Show Business

  “You’re doing this for me,” Ashok says in wonder. “What a noble woman you are, Maya! How could I ever have dreamed of betraying you?”

  They look at each other in wordless communion.

  A knock sounds at the door. It is Mehnaz. “I am leaving town, Ashok,” she announces, to catcalls from the audience. She says to Maya, “I took something I had no right to. I must now return it to its true owner.” And she drops a chain into Maya’s palm. The medallion of the dancing goddess shines back at him as the dancing godless turns on her heel and walks out of their lives.

  Scene: another Ashok performance, but this time there is no Mehnaz, no dance to accompany. Ashok is on center stage himself, having taken over the spot of the woman who now sits in the front row smiling adoringly at him, as he dedicates his impassioned and familiar melody to her:

  My heart beats for you,

  I’d perform feats for you,

  You are the mistress of my soul;

  My eyes light for you,

  I’d gladly fight for you,

  Without you I don’t feel whole.

  At the end of the song, as the rapturous audience exclaims their admiration, Ashok steps to the front of the stage. “As you know, I am singing to you today because my wife, Maya, has announced her decision to give up the stage,” he declares. The crowd expresses its disappointment. “But I too do not wish her to abandon something that gives so many of you so much pleasure.” Shouts of enthusiasm from the crowd. “Maya is determined not to pursue a single career. So today I am proud to announce the birth of a new singing duo — Maya and Ashok!”

  The crowd erupts. Maya, taken aback, blushes bashfully in her seat. Then, urged on by the crowd and by her own husband, she walks up to the stage to stand by Ashok’s side. Together, smiling, they sing:

  ASHOK:

  Where are you, my love?

  Of you I can’t have enough.

  You have taken my heart

  And kept it with you,

  Now no one can start

  To part me from you.

  Whe-e-e-re are you, my love?

  MAYA:

  Where are you, my love?

  You shelter me like the roof above.

  You have taken my heart

  And made my life new,

  We shan’t ever part.

  I’ll always give you your due.

  Whe-e-e-re are you, my love?

  As they sing, Ashok’s arm wound protectively around his wife, Pranay smiling fraternally in the wings, the camera moves back, taking a long shot of them, the stage, the crowd. The long notes of “Where are you, my love?” fill the sound track, and on the now-distant image of the happy couple appear the words

  THE BEGINNING.

  Monolog Lie: Day

  MEHNAZ ELAH1

  They wouldn’t let me in, would you believe that? “Sorry, moddom,” that lousy little Bong at the entrance to the intensive care unit said, “strict instructions. Doctor’s orders.” Doctor’s orders my foot. I bet it was that shrewish little wife of yours. Honestly, what you saw in that woman is beyond me. I know, I know, I shouldn’t be saying these things against your wonderful, saintly Maya. But as long as you’re going to lie there and not tell me what I can and can’t say, I’m going to say what I think. And what I think is that that precious Maya of yours is an absolutely insufferable little prig. There’s nothing she wouldn’t do to put me down, to humiliate me. Me! The only woman who’s been a real woman to you.

  “You mean you won’t let me see Him?” I asked incredulously, and the Bong shivered, in this Bombay heat he shivered, I tell you. “If you don’t let me through,” I said, “I’ll kick up such a fuss that this hospital will find itself torn to shreds in every film magazine in the country.” Do you know how many film journalists are waiting outside? I’m asking you, Ashokji, not the Bong. At least twenty-five, I swear. “Do you want your name in all the papers, Mr. Bannerji, for being the banner-ji who banned Mehnaz Elahi from visiting her own husband?” That really shook him up, I can tell you. He looked around nervously, up and down the antiseptic corridors, and whispered through his crooked teeth. “Family all gone to lunch, moddom,” he admitted. “You go in quickly now.” So here I am.

