Not A Hero: A Bad Boy Marine Romance

  “I’m coming now, don’t worry.” Logan’s fears were confirmed. “I’ll be there in fifteen minutes, okay?”

  “Hurry, Logan.”

  The line went dead and he looked at Dylan who’d heard everything. His eyes were wide and the fear on his face matched Logan’s.

  “Well, what are you waiting for? Go to Summit. Now!” Dylan said as he saw Logan contemplating what to do.

  “You sure you want to come with me?” Logan said, pushing his phone into his pocket.

  “Drive,” Dylan instructed him firmly.

  9

  “Fuck me, every damn hallway looks the same.” Logan rubbed his hand over his brow, attempting to calm himself.

  “All hospitals are like that, man. Let’s just find the nurse’s station and ask them. There is usually one on each floor, isn’t there?” Dylan pointed back toward the direction they had just come from. Logan nodded and followed his friend.

  “There it is!” Dylan headed straight toward a station after a few more turns and hallways.

  “Laura Clay. I’m trying to find the room of Laura Clay? Do you know where I’m supposed to go?” Logan’s words spilled out so fast they almost ran together.

  The nurse looked at him curiously and then sat down in front of a computer and typed a few words in. “Uh, let me take a look.”

  After two minutes of Logan tapping his thumbs on the counter and shifting weight from one leg to the other, she finally had an answer. “Room 207, hun. That’s right down this hallway and to the left.”

  “Thank you!” Logan shouted back, already halfway down the hallway with Dylan close at his heels. Both men came to a screeching halt in front of Laura’s room and stared at the curtain pulled across the door. Logan glanced at Dylan who gestured to the room, encouraging him to go in while he waited outside. Logan nodded, taking a deep breath, and pulled aside the curtain just enough to slip through.

  “Son.” Mickey put his index finger to his mouth, indicating for Logan to stay quiet. His mother was in the hospital bed, sleeping. She was paler than when he had last seen her before she went to bed the previous night and her hair was pulled tightly into a braid. There were tubes and needles in both of her arms hooked up to large dialysis machines with beeping electronic screens, and two circular pathways of tubing in the middle where the blood was moving through. She had other types of monitoring patches and clips on her finger and chest as well as a nasal tube pushing oxygen into her lungs.

  His mother had had quite a few hospital visits since the accident, but this was by far the worst she’d ever looked. Her kidney had been damaged in the accident and so her remaining kidney was significantly weakened by the extra work. She had been on dialysis twice a week for over a year now.

  Logan felt his breath catch as the flicker of images from that first night in the hospital flashed through his mind all those years ago. He had been so afraid that he was going to lose his mother and he was only a child. Now here he was, a grown man in every sense of the word, still just as afraid.

  “What happened?” Logan whispered, stepping up next to his father, shoulder to shoulder.

  “Her good kidney is failing. She passed out and I couldn’t wake her so I rushed her here.” Mickey sighed and shook his head.

  “I’ve taken her to dialysis twice a week for over a year and they said that would help, but look.” He gestured to the hospital bed and hung his head in defeat.

  Logan put his hand on his father’s shoulder, probably one of the most affectionate gestures the two men had ever shared.

  “Did the doctors give any sort of plan? What are they going to do?” Logan asked in a hushed tone after a minute of silence passed between them. Mickey shrugged unenthusiastically.

  “What can they do? She has no kidneys essentially. At least none that work. That damn machine is her kidney.” Mickey pointed to the dialysis machine.

  “So, are we looking at a transplant this time?” Logan knew doctors had always said that would become a reality one day, but they had spent years trying to prevent that.

  “They put her on the list an hour ago.” Mickey nodded his head and looked at Logan, catching his eyes. “Logan, she’s so far down the list. The machine can keep her alive, so they don’t consider it urgent enough to move her up.”

  “What do you mean? She has to stay hooked up to that machine permanently?” Logan’s voice was now raised and Mickey glared at his son for the increase in volume. “Live her life in this shitty hospital room?”

