Until We Reach Home

  By the time they finished shopping and returned to the boardinghouse, both Kirsten and Sofia had disappeared. Elin's first impulse was to worry. Then she reminded herself that her sisters knew their way around the neighborhood. They would be safe without her.

  Elfin was busy with her jam-making, sweating over a roaring stove and a kettle of boiling fruit, when Sofia returned. "Where have you been? And why are you all dressed up? Where's Kirsten? I need help."

  "Kirsten didn't go with me. Let me change my clothes, and I'll help you with that." Sofia pitched in as soon as she'd changed into work clothes, feeding more wood into the fire and melting the paraffin to pour on top on the jars.

  "Where did you run off to?" Elfin asked her when they had a chance to pause.

  Sofia glanced at Aunt Hilma, then whispered, "I'll tell you later."

  At last the jam was finished, and Elfin and Sofia went outside to sit on the back steps and cool off. "Do you remember helping Mama make jam?" Elfin asked as she fanned her face with her kerchief.

  "I remember picking berries with her. And I remember watching you and Mama make jam. But most of my memories of Mama are of how sick she was. And of how long she suffered."

  "I miss her so much," Elfin sighed.

  Sofia turned sideways on the steps to face her. "Listen, Elfin, I have some really good news to share. This morning I-" Before she could finish, Kirsten sauntered into the yard.

  "What are you two up to?" she asked. Her face looked flushed and happy, and she was smiling. She seemed just like the old Kirsten that Elfin remembered from back in Sweden, ambling home from a walk in the woods with a pail full of berries.

  "We just cooked a batch of jam for Aunt Hilma," Sofia said. "That's why we're sweating. We came out here to cool off."

  "And Sofia was about to tell me her good news."

  Kirsten's smile widened. "I have some good news to share, too. But I'll let Sofia go first."

  Sofia resembled one of Aunt Hilma's overripe peaches that was about to burst. "Well, my news is that we can move out of here," she said with hushed excitement. "I found a job! I found a place for us to stay, too. And I'll be making enough money for us to live on, if we're careful."

  Elfin stared in disbelief. "How? Where? Do I know this family?"

  "I'm not working for a family. I'm going to earn seven dollars a week singing in a variety show at the Viking Theater."

  Elfin felt as though Sofia had punched her in the stomach. "The theater? Sofia, why would you even consider such an outrageous idea? Singing in a theater? You'll ruin your reputation!"

  "What reputation? Papa disgraced us in Sweden, people here think we're thieves, our own aunt and uncle don't even want us. Besides, come and see the theater, Elfin. It is respectable. Remember when I sang at the engagement party for Mrs. Anderson's friend? Well, the man who owns the theater heard me sing that night. His name is Carl Lund, and his variety shows are for families here in the Swedish community. He also told me about a rooming house where we can all stay for only three dollars a week, and it isn't much different from this one, only-"

  "Sofia, stop! You're talking a mile a minute and ... and I can't even comprehend what you're saying! You can't be seriously considering this. We're simple farm girls from Sweden. You can't sing in a theater!"

  "Elin's right," Kirsten said. "And besides, you don't need to work there, Sofia. That's what my good news is-I found a home for all of us, too. Everything will be taken care of in just a few more days." She paused, and a huge smile spread across her face. It was such a relief to Elfin to see Kirsten happy again. Elfin was certain her news must be wonderful.

  "My friend Mr. Lindquist has asked me to marry him-and I've accepted. He says you both can live with us, and-"

  "What!" Elfin felt as though she'd had the wind knocked out of her a second time. "You barely know this man. You can't marry some stranger you just met!"

  "I'm really sorry that you haven't met him yet, but he isn't a stranger to me."

  "Kirsten, no. Please don't do this. A few months ago you were ready to run off with one of those cousins we met on the voyage. Don't be foolish. At least get to know this man a little better before you talk about marriage. We're not that desperate for a place to live."

  "It's already done. Knute and I applied for a marriage license today."

  "And I signed a contract to sing for Mr. Lund."

  Elfin doubled over, moaning as pain knifed through her stomach again.

  "What's going on out here?" Aunt Hilma asked, coming to stand in the doorway. "You want the whole neighborhood to hear you scrapping?"