  I suppose I shouldn’t have used the husband bit, since you seem to hate it so much now. But you didn’t once, did you? When you took me to that temple and put a garland of marigolds around my neck and gave me your ring and said, “In the eyes of God we’re man and wife”? Oh, I was so moved then, Ashokji. I thought you really meant it. Only afterward Salma said to me, “In the eyes of which God, hanh? If he really wanted to marry you, why did he take you to a temple, instead of converting to Islam and marrying you proper?” And I had no answer. I mean, I never expected you to leave your prissy little malnourished wife, but if you were a Muslim you could legally have two wives, know what I mean? Instead of doing this temple thing like all those other actors just to make the woman feel respectable while knowing full well that it hasn’t any validity in anybody’s eyes but God’s. If He’s looking. “Maybe his God was, but Allah certainly wasn’t,” Salma sniffed. OK, so I know she was just trying to make me feel bad, no film star is going to marry poor pimply Salma even as a third wife, poor thing, so she has to get her own back. But even then, I’ve got to admit she has a point, hasn’t she? Go on, tell me, hasn’t she?

  But of course you can’t. Look at you lying there, not saying a word, Ashokji, oh, it’s enough to make me cry. Not that you said many a word when you were with me. Always desperately anxious to rip off my clothes you were. And the rest of the time, the real strong-and-silent type. But then you always said I did enough talking for the two of us.

  And why not? My mind opened up when I was with you, Ashokji. Really opened up. All sorts of ideas filled my head. And not just the wicked ones you always accused me of! I mean, ideas about really important things. Like life, and love, and philosophy, and things. If I hadn’t known what it was to be loved by you, I’d never have turned to the Guru.

  Look at that — I’ve never even told you about the Guru. And whose fault is that, hanh? Ever since you entered politics, you’ve avoided me. Everyone’s going to the Guru these days, simply everyone, except you. And God knows you need him more than most. I wanted to take you to him myself, but could I even get you on the phone? Only that wretched Subramanyam, saying “Sorry, miss, I not knowing.” And you, you don’t know what you’re missing, I tell you. The way that Guru found me, even that was a miracle. The man is really incredible.

  But as if you want to know anything about me these days. Me, your wife, Ashokji! OK, not your lawfully wedded wife, but what was it that witch Radha Sabnis called me — your “awfully bedded wife.” I know you were angry when that temple marriage got into the magazines. What could I do? I was so lonely, so hurt when you stopped seeing me, Ashokji, my dearest, and I was simply pining for you, so I had to give those interviews. Will you ever forgive me? Will you? Well, why shouldn’t you? After all, I never used your name. I always said “Him.” With a capital H — I always told them to write it that way. Some young journalist-shernalist said we only write it that way when we write about God. And I said, so what, He was God to me.

  I know some people laughed at me. And that you were angry, so angry you snubbed me in public by turning away from me at Jagannath Choubey’s Diwali party. I bet your little shrew put you up to it. Why were you angry, darling? I hadn’t broken my promise to you never to discuss our relationship in the press. I hadn’t broken my promise because I never confirmed it was you I was talking about. Oh, I had to talk about the relationship, about the influence you had on my life, the Force you represented in my existence — did you like that at least, “the Force”? That was a word my Guru gave me. I had to, Ashokji, or it would have driven me crazy. All alone, knowing I was your wife and yet having none of the prerogatives, isn’t that the word, of wifehood. Sometimes I wonder, why did you do it? I didn’t ask for it. It was all your idea, this whole temple chakkar. You took
me there, you bought the mala, you put it round my Muslim neck and pronounced me your Hindu wife. And ever since then you’ve tried to pretend it never happened. Oh, Ashokji, I’d have loved you with or without your mala. I want your love, not your name or your money. Why have you turned away from me, my life?

  My Guru tells me I should learn to accept this. Learn detachment, he says. Take life as it comes. So I’m supposed to enjoy your attention when you give it to me, ignore your slights, and don’t let either touch — what does he call it? — the essential core of my being. Oh, it sounds so easy when the Guru says it. But when I’m sitting here, looking at you all silent and bandaged up, Ashokji, it’s not easy at all. I want to weep, you know that? Weep. Even if I’ve got a shift to go to straight from here and it’ll really mess me up.

