The Dark Side of the Road

  I didn’t change for dinner, because I didn’t have any other clothes. I made an effort: splashed cold water in my face in the bathroom and pulled a comb through my hair. I studied my face in the mirror. Who are you; really? And then, I went downstairs to dinner.

  Four

  It’s a Colder World Than You Think

  I went tripping back down the stairs, making more noise than was strictly necessary and pulling faces at the family portraits. And then I came to a sudden halt at the foot of the stairs, where Alexander Khan had set himself to block my way. He stood his ground firmly, with a very serious face, so I stopped on the step above him and raised a single eyebrow. The best kinds of insult and arrogance are the ones your target can’t legitimately take offence at.

  Khan fixed me with his fiercest scowl. ‘I want to talk to you, Mister Jones.’

  ‘Well,’ I said cheerfully. ‘It’s nice to want things.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘What do you want, Khan? Speak!’

  ‘Are you following me?’ Khan said abruptly. ‘Have you come all the way down here, in this abysmal weather, just to pursue me? Won’t you people ever leave me alone?’

  I gave the matter some thought. ‘What are you talking about?’

  ‘I look at you and I see a face from my past,’ said Khan. ‘A man I worked beside for the best part of five years. But that was some thirty years ago … so you can’t be him. Who are you, really?’

  ‘You have me confused with my father,’ I said firmly. ‘A man I never knew. I have, however, heard of Black Heir through my work for the Colonel. I know who they are and what they do … And I know that the first rule of Black Heir is: you do not talk about Black Heir.’

  ‘I’ve been out for far longer than I was in,’ said Khan. ‘But once they’ve got their hooks into you, you’re never really free of them. I left the organization under something of a cloud. And seeing your face, so familiar … it brings back bad memories. The likeness is uncanny.’

  ‘So I’m told,’ I said. ‘I wouldn’t know. Take it from me, Khan: I didn’t come here for you.’

  Khan looked like he would have liked to say more, but a movement further down the gloomy hall caught his eye. He saw who it was and raised a hand in something like a wave. It was Melanie, standing at the far end of the hall. She didn’t see me. She only had eyes for Khan. He looked quickly back at me.

  ‘You’ll have to excuse me, Ishmael. I must have a word with our hostess …’

  He didn’t look in the least bit furtive as he hurried down the hall to where Melanie was waiting. Not furtive at all. I was just getting ready to wander casually down the hall myself, to find out what it was those two needed to talk about so urgently, when I saw Walter and Jeeves standing together in an open doorway, some distance down the hall. They didn’t even glance at Khan as he hurried past. They were far too wrapped up in their own business. What particularly interested me was that they didn’t look in the least like master and servant. Jeeves looked a lot more like a soldier making a report to his superior officer. Which was … interesting. So I stayed where I was and listened.

  They thought they were safe, far away from anyone who might overhear their quiet words, but I can hear things at a far greater distance than most people. And no one notices me, unless I want them to.

  ‘The house is secure,’ said Jeeves. ‘I’ve been up and down and back and forth till my feet ache, and the whole place is closed up tighter than a fly’s arse. There’s no sign of James anywhere. His belongings are still in his room, but his bed hasn’t been slept in.’

  ‘I’m worried about James,’ said Walter. He was scowling so hard that it must have hurt his face, and he was wringing his bony hands together so tightly that the knuckles showed white. ‘He can’t just have disappeared! He has to be somewhere!’

  ‘Not in the house,’ Jeeves said flatly.

  ‘He can’t just have left!’ said Walter. ‘Not after making such a fuss about turning up here this Christmas, after so many years away.’

  ‘His clothes are still here,’ said Jeeves.

  ‘And then there’s his man, Ishmael, turning up out of nowhere … What do you make of him?’

  ‘I took the opportunity to search through his belongings very thoroughly,’ said Jeeves. ‘Almost turned his suitcase inside out looking for hidden compartments … His clothes are cheap and nasty, and his bits and pieces are distinctly downmarket – so bland as to be utterly characterless. No weapons, no interesting devices, no surprises at all. Nothing to suggest he’s anything other than what he appears. But given that he always refers to James as the Colonel, and the practised way he answers every question without ever giving anything away …’

  ‘Yes,’ said Walter. ‘I know. He’s too ordinary to be true. And no ordinary man could have made it all the way here from London, through this atrocious weather.’