  “It’s not the worst thing, Logan,” his mother said softly from the hospital bed, causing both men to spin around to look at her.

  Neither had realized she’d awakened and they both glanced at one another, unsure of how much of their conversation Laura had heard.

  Logan quickly reached the side of her bed and pulled a chair over to sit on so that he was more level with her. “Momma.” He cupped her small hand between his, leaning in and kissing her very gingerly on the cheek.

  Her eyes were teary for only a second as she gazed back at him. “My baby boy.”

  “How are you feeling?” he asked, worry dripping from every word.

  Mickey rounded to the other side of her bed and gently brushed a few small hairs off her forehead.

  “I’m fine. Just decided to take a vacation.” Laura let out a little chuckle, but quickly wheezed at the exertion.

  Logan attempted a smile at her joke, knowing she was trying to ease his fears. She never wanted anyone to worry about her, which was ironic since her health concerns made that impossible.

  “Aren’t you supposed to be getting ready to head to New York? You have that big audition in the morning,” she said to him, gently brushing the tips of her finger against his cheek.

  “Momma, don’t worry about that. I’m not going,” Logan said, leaning against the bed and propping himself up on his elbows.

  Mickey looked down at his son, his eyebrows pushed together. “What do you mean you’re not going, Logan?”

  “You have to go, son. I’ve been looking forward to hearing you tell me they are going to give you a record deal and make you famous,” Laura insisted.

  “Mom, none of that matters when you’re sick. I need to be here. Plus, there is no guarantee that the audition will even lead to anything. You need me here,” Logan repeated firmly, crossing his arms over his chest, daring them to argue with him.

  “Years of lessons and practice and you’re just not going to show up for the biggest day of your life? Because you want to help out here? You are our son; we should be helping you.” Mickey’s voice was almost at a shout and tears were brimming his eyes, threatening to spill. “It shouldn’t fucking be the other way around, damn it!”

  Laura turned to her husband and placed a hand on his forearm, patting him gently to comfort him. Logan’s jaw dropped and his hands fell to his lap. In his entire life, he had never once seen a tear in his father’s eye. Not even when his mother first had the car accident. He was always composed, a man of few words. He grumbled and cussed, but he didn’t yell or ever get emotional.

  Mickey rubbed his temples with his hands and stormed out of the room leaving Logan with his mother. Logan turned back to his mother with a stunned look on his face and yet she didn’t seem surprised at all, only sad. Logan sat back in his chair and exhaled slowly, looking up at his mother again for some sort of sign about what to do.

  “You said I needed you here, Logan. Well, that’s not what I really need right now,” Laura said softly to him, her voice a bit shaky.

  “What do you need, Mom? Anything,” he promised her, leaning forward again with his elbows on his knees.

  “I need my son to live his dreams. I need my husband to know he is a wonderful father.” She took a deep breath as if the entire exchange was exhausting her. “I need my son to take one day out of his whole life, and do something for himself.”

  “Momma, I don’t need-”

  She cut him off as she continued. “I don’t want to be a burden on a
nyone, Logan. Your father doesn’t want to hold you back, and he doesn’t want to depend on you. Even though we do, because there isn’t another option right now.”

  He soaked in her words, wondering if maybe he’d made his father feel powerless by accidentally usurping his role as head of the household.

  “Most of all, Logan, I want you to be happy. That’s what I need,” she concluded, her eyes pleading with him.

  “Momma, I am happy. I love being home. Nothing makes me happier than being here with you,” Logan comforted her.

  “That’s not true and you know it. You’re not happy loading boxes in a warehouse and then coming home and taking care of me for the rest of your life. That look you get on your face when you play your music, its heaven. I need that. I need to see that look on your face, Logan. Please do this. For me?”

  She spoke with such conviction that Logan knew he couldn’t deny his mother this request. He nodded simply and leaned in to kiss her on the cheek.

