The Randy Romance Novelist

  “Uh, well . . .” I was speechless. “I actually don’t really know what to say to that.”

  “It was terrible,” he continued. “She took off her dress, revealing her tits to me, and nothing happened. Not even a twinge from my dick. Not even the slightest salute. I thought maybe if I motor-boated her, pressed my tongue against her nipple, something would stir up . . . but that didn’t do it either. She touched my dick and noticed I wasn’t hard; she was so embarrassed that she dressed herself and ran away.”

  I sat there, stunned, not sure where to go with this. “Still don’t know what to say.”

  “Then I got nervous that my dick was broken, so I quickly went to my computer and pulled up some of my favorite porn movies with James Deen in them, and settled into my chair. Within a few strokes, my dick was alert and ready to be smacked around.”

  I cringed. “Fuck, dude. I don’t want to hear about you jacking off. Does that really seem like Monday morning talk? Let alone office talk?”

  “I had to tell somebody.” He leaned forward. “Bro-mander in chief, I hit it hard and had a giant orgasm.”

  I gave him a thumbs up. “Good for you, man. If you will excuse me—”

  “You’re not hearing me. I couldn’t get it up with Tasha, but then I watched James Deen spray it on a chick’s tits, and I was coming harder than ever before. Dude . . . I’m gay.”

  “I . . .” I paused and thought about what he just told me. “What did you say?”

  Freddy puffed his chest out and grabbed a rainbow flag from his pocket. He waved it in the air as if he was surrendering. “I’m waving my flag. I’m gay. You’re the first person I’m telling.”

  “Wow,” I sat back in my seat, caught a little off guard. “That’s great, Freddy. I’m happy for you.”

  “Really?” Freddy visibly relaxed in his chair and took a deep breath. He wiped his forehead and smiled. “Man, I thought you were going to ask me to leave.”

  “Why the hell would I do that? Freddy, I don’t care what your sexual orientation is. Really doesn’t matter to me, as long as you’re happy.”

  Freddy pursed his lips and nodded his head. He pointed his finger at me and said, “I knew you would be cool about this. I just knew you would accept me. Come here, big guy.”

  Circling my desk, Freddy pulled me up from my chair and embraced me, locking me in his titan-like grip.

  “This makes me so happy,” he whispered in my ear. “You’re going to be my wingman. I need someone out there helping me scout the men.”

  “I’d be glad to,” I answered him, talking into his shoulder.

  Awkwardly, Freddy rubbed his head against mine, turning a man hug into something a little more, something I wasn’t really into. Thankfully, my phone started to ring, so I pushed away from him and straightened out my suit jacket.

  “Uh, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to answer that.”

  “You got it,” Freddy tucked his shirt into his pants and righted his belt. “Let me know when you want to go out. I’ve been doing a lot of research about the gay bar scene. I’m ready to make an impact on this community. Gay rights!” he put his fist in the air.

  “Gay rights!” I mimicked him.

  Freddy pumped his chest with his fist twice and then pointed at me. “You’re my bro, Henry.”

  “Yup, okay. I’m going to answer this now.”

  Ducking out, Freddy left my office, making sure to close the door for privacy. I answered the phone and made a note on my desk to send some kind of coming-out present to Freddy. I had no clue if that was something people did, but I wanted to make sure Freddy felt accepted. Maybe some kind of guide to the New York gay scene.

  “Hello?”

  “Dude, you are in for a special treat,” Derk said on the other end of the phone.

  I slouched in my chair and held onto my head. “What’s going on?”

  “She admitted to being pregnant. I guess she went to the doctor on Saturday. They confirmed it.”

  Saturday, my mind went back to Saturday and what happened. The party, the vagina balls, her need to be incredibly sexy for me. Funny thing was, she didn’t even have to try. Was she feeling self-conscious about being pregnant?

  “Why didn’t she tell me?”

  “I think she would ask you the same thing.”

  “What are you talking about?” I prodded.

  “She knows you know she’s pregnant.”

  I shook my head. “Why does this feel like an episode of Friends? Did you tell her I knew?”