  I can imagine you saying, “Don’t be melodramatic, Mehnaz.” You were always saying things like that. What melodrama-shama did I inflict on you, hanh? OK, OK, the one time that I cut my wrist. But that was just a little cut, really, a skin cut, just to frighten you, just to make you stay. I saw in your eyes then that you didn’t want me to die. That’s all I wanted to see. I knew you’d have to go back to your little pocket edition of a wife afterward, anyway. But I wanted to see you wanting me, you know? Not just my body. Wanting me to live. That’s why I did it. I know I shouldn’t have. Don’t mind, promise? It won’t happen again. My Guru has told me never ever to do anything like that again. He saw it in my eyes, he said, that once I had tried to take my life. Can you imagine it? After that, I’d do anything for him. And I won’t try suicide again, really I won’t. I just wish you’d show me sometimes you need me. Show me that you’re not only committed to that dried-up little minx, and I’ll be as good as gold. Better, even, because gold isn’t going up much these days. I wish you could see this necklace I’m — oh, never mind.

  That’s all I wanted, Ashokji, to matter to you. That’s all I ever asked of you. Not just bang away at me when you needed me and then pretend in public I don’t exist. Oh, I know you never promised you’d be anything else. Remember that first time, when I was practically melting in your arms, and I said, as a feeble last attempt at resistance, “But you’re a married man”? And you said, in that voice of yours, God, that voice, “A married man is still a man.” That was all I needed, that line, in that voice of yours, and with that look in your blazing eyes so bright it set me on fire. Of course I succumbed, I practically collapsed around you there and then, so I can’t blame you, you know I never have. But later, when I told Salma what you’d said, she retorted, “A married man doesn’t have to stay married — if he’s a man.”

  Oh, you know Salma, I didn’t take her words to heart or anything, not really. But deep down inside, I can’t help feeling there just might be something to what she said. You were just trying to have it both ways, weren’t you, Ashokji? You never intended to acknowledge me in any way, except with that hypocritical temple garlanding of yours, with no witnesses. No witnesses — yes, Salma pointed that out too, and I said that it just shows how spontaneous the whole thing was. And all she could say was, “Mehnaz, you poor sap, when are you going to stop fooling yourself? He knew exactly what he was doing. That man of yours, or rather not of yours, is a selfish, calculating bastard and the sooner you realize it the better/’ You know what I did? I told her to get out of my house. I screamed at her: “Out! Out! You jealous, pimply housewife, just because your husband can’t get it up doesn’t mean you’ve got to get me down! Get out!” And I really pushed her out of the house, you know. All for you. The things I did because of my love for you, Ashokji. Sometimes when I think about them I can’t even believe it myself.

  And what did you give me in exchange? Torment, neglect, humiliation. No, I’m not just being melodramatic, Mr. Ashok Banjara. Really, the things you made me put up with for you! I mean, how could you do to me what you did over Dil Ek Qila? A perfect script, tailor-made for me, a great Mehnaz Elahi part, and because I’m silly enough to be besotted with you, I ask them to cast you opposite me. Of course they were thrilled by the idea, everybody knew what was really going on between us, even if you pretended they didn’t. Dream casting, they said, slobbering over the gossip columns. Dream casting.

  So you get the script, and what do you do to it? You let that wife of yours take it over, change the story, destroy my part, control the film and drive it to ruin! Did you even try to protest, Ashokji? A perfectly good plot destroyed, all the thrill and suspense taken out, dollops of sacchariney sentimentality added that was bound to turn away the crowds. And I tried to tell you — but would you listen? No huzoor! Heaven forbid! I tell you, if it weren’t for you and my contract, and not even in that order, I would have walked off that film on the first day. I could see what she was up to, the minx! But you, you were so blinded by your guilt, or whatever it was, you couldn’t see anything but her tight little behind. Well, if she was such a loyal and noble little soul, Ashokji, what was Pranay doing in that film, once all the villainy had been cut out of the story? What was the need for him to be there at all? You tell me that, Mr. Devoted Husband. Go on. Tell me. Just try.

  Not even that worked, hanh? Poor thing, you must be really bad. The doctor says he can’t understand it. Did I tell you I telephoned the doctor? He was absolutely thrilled to be speaking with me, I tell you. “Miss Mehnaz Yelahi, yis it yactually?” He was practically gurgling with pleasure. But when I asked him what was the problem he sounded really troubled. “There yis no yapparent medical reason why He cannot talk,” the doctor said in that all-knowing Tamil way. They’re all very concerned about you, Ashokji. Not just me. But look, isn’t being India’s Number One Superstar enough for you? Must you try to be India’s Number One Medical Mystery as well?