  “I’ll only be gone only one day and then I’m coming right back. You’re not staying in this hospital room. God, it’s like a dusty old closet in here. There isn’t even a window. We’re finding you that transplant,” Logan said to her.

  “Alright, son.” She just smiled at him, glad to have convinced him to go.

  “I’m going to go find Dad,” Logan said, standing up and heading toward the curtain enclosing the room.

  “Logan?” she called out to him suddenly.

  “Yeah?” He turned slightly to look at her.

  “He loves you so much.”

  It was such a simple statement, but it said everything to Logan that he’d always wanted to hear.

  ***

  Logan exited his mother’s hospital room and headed down the hallway to the waiting room he and Dylan had passed on their way in. He figured Dylan had probably run into his father and they’d gathered there. He felt a vibrating in his pocket and pulled out his phone, relief washing over him when he saw Gina’s name light up the screen.

  He missed her.

  The thought caught him completely off guard, but it wasn’t frightening anymore. Instead, it was exciting.

  G: Hi, handsome. Coming over tonight?

  L: Mom’s sick. At Summit Memorial. Headed home to pack in a few.

  G: Is she okay? Do you need anything?

  L: Long story. I’m good.

  G: Logan, what do you need?

  L: Come to NY w me.

  G: Packing now.

  Logan grinned at his phone, feeling relieved he would have her joining him on his trip. He loved that she could see right through his choppy messages and know he needed something.

  In fact, he hadn’t even thought about taking someone with him to New York until she’d prompted him. It suddenly became very clear to him. He needed her with him in more ways than one.

  “How’s your mom, dude?” a familiar voice said when Logan rounded the corner into the waiting room, looking up from his phone. He stopped mid-stride as his jaw dropped for the second time that day.

  “You ok?” Charlie asked again, the familiar voice identified.

  Logan pressed his lips together tightly and looked around the room. Charlie was standing next to Rock and Dylan who were getting up out of their chairs and walking over to him. Logan didn’t know what to say, he was speechless and he hung his head, shaking it slightly.

  “Aw, we made the kid cry,” Rock teased with a small jab to his shoulder. Dylan chuckled and patted Logan on the shoulder.

  “Buck up, man.” Charlie jumped in on the banter. “You can’t be puffy eyed for your big audition tomorrow.”

  “I didn’t call them, man. I swear,” Dylan said putting his hands up. “Fucking small ass town, can’t keep nobody’s business quiet.”

  Mickey had suddenly appeared and gestured to Logan. “All these boys showing up for you and you’re not going to go to New York? Utter madness.”

  “What the fuck did he just say?” Dylan cocked one eyebrow while pointing at Mickey.

  “Hell, if he isn’t going, I will drag his ass there myself!” Rock stated.

  “Have you lost your damn mind?” Now it was Charlie’s turn for a jaw dropping expression.

  All his friends were suddenly talking over one another.

  “Guys, guys! Damn! I’m going. Okay? I’m going.” Logan looked his father square in the face, thanking him silently. “Dad, I’m going to go. You’re right, I need to do this.”

  Mickey grinned brightly at him. “Have fun, boy. Get out of here.”

  The men hugged stiffly before his father headed back down the hallway toward his mother’s room. Logan turned back to look at his friends, all smiling at him with any problems from last week clearly behind them.

  “Guess I’m going to New York?” Logan teased.

  “Hell yeah! New York, watch the fuck out!” Dylan said, heading toward the exit with the rest of the men following him.

  “Logan Clay is going to be in lights, man!” Charlie agreed, eagerly.

  “You better get me fucking front row tickets when you play Madison fucking Square Garden!” Rock trumpeted, pumping his fist in the air.

  Holy shit, I’m going to New York.

  10

  “I came here once on a field trip in school, but all I remember is the zoo and Central Park. This place is insane,” Logan said, wide-eyed, as he and Gina walked down the New York City sidewalk together early the next morning.

  “It’s wonderful, isn’t it?” Gina smiled, dreamily.

