Secret Admirer

  “Thank you, my lord,” Lady Olivia said. “We shall see you and Lady Sandal at our ball tonight, won’t we?”

  “No,” Crispin answered at the spur of the moment. “I am afraid neither we nor any of my cousins will be able to attend. We’re going out of town.”

  For an instant something old and familiar flickered in Lawrence’s face, but it was gone almost before it appeared. Crispin could not identify it but he hoped like hell it was pain.

  Jack—unhurt, unharried, even unrumpled—emerged from the coach first and smiled at Tuesday in a way he had not smiled since leaving Doom Hall.

  “Jack has a surprise for Tuesday,” he said gleefully.

  “Tuesday is just so relieved Jack is back,” she said, rushing toward him. “She does not need any surprises.”

  “Yes yes yes,” Jack insisted, putting up a hand to check her approach. “Jack had to stay at his friends’ house because of the weather. And now Jack brought his friends to stay at his house just like CeCe told him to.”

  As he spoke Tom stepped out of the carriage, carrying a dark-haired boy with piercing blue eyes in his arms. He set little Lawrence down, then reached in and gave his hand to Maria.

  “Friends for Tuesday,” Jack chirped.

  The two women stood and looked at each other. Then Maria rushed forward, embraced CeCe as if they were old friends, and said, “Lady Arlington, you must help me.”

  Tuesday looked from CeCe to Maria. “What is going on? How do you two know each other,” she demanded. She looked at Tom. “What are you doing here?”

  Tom was beaming. “Just wanted to help. Now that I’ve seen you three together I’ll take myself off.”

  “Please, Tom, you are welcome to come inside and warm yourself. It is freezing,” Tuesday insisted.

  But Tom shook his head and mounted the horse that had been running behind the carriage. “I think you three have plenty to talk about without me. Besides, His Lordship might notice I was gone and, given his mood these days, that would land me in grave danger.”

  He saluted them and galloped off, leaving Tuesday standing, baffled, between CeCe and Maria.

  “Come inside,” CeCe urged, putting an arm through hers. “There are a few things you need to hear Tuesday.”

  Once inside, CeCe nudged Tuesday into a chair next to the fire and placed Maria in one opposite. Then, to Tuesday’s complete astonishment, CeCe bent on her knees at her feet and said, “Before I start, I want you to know that I will understand if you can’t forgive me.”

  Tuesday’s head was buzzing. “Forgive you for what? You still haven’t explained how you two know each other.”

  “Later,” CeCe said. “Right now I have to explain how you and I know each other.”

  “We ran into each other at the park,” Tuesday told her.

  “No. I made you run into me. I had been looking for ways to meet you for a month when that happened. For ways to get into your household. Because I hated you and I wanted to do you harm.”

  Tuesday gaped at her. “CeCe, have you taken leave of your senses? I think you should lie down.”

  “It’s true,” CeCe went on. “Although it’s like you not to believe it. But I hated you so powerfully that I was determined to do everything I could to ruin your life. That was why I offered to work for you for free, so I could be close to you and study how best to destroy your happiness. Because I blamed you for destroying mine.”

  “I did? I never meant to.”

  “Of course you didn’t. But that’s not how I saw it. I had been in love with a boy in our village, an artist. To tell you the truth, I threw myself on him. After we had laid together I told him he had to marry me and he agreed, saying only that he wanted to come to London first to try to sell his paintings. He approached you and asked for you to critique his work, but you told him your brother wouldn’t let you, that he did not want you to scare off any suitors for your hand by painting. When I first heard that I thought it was a ridiculously romantic excuse, but knowing you now I can see it was probably the truth. In any event, Orlando wrote to me and said he could not marry me because he had fallen in love with you. That I would, too, if I had seen you and met you. That he could not stop himself, that it was fate. He spent all his days watching you but he was afraid to talk to you or press his suit because he did not want you to be forced into loving him the way you were with the men your brother brought home. Every time you got engaged it gnawed at him, and when you married Curtis, he wanted to die. So he enlisted in the navy.”

