A Gentle Rain

  "Your arm tube?" He meant the I.V.

  "Yeah."

  "But you're having a good time watching Estrela and Karen on the TV?"

  "The best!"

  "Good. I'll see you later tonight."

  "Brig Karen."

  "I will."

  When Miriam got on the phone she said, "He's fine, hon."

  "Had some trouble?"

  "A little. Heart racing. But he didn't notice. He's too busy watching the show. How's Karen?"

  "Hanging in there."

  "All the nurses and doctors keep sneakin' in here to meet Joey. It's a party. Ben, don't worry about him. He's got about a dozen doctors and CCU nurses right beside him, right now, watching the TV. He's the center of attention. He's eating ice cream and his eyes are lit up. Ben, he says this is the most exciting night of his life."

  I bent my head to a wall. "Take care of him, okay? I'll call back right after the last run. Good, bad or indifferent."

  "Ben, you don't get it, do you? He's happy to be alive, no matter what happens next. He's way ahead of the rest of us in the wisdom department."

  "I wish I were."

  "Good luck, hon. Your mama and daddy are watching over you and Joey, tonight. I can feel `em."

  I shut my eyes. "I hope so. Sometimes I can almost hear `em tallun' "

  "They're speaking to you from your heart, hon."

  "I wish they'd speak up a little louder."

  I put my phone away and walked back to the stables.

  Karen leaned back in a lounge chair beside Estrela's stall. The top half of her face was covered with the elderberry compress. She smelled like a berry pie. Estrela nibbled her braided hair like she was trying to taste her.

  Lily and Mac sat on either side of Karen, holding her hands. "How do you feel?" a World Sports network reporter asked, thrusting a microphone near Karen's mouth.

  "Delicious."

  "What will you do if you win?"

  "Add ice cream and a slice of soy cheese to my head."

  "We're going to Disney World," Lily put in.

  "Why?" the reporter asked.

  She shrank back. "Because that's what everybody says."

  The woman reporter put her microphone in Mac's face. "Mr. Tolbert, are you proud of your mare?"

  Mac ducked his head shyly. Karen, her face still covered, sensed his nerves. She lifted his big hand and slowly moved it in the shape of a triangle. Concentrate. Follow the rhythm. Mac stared hard at the pattern. "I'm proud ... of Estrela and proud ... of Karen."

  He didn't stutter, even once. He beamed. Lily beamed. Karen squeezed his hand.

  After the reporter left I squatted beside Karen and laid a hand on her bluejeaned knee. "Joey's rootin' for you," I said gruffly. "Win or lose."

  She lifted the towel off her face and eyed me like she knew she had to walk the plank on the pirate ship, ready or not. The berry goo left a wet, brown, greasy scum. It made a weird mask around her puffy eyes and swollen nose. She looked like a raccoon that's been in a bar fight.

  "Win or lose, how awful do I look?" she asked.

  "Beautiful, either way," I said.

  Kara

  Pain. It throbbed inside my skull, it stuck needles into my skin. The elderberry compress had only reduced the pounding from the thud of a bass drum to the delicate reverb of tympani.

  Estrela circled slowly in the warm-up ring, parsing her steps, as if trying not to jostle me. Perhaps she sensed my need to meditate. I rode with my eyes shut, trying to think the pain away.

  "And there goes Sue Rhoane," the announcer yelled. "Another great score! Ladies and gentlemen, next up is Becky Ray, and then Tami Jo Jackson and Karen Johnson. With scores like these, it's going to be the million dollar showdown of the century!"

  The distant cheering ofthe crowd felt like fists squeezing my temples. I took a deep breath. I can't do this. I can't. I'll never make it. I'll let everyone down.

  Hello, my darling.

  Mother? A pain-induced fantasy. A small hallucination. Harmless. All right.

  Dad's here, too.

  Dad! I miss you both, so much.

  We know, darling. That's part of life. We're sorry you have to suffer through it. But you have all these wonderful people around you. You have Mac and Lily and Ben. Now you'll never be alone, again. Never.

  "Karen?" Ben asked loudly. "Karen? Come back to earth."

  I opened my eyes. Ben, Mac, Lily, and everyone else from the ranch watched me worriedly from the rails. Ben opened the gate and walked toward Estrela with even more care than usual. Estrela looked over his head as the crowd roared, again.