  I’m sorry if I’m sounding so flippant. It’s not easy for me, really. When I first heard about the accident I thought I would kill myself. “Why Him, O Lord?” I asked the heavens. “Why not me?” I’ve been simply frantic with worry ever since, Ashokji, really I have. But my Guru tells me to be calm. He says there is no use worrying about what has happened and what might happen, because it is already willed. “Why shed tears about the workings of destiny?” he asked. “Does the river weep because it must flow to the sea?” I was really impressed by that. But I don’t find it all that easy to be calm about destiny when there is a chance it might take you away from me. Even more completely than you’ve taken yourself away.

  Stupid of me to say that, I’m sorry. You’ll be all right, everyone says so. The whole country is praying for you, Ashokji. Really. There are open-air prayers in mosques and temples and gurudwaras and churches and fire temples and jamaatkhanas and wherever else it is that people get together to ask their Maker for favors. I even hear the Prime Minister is planning to break an official journey tomorrow to visit you in the hospital. I know your father is a politician and all, and you were even in Parliament for a while, but the Prime Minister just doesn’t do that for everyone, you know. You’re special. Not just to me — you’re special to the whole country, to India. You’ll be all right. Everyone wants you to be well.

  Even my Guru. You must meet Guruji one day. I think you’ll really like him, Ashokji. He’s got this marvelous smile: suddenly his lips part wide, revealing two rows of brilliant white teeth lighting up a gap in his brilliant white beard. And his eyes, Ashokji — you ought to appreciate them. Where yours are so clear and transparent, his pupils are black and deep, so deep they contain the wisdom of the world and you feel you could drown in them. He speaks in a quiet voice, not a particularly remarkable one, but what he says, Ashokji, what he says! I’ll try to bring him here sometime. Actually people go to him, you know, he doesn’t come anywhere, but perhaps for you, in your condition — I’m sorry, I’m making you sound as if you were pregnant or something, isn’t it? No, I think he’ll come. If I can get Mr. Horatio Bannerji to let us in.

  Aren’t you going to ask me what I’m doing with a Guru? Me, a good, convent-educated Muslim girl from a nawabi family? No, I don??
?t suppose you are going to ask me anything today. Salma did. At her most pompous. “You’re betraying both your religion and your class,” she said stuffily. “Not to mention your education. But then that’s never mattered to you, has it?” And the truth is, it hasn’t. Nothing has. The only thing that’s mattered to me since I joined Hindi films is you.

  My joining the movies was a betrayal too. My parents had forbidden me even to see Hindi films. They were only made, they said, for the servant class. So of course I had to go. And I loved them! The glamour, the clothes, the dazzle — I wanted so much to be a part of that world, to escape the boring old prison my parents kept me in. I didn’t think of acting first. I mean, how could I, I hadn’t even acted in kindergarten. And if I had even tried to get a role in a local play, my parents would have flipped. When I entered the Miss India contest, just to spite them, and I won, they practically disowned me. Their daughter, being stared at by strangers! But what really made them go bananas was when I stayed on in Bombay after the contest and accepted all those modeling offers. I mean, what else does a Miss India do, right? And I enjoyed it. I think I particularly enjoyed their hysterics about it. My father even came to Bombay to take me home. But I’ve told you about all that, I think. Anyway, when I did the soap ad, the one that showed me in the shower, they really disowned me. My father said, “I have no daughter,” and he went into mourning. Just like that! My uncle sent me a telegram telling me not to come back home, ever. Can you imagine?

  I still remember my first day as an actress. My crash course at Roshan Taneja’s acting school didn’t count. I was the beauty queen who’d done the soap and towel ads; that’s all the producer knew or cared about when he signed me. I had visions of stardom, fame, glamour. The movie was about, what else, a beauty queen who sold herself on the side. It was called Call Girl. Really subtle stuff, hanh? Lots of bikinis and leather microskirts that none of the established actresses would wear. Or could wear.