Broken

  I have no idea how long I stayed in the swamps but the sun had almost risen as I entered the front door of my house. It was still quiet as I closed the door behind me. Happily I realized that everyone was still sleeping and Sarah hadn't arrived yet to begin fixing our breakfast. I had been out all night running and I didn't feel the slightest bit tired. No weariness or fatigue. I walked to the kitchen, suddenly gripped by a huge craving for meat. I opened the refrigerator and saw a raw, bloody steak that Sarah had put out to prepare for tonight's dinner. I felt a hunger deep inside of me from the mere sight of the red meat and pulled it out. I opened the packing and sank my teeth into the raw meat sucking the blood, drinking it and tearing the flesh apart with my teeth. I felt the blood run from my mouth down my white T-shirt, but I didn't care. I craved this meat as I had only craved one thing before in my entire life. The flesh of Aiyana.

  I pulled off my shirt and ate the rest of the raw meat like I had been deprived of food for weeks. Then I went to the guest bathroom to wash up. In the mirror I noticed that the glowing light in my eyes was slowly fading. My muscles started aching again as they seemed to be shrinking back to normal size. Suddenly I looked like my old self. It was all gone.

  Heather was still sleeping as I crept into our bed. The sun had risen outside our windows and filled the room with the most beautiful morning light. If it was the change in me or my newfound night-activity I don't know but it was more stunning than ever. I stayed in the bed for twenty minutes until the alarm clock went off. Heather opened her eyes and looked at me.

  "Another sleepless night, huh?" she asked. Her eyes were still feverish and the cough that followed just as bad as the day before.

  "How are you feeling?" I asked, touching her forehead with my palm. Still burning hot.

  "Better. I think," she said with a feeble voice.

  "Maybe you should go and see Dr. Harris today," I said.

  "It's just a sore throat," she answered.

  "Maybe you need an antibiotic." I got up from the bed and walked towards the bathroom. "I really think you should go to him."

  "Maybe we both should," she said.

  "Why?"

  "Well you said you had a fever the other day as well, remember? And you've had night sweats and you haven't been sleeping for a long time now."

  I shook my head. "I don't think it's the same. I’m just stressed. Can hardly say the same for you," I said and stepped into the shower to try and drown out her voice. No doctor would be able to name what I had, that was for sure.

  "Don't you ever listen?"

  The voice seemed to come from my dreams. I was standing in my driveway with my head inside the car helping William put on his seatbelt when I heard it. It was loud and very clear. Not dreamlike. I pulled my head out of the car and there she was. I couldn't believe it. Standing right in front of me with a little girl by her side. A girl who resembled her younger sister Halona whom I knew and loved many years ago. The woman's light brown eyes stared at me with crossness very similar to that of a young child. But she was no child. She was a full grown woman. More stunning than ever. My heart was pounding as I gasped for air.

  "Aiyana?"

  "I have called for you three times now. When were you going to listen?" she said.

  The sun hit her light brown eyes causing them to light up like those of the jaguar she became at night. I couldn't help but smile. Tears were pressing on from behind. "Aiyana?" I repeated. Ten years of longing to just see her face again and now here she was. All of a sudden. Out of the blue.

  "Are you telling me you're surprised to see me?" she asked.

  I laughed so loud it sounded awkward. I loved it when she listened in on my thoughts. It made me feel like she and I were one. What I had always felt like we were. "Well I certainly didn't expect you to come here," I said.

  "I have called out for you three times, Christian. But still you never came? You didn't even try to find me?" I detected a hurt in her voice that I never knew before. Not from her. Something had changed. There was a seriousness in her eyes I had never seen before. She was no longer that same innocent young girl I had known and loved so dearly. She was a grown woman who had seen and experienced a lot. Even hard times. Her skin and body hadn't aged one day but her soul and spirit had. In that way she seemed to have aged far more than I had.

  I looked back at the house and especially the window leading to our bedroom where Heather was right now. She only needed to get out of bed and walk to the bathroom to see us. One single glance out the window was enough to ruin everything. Enough for her to see her, the woman she probably despised more than anything in this world in her own driveway talking to her husband. If that happened hell would surely break loose. I couldn't let that happen. "Let's go somewhere else to talk," I said and took Aiyana's hand. Our eyes locked in that second. She smiled shyly and lowered her eyes. I put a finger under her chin and lifted her face until her eyes met mine again. Then I smiled lovingly and led her gently towards the car.

  I got in the driver's seat with butterflies in my stomach. A thrill of heavenly proportions went through my entire body. How I had dreamt of this moment many times. The day that Aiyana's prophesy would come true and our paths would finally cross again.

  Chapter 7

  I drove us to the beach. I have no idea why but I wanted to feel the warm salty breeze from the Atlantic Ocean. Maybe it was because Aiyana always made me think of the beach and the endless ocean. Maybe it was because I had longed to go there lately but never did. It always amazed me how seldom we went to the beach when we lived so close to one of the world's most beautiful ones. There just never seemed to be any time. Plus Heather never wanted to go. Too much sand for her.