  ‘Not in that piece of shit he was driving,’ said Jeeves.

  ‘My son would never have ordinary people working for him. Why is he here, Jeeves? Why did my son want him here, so urgently?’

  ‘We don’t know for sure that this Ishmael Jones really is who he says he is,’ said Jeeves. ‘We only have his word for it. Surely your son would have told you that one of his people was on his way?’

  ‘Perhaps he intended to,’ said Walter. ‘Before he disappeared. Ishmael is the sort of man I’d expect to find working for my son.’

  ‘I could always take him to one side,’ said Jeeves. ‘Beat some answers out of him.’

  ‘No!’ Walter said sharply. ‘No. Just … keep an eye on him.’

  ‘What do you want me to do – about James?’

  ‘You’ve done all you can.’ Walter looked down at his hands and seemed surprised to find them wrung so tightly together. He pulled them apart with an effort. He looked older, frailer. ‘We’ll just have to hope James turns up. Eh? Yes … And he’d better have a bloody good explanation when he does!’

  They both went their separate ways, disappearing into the depths of the great old house. I looked quickly around for Khan and Melanie, but they were gone. Either their little chat was already at an end, or they’d decided to continue it somewhere more private. Pity … But I did spy Diana and Sylvia, standing before the front door. Diana hauled it open, straining hard with both hands to get the heavy weight moving, and then the two women stood side by side, staring out the open doorway at the thick falling snow. Diana hugged herself tightly and shivered. They thought themselves alone and unobserved, and free to speak freely; so again I took the opportunity to listen in.

  ‘I had hoped the storm would have died down by now,’ said Diana, ‘so we could leave. But look at it! Awful weather … Worse, if anything. I can’t even tell which of those snowy burial mounds is our car.’

  ‘Why do you want to leave?’ said Sylvia. ‘Aren’t you having a good time? Dropping a barbed bon mot here and a home truth there; sticking it to Walter and making little Mel squirm?’

  ‘I don’t seem to have the stomach for it, this year,’ said Diana. ‘Sometimes reliving the past feels more like picking at a scab. Makes me feel old … And I hate that. You know what, Sylvia? It isn’t that, not really … It was seeing that delightful young boy, Ishmael. He reminds me so much of my dear Adam, sweet folly of my misspent youth. I never thought to see his face again … I wonder where Adam is, now …’

  Sylvia closed the door firmly and turned to Diana. ‘You need a nice lie down, dear, before dinner. Get some rest, get your strength back, and work on some really catty comments to throw at Mel over dessert. Come along. I’ll see you to your room.’

  ‘I wish James was here,’ Diana said fretfully as the two women came back down the hall, heading for the stairs. ‘I was so looking forward to seeing my son again, after all these years …’

  ‘I know, dear,’ said Sylvia. ‘I know.’

  She helped Diana up the stairs like a nurse supporting an invalid charge. They didn’t see me at the foot of the stairs, standing in the shado
ws. I stayed put, leaning back against the wall, thinking. The damage I do to people’s lives, without even trying.

  Finally, I headed for the drawing room. I pushed open the door and then stopped abruptly in the doorway, as I realized I’d just walked in on a blazing row. Penny and Roger were standing face to face in the middle of the room, hands clenched into fists, so caught up in their quarrel that they didn’t even know I was there. So of course I remained where I was, and watched and listened with great interest.

  ‘Stop shouting at me!’ said Penny.

  ‘I have to!’ said Roger. ‘It’s the only way I can get you to listen to me!’

  Penny made an exasperated sound and made to leave the drawing room. Roger immediately moved to block her way. Penny looked at him dangerously. ‘Roger, darling; get the hell out of my way right now, or I swear to God I will kick you so hard in the groinal area that your balls will eventually come down somewhere in Scotland!’

  ‘What balls?’ Roger said bitterly. ‘You cut them off when you threw me over, for no good reason.’

  ‘Don’t be dramatic, Roger. It doesn’t suit you.’

