Broken

  He smiled viciously when he entered the room and stared at Aiyana in the cage. She growled when she saw him, snapping her teeth at him. He burst into laughter. While still laughing he lifted his head and stared directly into my eyes. I jumped backwards. I heard him yell then everything went quiet. A door slammed. Seconds later he was in front of me pointing a rifle at me. It shook in his hands, he was so angry. I was breathing heavily trying hard to stay calm. I wanted to jump him and kill him on the spot. I wanted to sink my teeth into his skull and kill him with one bite. Oh how I longed to finish him off with my mighty strength. He aimed the rifle at me and I backed up slowly staring at him directly into his eyes. I let him know that I wasn't afraid of him. I would kill him for what he had done to Aiyana.

  When the first shot went off I didn't move. It hissed over my head and hit a trunk behind me. I never took my eyes off of his. I refused to show any fear even if I was truly terrified. When he took aim for the second shot I stepped closer. Then I roared as loud as I could, birds fled from the trees and startled Michael enough to divert his eyes from the rifle sight long enough for me to turn around and run into the neighbor's yard and disappear behind the houses. He fired several desperate shots behind me. I felt like a coward for leaving her at his mercy once again. I felt guilty for not having freed her when I had the chance. What would he do to her next? Had I just made everything even worse for her? Was that even possible?

  Chapter 32

  The following hours were a blur to me. I roamed the neighborhood area for hours that night not knowing what to do. I listened to sirens in the distance, trying hard to fight my instincts to hunt and instead stay close to Aiyana. I wandered, hiding high up in the trees until I could no longer resist my rapidly growing hunger. It forced me to head back towards the Twelve Mile Swamps again. I needed to eat.

  I headed straight for the river. The water felt amazing on my fur. I dove into it and caught a couple of fish with my paw. I ate them whole, swallowed them almost without chewing. I swam upstream for a while to get to the more wild areas where it was easier to find bigger prey that could satisfy my desire to hunt and my need for food. I had to keep my mind off Aiyana and what was happening to her. For Luyu's sake. This was what Aiyana wanted. The not knowing almost drove me mad with rage. I needed to get some of it out. Relieve the pressure within myself. So I looked for a bigger animal, one that would put up a fight.

  I didn't have to look very far before I spotted one. An animal I had wanted to kill for a long time. Upstream I saw an alligator lying with only his head in the surface and for a second I was taken back to ten years ago when two alligators dragged me under water and started this extraordinary chain of events. In a way I was grateful to them. Even if it had caused much trouble and turbulence in my life I never wished it hadn't happened - not for one second. It had enriched my life tremendously.

  I crept closer to the alligator and climbed on shore. Then I leaped onto a tree and jumped inaudibly from branch to branch. A trunk had fallen across the river and I crawled slowly out on it, sliding across it with my slim feline body. Now I was just above the alligator. My tail was swinging beneath me with the anticipation of the kill. The fury inside of me grew as I kept seeing pictures of Aiyana in that cage before my eyes. The alligator spotted me. I didn't mind. That only made it so much more challenging. I was looking for a fight. The alligator backed up to avoid turning its back on me since it knew I could outrun it and would attack it from behind. I stared into its fearful eyes. It knew it was its time to die. But it wasn't going down without a fight.

  I played with the alligator like it was a toy. I slashed my paw in its direction causing it to back away. It knew I would attack and attack fast. It knew it would hardly have time to react before my teeth would be in its skull.

