This Alien Shore

  EMERGENCY

  EMERGENCY

  WELLSEEKER MALFUNCTION BIOSYSTEMS DOWN

  On his soul—

  You knew we would win, Kent, didn’t you?

  Didn’t you?

  OTTA

  Others work so that they can survive. The otta works so that it can play.

  Others eat because they hunger. The otta eats for the pleasure of taste.

  Others love to dispel loneliness. The otta loves to share joy.

  Some disdain it, others envy it, but one thing is true of all other kaja: Those who do not share in the otta’s nature and join in its games can never truly understand it.

  KAJA: An Outworlder’s Guide to the Gueran Social Contract, Volume 2: Signs of the Soul

  PARADISE NODE PARADISE STATION

  JAMISIA AWOKE in a laboratory. Gleaming dials overhead, scrolling holos, painted faces ... it took her a moment to gain real control of her body, and for a moment she thought one of the Others would claim it. But this wasn’t the time to be changing souls, and she told them so. Not when the faces blurring in and out of her field of vision were wearing Guild markings.

  Guild markings? Startled by her own thought, she turned inward for a moment. How did I know that?

  You don’t, Raven told her. I do. Found a tutorial on kaja that must have been inloaded on Earth. I’ll go over it with you when you’re up to it.

  Thank God parts of her were still functioning anyway. God knows the Jamisia Shido part wasn’t.

  “Kandra?” It was one of the painted faces, a woman’s. “Kandra, we need you to talk to us. Let us know you’re okay.”

  For a moment she thought the woman was talking to someone else. Then she remembered the false name she had adopted back on Paradise, the name that hadn’t fooled Phoenix for a minute. Apparently he had given it to them instead of her real one. Smart boy.

  “I ...” The act of speech made her suddenly dizzy; for a moment it was all she could do not to throw up. “I’m okay,” she gasped.

  It was hard to read the expression on that painted face, but she thought she saw relief. “All right, the speech center is functional.” She felt something mechanical let go of her arms, her feet, her torso. A large half-cylinder hummed as it withdrew from over her body, to rest on its tracks somewhere below her feet. “Looking good so far. I think we have a no-damage situation.”

  She saw Phoenix’s face swimming in fog and managed to get out, “What?”

  “Neural poison.” His expression was grim. “Meant to take you out permanently, leaving only enough gray matter to question and enough working flesh to keep that alive. That’s the guess, anyway.”

  “They might have fine-tuned it,” the Gueran woman corrected him. “It’s impossible to tell from what’s in your bloodstream whether they intended permanent paralysis or just some temporary stasis.” The reassurance rang false, and she guessed that Phoenix’s version was much closer to the truth. The concept of it made her even sicker than she already was. What better way to get at the secrets in someone’s head, than when it had no working body to run away with? The only thought worse than being caught by your enemies, was being caught by your enemies and stuck in a box somewhere, fed by tubes, until they wanted to talk to you.

  “Here, girl.” Strong hands grasped her by the shoulders; an arm slipped behind her from the other side. “Try to sit up. We’ll help you.”

  She did so, and the room swam dizzily around her. She lowered her face into her hands, ready to vomit; seconds later a bag was there, which she grabbed and quickly filled.

  “Okay, okay, there. It’s only to be expected. You should be all right now.” Another hand offered her a damp towel and she used it to wipe off her face. She did feel marginally better now, as if somehow emptying out her stomach had drawn the poison from her soul as well. “You really lucked out. Another fraction of an inch deeper into your flesh and it would have dumped more poison than your system could handle.”

  “Thanks,” she managed. And then added, with a somewhat dry smile, “I guess I’m ... lucky.” There were at least half a dozen Guerans in the room, she saw, which seemed to be some kind of medical station. The bed she’d been lying on was overhung with an array of equipment like—

  —screaming, screaming, and the pain never ends, the fear, the abandonment, here! I’m over here! Come back to me, I can hear you, come back!