  ‘You’re not going anywhere till we’ve talked this out!’ said Roger. ‘You think I want this? You think this is the way I want it to be between us? I hate this! We used to be so happy together … You don’t know how miserable I’ve been since you walked out on me …’

  ‘You don’t have to be miserable,’ said Penny, her voice softening despite herself. ‘Just admit it’s over. Let it go, and move on. Find someone else.’

  ‘Like you have?’ said Roger.

  ‘What are you talking about?’ said Penny.

  ‘I saw you; I saw you staring at that Ishmael character …’

  ‘Oh, for God’s sake!’

  ‘You never did explain why you broke off our engagement. Or why you won’t give me another chance! I can change, I know I can! You know I still love you, Penny …’

  ‘No, you don’t, Roger,’ Penny said firmly. ‘You want me. That’s different.’

  ‘I can be whatever you want me to be,’ said Roger, not even trying to hide the desperation in his voice. ‘Just tell me what you want …’

  ‘I will not discuss this any further,’ said Penny. ‘I have said all I’m going to say. And if you’re wise, you’ll leave it at that.’

  ‘I could make you want me again,’ said Roger, drawing himself up to his full height and doing his best to look commanding. ‘There are things I could do, people I know … You have no idea of what I’m capable of. No idea at all of how the real world works.’

  ‘And you have no idea of how a real woman works,’ said Penny. ‘Or you wouldn’t be wasting my time and yours with this nonsense. I am not the kind of woman you’re used to; the kind you can buy, or intimidate. Now get out of my sight, Roger! Before I forget the few things I still like about you.’

  Roger turned abruptly and started away from her. He almost bumped into me, still standing in the doorway. He started to apologize, and then recognized who I was. His face reddened as he realized I must have heard everything.

  ‘Eavesdropping?’ he snarled. ‘About what I’d expect from your sort. Hear anything good? You’d better be careful, Jones. The mood I’m in, I could easily punch your head in.’

  ‘No,’ I said. ‘You couldn’t.’

  And there must have been something in my voice, or my eyes, because Roger hesitated, and then barged right past me. And kept going. I heard him stomping up the stairs, heading back to his room, slamming his feet down like a child in a tantrum who wants everyone to know how upset he is.

  I carefully closed the door behind me. Penny was standing with her back to the fire, her arms tightly folded, glaring angrily at nothing in particular. Her face was pale, apart from two angry red blotches on her cheeks. She looked at me suddenly, almost defiantly.

  ‘You mustn’t mind Roger. He’s finally found something he really wants that he can’t have, and he isn’t used to that. He doesn’t know how to deal with it.’

  ‘Some things are worth fighting for,’ I said.

  ‘He wouldn’t know how,’ said Penny. She looked at me, consideringly. ‘You look like you might know how to fight for someone you wanted.’

  ‘I don’t do that any more,’ I said. ‘I am a man alone. I live for my job.’

  ‘Yes …’ said Penny. ‘Working for the Colonel; dear missing stepbrother James.’

  ‘Yes,’ I said.

  Our eyes met, and I felt a definite spark in the air. And all I could think was: No. I can’t. This is no time to be making an old mistake.

  Penny moved slowly forward to stand before me. ‘James is Daddy’s only son, by his first marriage to Diana. I am Daddy’s only daughter, from his second marriage to Melanie, Mummy dearest. I inherit everything; James gets nothing. Mummy insisted, right after I was born. She made ever such a fuss until Daddy agreed to change his will in my favour. I have never been consulted in the matter. But that’s Mummy for you; she’s spent most of her life doing good for me, from a distance. And that, right there, is all you need to know about this family.’

  ‘How did the Colonel feel about all this?’ I said.

  ‘Didn’t give a damn, as I understand it,’ said Penny. ‘You see, I’ve never met my mysterious stepbrother. James left home years before I came along. Left, and never came back. He’s always maintained a strict distance between his life and that of his family. You must know him better than us … Do you know why he left, Ishmael?’

  ‘I only work for the Colonel,’ I said. ‘He sends me places, and I do things. Good things, mostly. Things that need doing. I’ve been with him fifteen years, and he never mentioned his family once.’