  I lifted my body, crouching so I was ready to jump. It snapped its teeth at me trying to scare me, to make me back off. We looked into each other's eyes one last time before I leaped into the water. The alligator turned and tried to run. Wiggling its way in the water, but I was too fast. I was on its back in a split second. My jaws clenched around its head, pressing my fangs through thick layers of alligator skin. It was bigger than I expected. I should have known better. It was with alligators as it was with ice bergs; you only saw the top of them in the water. Once it rose to its feet with me on top of it I realized that it outsized me. It was able to move even with me attached to its head. I pressed my teeth through the skin tasting the muddy water in my mouth. The alligator stood still now, feeling my teeth slowly finding their way to its skull and into its brain. Then it tried to move, get me off its back by moving from side to side. I was panting, fighting to stay in place while it tossed me around. Water was splashing, other animals fled. I snarled through my teeth to try and scare the alligator to stop tossing its body in the water, but he wasn't willing to give up that easy. Then I used my claws and grabbed its throat, ripping into its skin. Blood from its throat spurted into the water. The alligator was far from defeated. While I was slowly crushing its skull and getting closer to its brain the alligator fought for its life underneath me. As it tossed me around I slipped and was thrown into the water. Now we were face to face. I roared and licked the blood off my fangs. I crouched on my hind legs getting ready to jump it again when the alligator snapped at my leg and bit into it. I roared in pain. Then I lashed out with my claws and hit it in the face forcing it to let go of my leg. Still in pain from my bleeding leg I jumped it from the front and bit into its skull again. Holding on to it with all my strength, I sank my fangs into its brain while it grew weaker. Only now and then it snapped its teeth at me, slowly giving up the fight. I held it tightly between my jaws and crushed the remains of its skull. It was like letting air out of a balloon. It died between my jaws. Just stopped living, stopped fighting. I held on to it for a minute or longer to make sure it was completely dead when I finally let go of its head. I pulled my teeth out and threw myself on the muddy water. I gasped for air trying to catch my breath again. Then I looked at my prey in the water. I grabbed it between my teeth and dragged it off shore. Then I ate. I sunk my teeth into the flesh of its stomach and drank its blood. The intoxicating taste of the raw meat almost maddened me. It was inebriating. After the feast I stood for long and stared at the quiet river. I was overwhelmed with a feeling, a sense, and a vision but without the images, it was more of an instinctive sudden awareness.

  I knew then I was going to kill Michael one day just like I had killed the alligator.

  Chapter 33

  I wanted to go back to Aiyana but my leg was hurting too badly and it was slowing me down, so I ran towards home instead since it was much closer. I barely made it there before the sun came up. My leg was hurting like crazy. It was a good thing that I healed quicker now and I could tolerate more pain than before otherwise I would be afraid of losing my leg. I threw myself in the grass in my yard and let the transformation take over. I watched as my weak human body slowly returned. It still amazed me how different it felt to be human than being the jaguar. I was suddenly faint and puny.

  Then I cried. I thought I was alone so I burst into tears and brooded in the grass when Sarah suddenly called me.

  "Doctor! What on earth are you doing out there at this hour? Are you okay? Doctor? Christian? Are you crying?"

  I hid my face and stayed curled up in the grass as the rays from the sun started licking my body. Sarah understood my need for privacy and paused. Then she left for a second and returned with a blanket. She put it gently over my body and started stroking my hair. I turned my face away from her and tried hard to restrain myself, to stop sulking. I didn't want her to see me cry like this. It was pathetic. A grown man lying on the ground, crying. But at the same time I couldn't stop. Everything kind of piled up. Aiyana, Heather, William. All those people I loved and cared for. All this pain and sorrow. I pleaded for the tears to stop. Eventually I succeeded.

  "What on earth happened to your leg?" Sarah suddenly said.

  I lifted my hea
d and stared at it. Blood was running from the wounds where the alligator had bitten me. "It's nothing," I said because I really didn't think it was anything. Actually there was a part of me that was happy to feel pain. I needed it. I deserved it for what I had done to Aiyana. It was my fault she was in that cage. I should have brought her home that morning instead of being selfish and giving in to my selfish needs. "It'll heal."

  "I think we need to clean it first and put bandages on it. Wait here."

  Sarah walked toward the house. I glanced in her direction. How lucky I was to have her, I thought. Never asked any questions, always loyal and helpful.

