Zane's the Other Side of the Pillow

  “Don’t you look cute,” I teased, talking about his flannel pajamas.

  I had on a black two-piece set that showed a little bit of boobies and accentuated my ass.

  “I didn’t want to come out here like I usually sleep,” he said.

  “And how is that?”

  “Completely nude.”

  I giggled as I sat Indian-style beside him on the sofa. “Aw, so you’re a ten-percenter.”

  “What’s a ten-percenter?”

  “That’s the percentage of people globally who tend to sleep naked.”

  “You and your encyclopedia head. I like the fact that you’re a thinker. Not every woman can stimulate me intellectually.”

  Oh, I plan to stimulate you, all right!

  “I still need to warn you.”

  “Oh, yeah,” he said. “I forgot about the warning you wanted to issue to me earlier.”

  “I hope you don’t take any of this the wrong way.”

  “One way to find out. Issue the warning and let me decide how I take it.”

  I got up off the sofa and went over to the TV that had an iPod dock attached to it. My iPod was already there, charging.

  “I need some theme music.”

  “Theme music?” I could hear Tevin chuckling. “To talk to me?”

  “Yes. Haven’t you ever noticed that there’s usually at least one song that explains and expresses what you’re thinking at any given moment in time?”

  “Never really thought of it like that, but it makes sense. So what’s your theme song for this moment in time?”

  “ ‘Things Don’t Exist’ by Goapele. Ever heard it?”

  “No; never. What’s it about?”

  “Just listen to it and then I’ll pour my heart out to you afterwards.”

  “Pour your heart out? Maybe I should pour us some wine.”

  We both laughed nervously as the song started. It seemed silly, but I really wanted him to be able to relate to how I was feeling. “Things Don’t Exist” summed it up perfectly.

  Tevin sat there and listened to the nearly five-minute song that described a woman who was blue and who admitted that she was her own worst enemy. She sang about how when she looked into her current man’s eyes she saw a love that she had never known, and about how things still existed in her heart that she hoped to get rid of so she could embrace love.

  “Deep song,” Tevin said after it ended. “Let me analyze it, even though I am not a Virgo.”

  I giggled. “No one ever said that only Virgos can analyze things, only that we tend to go overboard sometimes.”

  “Sometimes?”

  “Okay, all the time.” I rubbed Tevin’s cheek tenderly. “I wanted you to hear that song because it truly does sum up the woman that I am, in this moment, here with you. I see something in the way that you look at me that I actually do believe is real, but I’m broken. I’m broken and hurt, and as much as I wish that I wasn’t, it’s the truth.

  “I’m not sure why you made the decision to even try to establish anything real with me. I’m a good woman and I know it, but I’ve always been a good woman. I was a good woman when Wesley decided to commit to me over all the others. And I was also a good woman when he cheated on me, gave me chlamydia, got me pregnant, and put a pillowcase over my head and beat me half to death. I decided to abort the child without him ever knowing. Don’t judge me for that, please.”

  Tevin took me into his arms. “Oh, baby, I’m so sorry.”

  “The dummy actually believed that using a pillowcase wouldn’t leave any bruises. Can you believe that? He actually told that to the police at the emergency room when they came to arrest him. Like using a pillowcase should get him a pass for putting his hands on me.”

  “I wish that I could get my hands on that motherfucker. I’d kill him.”

  I could tell that Tevin was serious. It was a pleasant thought, but not a realistic one.

  “Trust me, I considered killing him myself, but that would have allowed him to take everything from me . . . including my freedom. He damaged me enough. I call what Wesley did to me my initial ‘hit and run.’ Then other men came along, saw me as a wounded deer in the middle of the road, and ran over me again. Used me for sex; used me for money; used me as a punching bag. Then it became normal. It is what I came to expect.

  “I started wondering if the way that romance and love were portrayed in books and movies from the past was all a myth. If you look at the current novels and theatrical releases, the romantic comedies and love stories, they all make it seem like two people can meet, fall in love, and live happily ever after. Yet, most of my friends are struggling to even find a man to fuck that isn’t already doing another one of our friends.”

  “I take it that it’s been a while since you’ve been with someone, Jemistry, and I want you to know that I don’t want to rush you.” He sighed. “No, let me rephrase that. I don’t want you to think that you’re obligated to do anything with me. Of course, I’d love to make love to you, but that has to be what you truly want.”

  “I know that you would never force me to do something with you, Tevin. And the fact of the matter is that I’ve changed to some degree. I made a promise to myself that I would never allow another man to hurt me ever again. He might get one shot in, but after the first red flag, it’s over. I wouldn’t be here with you if I thought you were capable of intentionally hurting me. Yet, in the back of my mind, I don’t put anything past anyone.”

  “Well, I appreciate your somewhat faith in me. I’m willing to prove what type of man I am, and it’s going to take time and consistency. I get that. You can trust me. I would never lie to you. Anything you ask me, I’ll be truthful. That’s the only way this could ever work. We have to tell each other the truth . . . about everything.”

