The Retreat

  There had to be something she could do to make her parents realise how lucky they were. Her attempt to run away had been a massive fail. She hadn’t been gone long enough for them to worry. They hadn’t even realised she’d left the house! Mum was all fretful and cross when Lily got home, telling her never to do that again. Dad echoed what Mum said and that had been good, seeing them agree about something for a change.

  So maybe it hadn’t been such a fail after all.

  But that had been weeks ago, and as Christmas approached the atmosphere between her parents had become as frosty as the morning grass.

  Until today: New Year’s Eve. Earlier, Mum and Dad had locked themselves in their room for ages. She could hear them talking and then they’d gone quiet for a while. When they came out they were both smiling and the atmosphere around them had changed. It was amazing. They said she could stay up with them till midnight. But then they’d started watching this programme with all these ancient, boring rock stars, and they were drinking champagne and getting all lovey-dovey, which made her want to vomit. She wanted them to love each other and not argue, but kissing in front of her? That was gross. So she left them to it, went upstairs and Skyped Megan.

  They played MovieStarPlanet together for a little while, and then Megan said, ‘It’s 2015 tomorrow. You know what that means?’

  ‘What?’ Lily asked.

  ‘It means it’s thirty-five years since the Red Widow last took a child. Since Carys was sacrificed to her.’

  Lily remembered that taxi driver, whatever his name was, telling them this.

  Megan went on. ‘That day you saw her in the woods, she must have been scouting.’

  ‘Scouting?’

  ‘Yeah, you know. Looking for kids. Getting ready.’ There was a long pause. ‘Did she really say my name?’

  Lily hesitated. Megan had asked her this, like, a hundred times since that day. Lily knew she should have confessed straight away that she’d made it up. But there was something thrilling about seeing the fear on Megan’s face, and the longer time went on, the harder it became to tell the truth. She didn’t want Megan to be mad with her and call her a liar.

  ‘Yeah,’ Lily said, and Megan nodded, sadly, as if she really believed her fate was sealed and there was nothing she could do to fight it.

  The stupid Red Widow. Since that day in the woods, Lily had become increasingly convinced the witch didn’t exist, that she had imagined those eyes watching her, just as she’d once imagined seeing a fairy at the bottom of her garden. Seeing how easily Megan had swallowed the lie about the witch saying her name made Lily realise how she too had been – what was the word? – gullible. Childish. It had been a trick of the light, that was all.

  ‘Can we talk about something else?’ Lily said. ‘I’m so bored of talking about the Widow.’

  ‘Oh. Sorry to be so boring.’

  ‘I didn’t say you were boring . . .’

  But Megan wasn’t listening. She scowled into the camera. ‘I bet you’d be glad if the Widow took me, wouldn’t you?’ Megan said.

  ‘What? Don’t be stupid. Come on, it’s only five minutes until midnight. Let’s not argue.’

  But it was too late. Megan was in a strop and she refused to say Happy New Year when midnight struck. She muttered goodnight and ended the call.

  A few seconds later, Mum came in. Lily quickly slid her iPad under the pillow.

  ‘I’m so sorry,’ Mum said. ‘I was going to call you down so we could see in the new year together but I lost track of time.’

  ‘That’s okay.’

  Mum sat on the bed.

  ‘Well, Happy New Year, sweetheart.’

  Mum gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek then said, ‘Are you all right?’

  ‘Yeah. Just tired.’

  ‘Me too.’ Mum took Lily’s hand. ‘I know things have been difficult lately, with me and your dad. But it’s going to get better from now on. I promise. We love you more than anything.’

  The words warmed Lily’s insides and she gave Mum another cuddle, and then Dad came in and said, ‘Happy New Year!’ and they had a group hug. She forgot all about grumpy Megan.

  Lily went to sleep feeling happier than she had in ages.

  The next morning, Mum and Dad looked tired. Dad said he had a headache. But they smiled at each other and Mum didn’t flinch when Dad gave her a hug in the kitchen.

  Over lunch – soup and crusty bread – Mum said, ‘Why don’t we go out for a walk? Get some fresh air.’