  “And sailed with Lawrence,” Tuesday put in. She remembered Lawrence telling her the story about Orlando, about how he loved a woman and never told anyone, but she could hardly imagine it had been her. “He died.”

  “Right,” CeCe continued. “And I blamed you. I blamed you for stealing him from me and then for killing him. I blamed you for taking away everything I held dear. So I resolved to do the same to you. First I had an affair with Curtis, but I soon discovered that wasn’t really going to cause you pain, not the kind I wanted. So I bided my time. And finally got the opportunity. You fell in love with Lawrence Pickering. And I resolved to destroy it.”

  Tuesday’s eyes moved to Maria, who was listening as she watched little Lawrence and Jack make a fort out of the cooking pots on the rug in front of them, but CeCe shook her head. “No, you’ll understand that later. Because of my affair with Curtis, I knew all about the smuggling, and I decided to frame you for it. I sent the note, I changed the contents of your trunk, I did everything.” CeCe paused. “But it did not work. What you and Lawrence had was stronger than that. And as the days went on, I found I was glad. I used to think you were so self-centered that you did not even know I hated you, but then I realized I was the one who was self-centered. You only cared how others felt, not how they felt about you. You would dedicate your life to making someone else happy even if they hated you, like you did with me. When I realized that, I discovered I couldn’t hate you anymore. And Morse convinced me that I should confess everything to you. He told me you would forgive me. But I wanted to do more. I spent more than a year trying to destroy your happiness. I’ve spent the last three months looking for a way to restore it. And now, thanks to Tom, I think I have finally found it.” Her eyes went to Maria and her expression changed as she added, “I’m only afraid that I might have wasted too much time.”

  Tuesday was completely dazed by CeCe’s revelations. She took both the woman’s hands in hers and pulled her up and hugged her. “I am so sorry if I ever did you harm, CeCe,” she said, and CeCe pulled away, a little smile on her lips.

  “Haven’t you been listening, Tuesday? I’m the one who did you harm. But now, if I can, I’m going to fix it.” She gestured toward Maria and said, “I believe you two have met. You have a lot to talk about. Why don’t I take the boys outside so you can speak freely.”

  CeCe was bundling them up when Jack turned to Tuesday and sang out, “Guess what! Maria says Tuesday’s friend Lawrence is getting married.”

  Tuesday’s hands made fists and she whispered, “The bastard. How could he do this to you?”

  “That is what I want to talk to you about.” Maria paused until the door had closed behind CeCe, Jack, and her son, then said urgently, “It is not me he is hurting. It is you. And himself. I need you to help me save him.”

  “What are you talking about? You are his wife. He is—”

  “Lawrence and I aren’t married.”

  “That is worse. He did not even give you his name after getting you with child?”

  “Lawrence is my son’s father, yes. But only by adoption. My son’s real father—” she stopped. “What I am going to tell you, you must promise not to repeat to anyone.”

  “I promise.”

  Maria leaned forward in the chair. “Have you ever heard the name ‘Everly’?”

  “Yes. Lawrence said he was one of his men. That he died.”

  Maria smiled to herself slightly. “That is all h
e told you?”

  “He said he tried to save him but he couldn’t.”