  I sat there thinking about what he had just said.

  “Then I need to tell you something,” I said.

  “What’s that?”

  “When I met you, I was sexually active with two different men.”

  I felt Tevin clench up a little. I am sure he never expected that and I damn sure knew that I couldn’t tell him that I had fucked Anthony right before I met him for dinner. I did feel it was imperative for me to come clean. Secrets tended to show up in the most unexpected places, and DC was so small, there was a good possibility that Tevin and I would run into either Anthony or Gregory at some point. For all I knew, he actually could have been acquaintances with one of them, considering the fact that all I ever wanted in regards to them was their dicks.

  “Let me explain. I was having sex with them, but I wasn’t emotionally connected to either. And that was on purpose. Even though both of them wanted to pursue something more, I refused. Having sex with them was a way of taking care of my needs and proving that I could exercise some type of control over my emotions.

  “There was a time when my vagina was directly connected to my heart. If you didn’t have my heart, then you couldn’t even think about touching my pussy. But then, after each failed relationship, I became more and more disillusioned when it came to loving a man, or being loved by one.

  “I even considered becoming a lesbian, but I’m not attracted to women, and from seeing Winsome go through drama with chick after chick, that’s definitely not the answer. So I wanted to be touched; I wanted to touch back.”

  Tevin rubbed his hands on his thighs uncomfortably.

  “I’m only telling you this because you expect honesty, and that’s fair. I stopped sleeping with both of them after our first official date at Oceanaire. I blocked their numbers and haven’t contacted them since.”

  “That’s kind of cold, isn’t it?” Tevin asked.

  “I don’t see it that way. Both of them understood that there was nothing there, and that eventually it would come to an end. I met you and I felt guilty about them. Crazy, but true. We’d just met and I already felt some kind of obligation to you.”

  “And why do you think that is?” he asked.

  I shrugged.
“Fate, maybe. The feeling that everything that I had ever been through and endured might have brought me to you. The fact that even though you watched me spew out all of that venom, you still asked me out. The chemistry I felt with you the second we laid eyes on each other.

  “Part of me felt like it died a long time ago. But there was another part of me that was still alive.”

  I kissed Tevin lightly on the lips.

  “I want to try. I want to try to make this work . . . whatever this is. As much as I am flattered about being the woman that you want, it’s more important for me to be the woman that you need . . . in all ways.”

  “You are the woman that I need, Jemistry.”

  “I want to be, but you’re going to have to be patient with me if we take this further, and I don’t mean waiting for sex. I want to make love to you . . . tonight. But once we get into this, I don’t want you to feel slighted or get angry with me when I voice my insecurities or shut down from time to time while I try to climb onto the next plateau. It took a couple of decades to turn me into this mess; the cleanup is not going to happen overnight.”

  “I understand everything that you’re saying, and I’m prepared. I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy, so that I can be happy.”

  I eyed him seductively. “So why don’t you take me to bed so we can discover our happiness?”

  Chapter Eleven

  “Love is of all the passions the strongest, for it attacks, simultaneously the head, the heart, and the senses.”

  —Lao Tzu

  Are you sure about this?” Tevin asked as he laid me down on the king-sized bed after carrying me into the bedroom where my luggage was located. “I can wait.”

  “Wait for what?” I responded. I stood up on my knees and started unbuttoning the flannel pajama top. “Wait for global warming to end the world, which could happen tomorrow? Wait for one of us to come up with an excuse not to do it? We came up here to be alone, and we are. Our cell phones are off; you’re not on call; so all we have between us is space . . .” I licked a trail down the middle of his chest, “. . . and opportunity.”

  I pulled his top down over his massive, muscular shoulders, and then let it fall to the floor. Then I pulled my own over my head and tossed it beside his. I started unfastening my bra.

  “I want you, Tevin. I want you to devour me, partake of everything that I have to give. I want you to make all of my pain go away . . . all of my fears. I want you to make me forget my past. I want you to make me even more excited about the future than I am already.”

  I let my breasts fall out of my bra and then tossed it over his shoulder. I grabbed each one of my breasts in a hand, and then lifted my left one and licked it with the tip of my tongue.

  Tevin remained silent, taking in my every move, and my every word.

  “I want you to suck my breasts as though you’ve never done it before. Like you’ve been waiting since forever to do this, like a teenaged boy waiting for his first time getting lucky.”

  I stood up completely on the bed and unfastened the string on my pants, then let them fall so Tevin could see my black-lace thong.

  “I want you to rip my panties off with your teeth and then eat my pussy like it is the sustenance you need in order to wake up in the morning. And then I want you to feed me your dick so I can wake up with a smile on my face in the morning.”

  Tevin grinned.

  “What?” I asked.