  “She might have guessed it, but that’s beside the point. She doesn’t think you want to be with her, since you never said anything to her about knowing. Dude, this situation is so fucked up and all because you two are idiots and didn’t talk to each other.”

  “It wasn’t that easy,” I sighed, massaging my temple. “I had to score this promotion first. She’s been insanely hormonal lately. I had to secure our future, but now it’s a giant mess. Where is she?”

  “They are on their way to the doctor’s for an appointment. She was so scared at her appointment on Saturday that she left without finding out any information from the doctor. Delaney took her to figure everything out. She thinks she’s three months pregnant.”

  “I can believe that,” I answered back. “What’s the address of the doctor? Find out from Delaney. I need to be there.”

  “I’ll text you.”

  “Thanks.”

  When we hung up. I quickly typed an email out to Eric, letting him know I needed a personal day today, and that I would be back to work tomorrow. I had a girlfriend to tend to but needed to make a quick stop at the apartment before I made it to the appointment.

  ***

  “Is Rosie Bloom with a doctor right now?” I asked the receptionist at the office. “I’m her boyfriend, and was supposed to meet her here.” I might have a lied just a little, but I didn’t want to miss this appointment. I was out of breath from running around and trying to make it here on time, but I had a feeling it was going to be worth it.

  “Yes, I will show you to her room. Meet me at the door to the side and I will guide you back.”

  “Thank you.” I gave her my most winning smile, grateful for not having to put up a fight.

  The doctor’s office was full of waiting women, all with different sized bellies. Some looked completely and utterly miserable; they were the ones with the bigger bellies, and the other women were positively glowing. I wondered what Rosie looked like now that she knew. The only thing I could think of was terrified, since she wasn’t secure with our relationship right now.

  The nurse receptionist met me at the door and guided me down a hallway decorated with pictures of pregnant women and female organ charts. We walked all the way to the back and then she knocked on the door on the right.

  “Come in,” Delaney’s voice rang out.

  “Go ahead,” the nurse nodded, letting me let myself in.

  I took a deep breath and opened the door to find Rosie looking forlorn, troubled, and sad, and Delaney hovering over her.

  “Henry, what are you doing here?” Delaney asked, cluing Rosie in to who just entered the room.

  I shut the door before I answered. I wasn’t quite keen on letting everyone in the building hear our business.

  “I didn’t want to miss this appointment,” I answered her. Rosie briefly glanced at me, but then turned away. I saw the tears in her eyes. I glanced at Delaney and pleaded with her. “Can you please give us some privacy?”

  I was ready for her to put up a fight, but from the look of the hangover she was sporting, she was happy to leave. Rosie was a handful at times, especially right now, so I sensed her relief.

  Before Delaney exited the room, she leaned into me, placed her hand gently on my arm, and said, “Please don’t break her heart.”

  She left, leaving me utterly confused. Why the hell would I break Rosie’s heart? She was my forever.

  Silence filled the room, and I wasn’t quite sure how to approach t
he situation. In the past, I’d never had trouble talking to Rosie. It was always easy having a conversation with her. We were able to skip the awkwardness and be real with each other. Right now, it seemed like we wouldn’t be able to pull ourselves out of the awkward pool even if we had a crane helping us.

  Feeling slightly uncomfortable, I walked over to the table and hovered over her. She turned her head away from me, not allowing me to see those beautiful blue eyes of hers.

  “Rosie, please look at me.”

  “I can’t.” Her voice was filled with heartache.

  “Love, please. Let me see those pretty eyes of yours.”

  She sniffed and wiped at her face, just as there was another knock on the door, followed by the doctor entering the room.

  “How are we today, Miss Bloom? Glad you were able to come back and get things checked out.”

  “Yeah, sorry about last time.” She sniffed and straightened on the table. She glanced at me briefly, and in that one second, I saw total defeat on her face. My stomach churned and nerves hit my veins hard, sending chills of anguish through my body.

  “Since we already know you are pregnant; why don’t we get right to it and see how far along you are?”