  "We're sorry," Sofia said. "We'll talk someplace else." She stood and offered Elfin a hand to help her up. "Let's take a walk around the block and discuss this calmly."

  Elfin felt weak as she walked between her sisters, her arms linked with theirs. She searched for the right words, desperate to hold them close and prevent them from making such disastrous choices. "Both of you, please stop and think this through. I know you mean well and that you're just trying to help, but I can't let you go through with these outrageous plans! You'll ruin your lives-for nothing."

  "I'm not ruining-"

  "Let me finish, Kirsten. I already came up with a plan to take care of you, and it's already in motion. If it works out, you'll have a home with me that will be just like the one we had in Sweden. Neither one of you will have to get married until you're ready, and you won't have to work for a living, either."

  "That's impossible," Kirsten said. "What's your wonderful plan?"

  Elfin waited until they rounded the corner and started down the next length of the city block. "I wrote to Gunnar Pedersen in Wisconsin. I told him that I would agree to move up there and marry whoever would have me if they would allow the two of you to live with me, too."

  "No!" Kirsten said, halting her steps.

  Elfin pulled her along again. "Listen, I told Gunnar I would finish paying for your two tickets, and you would both be free from any obligation to get married or to stay there."

  "That's even more foolish than what we've done," Sofia said. "You don't want to move to Wisconsin and marry a stranger any more than we do."

  "Gunnar isn't exactly a stranger. We've been writing to each other, and he seems very nice. And from the way he describes his farm, it's going to be just like our farm back home."

  "That makes absolutely no sense," Kirsten said. "You're telling me it's a mistake to marry Knute so that we can all have a home, yet you want to do the same thing! And move to a strange place, no less. It would make much more sense if we all stayed here."

  "I already made the commitment to Gunnar. I mailed the letter to him and bought train tickets for all three of us."

  "And I already signed a contract at the theater and paid for a week's rent."

  "Knute and I took out a marriage license. He's going to find a house for us. You don't have to go, Elfin. You can stay with Knute and me."

  "Or you could live in the rooming house with me," Sofia said.

  Elfin stopped, too weary to walk another step. She slowly shook her head. "I gave Gunnar my word. I can't disappoint him a second time. It wouldn't be right."

  They stood looking at each other. "This is awful," Sofia murmured. "Now what are we going to do?"

  "Why did you make plans without talking to me first?" Elin asked.

  "You did the same thing," Kirsten said. "You didn't ask us about moving to Wisconsin."

  "This is awful!" Sofia repeated.

  "Don't worry, either of you," Elfin said. But her heart was racing so fast she was afraid it would give out. "It's my fault that we're in this mess, and I'll figure a way out of it. I'll talk to the man at the theater, Sofia, and explain that you're only seventeen, that you didn't know what you were doing when you signed that contract. And I'll explain to Kirsten's friend that she needs more time to get to know him. I'm sure Aunt Hilma won't throw us out on the street with no place to go. Please, this mess is my fault, but I can fix it."

 
"How is any of this your fault?" Sofia asked.

  "It's my fault that we left Sweden, my fault for making you come. I should have planned better. I should have-"

  Kirsten gripped her shoulders. "Stop punishing yourself, Elfin. You don't need to feel guilty for rescuing us. Saving us from Uncle Sven was the most courageous thing you've ever done!"

  Horror rocked through Elfin. She couldn't breathe. "How do you know about that?" she whispered.

  Kirsten looked away. "I-I read your diary ... when you were in the hospital."

  Elfin turned her back on her sisters and ran blindly down the street. The pain in her stomach was so fierce she thought she might vomit. She felt violated, humiliated. She wanted to die.

  "Elfin, stop!" Kirsten called after her. "Listen to me!" Kirsten caught up with her and pulled her to a halt. "What Uncle Sven did to you wasn't your fault." Elfin twisted out of her grasp.

  "What's going on?" Sofia asked. "Elfin, what's wrong?" She tried to embrace her, but Elfin pushed her away, too.

  Shame and guilt piled on top of Elfin. She thought she'd left the past behind in Sweden, but as Mrs. Anderson had warned her, only the scenery had changed. Elfin wanted to run and run and never stop, but her sisters hemmed her in, blocking her escape.