  ‘Great idea,’ said Dad.

  Lily groaned. She hated fresh air. She wanted to go to her room to call Megan or watch something on her iPad. But her parents insisted that it would ‘do us the world of good’. They decided to go for a walk down by the river, where Lily knew it would be muddy and windy. But, she reminded herself, at least they were in a good mood and getting on well. Maybe things had turned the corner and Mum and Dad weren’t going to get divorced and she wouldn’t be forced to choose between them. (Not that it would be much of a choice. Mum would win every time.)

  As they were about to leave, Mum said, ‘Don’t forget to put your coat on.’

  ‘But I’m not cold.’

  Mum gave her a hug. ‘You’re like a radiator. How do you do it?’

  Lily smiled. ‘I’ve got a warm heart, obviously. Can I bring Big Cat and Little Cat?’

  Dad appeared. He’d been looking for his wellies. ‘Haven’t you outgrown those toys yet?’

  Lily scowled and Mum said, ‘They’re not toys, are they, Lils? They’re real.’

  That made Dad laugh and Lily said, ‘Family hug.’ It had been a long time since they’d done this, the three of them standing up and putting their arms around each other, a circle of love and togetherness, and in that moment Lily thought everything was good. This was going to be the best year ever.

  Chesney followed them to the edge of the garden and Lily thought he might come with them all the way to the river, but then he got distracted by a bird or something and ran off. She would have to make do with her cuddly cats. She held on to Big Cat, while Little was stuffed into her pocket.

  It was muddy and windy by the river, just as Lily had suspected. She walked along for a while, fantasising about having a dog. A pug, that’s what she really wanted. Then she remembered that last time she’d said she wanted a pug, Dad told her you have to squeeze their bum glands which made all this stuff ooze out that smelled of fish. This was the most disgusting thing Lily had ever heard. Suddenly, she’d gone right off the idea of getting a pug.

  And then she heard her parents arguing. Again. She couldn’t believe it! So much for this being a happy new year, a fresh start. Mum was jabbing a finger at Dad, who looked both angry and shame-faced.

  Lily wanted to scream.

  Furious, she stomped off ahead into the trees. She looked back up the path but couldn’t see them. They must have stopped walking, too busy arguing to move forward.

  Oh God, they were going to split up. She’d probably have to move away. One parent would get her and the other would keep Chesney.

  She had to do something.

  Think, think. She could make them think she’d disappeared, run away again.

  But that hadn’t worked last time, had it? She needed to do something more drastic. She could jump into the river . . . No, that was crazy. But what if she made them think she’d drowned? That she was dead? Even if they thought it for a moment, the shock would be so great it would make them see how stupid they were being.

  She looked down at Big Cat. Could she do it? She could throw him in, then hide. Wait for her mum and dad to appear, let them panic for a minute, then show herself. She didn’t really want to throw Big into that freezing water, but he was only a toy really, wasn’t he? They’d be able to get him out with a long stick, she was sure.

  She kissed Big Cat then, without thinking about it any more, took a step towards the bank and threw him into the water. He fell short, but rolled across the rocks and, in slow motion, plop
ped into the river.

  She hurried into the bushes – and almost jumped out of her skin.

  ‘What are you doing?’ she asked.

  And then there was a hand on her mouth, stopping her from screaming or calling out. The hand was replaced by something else. A gag. She tried to run, but strong arms held on to her then dragged her away, through the bushes. She could hear Mum calling her name but she couldn’t respond.

  She had been stupid – and now she couldn’t do a thing to save herself.

  Chapter 42

  Julia unzipped the rucksack and took out the shears she’d brought with her. She held the tip against the cowering Heledd’s throat.

  ‘Tell me what you did to Lily or I’ll cut your fucking head off!’ she said.

  Heledd stared at her, lips trembling but not speaking. I placed a palm on Julia’s shoulder, put another hand on her arm, gently lowering it until the shears pointed at the ground.

  I tried a gentler approach. I was still finding it hard to separate this shaking, tear-stained Heledd from the calm, intelligent woman I knew. If it wasn’t for what she’d said about confessing her sins and those of her parents, I’d find it difficult to believe she was guilty of anything. That and the journal, which she’d brought to this place instead of taking it to the police.

