A dead man, Earl? On the contrary, I’ve never been more alive.” He waved one hand, and it warped into a foot-long shadow blade. His other hand twisted into a three-fingered claw, wide as a shovel head.

  “I’ll have to remedy that,” my boss replied. “I’ll get it right this time.”

  “You destroyed my old body. Rather admirably at that, but the spirit that was residing there came from this vessel. Think of it as trading up for a new model car.” Hood swung the shadow blade and Harbinger ducked under it.

  I kicked the legs out from under another zombie, slammed the AK under its chin, and blasted it. I moved to help free Franks, but with a bellow, he pushed the giant bear off him and heaved it aside. He sprang to his feet and slammed his fist through an approaching zombie’s helmet. HATE came out clutching a handful of brain and the zombie dropped like a sack of potatoes. A goat-dog thing charged Franks, snapping at his legs, but he punted it across the clearing and into the burning trees.

  “I’m invulnerable in the dark, and this little fire isn’t nearly enough,” Hood stated proudly as he swung his blade hand. Harbinger bounded over it, flying through the air at his foe, his own hand opened into a claw, swinging with a roar through the ornate robes. Earl rolled through the robes, crashing into the ground as all resistance gave way. He was up, bewildered at the empty fabric in his hands. A twelve-foot solid shadow rose behind him, and he screamed as a black spike was driven into his back.

  “Earl!” I shouted.

  “Stay back!” he ordered, bloody spittle flying from his mouth. Harbinger spun, tearing through the shape to no effect. One whipping tendril struck him across the abdomen, launching him back into the darkness. He hit the ground closer to the fire.

  The shadow surged under the robes, the fabric rising into a man shape, and then settling into the form of Hood as he strode toward Harbinger. “You have no idea how much I’ve looked forward to this.” I shot Hood square in the back of the head. The bullet zipped out his forehead. He paused, looking back at me slyly. “Patience. I’ll be back for you.”

  Earl rose. He was shaking badly. There was a hole in his chest, and it gradually closed, pinching off a trail of blood. There was a loud series of booms from the main building, like the sound of launching fireworks. “This whole owning-the-night thing ain’t fair,” Earl said as he pointed at the sky. “And if you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck.”

  The sky lit up with a brilliant fireball. It drifted slowly toward the Earth. Then there was another, and then several more, appearing in rapid succession. The compound visibly brightened as the parachute flares and star shells floated downward. The compound’s mortars were filling the sky with burning phosphorus light.

  “That’s cheating, Earl.” Hood smiled, seemingly eager for this fight.

  Flickering shadows played across Earl’s features as more shells rained from the sky. “My daddy always said that if you ain’t cheating, you ain’t trying hard enough.”

  Franks twisted the head off of the last zombie, and immediately began walking toward Hood. The shadow man paused between the two foes, glancing warily between them. The new illumination revealed that the zombie elephant was turning around, coming back for another pass.

  Hood nodded slowly, determination hard on his craggy face. He studied the sky, watching the fireballs. “This won’t be enough to save you.” He wrapped his hand around his talisman. It glowed with a black lightning that was eerily familiar. He seemed to grow in size, density and darkness, like he was sucking energy from his surroundings. His voice was low and terrifying. “A bureaucrat’s Frankenstein and the redneck Wolfman are no match for the Lord of the Shadows, High Priest of the Dread—”

  “Shut up already,” Franks said as he walked forward. Tendrils of blackness shot from Hood’s hands, lashing into the Fed, knocking him easily aside. The ground swelled under Hood, like a rising bubble. The dirt ripped wide open, revealing a giant rolling slug of tar. Packets of reflecting eyes glared in every direction. The shoggoth had returned.

  “Owen! Get the ward to Milo. He knows what to do!” Earl shouted as he ducked and dodged under waves of black energy. “Go!”

  I did as I was told and ran for the workshop. It was our only hope. No matter how tough Earl and Franks were, I knew they couldn’t defeat Hood and his minions. The roars and crashing intensified behind me. Gunfire and explosions continued to rock the main building as the bulk of the undead kept up their assault. I sprinted through the artificial wall of darkness, holding my breath like it was a poisonous vapor. I cleared the wall within a few steps, and there was the workshop. I leapt over numerous undead that had been blasted or scorched into pieces. “Milo! I need your help!”

  Milo’s head popped up on the roof from behind a stack of discarded LAW rocket tubes. “Owen, what’s going on?” he shouted.

  I reached into the satchel that was bouncing against my side and hoisted the stone above my head as I ran. “Activate this thing!”

  “I’m on my way down,” Milo exclaimed.

  I started to lower the stone, but it disappeared from my hand in a blast of wind. The stone was gone! Jerking my head up in surprise, I was shocked to see one of the flying undead, the stone encircled in its talons, as it beat its mighty wings and gained altitude. I screamed in frustration.

  BOOM!

  The creature’s leg exploded with a terrible impact. The entire talon fell, severed, still clutching the ball. Running, I caught it all in my outstretched hands. I looked up to see Grant on the rooftop, his head poking up from behind the scope of a Barrett M82A1 .50 caliber. “Move your slow ass, Pitt!” he shouted.

  The roll-up garage door was closed. The man-door next to it flew open, and Milo was there, holding a giant flamethrower that had the burninator and a cartoon dragon painted on it. “Let me see it,” he cried as he shrugged out of the flamethrower straps.

  BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM!

  Grant had opened fire on something. I turned to see the zombie elephant come swirling through the black wall like an undea
d freight train, lumbering right at the workshop. I slammed the ball, severed talon and all, into Milo’s outstretched arms, and pushed through the door. I closed it behind me and, for some unknown reason, threw the deadbolt. Milo gave me a look that indicated the idiocy of what I had just done, then he snapped out of it, and started swiping his hands over the numbers.

  “Hurry,” I suggested.

  “You think?” he responded, beady eyes intent behind his glasses. “Oh, it’s been a long time.”

  I began looking for something that could stop a zombie elephant. There had to be something. I paused in front of Milo’s giant wall of weapons. What gun for armored zombie elephant? Man, what kind of messed-up job do you have to ask yourself that kind of question? Then I had my answer, sitting right in front of me on a giant wheeled tripod. I grabbed the handles of the device and began to push the heavy weight across the linoleum. “Is this loaded?”

  “Of course,” he responded absently. Milo stood in the center of the room, studying the ward intently. “The ward is like a puzzle, but with coordinates based on ley lines, and the letters are substitutes, but the hard part is that it’s in German . . . Now what was that—”

  The roll-up door collapsed as the pachyderm from Hades rammed its way through. Milo looked up in time to see the looming threat bearing down on him, 15,000 pounds of undead fury. I cranked the mighty harpoon gun toward the beast, grabbed the trigger, every bit of the circular sight filled with gray, rotting flesh, and pulled.

  Leviathan discharged. The concussion of the harpoon gun actually lifted me off the floor. Driven by a mighty charge of gunpowder, the six-foot, machined-steel spear drove right through the armored bucket of the monster’s head, a roll of cable unspooling through its entire body and out its backside. The beast jerked as the harpoon embedded itself in a steel support pylon. The huge weight dropped instantly, cable pulling right through the decaying flesh, and it fell to the side, taking down row after row of shelves in a mighty crash.

  I picked myself up from the floor. The room was filled with smoke from the gun’s charge. I coughed. “Milo?”