  I called William's school and my office from my cell phone in my Lexus to let them all know that none of us were coming in today. We were taking the day off.

  "But what about your appointments?" Julie said, startled.

  I couldn't blame her for reacting like that since I had never taken the day off. I was always there working late, devoted to my job and patients. I had never even left early.

  "They'll just have to reschedule," I said, a huge smile across my face as I crossed The Bridge of Lions. The anticipation of the long sandy beaches right ahead of us filled me with such a joy I had a hard time containing it.

  "But ..." Julie stopped, at a loss for words.

  "Just do it, Julie. Just tell them that I am very sorry but I had to reschedule. It's very simple."

  I hung up the phone, feeling like a teenager skipping school to be with a girl. I looked at Aiyana and she gave me another of her shy looks along with a stunning little smile. I laughed. There was no better moment than this. Nothing more joyful than the moment when you realize that everything you will ever need in life is right there with you, right there in that car.

  I gazed in the rear-view mirror and spotted William. He too seemed dazzled by this sudden spontaneity and the presence of a new friend. Had he been older than five I would say that he was quite taken by Aiyana's little girl who was sitting next to him in the backseat. Why wouldn't he be? She was beautiful beyond anything else in this world. Just like her mother.

  "What's her name?" I asked.

  "Luyu. It means wild dove," Aiyana said.

  "She looks to be about the same age as my William?"

  Aiyana nodded. "Five."

  "William is five and a half, right buddy?" I said to him while looking at him in the rear-view mirror again.

  He nodded.

  "It's very important that I don't leave out the half, you know," I whispered.

  Aiyana smiled and whispered back. "I know."

  "I'm in Kindergarten now. Next I'm going to be six," William said to Luyu while showing six fingers in front of him.

  Luyu looked at him with very impressed eyes. "Me too," she said.

  I cruised down the Beach Boulevard and parked the car at a park. We got out and the children ran towards the water. None of us had brought any swimsuits or any beachwear
but that didn't matter. I took William's shirt off him and let him run around in his shorts and didn't mind if he got wet. Heather wasn't there to complain about it anyway. Aiyana didn't seem to mind either, that Luyu ran in the water and got her summer dress soaked. It was ninety degrees and the air felt incredible. Even the water felt warm touching my toes as we kicked off our shoes and carried them in our hands. Aiyana wore a deep purple light summer dress that stopped at her knees. I had to roll up my trousers so they wouldn't touch the water. The children ran, laughed, fell and rolled in the sand holding on to one another like they had known each other their entire lives.

  I inhaled the scent of ocean air and enjoyed this moment walking barefoot along the beach with the only woman I had ever truly been in love with. The woman who owned my dreams. All the while the ocean water softly caressed our feet.

  "She is such a solitary child. It is good to see her playful and smiling," Aiyana said looking at Luyu running while holding William's hand in hers. Her hair was wet and filled with sand.

  "William doesn't have many friends either."

  "He has such a seriousness to him," Aiyana said. "A kind of melancholy."

  I felt her eyes on me. I turned my head and our eyes met. I almost gasped

  . I thought I had remembered how astonishing beautiful she really was, but my dreams was nothing compared to the real Aiyana. Her beauty was indescribable. Words simply didn't suffice.

  "Like his father," she said.

  I chuckled lightly. No one knew me like Aiyana. No one saw me the way she did.

  "Probably from the absence of a mother," she continued.

  I stopped walking and looked at her, startled. "William has a mother," I said.

  "I know. I meant the emotional absence." She kept walking and I caught up with her.

  I was shocked by her insight. Until this moment I hadn't realized that William was growing up exactly like I had. With a mother who wasn't there even if she was physically present like mine hadn't been, she was never really there, she was never present. He even had a dad a lot like mine. A dad who always worked and never took time out of his busy schedule to just take a walk on the beach. I'd like to tell myself that I was more there for my son than my own father had been for me, and I know I was, but my job had always been my first priority. I had missed a lot of his childhood already. I had missed too much. Even if I knew I couldn't change Heather I could still change my way. I could still change my approach to my job.

  "I always said you should have been named the wise one instead of your sister," I said laughing.

  She smiled lightly then continued walking in silence. I fell a little behind and stared at her long thick beautiful brown hair caressing her tanned shoulders. I was glad to see that her hair hadn't changed either. It was still wild and unruly.

  "So you said something about me not listening?" I asked. I wanted so badly to grab her hand and hold it in mine. I wanted to touch her again, feel her skin and smell her scent. I had missed her so badly. "What didn't I hear?"

  She turned to look at me. "I think you know."

  "The visions? I saw you? That was you? While I was trying to sleep and at the party? I knew they were too real to be dreams!"

  She nodded with a smile. "But you refused to listen," she said.

  "You talked to me didn't you? You talked to me in my mind? You can do that now? You're not just listening in on my thoughts anymore; you can also put messages in there?" I asked.

  She nodded with her lips slightly pressed together. "It's still very new. I wasn't sure I could make it work with you. I wasn't sure we still had the connection, that you were still open for this kind of thing. Your thoughts have been so awfully quiet the last five years."