  The doctor turned on the ultrasound machine that was next to the bed and dimmed the lights in the room. I took the seat next to Rosie and observed everything that was happening.

  I’d watched enough TV shows and movies with pregnant people in them to know the drill. They squirted gel on the belly, moved a wand over the skin, and a grainy image popped up on the screen. Even though it was familiar to me, sitting in front of the screen now, watching the doctor open Rosie’s robe slightly to apply the gel, it was surreal.

  Within minutes, the doctor had the screen fired up and the wand on her stomach. A whopping beat echoed through the silent room, and a little bean showed up on the screen. The doctor pointed at it and said, “There’s your baby.”

  In awe, I watched the flicker of a heartbeat on the screen and the little shape take form. My heart beat rapidly in my chest and the only thing I knew to do was link my fingers with Rosie’s. I grabbed her hand and brought it up to my lips. I placed a very gentle kiss on her knuckles, and held her hand close to me.

  The doctor talked about the baby’s size and the heartbeat, and confirmed that she was in fact three months along, which only meant Rosie and I must have conceived around the first time we had sex. What were the chances of that happening?

  Well, according to Legacy, a point five percent chance. I guess we were the lucky ones.

  The rest of the appointment was spent checking her body out, asking her questions, and making sure she knew what vitamins she needed to start taking, but I didn’t pay attention to that because in my hand was a strand of pictures, all with my baby in them, front and center.

  My eyes misted with joy and I didn’t care if the doctor saw me cry. This was the baby I created with Rosie, and it would be so fucking cherished; I would make sure of it.

  “If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to call the office. We will see you in a few weeks, Miss Bloom. Congratulations.”

  “Thank you,” Rosie answered softly as the doctor left.

  Neither one of us moved right away. She lay flat on the table and I sat next to her, frozen in awe. She was due in six months. In six months, we were no longer going to be just a couple, we were going to be a family of three.

  A family of fucking three.

  I ran my hand through my hair and glanced up at Rosie, but she was no longer on the table . . . she was behind the partition getting dressed. Not even thinking about privacy, since I’ve seen her naked and in more compromising positions than I could think, I walked over to the divider and watched her.

  “Do you think it’s a boy or a girl?” I asked, startling her.

  Pants covered her bottom half, but she was still bare from the torso up. From my appearance behind her shield, she quickly covered her breasts with her shirt. “What are you doing back here?”

  I couldn’t help but chuckle. “Rosie, why the hell are you covering up? I’ve seen you naked before.”

  She didn’t answer me. She turned her back to me and continued to dress. Not liking the cold shoulder she was giving me, I pulled on her shoulders to turn her around. “Hey, why are you hiding from me?”

  “Are you really that dense?” she snapped at me.

  “Uh . . . I guess so. Please enlighten me.”

  She yanked her shirt down so she was completely covered now. “Maybe because you are revolted by me.”

  Ah, yes, I forgot about our fight from last night. I was so caught up in the baby I didn’t even remember we spent the night apart. How could I forget that? It was the worst night of my life.

  Knowing I needed to be gentle, I tipped her chin so she was forced to meet my eyes. “Rosie, I’m not revolted by you, at all. I . . .” I looked around and let out a long breath. “I don’t want to do this here. Will you please go on a walk with me?”

  “Don’t you have to work?” Her voice was terse; she was not in the mood to have me around.

  “I took a personal day. I need to talk to you.”

  She looked me up and down and then sighed. “Why do you have to have the most perfectly tailored suits and look so damn hot in them? Ugh.” She grabbed her purse and pushed past me. “Fine, I will walk with you, but just because I can’t deny you when you look like that.”

  With a huge smile on my face, I buttoned up my jacket and guided her out of the office. We stood in silence as we rode the elevator down to the main level, and didn’t talk when we made our way through the bustling streets of New York City.

  The sun was shining brightly, birds were chirping in the trees above us, and the smell of fresh cut grass permeated my senses. It was a gorgeous day. It was the perfect day.

  We made our way to a bench in Central Park that overlooked a small pond. Skyscrapers framed the green of the landscape, creating a picturesque moment, one I knew I would never forget.