  Her ears zoomed forward. She snorted. Suddenly she shimmied, alert, ready like a ballet dancer rising on point. I moved along with her, poised, amazed.

  The pain was gone. I had a small window of reprieve. A clear head. Hope. Confidence. And most of all, peace.

  "You okay up there?" Ben asked quietly. "It's now or never. You got nothing to prove. You're a sure-enough barrel racer and a damned fine cowgirl. Just say the word and I'll carry you out of here. Now or never."

  I smiled first at Mac and Lily, then down at him. A damned fine cowgirl. We had a race to run. "I'm ready, now."

  "Fourteen-two-nine," the announcer yelled. "Tami Jo Jackson has just run the best time of the night!"

  "Beat that, you fat, freckled bitch."

  Tami Jo's taunt. She flung it at me as she trotted her gelding past Estrela and me. We were on our way to the entrance chute.

  I dipped the brim of my pink hat to her and rode on without a backward glance.

  Trash talk isn't the cowgirl way.

  Ben

  "Beat that, El Diablo."

  Tami Jo sure knew how to heave a pithy word or two. I couldn't hear what she said to Karen, but I sure heard what she said to me as she breezed by. I dipped my hat to her and kept walking.

  I'd sent Mac and Lily to the stands with Lula and the others. "We need a cheering squad out there," I told `em. Truth was, whatever happened next, I wanted to take care of Karen-tears, disappointment, whatever-in private.

  Well, as much as you could call it "private," when a camera team was hovering near the chute taping everything.

  I took a spot beside the chute's fence. There was even a TV screen backstage. I looked up to see Karen's face on it, in close-up, all swollen up. But her eyes were clear and calm as she backed Estrela into place. "Look at that face, ladies and gentlemen," the announcer boomed. "She must be in so much pain. Can you even imagine?"

  Karen looked over at me, and I pulled my gaze from the TV version to the real woman. Whatever peace she'd made with herself in the warmup ring, there was no kind of pain in her at the moment. Maybe later, but not now. Just grit and can-do spirit.

  She tipped her hat to me.

  I tipped my hat to her.

  Now or never.

  "Karen Johnson and Estrela the Wonder Horse, come on in," the announcer yelled.

  And they were off

  First barrel. Four-six-two.

  Second barrel. Eight-seven-one.

  Third barrel. Eleven-nine-two.

  Twenty thousand people were on their feet. A close-up of my ranch crew showed Mac and Lily clutching each other while the rest leapt up and down. Even Possum. A close-up of J.T. Jackson showed him scowling. A close-up of Tami Jo showed her face going pale under her tan.

  The Gate.

  The Gate.

  "Fourteen-one-nine!" The announcer screamed. "Karen and Estrela from the Thocco Ranch have done it! They win! They win!"

  Estrela zoomed into the chute. Karen sat back in the saddle, and the mare slid to a perfect stop. Then she pivoted neatly and tried to snap the head off the cameraman who was poking his video cam at her.

  He backed away in a hurry. Estrela wasn't ready for no close-ups.

  I climbed over the fence and got to Karen's side. She slid off with me grabbing her around the waist. "You won, baby."

  "No, we won." She stroked Estrela's neck. Estrela shimmied abou
t, glaring at the camera man but settling down to let Karen pet her. Then Karen threw her arms around my neck and kissed me. I kissed her back, being careful not to hit her nose.

  We both lost our hats.

  Through the cheers and the excitement I looked up at the TV screen. They were showing J.T. and Tami Jo. She looked like somebody had pickled her from the inside out. J. T. Jackson looked like Jabba the Hut when Princess Leah strangled him aboard his sail barge.

  Then the camera scene switched to a split screen; them on one side, me and Karen on the other. I grinned and raised my hand for the whole world to see. Palm forward.

  I cranked up a finger.

  A forefinger.

  "We're number one," I mouthed.

  Karen gave a little wave to the TV world, kind of a queenly wave, swish, swish, with her hand cupped just so. "Mac, Lily," she called. "Joey! Roy! Dale! Possum! Cheech! Bigfoot! Miriam! Lula! You won!"