  "Listen to me," Kirsten said. "I know that reading your diary was wrong, and I'm sorry, Elfin. Believe me, I am. But at the time, I had an impossible decision to make, and I didn't know where to turn for help. You were in the hospital and I couldn't pray about it, so I thought that if I read your journal, maybe it would help me figure out why you decided to come to America and whether or not I should let them deport me."

  "Why would they deport you?" Sofia asked.

  Kirsten closed her eyes. Her face twisted in pain as her tears began to fall. "Because I'm pregnant," she whispered.

  "No.... Oh no," Elfin moaned. It couldn't be true. Terror prickled through her at the thought that the baby was Uncle Sven's-that he had taken things much further with Kirsten than he had with her. If it was his child, then it was Elin's fault that he had turned to Kirsten. Elfin had been avoiding Sven for the final months they'd lived in Sweden.

  She should have killed him.

  "I'm sorry, " Kirsten wept. "And I'm so ashamed of what I've done. I found out about the baby when I was in the hospital on Ellis Island, and I didn't know what to do. They were going to deport me-and maybe I would have let them if I hadn't read your diary and found out about Uncle Sven. So I lied and told them that Tor and I were secretly married. And that he was coming to America, too."

  "Tor? You mean Tor Magnusson is the father?"

  "I'm so ashamed," Kirsten wept. "I know that what we did was wrong, but Tor said he loved me. And after losing our family, I just wanted someone to hold me and make my grief go away. I'm not trying to give excuses, but-it just happened. And I didn't know I was pregnant until after we arrived in America."

  "Tor is the one who should be ashamed," Elin said. Her relief that the father wasn't Uncle Sven transformed into anger toward Tor Magnusson. "If only I had known before we left. I would have made him marry you."

  "Tor's father wouldn't let us get married because of Papa. I wrote to Tor and told him about the baby, but Mr. Magnusson is burning all of my letters. Tor doesn't even know."

  "This is such a mess," Elin murmured.

  "It was a mess, Elin, but Knute Lindquist is an answer to my prayers. He saw me crying, and I was so desperate that I ended up telling him everything. He's a widower with a young son, and he offered to marry me and save my baby and me from disgrace. He's saving both of you from my disgrace, too. He didn't have to do that. But he is a good man, and I'm going to marry him."

  No one spoke. It seemed to Elin that the air around them was too thick to breathe. Her heart ached for Kirsten.

  Sofia laid her hand on Elin's arm. "Would somebody please tell me what you're talking about? What did Uncle Sven do?"

  Once again, a wave of relief washed over Elin. If Sofia didn't know, then it meant that he hadn't touched her. But her relief was quickly followed by a tidal wave of shame.

  "He was an evil man," Kirsten said.

  "But it was my fault," Elfin said. "I-I turned to him for comfort after Papa died...."

  "It wasn't your fault," Kirsten said. "You trusted him, and he took advantage of you."

  "Just like Tor took advantage of you," Elin finished. "And for the same reasons. I was so distraught after Mama and Papa died, and I trusted him. I'm so sorry."

  They clung to each other and wept, huddled together on the sidewalk, oblivious to their surroundings. When they finally pulled apart and dried their eyes, Elfin was surprised that life around them continued as before.

  "So," Sofia said with a sigh. "We'll start all over again, beginning today. Our past is forgiven when we give it to God, and from now on there is no more shame for any of us. Do you believe that, Kirsten?"

  "Yes."

  "Do you believe it, Elfin?"

  "Yes ... but I still don't know what we're going to do-"

  "We're going to trust God, just like Mama did. Even when she was dying, she trusted Him and never doubted His love, remember? Things might still be a mess right now, but He can make everything right. He already is making it right. We thought everyone in our family was gone and that it was just the three of us, but now our family is starting to grow again. Kirsten's baby is part of our new family. Mr. Lindquist will be, too. We're going to be fine. You'll see."

  Elfin couldn't help smiling when she looked at Sofia and heard the optimism in her voice. She truly had changed since leaving home. "But you don't have to work in that theater, Sofia. You'll come up to Wisconsin with me, won't you? You can have a home up there just like the one we left behind. When we were on the boat you said that was what you wanted."