  ‘Is he a good man?’ said Penny. She seemed honestly curious.

  ‘I would say so, yes.’

  ‘But you’re not going to tell me what you do, or what he does?’

  ‘Sorry,’ I said. ‘It’s more than your life’s worth.’

  ‘A man of many secrets,’ said Penny, admiringly. ‘Do you work for Intelligence?’

  ‘Not as far as I know,’ I said.

  We shared a smile and, without either of us having to say anything, tacitly agreed to change the subject.

  ‘There was so much excitement when James announced he’d be coming home for Christmas,’ said Penny. ‘For the first time in God knows how many years. No warning. Just a telephone call out of the blue, yesterday morning. I’d never seen Daddy so animated … Stomping up and down, waving his arms around, so happy and so full of life … And all I could think was: he never gets that happy about me coming home. But then, James has always meant more to him than I ever could. I may be Daddy’s little girl, but you know how it is, with fathers and sons.’

  ‘Not really,’ I said, but she wasn’t listening.

  ‘It’s hard to compete with the perfect memory of an absent brother. Mummy … wasn’t nearly so happy at the news. But she knew better than to try and talk Daddy out of it. Some things Daddy just won’t be moved on.’

  ‘How about the others?’ I said as she paused for breath. ‘How did they feel about the Colonel joining the gathering this year?’

  ‘Mostly curious,’ said Penny. ‘Quite keen to see this mysterious long-lost prodigal son for themselves. Diana, on the other hand … I have to say, I may be wrong, but she didn’t seem nearly as happy at the thought of seeing her long missing son again. Anyway, James arrived here late last night. After we’d all got tired of waiting up and gone to bed. Daddy stayed up, of course. So he was there to greet James. Apparently they talked for ages, and then James retired to his room. Tired out after his long drive, I suppose.’

  ‘So no one here has seen the Colonel, except for your father?’ I said. ‘And that was late last night.’

  ‘You’re worried about him, aren’t you?’ said Penny.

  ‘Yes,’ I said. ‘Something’s not right. I can feel it. The Colonel can take care of himself against most things, but … Do you have any idea why he stayed away
for so long? Was there a row?’

  ‘No one knows,’ said Penny. ‘Except Daddy, and he won’t talk about it. But there was no disguising how pleased he was, just at the thought of James coming home at last. Mummy wasn’t pleased. She’s always been worried Daddy might change his mind and disinherit me in favour of his firstborn, James.’

  ‘But you’re not worried,’ I said.

  ‘No … I’m not. How can you tell?’

  ‘I see many things,’ I said. ‘I can also tell … you don’t give a damn about your father’s money.’

  ‘Well, no,’ said Penny. ‘I have my own life. And my own money. I work in London, in publishing. And I’m very happy there, thank you. Mummy shouldn’t worry so much … Daddy would make sure she was looked after, whatever happened. Just like he did with Diana. But Mummy wants all this … The Manor and the grounds and everything. Being Lady of the Manor and queen of the local scene. She just loves all that.’

  ‘And you don’t.’

  ‘Frankly, darling, I couldn’t give a rat’s arse for all … this.’

  I wouldn’t have thought it possible to get so much contempt into one word. Penny’s face cleared, and she smiled brightly at me.

  ‘I was looking forward to meeting James. My invisible half-brother. You know, he always sent me a birthday card and a Christmas card. Every year without fail, since I was a little girl. Never missed once. That was nice of him. He didn’t have to do that, for a little stepsister he never even met.’

  ‘You said the Colonel only spoke to your father,’ I said. ‘But Jeeves said he spoke to him.’

  ‘I didn’t know that,’ said Penny. ‘Why? Does it matter?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ I said. ‘Is Jeeves your usual butler?’

  ‘Hell, no!’ Penny said immediately. ‘He creeps the hell out of me! I have to fight down the urge to run every time I see him coming. Daddy couldn’t get any of the usual servants to stay over this Christmas. Had to go to some agency. For a while it looked like we were going to have to fend for ourselves. I was quite looking forward to seeing that … And then Jeeves turned up at the very last minute, with Cook in tow, and saved the day. He is … very efficient.’