  “Ah, Lawrence. Too gallant for your own good,” Maria mused. Then she looked at Tuesday. “Everly is my son’s father. But he was a traitor. And still Lawrence did everything he could to save him.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  Maria took a moment to marshal her thoughts, then plunged in. “Everyone knows that Lawrence and his men were captured during the war, but no one knows they let themselves be captured on purpose, in order to learn all they could about the Spanish operation and free the hundreds of English who were languishing in Spanish prisons. My brother Rafael and I had been working with the English against our king for several years, ever since the king’s nephew—” she paused, waved that away. “But that does not matter. I had been working as a camarera, what you call a chambermaid, collecting information in the prison for over a year before Lawrence arrived. That was how I met Everly. He had been captured early in the war and was there during that time, too. I remember the first time I noticed him exercising in the yard—but that is not important either. I was a fool. I fell in love with him. And I believed that he loved me, especially when he bribed the prison priest to marry us secretly. He taught me English and told me about England and I told him about my brother’s and my work—I wanted to seem brave and important to him, to show him we could have a life together, that we were on the same side. When Lawrence came Everly put him in touch with Rafe and me. Together, we learned all we could of the prison, and prepared for the escape. Lawrence made the plan and handled the instructions inside the prison, and we were supposed to organize transportation outside.

  “But the night before, the comandante of the prison learned of the plan. He had all the prisoners, all two hundred of them, dragged from bed and lined up against the wall to be shot. Rafe and I were waiting on a ridge overlooking the camp and we saw it all. It was horrible, the prison yard lit up like sunshine, and all these men standing, not moving. On one side the prisoners. On the other side, the guards with their pistols aimed at their chests.

  “Then, like a miracle, the barracks exploded. The building collapsed entirely, trapping the shooters under it. In the confusion, Lawrence rushed the men out. All but two—two out of two hundred—got away. They scattered as they had been told to when the escape was first planned, except that instead of going where he was supposed to, Lawrence followed Everly.

  “Everly came to meet Rafe and me on the ridge. He rushed to me and took me in his arms, I thought to celebrate his escape, but in a moment I realized that he was pointing a pistol at my brother.

  “ ‘You tricked me,’ he said to Rafe. ‘You knew I was selling information to the Spanish and you used me to set them up.’

  “ ‘I’m afraid I did that,’ Lawrence said, coming up then. Everly turned toward him, training the pistol on him instead. It was the moment for Rafe to run, but he stayed planted where he was. ‘Why did you do it, Everly?’

  “ ‘Money of course.’

  “ ‘Where were you going to spend it? Here in Spain?’

  “ ‘Why not? Spanish women like me.’ He rubbed my stomach because I was, by that time, more than eight months pregnant with his child. ‘But you’ve ruined the whole thing. My bosses aren’t going to be happy with me. Thank heaven I got at least one part of it right.’

  “ ‘What are you talking about?’

  “ ‘Come see for yourself.’ He dragged me farther up the ridge, so we were on the edge of the cliff, and Lawrence and Rafe followed. From there if you looked straight down you could see the ocean. And if you looked to the right you saw the town where Rafe and I had grown up. Where we were living. Everyone in the town was a relative of ours and everyone bore the same grudge we did against the king, so they were all working with us. Or had been. Because the town had been burned to the ground.

  “ ‘I suppose to make further amends I’ll have to bring them the heads of the two prison-break ring leaders.’

  “ ‘Only one head,’ Lawrence said. ‘Mine.’

  “ ‘Do you think I’m a fool, Pickering? You expect me to leave your friend here alive to carry out your orders? I know damn well you and Rafael are a team.’

  “He was right. Lawrence and my brother had become very close friends. Rafe was posing as a roof builder—it was quite windy there and the roofs’ tiles were always flying off—which meant that he was very often near the attic cell where Lawrence was kept by himself as punishment when he made too much of a fuss about the bad food or his men’s need for shoes. It was a horrible place, not even large enough for him to stand or lie down all the way, but he was able to communicate with Rafe through a hole in the roof. My brother had been a professor of theology in Madrid at the king’s university before our sister was—before all of this, so for him to have a man like Lawrence to talk to was a blessing. Sometimes I suspected Lawrence got punished just so he and Rafe could continue whatever argument they were having.” Maria paused and shook her head at the memory.