  “What is it?” It was Phoenix. “What’s wrong?”

  —memories, memories, dry hot pain dying abandoned lost lost lost.... Come over here! Can’t you hear me! Don’t leave me here!

  She managed to gasp something incoherent. The medic came back to her and put something cold over her head. Sparks began to play in her field of vision, all the more frightening for the ghostlike images behind them.

  I need the memories—I need the fear—Try it again—

  NOOOOOO

  “Kandra? Kandra?” It was the woman again. Whose name was she calling? Nobody in here by that name. Many, many names, but not that one. “Kandra, I need you to look at the light. It’s right in front of your eyes. Focus on the light.”

  “I’m reading a seizure,” a man’s voice said. “Right mnemonic complex—”

  NEED THE FEAR NEED THE FEAR NEED THE FEAR

  Something hissed at the side of her neck. She felt another wave of dizziness and then a sharp pain coursed through her neck and head; light filled her eyes and blinded her.

  “Oh, God.” The screaming voices faded from her head, but she could still hear them faintly, a whispered echo of pain. “What was that?”

  “Stable now,” a man’s voice said.

  The woman told her, “You need to stay here for a while. Make sure there’s no recurrence.”

  “No.” She looked up at the medical equipment. That’s what triggered it, some deep-seated memory with an image like that in it, front and center. She had to get out of here or it would happen again. “No. I can’t stay here.”

  In her ears she could hear wailing. She knew whose it was. The pain had woken him up.

  Phoenix helped her get down from the table. The meds were still arguing with her to get her to stay, but she shut them out of her brain. Zusu was crying, saying something about how bad men were going to come and get them now. Mental admonitions to please be quiet accomplished nothing. Finally she just whispered “Stop it!” loud enough that everyone in the room looked at her in surprise. Even Phoenix. Tears started to come to her eyes, of fear and frustration and horrible isolation. There was no one she could trust with the truth, not even him. There never would be. She was alone forever in the real world, and never, never alone in her head. The combination was getting to be more than she could handle. She just wasn’t that strong....

  She recognized where that thought was leading, and who had probably originated it, and thought sharply, Zusu! Out of my head, now! You don’t belong here in this.

  There was the sense of someone shuffling away from her, sulking. The weight of depression lifted slightly, and she found herself able to think again.

  “Where are we?” she whispered to Phoenix.

  “Paradise Station. Guild headquarters.” His expression betrayed his excitement and also nervousness about what that might mean. “Ra’s people took us in. You were out of it. The medics said you had to be dealt with right away, so she’s going to meet with us later. When you’re up to it.”

  “Ra?”

  “Yes.”

  Oh, that was bad, very bad. If the Guildmistress was going to meet with them personally, that meant she thought they were very important, which implied in turn that she knew something about them. Jamisia sighed heavily. How many people were there who knew vital things about her, when she knew so little herself?

  She was tired of running. And besides, it wasn’t getting her anywhere. Her pursuers weren’t giving up, they weren’t going home, and they weren’t being fooled by her various tricks. Not for long enough, anyway. How long was she going to last in outspace, with no home and no famil
y and no station to protect her? Despair welled up in her with numbing force.

  Go away, Zusu, she thought. But the girl was already tucked away in a comer of her brain, shivering. This depression was Jamisia’s own.

  “Okay,” she managed. She slid off the table onto her feet, and though they were unsteady, they held. “Okay. Just get me out of here, all right? We need to wait somewhere else. Anywhere else.”

  She could still hear the screaming in her brain, as a med led her out.

  “My guests,” the Guildmistress said, “usually arrive with less ... melodrama.”