  “You’ve been here before?” he asked, grabbing her hand in his and squeezing it gently.

  He was absolutely intoxicated with the look of pure love on her face right now. He had never seen her look at anything the way she was looking at New York.

  “Oh yeah, I lived here for a long time. Grew up here. I only moved out by you for graduate school, but I always planned on coming back. This place is in my blood.” She hugged herself, pulling his arm along with her, as they stepped off the busy sidewalk and entered Strawberry Fields.

  Logan stopped walking for a moment and swiftly drew her into him, pressing her tightly against his chest as his arms wrapped around her. He leaned down and kissed her softly, but only for a moment.

  The taste of her lips and the feeling of her pressed against him built a hunger that almost overtook him and he deepened their kiss, crushing himself against her as she eagerly wrapped her arms around his neck. When Logan finally pulled away he had no idea how much time had just passed.

  “What was that for?” Gina grinned as they started walking again, still holding hands.

  “That look on your face just then.” Logan smiled at her. “You love this city.”

  She sighed. “Mhm, I really do.”

  “And I love you and one day, you’re going to look at me like that,” Logan said nonchalantly, as he continued to walk even though Gina had suddenly slowed down.

  “What?” She stared up at him, looking into his sparkling blue eyes to see if she’d heard what she thought.

  “Do I need to repeat myself?” He turned to her and grinned.

  “Fuck yes, you need to repeat yourself,” She exclaimed, pretending to look annoyed even though he could see the light dancing in her eyes.

  “Gina, I fucking love you. Happy?” He tilted his head and grinned as she rolled her eyes, but couldn’t hide the huge smile plastered on her face. “I know it’s soon, but I feel something here I’ve never felt before. A future. Excitement. Like we were always meant to meet.”

  “Damn it, Logan. We haven’t even talked about a relationship or anything like that.” She sputtered, a strong blush creeping up her face. “You’re just going to spring that on me?”

  “Tell me you don’t love me then.” Logan cocked his eyebrows up and stared at her defiantly, daring her to lie. She stood there biting her lip with one hand on her hip, glancing at him and then glancing away.

  “Tell me you don’t love me,” Logan repeated slowly and definitely as he closed
the gap between them.

  She glanced up at him again, her breath caught in her throat.

  “Damn it.” She groaned before flinging herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck. She kissed him hard as he caught her around her waist, leaving her feet dangling above the ground. His grip tightened, relishing in the smile on her face even as they kissed.

  “Don’t you know by now that I never do what I’m told?” She whispered into his ear.

  He let out a loud laugh and squeezed her tighter. He kissed her lips, the tip of her nose, both of her cheeks, and finally her forehead before he put her back down on the ground.

  “Come on, you’re going to make yourself late at the pace we are going.” Gina stalked forward, stomping slightly. Logan quickly matched her pace and grabbed her hand again, stealing a smile from her as they headed to the studio.

  ***

  “You ever been in a recording booth before, Logan?” Garrett asked him as he ushered him into the control room of the studio. Gina followed them in, trying to stay out of the way.

  “No, sir. Never been to more than two places in this whole city,” Logan told him as he took in everything around him.

  “You should get some sight-seeing in while you’re here. You’re Irish, right? Make your way up to Woodlawn in the Bronx, catch a fight at Legends, you’ll have the time of your life.”

  “I’m not much of a fighter,” Logan admitted.

  Garrett laughed. “Yeah, I don’t suppose so. Most artists are more the lovers type.”

  Logan grinned and nodded in agreement before looking around the studio once more. The glass partition into the recording booth and the millions of buttons and levers all over that meant absolutely nothing to him.

  Garrett noticed his nerves and began instructing him, pointing toward the door to the soundproof room. “This isn’t anything fancy, but I would like to think we have a decent set up. Why don’t you go on in there and get comfortable? Take a seat, find your guitar, and then when you are ready, we will record a song and see how it sounds.”