  ‘Did you follow us?’ I asked.

  She stared at me like a mute, frightened child.

  ‘I told Olly we were coming out here, so I guess he told you, is that right? Or were you planning to come here all along? To destroy this?’

  I held up the journal.

  ‘What’s that?’ Julia asked.

  ‘Olly’s dad’s journal.’ I riffled through the pages of the journal, remembering how Heledd had leafed through it earlier. ‘Did you see something in here? Something incriminating?’

  She was silent.

  ‘Tell him!’ Julia urged, pointing the shears in her direction.

  Heledd shrunk back. Finally, she spoke. ‘Malcolm . . .’ She drew in a breath. ‘He found out who my father is . . . Saw him and Mum together. Saw all of us . . .’

  ‘How is that incriminating?’

  She didn’t reply, so I moved on.

  ‘Your father? Who is he? Glynn?’

  Again, she refused to answer. Again, I moved on.

  ‘Heledd, was it you who pushed Julia down the stairs?’

  Her eyes darted to Julia then back to me. Then a tiny nod.

  ‘You bitch,’ Julia said.

  Heledd cowered and I lay a hand on Julia’s shoulder until I was sure she wasn’t going to use the shears.

  ‘Were you and Ursula working together?’ I asked.

  Heledd frowned with confusion. ‘Ursula?’ She genuinely didn’t seem to know who that was.

  ‘Did you kill Zara?’

  She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. ‘I had to . . . She was going to find out.’

  I groaned. ‘Find out what?’

  But she’d clammed up again. Julia paced behind me, a human ball of raging energy. Two years of frustration and anger she had previously directed inwards now threatening to burst out.

  I had one more question for Heledd. ‘Who did you see? Who scared you?’

  But all she would say was, ‘The Widow.’

  ‘Let me talk to her,’ Julia demanded, pushing in front of me. Heledd looked up at her and I saw something new in her eyes. Sympathy, perhaps. Not the fear or guilt I expected to see there.

  Julia took a step towards Heledd, crouching and grabbing the front of her top with one hand, holding the shears in the other.

  ‘Tell me one thing,’ she demanded. ‘Is Lily alive or dead?’

  Heledd answered with a whisper. ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘Tell me!’

  There were tears in Heledd’s eyes. ‘I don’t know. I really don’t know.’

  ‘Fuck this!’ Julia stood and threw the shears across the empty chapel.

  I found the other flashlight and switched it on. ‘One of us should go and get the police, and the other should stay here to guard her.’

  ‘I’ll go. I might kill her if I’m left alone with her.’

  ‘Are you sure? Is your back okay?’

  Julia waved away my concern. ‘It’s fine. Adrenaline’s a powerful painkiller. I think there’s a farmhouse not too far away. I’ll go there and use their phone.’

  ‘Okay.’

  She stopped for a second, taking one last look at Heledd, who appeared to be praying silently.

  ‘She really believes she saw the Widow, doesn’t she?’

  ‘It seems that way. She doesn’t realise you’re much scarier than any witch.’

  ‘Huh.’

  She left, leaving me alone with Heledd.

  I tried to talk to her again, but she had withdrawn fully now. In the end, I gave up. I sat on one of the pews while she remained in the corner, shivering and hugging herself. I leafed through Malcolm’s journal. Heledd must have seen something in it while she was looking through it earlier, something that made her decide she needed to destroy it. It was cold in the chapel; the thought of Zara’s body rotting below my feet made it feel even colder. And then, finally, there was commotion outside, lights shining through the woods, and DC Hawkins came through the door.

  ‘Fucking hell. You have a way of attracting drama, don’t you?’ she said to me.

  I shrugged. ‘It’s a special talent.’

  A uniformed officer escorted me to the nearest road, where a number of police vehicles were parked. Getting into the car, my phone signal returned and it vibrated in my pocket. It was a voicemail, received at 10.30 p.m., from Olly Jones.

  ‘I’m worried about Heledd. She went out hours ago and hasn’t come home.’

  I laughed darkly. He was in for a shock.