  "What would I ever do without you?" I asked when she returned with a first aid kit.

  "I ask myself that very question every day, Doctor," she said and grabbed my leg.

  I clenched my teeth when she cleaned the wound. It was hurting really badly now.

  "Now please try and be still, Doctor."

  "I’m trying but it hurts!"

  Sarah chuckled. "All kids say that."

  Then she wrapped up my leg in a tight bandage stopping the bleeding.

  "There. That should do it. But you might want to keep an eye on it. Can't have it becoming infected or anything."

  I smiled. I couldn't tell her that it would heal within a day and that an infection never would survive in my blood. "How did you learn how to do that?" I asked and looked at my leg with astonishment. "It looks really professional."

  "Well I used to be professional. Former Army nurse in Vietnam. Army Nurse Corps. I was only twenty-one when they sent me there."

  I got up and limped toward the house holding the blanket around my waist. "I didn't know that," I said.

  "Well you weren't the one who hired me."

  I nodded. She grabbed my arm and helped me up the five stairs leading to the screened porch at the back of the house. The pain was excruciating now. Why was it that I always felt the pain more when I was in my human body? Was the human body really that weak? It amazed me that we were still the superior species on this planet.

  Sarah helped me sit on the couch. Then she went upstairs. I suddenly realized that I had left my other clothes in Aiyana's yard. Along with my gun. Michael had probably found it by now I thought with fear. I needed to go back there as soon as possible. I needed to make sure Aiyana was all right.

  Sarah came down. "I have prepared the doctor a bath. Smells like he needs it," she said. "I have put out clean clothes next to the bath. Just make sure to keep the leg out so the bandage doesn't get soaking wet."

  I felt my breathing become heavier. A slight panic was growing. I had no time for all this, I thought. I needed to get to her house. Michael couldn't shoot me when I was human. Well he could, but he would end up in jail. No one would blame him for killing a jaguar. A vicious ferocious beast intruding on his property. Everybody would understand.

  I widened my eyes. He could easily kill Aiyana when she was a jaguar. Was that why he had come back at nighttime? No, it couldn't be. People would ask questions when they realized his wife was missing. He couldn't possibly get away with that. Besides none of us knew what would happen to a were-jaguar once it was killed. Would it remain a jaguar or would it turn back into a human? No his plan had to be to break her, to keep her down, to humiliate her, make her fear him. He wasn't going to kill her, was he?

  Hurting leg or not I hurried upstairs even if I had to do it limping. It was feeling a little better already. I took a quick shower and put on the clothes Sarah had found for me. Then I woke up William by overwhelming him with kisses and hugs. My eyes even filled with tears at one point and William looked at me with a slightly tilted head.

  "What's the matter, Far? Why are you sad?"

  "I am just so happy to see you. I have missed you so much," I said.

  He put his short arms around me and hugged me. "I missed you too Far." He paused. "And I miss Mom. All the time. I don't care if she is sick, Far. Can't you just tell her to come home? I promise I won't bother her. Could you just tell her that?"

  I hugged him tighter while my eyes filled again. Of course he thought it was his fault that she had left us. "Next time I talk to her I promise to let her know, buddy."

  "Good."

  "Now, how about some breakfast?"

  The TV was on in the kitchen when we came down. Sarah was watching something noisy on the small television. On the counter stood William's milk but she hadn't yet put out his breakfast. She stood motionless and stared at the screen with her hand covering her mouth.

  "Can't we turn it off that thing?" I asked while trying to walk normally on my painful leg. "It seems to be on constantly lately."

  "Shhh," she said.

  I looked at William. He too had been grabbed by what was happening in the small box. The news was on.

  "What happened?" I asked and went towards the coffeemaker to pour myself a cup.

  "Apparently someone has kept a real live jaguar trapped in a house somewhere and last night it broke out the window and climbed the roof. Someone heard the turmoil and called nine-one-one and the house was soon surrounded. All the jaguar could do to escape was to climb to the roof. Poor creature. Look at how frightened it is. These pictures are apparently from last night when it all took place."