  “Why are we here?” Rosie asked. I gestured to the bench for her to sit down, and luckily she complied.

  “I need to talk to you, Rosie.”

  “Why were you at the doctor’s appointment, Henry? If you knew I was pregnant, why didn’t you say anything?”

  “Why didn’t you say anything to me?” I asked, throwing her question right back at her. She bit her lip and looked away. “Rosie, answer the question. If you knew on Saturday, then why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Because.” Her lip trembled and I forced her to look at me.

  “Because why?”

  “I wanted to make sure you still thought I was sexy. I didn’t want to lose you, and I thought if I could be sexy for you, like grip vagina balls all night, then maybe you wouldn’t leave me like I knew you were going to.”

  “Why on earth would you think that?”

  She gave me a pointed look. “You are either really good at having blue balls or you’re getting your jollies somewhere else. Which one is it, Henry?”

  I nodded my head, frustrated with her question. I wasn’t going to blow up on her, though. I wasn’t going to freak out over another accusation of me cheating on her. Instead, I took in a calming breath and grabbed hold of her hands.

  “I haven’t been honest with you.”

  “Oh, my God.” Her lip tremble turned into a full-on shake as tears filled her eyes.

  Realizing what I said, I quickly backtracked. “I haven’t been honest with you in the aspect of what’s been going on with my job.” A stray tear fell down her face, and I quickly wiped it away with my thumb. “A few weeks ago, I was offered the opportunity to put in a bid for the Legacy campaign.”

  “You did a good job,” she said weakly. “I liked what you did with the condoms.”

  I chuckled to myself. “Thank you, love, but that’s not all of it. Eric pulled me into his office and told me if I landed this campaign with Legacy, then I would secure a promotion to Director of Social Media Marketi
ng.”

  Her head snapped up and wide eyes showed through her tears. “What? A promotion?”

  I nodded. “Yes, a promotion. A huge salary increase, which includes bonuses and an actual office, not a cube.”

  “Wh-why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I should have,” I answered honestly. “But at the time, you were a little emotional, umm . . . hormonal and I didn’t want to get your hopes up. I had big plans for us if I got the promotion, plans that involved moving out of this city and starting a family.”

  “But . . . I don’t understand.”

  I gripped her cheek with my hand and rubbed her skin softly, loving the way her eyes still showed how madly in love she was with me. I was one lucky son of a bitch.

  “I handled this all wrong. I didn’t want to get your hopes up, and then when I figured out you were pregnant, I was too scared to be intimate with you.”

  “Why didn’t you say anything then?”

  “Because I wanted to get through this promotion first; I wanted to secure our future.” I paused and took a deep breath. “I wanted to propose to you, and I wanted to do it in a way that you knew I was proposing because I am so fucking in love with you and not because you were pregnant, but I needed the promotion first.”

  Rosie’s hand was at her chest in shock. Her breathing was heavier and more tears filled her eyes. Quietly, she asked, “Did you get the promotion?”

  I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face. “I did.” I nodded and then got down on one knee in front of her.

  Both of her hands instantly covered her mouth as more tears streamed down her face. Nerves wracked me as I knelt in front of the woman who stole my heart years ago . . . I just didn’t know it until recently.

  From my jacket pocket, I removed the ring I purchased only a day ago, and held it out in front of me. Sobs started to escape Rosie, and for a brief moment, I was worried she might pass out.

  Wanting to hold her, I linked my fingers with one of her hands and took a deep breath. “Rosie, I wish I could say from the moment I saw you, I knew I had to make you mine, but I can’t. I was blinded by our friendship, never truly realizing my feelings for you until I thought I was going to lose you to someone else. The moment I realized I loved you, that I couldn’t go a day without seeing your face, I made it my mission to make you mine. I thought I needed this grand moment to propose to you. I thought I needed to have a good job to provide for you, but after today, I see that doesn’t matter. What matters is the love we share, the love we’ve created, and our little family.” Pausing for a second to gather myself, I looked deeply into her eyes and smiled. “Rosie Bloom, will you make me one lucky man and marry me?”