  It was 2 a.m. by the time I got back to the retreat. Julia was already there, the police having sent her home. She sat in the kitchen with a bottle of red wine open before her.

  ‘I’m giving up being teetotal,’ she said, pouring me a glass. ‘Did Heledd say anything else?’

  ‘No. What about Ursula? Have you spoken to her?’

  Julia pulled a disgusted face. ‘I’ve tried. She just rambled on about her spirit guide. But she swears she’s never met Heledd.’

  She shook her head then picked up her phone.

  ‘Who are you calling?’ I asked.

  ‘The police.’

  She managed to get through to DC Hawkins, who told her she’d ring her once they’d had a chance to interview Heledd.

  ‘I have to know what she knows about Lily,’ Julia said, her voice cracking. The stress of the past few hours had shaken her to her bones, and I went over as soon as she ended the call and put my arms around her. She was stiff at first, before finally relaxing and slumping against me.

  We drank the wine together in exhausted silence. Julia kept checking her phone until the battery died. She took it over to the counter and plugged it in.

  ‘You can’t sit here all night,’ I said.

  ‘I can’t go to bed. What if the police call?’

  She sat down at the table and lay her head on the smooth surface. I sat beside her and realised, a few minutes later, she had fallen asleep. I fetched a cushion and gently placed it beneath her head, then crept up to bed.

  I was awoken by voices from downstairs. I wasn’t sure where I was at first. My body was heavy as lead, brain wrapped in cotton wool. I was naked and the scent on the sheets brought it all back to me. Naked flesh, eyes and hands and tongues. Intense, hungry, cathartic sex. I lay there for a moment, wishing I could remain in this bed, the past and future locked outside, existing only in the present with Julia beside me.

  Except I was here and she was somewhere else. I could hear three voices, one deep, another higher. I dressed hurriedly and went downstairs, squinting against the light.

  Julia was in the kitchen with DC Hawkins and DI Snaith, steaming mugs of tea before them. They both looked tired. I guessed they’d been up all night
. I imagined them being dragged from their beds by the call that led them to me and Heledd in the woods. Any lingering hostility I might have harboured after they regarded me as a suspect crumbled away.

  ‘Mr Radcliffe,’ DI Snaith said. Beside him, DC Hawkins’s nose wrinkled. I no doubt smelled like I needed a shower.

  ‘What time is it?’ I asked.

  Julia replied, ‘Just gone noon.’

  There were dark circles around her eyes and she had pulled her hair back into a tight ponytail. No make-up. She was beautiful.

  She shot me a ‘stop staring at me’ look. ‘The detectives are about to tell me what happened with Heledd.’

  I sat down and DI Snaith nodded to his colleague, who cleared her throat.

  ‘She’s confessed to the attack on you, and to the murders of Max Lake and Zara Sullivan.’

  ‘Oh God.’ I put my head in my hands. ‘Why did she kill Max?’

  ‘Apparently she was only intending to do away with you, but Max saw her face so he had to go too. And Zara Sullivan – well, Heledd was terrified she was going to find out—’

  ‘That Heledd took Lily?’ Julia interrupted.

  DI Snaith held up a hand. ‘I’ll come to that in a minute.’

  ‘But—’

  ‘Please, Mrs Marsh, I need you to be patient, just for a minute.’

  I squeezed Julia’s hand. It was cold. I turned back to DI Snaith and DC Hawkins.

  I kept my voice calm. ‘What about Shirley and Malcolm?’

  ‘Malcolm Jones died from his heart condition,’ DI Snaith said. ‘But Heledd admits to confronting him – threatening him, I should say – the morning before he died, telling him not to talk to Ms Sullivan. It seems likely that the stress of the situation contributed to his death.’

  ‘But it’s not something we’ll ever be able to prove in court,’ DC Hawkins added.

  ‘How did Zara die?’ I asked.

  ‘We won’t get the coroner’s report for a while, but Heledd said she led Zara to the chapel, telling her she had something important to show her, something related to her investigation. She pushed her down the stairs to the crypt. We think she broke both her legs during the fall. And Heledd left her there.’