  "You still listen to my thoughts?"

  "I try to every once in a while. When I miss you. I find a quiet spot and listen, but lately it has been no more than a whisper coming from you. A whisper I haven't been able to get anything out of. It's like your mind is closing up."

  I sighed. Paused for a few heartbeats. "Well I have had a lot on my mind lately. Life hasn't exactly turned out like I wanted it to."

  "You still need to water your gift, remember? It'll wither if you don't."

  I scoffed. "I don't need it. I don't want those voices and images messing with my head anymore. It's just a lot of noise really. I try to block them out. If I don't pay any attention to them they tend to become almost quiet. I like that. I like having it quiet in my mind."

  "But this is the one thing we have, you and I, Christian." She spoke with urgency in her voice. "If you close up we won't be able to communicate. Don't do it. I need you in my life, Christian. Even if I can't be with you. I need you."

  I was surprised. Happy, thrilled even but still startled. She needed me. She had missed me. I had never heard those words from her before. But oh how I had longed to hear them one day. To know that I meant the same to her that she meant to me. It wasn't just a dream. What we had together wasn't just in my head. It was real. It was very real.

  I reached out my hand and took hers. We walked for a few minutes in silence watching the kids enjoy themselves, taking our time to just be there, present in this very moment not caring for what the next will bring. I wanted to tell her about my latest discovery with my eyes and the nightly visit to the swamps, but I never got to it. I sensed that whatever she had on her mind was far more important. I was right.

  "So why did you call for me?" I asked.

  She paused before she spoke. "I need your help with something."

  I nodded sensing the importance. "I will do anything for you."

  "I know you will. But this is for Luyu."

  I nodded again. "Anything for her as well," I said.

  Aiyana sighed and glanced in her daughter's direction. "She has problems with her eyes. She was born with it. You can't tell by looking at her, but she has developed severe cataracts in both her eyes. It's growing by the minute now. Her sight is getting blurry. It's not affecting her too badly yet but it will eventually. The doctor who examined her said she might go blind if it is not treated. My husband Michael doesn't want to spend the money on surgery. Says we don't have any. And he doesn't want to take money from my family. Says he doesn't want to be in debt to them. So that's when I thought of you. You're an eye surgeon."

  "Of course. I can take care of it. No problem. It will be my gift to her, to you. I would love to, really."

  Aiyana sighed deeply. Then she stopped and looked at me. She grabbed my arm. Her light brown eyes contained a deep sorrow so unfamiliar in her. So unusual for her normally light and joyful personality. "Michael can't know," she said.

  "Can't know what? That I am operating her? I don't understand."

  "He can't know about any of this. He can't know you're operating on her, he can't know who you are, that we met like this, our history or that we even know each other. Can you promise me that? Can you do that for me?"

  I felt both confused and angry. "But why? It's his daughter!"

  "Yes. But you have to know this about Michael. He is very proud. He will never accept charity. He would never accept this if I told him. Especially not if he knew who you were."

  I nodded slightly as we began to walk again. Part of me understood what she was saying. "So what are you planning on telling him?"

  She looked at me with wide eyes. "Nothing. He must not know anything about it. He will be out of town some weeks from now for a week. Doing some work in Georgia with his friends. He's an electrician so he takes the jobs that come to him. There haven’t been many lately and we're running out of money, so now he started accepting jobs in other states. I thought we might do it when he is gone. As far as I am told the surgery will only take a day, right?"

  "That's correct. The procedure itself only takes a few minutes. It's all the examinations and the preparation that takes time. And unlike adults she needs to be under anesthesia but that shouldn't cause too many problems for her. If you bring her in around ten she'll be done by four in the aft
ernoon. I will make sure that she gets the best treatment."

  "Then that's what we'll do." She grabbed my arm and squeezed it. "Thank you so much, Christian. This means everything to me."

  "It's nothing," I said. "But don't you think your husband will notice eventually and start asking questions?"

  "Maybe. But at least then Luyu's eyes will be healed and she will be able to go on with her life," Aiyana said. "He can't change that, he can't reverse it."

  I nodded in silence. I was thrilled to be able to help Aiyana and by the prospect of getting to see her once again, but I didn't like the feeling I had about this guy she had married. It made me uncomfortable.

  We walked for a little while longer staring at the waves and the long stretch of sandy beach reaching as far as the eye could see. Seagulls and pelicans dove for fish. We stopped to watch them as Aiyana put her hand in mine again. She squeezed it tightly. A thrill coursed through my body. I closed my eyes for a second and took in the moment. The wind took her hair and her scent of subtle jasmine filled my nostrils causing all my memories of our time together ten years ago to rise inside of me again. I had forgotten almost nothing from that time. I remembered every word she ever spoke to me; I remembered every little thing about her body, every curve, every bump. I felt so happy at that moment hand in hand with Aiyana that I almost couldn't bear it. I wanted to stay like this forever. I opened my eyes and looked at her with a huge smile. I wanted to get to know her again. I wanted to catch up on all I had lost, everything I didn't know about, everything that had happened in her life since then.