  She was a striking woman to start with, and the alien gems embedded in her skin added further impact to a strange and compelling beauty. Yet there was a quality in her far beyond mere beauty, which made one’s breath catch in one’s throat as she entered. Tall and well-shaped, with deep copper skin, she wore a slender garment which was no more than two long strips of fabric, one in front and one behind, linked side to side with delicate chains. Had she stood still, men would have desired her. When she walked, the languid sexuality of the motion was so thick about her you could taste it. And of course there was the kaja. Sinuous and strangely appealing, the thin black lines on her face hinted at primitive cultures long since dead, alien customs, and mystery.

  She had seen that food and drink were brought to them before she would allow either of them to speak a word. Jamisia and Phoenix eagerly accepted the offering. They’d been too long without a meal, and the stress of the chase had burned up what little reserves they’d had.

  Finally it came time to answer questions. It was a moment Jamisia dreaded. She wanted so badly to trust this woman - ... but was that because she sensed Ra was worthy of trust, or because she was just desperate at this time to trust anyone?

  You know that our secrets are connected to the Guild, Raven said. Without them we’ll never find out what’s going on.

  “Tell me about those chasing you,” the Guildmistress urged.

  Better not to know, Zusu moaned.

  Jamisia sighed. “I wish I could.” She hoped Ra could hear the sincerity in her voice. “All I know is what Michal already told your people. We came back to his apartment and they fired at us. We ran. We found your guards.”

  Ra tsked-tsked, but her tone was more amused than offended. “My dear, I know more than that just from looking at my power grid. Your friend here,” a nod toward Phoenix, “has many associates, and they were quite free with my maintenance controls for a while.” She glanced at Phoenix. “Did you think I wouldn’t know that? The best hackers work for the Guild, you know.”

  “The best Gueran hackers,” he corrected her.

  She laughed softly. “Not always. Occasionally we find ... a gem in the raw. Yes? Competition’s quite fierce, you know. You can’t rise in the Guild these days without a virtual army of data savants behind you, and if someone else’s army is better than yours, then you don’t rise at all. Now, where would we be if we all limited ourselves to those of Gueran blood? That gene pool is so small. Hardly enough hackers to go around.”

  “You trust outsiders to work for you?” Phoenix’s tone was frankly incredulous.

  She smiled; her smooth teeth glittered with rainbow highlights. “Some of them,” she said sweetly. “Others ... sometimes. But enough about that.” She turned to Jamisia again. “There are a lot of people chasing after you, my dear. Surely you know by now that you can’t evade them on your own. Now, you’re free to leave my house if you wish, but I don’t imagine you’ll get very far before your trail is picked up again. And then who will you run to?

  “I, on the other hand, might offer you sanctuary, but I won’t do that without knowing who it is I shelter, or why she needs shelter in the first place.”

  Jamisia glanced at Phoenix for guidance, but he clearly had none to give her. Was it time to trust someone? Did she dare trust anyone? She had run away for so long she had forgotten what it was like to do otherwise. Or so it seemed.

  At last it was sheer exhaustion that won her over, the certain knowledge that if she left this shelter she would just become a fugitive once more. She couldn’t do that forever, not with no hope of it ever ending. Run, run, run, until they catch you; what then?

  There is no other choice, Verina agreed. And Raven prompted, You know you need the Guild to unlock your secrets. What better chance are you going to get than this? Even Zusu, frozen with fear, managed to mutter, She seems nice. Maybe she’d really help us.

  Maybe or maybe not ... but at any rate, there were few options left.

  “My name is Jamisia Capra—” she began.

  “Oh, no, my dear.” There was laughter in Ra’s voice, but it was a gentle chiding. “Your name is Jamisia Shido and you fled from Earth a little over three years ago when Tridac Enterprises blew up your habitat. You’ve traveled under false ID ever since, and dodged more enemies than you know about. Tridac believes you harbor secrets that will give Earth power over the ainniq, and allow them to unseat the Guild.” The diamond eyes sparkled. “Why don’t we start with that much, and save us all some time?”

  She was speechless. Her mouth opened to form words ... and then shut again, numbed.

  “Did you not know that?” Ra asked. She seemed genuinely surprised.