  "Look Far. The jaguar is bleeding. It's been hurt," William said with a sense of unfairness and injustice in his voice.

  I almost dropped my cup when I turned and looked at the screen. On that small screen I saw Aiyana on the roof of her house. She was bleeding from her face and back. She roared loudly, but what most people heard as aggressive I recognized as deep pain. Then there was a shot fired and something hit her. She fell to the ground. My heart stopped. William jumped in his chair.

  "It's only tranquilizer, William. It won't hurt it. Just make it go to sleep," Sarah said. "It's the only way they can transport it. Maybe we will go next weekend to see it at the zoo? It's been a while since we were last there."

  Next a reporter appeared live. I shushed Sarah and turned up the volume. "What we know so far," the reporter said, "is that they found the man, the owner hurt inside of the house. He had apparently kept the beast in a small cage and somehow it must have escaped and attacked him."

  "But it didn't kill him?" The anchor asked.

  "No. According to the police the man is badly hurt but still alive. It didn't bite him officials said, it just lashed at him and threw him around like a punching ball. He is in a critical condition now and fighting for his life at The Flagler Hospital."

  "Isn't that an unusual behavior for an animal like this?"

  "It sure is. He was a very lucky man. It could have easily killed him with the vicious bite that it is so known for but for some reason it chose not to. According to zoo officials the animal has been starved for days and that is probably the reason for its sudden aggressive behavior towards its owner. They also say the animal has been hurt, beaten regularly with a stick of some sort and it will take days for it to heal. It has been treated pretty badly, so the owner will face charges for mistreating and having illegal animals in his home. But other than that I think he was pretty lucky that it didn't just finish him off. It could easily have gone that way."

  "How did the animal manage to escape? It was locked in a cage I understand?"

  "Yes. It had been locked in a small cage fit for a dog but way too small for a big animal like this. Apparently the owner had put heavy barbed wire around it to keep the jaguar trapped. But when the officials came inside the house, they found the cage broken. There were holes in it where the jaguar had bitten and torn it apart with its teeth."

  "That sounds painful," the anchor stated.

  "Yes. It had to bite through the barbed wire as well. Left several severe bruises in its mouth as well as on the body, the zoo officials told us earlier. It's pretty badly beaten up."

  "You're standing at the Jacksonville Zoo right now where the jaguar was taken last night. Has it shown itself to the public?"

  The reporter shook his h
ead and pointed behind him. "Unfortunately it hasn't. People from all over Florida has been storming the zoo here in Jacksonville this morning wanting to get a glimpse of the rare majestic animal but it has been hiding in its cave behind me from the public. Officials say that it is probably scared and too weak from starvation to come out. Since jaguars are night animals it will probably come out around sunset."

  "Too bad for all the visitors then," the anchor said. "Have the officials said anything about what their plans are for the creature?"

  "They say they will wait and see how it responds to humans. The starvation, the beating might have broken its trust in humans and they don't know if it will be possible to restore its trust towards us," the reporter replied.

  "What if they can't?" The anchor asked.

  I leaned forward and waited for the answer.

  "Then it will be put down."

  My heart stopped beating. That was literally how it felt. Everything inside of me froze.

  A discussion followed about owners and their pets and how some had animals that were cute when young but later grew to be too much for them and then some would release them in the Everglades. Pythons had become a large problem because they had started breeding.

  "What's the matter, Far? You look like you've seen a ghost." William said.

  "Oh my, Doctor. Are you alright?" Sarah said. She took my cup of coffee out of my hand and put it on the table. Then she helped me to sit in a chair. "Is it the leg?"

  "What's wrong with his leg?" William asked.

  "Your father hurt himself last night. Nothing big. Nothing you should worry about," Sarah said. "Now eat your breakfast."

  She turned and looked at me. "And you need to start breathing," she said. "Take a deep breath."