  "I've changed my mind since then. I met Ludwig and-"

  "Oh, Sofia. Please don't keep waiting for him," Kirsten said. "Don't you think he would have been here by now if he was coming?"

  "I'm not giving up. He'll find me, I know he will. And in the meantime, the job at the theater is the answer to my prayers. I signed a contract, and I'm going to keep my word. I love both of you, but I think it's time for me to grow up."

  Elfin still wasn't sure that Sofia and Kirsten were making the right choices, but both of them seemed determined to carry through with their plans, with or without her approval. They all started walking again, taking their time. Elfin didn't want to return to the boardinghouse yet and deal with Aunt Hilma after the emotional upheaval she'd experienced today. Her sisters seemed fragile, as well. They kept walking.

  Kirsten was pregnant. Elfin still couldn't comprehend it, nor could she shed the feeling that it was somehow her fault. She had promised Mama that she would take care of her sisters ... but Sofia had said it wasn't up to Elfin to fix everything. And Mrs. Anderson had said that even parents weren't responsible for their children's decisions, much less sisters. Being an adult meant living with your mistakes.

  Kirsten and Sofia had their own lives to live-and Elfin had hers. The thought frightened her. What purpose would she have without her sisters to care for? They rounded the corner and the little park came into sight.

  "Don't go to Wisconsin, Elfin," Kirsten said. "You can live with me."

  "Or with me," Sofia said. "The rent is all paid. We can move in right now, in fact."

  "No, let's squeeze one more free meal out of Aunt Hilma first," Kirsten said with a smile.

  "We did make all that jam for her today," Sofia added. "Do you think she'll give us a jar to take with us?"

  "Ha!" Kirsten scoffed.

  It was good to see her sisters laughing again after all the tears they had shed. But Elfin realized that she hadn't answered their question about moving to Wisconsin. "I don't know if I can stay here with you or not," she finally said. "I told Gunnar Pedersen to write and let me know if the offer of marriage is still good-and if I would still be welcome up there. If he and the others want me to come, I can't
renege a second time."

  They moved out of the boardinghouse that evening after supper, dragging their trunk through the streets once again, this time to the room that Sofia had rented. Kirsten would live there until Knute found a house and arranged their wedding with Pastor Johnson. Elfin would stay until she heard from Gunnar.

  "Maybe those farmers are fed up with us by now," Kirsten said, "Maybe they just want their money, not you."

  "Maybe," Elin said. But she knew from Gunnar's friendly letters that he would likely accept her offer, even if the other farmers didn't. She couldn't turn him down and dash his hopes again, even if it meant leaving her sisters behind.

  Kirsten paused to rest, setting down her end of the trunk. "I'll be glad when we finally have a real home so we don't have to drag this trunk around anymore. It would have been easier to haul a dead troll all the way from Sweden than this thing. At least a troll would have been soft enough to sit on."

  They had stopped to rest in front of a dress shop, and Sofia gazed at the gowns in the window. "You know what?" she said. "I think Kirsten should buy an American dress for her wedding. Her birthday is tomorrow. I still have one dollar left after paying our rent. Do you have any money, Elfin?"

  "I spent all of it on train tickets to Wisconsin. They might let me cash them in, but I don't know."

  "Do you still have your money, Kirsten?"

  "I do, but what about food? Don't we need to eat?"

  "No, I think a new dress is much more important," Sofia said. "Don't you, Elfin?"

  Elfin looked at her sisters' hopeful faces. She didn't want to be as stingy as Aunt Hilma, and she was tired of worrying. "Yes, I do," she said. "As soon as the stores open tomorrow morning, I think we should all go shopping."

  ~2Offer 7Lir y cSeoen

  "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KIRSTEN," Elin said the moment Kirsten opened her eyes.

  She sat up and looked around sleepily before recognizing the hotel room that Sofia had rented. It had bare walls and an odd musty smell that had intensified overnight. The bed they shared was too cramped for all three of them, so they had slept crosswise with their feet hanging off the side. It wouldn't be comfortable to sleep that way for very long, but Kirsten knew she would be leaving soon. She and Knute were getting married in three days. She wanted to savor these last few days with her sisters.