  Later we'd hear that Joey nearly split his face grinning when she said his name on TV. Miriam and all the doctors and nurses watching World Sports Network with him almost strangled themselves trying not to whoop so loud they scared their other heart patients.

  Karen's knees buckled. I picked her up. I toted her outside the arena for some fresh air, with Estrela following us like a happy pup. Estrela didn't try to bite me. Wonders of wonders, she even nuzzled my shoulder.

  My woman was in my arms and her mare wasn't biting me. About then, the fireworks went off at Disney World, lighting the horizon like they were just for us. We three stood looking up at the sky, watching the fancy starbursts of New Florida flash among the grandeur of Old Florida stars. Sometimes, the old merges with the new in a fine way, and sheer heart and soul beat the system.

  It don't get no better than that.

  Chapter 29

  Kara

  After a good night's sleep with my head on Lily's lap in the waiting room ofthe CCU, I was gifted with a shower, pain pills, and a complimentary set of green operating room scrubs by the CCU nurses. Lily, Mac and I tiptoed into Joey's cubicle while Ben and Miriam went to breakfast. Mac carried a tall surprise hidden inside a large, plastic garbage bag.

  "We have a gift for you," I told Joey.

  His eyes gleamed. "It's almost as big as me!"

  Mac set the bulky present on Joey's tray table. I nodded to Lily. She untied the drawstring. "Ta dah!" she said, and pulled the plastic down-i.

  The ornate trophy gleamed under the cubicle's fluorescent lights. Atop it, a golden cowgirl circled a golden barrel on a golden horse. I pointed to a blank placard area at the bottom.

  "They're going to put the names right here. It will say, `Presented to the Thocco Ranch.' And below that will be the names of everyone who loves Estrela. Mac and Lily, and Roy and Dale, and Miriam and Lula, and Bigfoot and Cheech and Possum. And Ben," I smiled at him. "And you."

  Joey's eyes widened. "My name will be there in gold? Forever?"

  "Forever."

  "Forever." He rolled the word on his tongue. His smile faded. He began to frownn. "I don't think I'll be here ... forever."

  The alarms on his monitors began to shriek.

  I put my cell phone away as Ben stepped into the waiting room. "How is he?"

  "They had to shock his heart to settle it down this time. He's doped up but restin' quiet. For now "

  "I'm so sorry. We shouldn't have brought the trophy here. It was too much excitement for him, on top of everything else."

  "Sssh. There ain't no rhyme or reason for what's happenin' to him." Ben's voice broke. "What you've done for him ... you've made him happy. He's ... peaceful."

  "You don't have to fight his battles alone. Come on. Sit do,411. Miriam and Lula have taken everyone downstairs for lunch. You and I need to talk."

  I led him to a couch by a window. Orlando's busy streets and tourist enclaves bustled below us. Ben sat down wearily, his tanned arms on bluejeaned lulees, his shoulders slumped, his head bowed. "Don't tell me no fairytales or say it'll be all right. It won't be."

  "I'd never tell you there are miracles. But I'll tell you there's good reason not to give up hope."

  "Baby, I been living on hope since I was a kid. I ain't never given up on it. But it's give up on me plenty of times."

  "Ben, I need to tell you-"

  "Ben Thocco?" a man said behind us.

  Ben and I turned. A casually suited executive stood there. Sedge had underestimated the arrival times. Ben and I stood. He frowned. "Yeah, I'm Ben Thocco. What can I do for you, friend?"

  "It's what I might be able to do for your brother, Mr. Thocco." The man advanced, hand out. He introduced himself and they shook. "I'm with a cardiac research group based at Emory University, up in Atlanta. We're involved in new, experimental surgical techniques. There are no guarantees, Mr. Thocco, but Joey appears to be a good candidate for our program."

  "Are you saying you might be able to save his life?"

  "Possibly. It will require risky surgery, and as I said, there are no guarantees. But if you're interested in hearing more, I'll tell you all about it."

  "I'm interested," Ben said.

  Ben

  The second me and Karen were alone again I grabbed her in a hug. "Joey's at least got a chance, now."

  She smiled. "Yes. It's wonderful."

  I cupped her face in my hands. "You're a good-luck rabbit's foot."

  "It's time I told you some details about myself. My good luck streak has a ... story behind it. Let's go sit down somewhere very private, and I'll try to-"

  "Mr. Thocco," a new voice said.