  “Of course, their friendship was why Everly behaved as he did. Holding his pistol on my head, here,” she tapped her temple, “he made me tie them together, back to back; then he pushed them to the edge of the cliff and had them stand there. One of Lawrence and my brother’s favorite arguments was about whether fate and luck existed, and the way Lawrence always argued against it was by pulling out a coin and tossing it to show that no amount of prayer could control which side it landed on all the time. That was what Everly did then. He pulled out a coin and tossed it. It was heads, which was what Lawrence always picked. It was Lawrence’s turn to die. Lawrence did not say anything. Everly put his pistol on him and, with Lawrence looking right in his eyes, fired.”

  Tuesday had not realized that she had taken Maria’s hand, but Maria now clenched hers, tight. “Oh God. I hate this. I hate remembering.” Maria took three deep breaths. “Rafael—Rafe moved. He moved so the bullet just grazed Lawrence’s shoulder but hit him in the neck. Blood flew everywhere. Then he fell down and dragged Lawrence down with him. He did it so that Lawrence could save me. Could take me to England. He sacrificed himself for me.

  “I could not stop myself. I pulled away from Everly and threw myself on my brother. Everly was surprised and he lost his balance and tripped forward, toward the edge of the cliff. I remember so clearly the moment when he seemed to be hovering, almost flying, at the edge of the cliff. And then, at the last second, he was gone.” Maria closed her eyes hard. “I got my brother killed. And then I killed the father of my child.”

  Tuesday shook her head. “No. Lawrence caught his hand, but Everly let go.”

  “That is what Lawrence says to make me feel better.”

  “It is the truth.”

  “Maybe. What is important is what happened after.” Maria’s eyes opened. “I was very pregnant and Lawrence refused to let me cross to England until after the baby came. He stayed with me, even though he could have been killed, hiding me in boarding houses, until my son was born. And then he smuggled us across to England in a shipment of silk stockings. He had to buy them all because little Lawrence and I made such a mess of them, but he did not care.” She wiped a tear from her cheek.

  “When he was made an earl he adopted Lawrence as his son so he would always be able to give him protection, and so he could inherit his lands. Of course if you have a son he should be the one—”

  “I don’t think Lawrence and I are going to be having any children.”

  “Yes,” Maria said, becoming animated again as she remembered why she was there. “You must. Don’t you see, Lady Arlington. You must go to him. He needs you.”

  “No, he doesn’t.”

  “You don’t know. He has been miserable these three months without you.”

  “It does not sound like it. You said he is engaged.”

  “Only to punish himself. To fill the empty place you left him in his heart.”

  Tuesday looked away. “He would have come after
me. If he cared about me he would have come and explained all of this himself.” She spoke the words she had not allowed herself to think every minute of every day of the past months. The words that proved again how easily she was forgotten. “If he loved me he would have found me.”

  “He couldn’t. You see, there are people from Spain who consider me a traitor and who would like to punish Lawrence for the damage he did. They cannot kill him, he is too powerful here in England, but they can kill me. That was why we told people I was Lady Pickering, because they would hesitate to hurt me until they confirmed it, and in that time I could get away. He was afraid to tell you, to tell anyone the truth, because it would endanger my son and me. He would not put our lives at risk for anything. He was protecting us. Not from you. From everyone. When he found out you had seen me, that your friend George knew about me, he was terrified of what might happen. He moved us that night and told us to speak to no one. That is why he did not deny what you said that day at Doom Manor,” Maria added, as if reading Tuesday’s thoughts. “And afterwards he convinced himself that you had never loved him because you had not trusted him enough to believe he would never betray you. Or me.”

  Tuesday was shaking her head. It made no sense and perfect sense.

  “You know him well enough to see how he would react, Lady Arlington. And then, when he discovered you had pawned the necklace he had cleaned for you—”

  “—he did not have it cleaned. He had all the stones replaced so that it went from worthless to priceless.”

  Maria half smiled. “He has a problem with excess, no?” Tuesday nodded. “When he learned that, he thought you were trying to get rid of all signs of him because he disgusted you. After that nothing in the world could have brought him to you.”

  Something occurred to Tuesday. “You are risking your life by telling me this.”