  “About the ainniq?” She looked at Phoenix. His expression mirrored her own. “I ... no. I didn’t. No one ever told me.”

  “How extraordinary. They chase after you with enough weapons to wage a nodal war, and you don’t even know why.” She reached over for a glass of deep red wine, which she sipped before speaking again. “Why don’t you tell me what you do know, Jamisia Shido, and let’s take it from there. Shall we?”

  She looked again at Phoenix; he hesitated, then said quietly, “Your choice. I don’t know what the hell is going on.”

  But Ra seems to, Verina noted.

  Trust her? Katlyn asked.

  We’re beyond issues of trust now, Derik pointed out. Unless you want to go out there alone again.

  Zusu moaned in dread.

  “All right,” Jamisia said at last. “I warn you, I don’t really know a lot. But here it is.” And she told them of that terrible night when her tutor had awakened her, of what he had said then—as near as she could remember it now, years later—and fingered the icon necklace around her neck as she did so. She didn’t tell them about the voices, of course, who had turned out to be the Others. That was too personal. And ... they would surely think her crazy. Because she was, in the old Earth sense. She knew that. She was crazy. And she was afraid of what would happen if anyone else ever figured that out.

  Phoenix stared at her in amazement through all of it. She didn’t dare meet his eyes, but she could feel the intensity of his gaze on her.

  When she was done at last, there was silence, as the strange bejeweled woman before them took time to digest all she had said. “So,” she said, “this secret they’re all after. You don’t know what it is.”

  Jamisia hesitated. There was that last hurdle of fear to overcome. How much could she trust this woman? She was all too aware that Ra’s casual air might be a façade, and with the right piece of information delivered the compassion might slip away, removing the illusion of a savior, leaving an enemy in its place.

  But as you have noted, Verina thought quietly, there is nowhere left to run.

  Let it end here, Raven urged. One way or another. Force the game.

  Most of the Others seemed to agree with that. Derik raged at the concept of helplessness and Zusu was whimpering with fear in the darkness, but for the most part there seemed to be consensus. For once.

  At last she took a deep breath and forced the words out. “He said to me, ‘They want your brain and all that’s in it.’ ” Out of the corner of her eye she could see Phoenix surprised at that—or perhaps just surprised that she had said it—but she didn’t dare look directly at him. It was too important for her to watch Ra’s face, and to try to read it.

  But if Ra had suddenly decided to impris
on her, or dissect her, or whatever, it didn’t show. Calm as always, she simply asked, “That’s all you know?”

  “That’s it.” She could feel tears coming to her eyes, and blinked hard to try to keep them away. “I swear it.”

  “And do you want to find out what this is all about?”

  The question startled her. “Well ... yes. Of course. But I mean ... how?”

  “We start with your brain, my dear. Simple enough.” She must have seen Jamisia flinch, for she laughed. It was a silken sound. “Don’t be afraid. As it turns out, I have one of the leading experts in computer programming as a guest right now. Let’s see what we can turn up with some superficial tests, before I have you quivering in fear behind a surgeon’s laser.”

  “Dr. Masada?” Phoenix asked.

  “Yes.” She cocked her head and studied him intently, as if his words had sparked new interest in him. “Kio Masada. He’s coming here on Guild business, but I’m sure he can be convinced to spare a few moments for this. Particularly if you are as important to the Guild as rumor would have us believe, Jamisia.”

  She hesitated. “What if it’s not a brainware thing?”

  “There is always that possibility,” she agreed. “But if that were true, why would Shido go to such efforts to disguise what you have? No, there’s at least one secret inside your head, my dear. Let’s see what we can figure out without having to open it up, shall we?”

  They met Masada in the med lab. He hardly seemed surprised to see them, though of course it was doubly impossible to read emotion on that impassive, painted face. The only response he offered was to look at Phoenix with something that almost amounted to a smile, and to say, “I should have known that if you brought a woman to that meeting, she would turn out to be more than she appeared.”