  We turned. Karen sidled behind me. With her face swollen up, I figure the hiding for a natural reaction. Another stranger in a tailored suit smiled at me. "I'm here to organize your brother's transfer to Atlanta-"

  His eyes went to Karen, behind me. "Kara? Oh, my God." He headed toward us with both hands out.

  Karen groaned against my back, then sighed and stepped out. "Yes?" she said.

  The man nearly bowed to her. "Kara, I was so sorry to hear about your parents. Charles and Elizabeth were so generous in their contributions. And Senator Whittenbrook's influence has been so helpful in obtaining grants. I just want you to know that the Whittenbrook family's support means a great deal to our research. I'm glad we could do something for you, personally, in return."

  I looked at Karen real slow. "Your name's Kara, not Karen?"

  "Yes," she said. The more she studied my face, the sadder her eyes got.

  "And just for the record, what's your last name?"

  She took a deep breath. "Whittenbrook," she said.

  "I'm a big boy, so don't worry about me," I told Karen. We stood in the hospital parking lot. She'd been crying. I sure felt like it. "I just wish you hadn't made a big deal of tellin' me, awhile back, that I'd earned your trust."

  "It's not about trust. That's not why I didn't tell you who I am."

  "Then what's it about? A secret little game? Lemme make sure I understand. You took care of my barn mortgage with Sun Farm?"

  She sagged. "Yes."

  "That old man I met at the arena. Sedge. He runs things for you."

  c"Yes."

  "And the mermaid theater, that Spielberg deal? That was your doin'?"

  "Yes."

  "And ... Tom D. Dooley's property?"

  c'Yes ."

  "Did I even win the damned poker game? Or was that a set-up, too?"

  "Of course you won it. I had nothing to do with that. I swear to you.

  "Thanks for small favors."

  "Please, don't look at me that way."

  "You never had nothing to risk here. Nothing. You played me. What a joke all of this drama musta been, to you. All of the worryin' about money. The kind of money that's just pocket change to somebody like you."

  She put a shaky hand on her gold locket. "I risked losing my parents' ashes at a pawn shop. It was no joke to me."

  "You knew you could sneak back and buy that necklace, if you had to. There was never any real wo
rry on your part. Not about the necklace, not about anything. I don't have a problem with you bein' rich, Karen. Kara. Whatever your name is. It's that you pretended to worry instead of just admittin', `Hey, I'm rich. Want some money?"'

  "You wouldn't have taken it."

  "That's not the point."

  "Ben, everything I've ever said to you about respecting you, about respecting what you've accomplished at the ranch, is all true. And everything I've said about wanting to help preserve the ranch. True. I love the ranch. I love everything about it." Her voice broke. "I love everyone there. If you'll let me, I'll help you take care of them. I'll be your partner."

  "How can we be partners? It takes equal parts to be partners."

  "No, it takes equal trust."

  "I agree. We don't have that."

  She went real still. She shut her eyes the way people do when they're kicking themselves inside. Yeah, I'd made my point. Good for me. When she opened her eyes, there was no fight in `em. Just apology. "I am so sorry. I'm begging you to forgive me. I made a huge mistake by not telling you who I am a long time ago. I've been so proud of myself for taking risks, but I backed away from the one that had the power to hurt me most."

  "Look, what I can't forgive is not how you lied to me, but how you lied to the others. You came to my ranch under false pretenses-I figured that from the start, yeah, but still, I let everybody fall in love with Karen Johnson. You encouraged `em to love you, and to depend on you.

  "I warned you to take their feel n's seriously. I was worried all along that they'd be hurt when you moved on. But I got caught up in depending on you, too. I got caught up in a fantasy that maybe I could convince you to stay at the end of the summer.

  "But now I see that you never really trusted me, not even after you said you did, not even after the Keys. And there was never any way in hell you intended to stay, was there? Were you afraid I'd go after your money?"

  "No. Ben, please-"

  "And another thing. Why does Kara Whittenbrook care so much about Mac and Lily? Give me one good, honest reason why you didn't want them to know who you are."

  She looked up at me for a long time. I could see a lot of emotions churning inside her. Finally she said in a real quiet voice, "I wasn't certain I wanted them, or anyone else, to know that I'm their daughter."