  “Nothing. I just feel so blessed right now. Even though I’m crazy about you, and I love you, I never expected you to be so freaky in the bedroom.”

  “We haven’t done anything yet.”

  He grabbed one of my ass cheeks in each hand and pulled me closer to him. “Exactly, and my dick is already hard enough to split bricks. Everything about you is turning me on. Keep looking at me like that and talking dirty to me. What do you want me to do after I feed you this dick?”

  “Well, after I hum out several tunes on your mic, I want you to stick it in me and fuck me until I come all over it.”

  He grinned from ear to ear and then set my ass free.

  “Let me go get my condoms out the next room,” he said, and started to turn away.

  “We’ve both been tested.”

  I had delivered my speech to Tevin a couple of weeks earlier and he had agreed to be tested. I was tested as well. We were both clean.

  I could tell that he seemed a bit apprehensive so I wanted to clarify that he was the exception.

  “I don’t want you to get the wrong idea, Tevin. I did use condoms with the others, who shall remain nameless. If we are going to be together, I want us to be together. I want to taste you and I want you to taste me. I want you to be able to lick your breakfast and taste all of this good-good.”

  I let go of my breasts and reached my right hand down into my thong while I was grabbing Tevin by the back of his neck, drawing his face closer to me, and starting to kiss him. I played in my pussy for a moment; it was hotter than the flames of hell.

  Then I took my two damp fingers and put them in between our mouths so we could both suck on them together.

  “You like that?” I asked, breathing directly into Tevin’s mouth.

  “Ummmmmmm hmmmmm,” he mumbled. “I love it.”

  I lay down on the bed and reached for him to get on top of me. “Kiss me again.”

  Tevin didn’t hesitate a second and he was on me, tonguing me down and grinding his dick between my legs.

  We continued the kiss until I felt like I was about to scream. I had to come up for air. No one had ever kissed me like that before . . . ever.

  “Damn,” I whispered. “I can tell you have a humongous dick, even through your pants.”

  “Want to see it?” he asked, and then grinned.

  “I want to see it, touch it, lick it, suck it, and then fuck it.”

  Tevin stood up and took off his pants. He had no underwear on and what popped out damn near made me jump off the bed. He indeed had a huge dick—ten inches minimum and the girth was outlandish.

  He sensed my apprehension. “I hope you don’t run from this. I probably should have brought this up before, but I didn’t want to disrespect you by talking about my size.”

  “I’m not going anywhere, but I can imagine that it has been an issue with some women.”

  He chuckled. “Somewhat.”

  I sat up on the edge of the bed and pulled him toward me by his hips. “Since I plan on being the last woman who ever does this to you, it should no longer be an issue.”

  I took his dick in my right hand, directed the head to my mouth, and started sucking on the head. “Ummmm, you taste so good.”

  Tevin started moaning while I took him in and out of my mouth, more and more each time until I caught a rhythm. Then I started picking up the speed and giving him a hand job on the part of his dick closer to his scrotum. I used my other hand to caress his testicles.

  “Damn, baby. That feels so good,” he whispered.

  I let his dick go and then lay down on my back, turning my head so that it was dangling off the bed. “Come here,” I said, then joked, “but don’t come too quick.”

  I opened my mouth and allowed him to place his dick back in it and move it in and out. It allowed my throat to open up more and also let him see my tits bouncing up and down as he watched the way that I was playing in my pussy.

  I had to take frequent breaths, and each time that I did, I used my tongue to lick and suck on his balls from underneath.

  “Oh shit!” he exclaimed about five minutes later, before he exploded inside my mouth. I let every single drop go down my throat, then turned over and sucked on him gently, admiring and worshiping his dick: my new best friend.

  “My turn. I want to taste your pussy,” Tevin said, still trying to catch his breath.

  I sat up, pulled him down on the bed, put a pillow under his head, and then yanked my thong off.

  “I thought you wanted me to rip those off with my teeth.”

  “There?
??s always next time.” I giggled. “Right now, I’m about to feed you dessert.”

  I climbed on top of his face, leaned back, and placed my hands on each side of his thighs. Then I started riding his tongue like I was in a cunnilingus rodeo. He grabbed the front of my legs and started eating me like I was his last feast. It was some amazing shit. His tongue was at least half as long as his dick. He made me come all over his tongue within minutes.

  I fell off of him. “I need a break.”

  He chuckled. “No; no breaks.”

  “I don’t think I’ve ever come so hard!” I exclaimed.

  “You’d better get used to it then.” He lay beside me and we cuddled so that our chests were touching and we could gaze into each other’s eyes. “I’m planning on making love to you as much as possible, and I haven’t actually even done it yet.”

  “All of it is a part of making love,” I replied, playing with his hairless chest.

  “Yeah, but here comes the good part.”

  “Oh my!”

  That was all that I got out before he was inside of me.

  “Oh, Jemistry!” he whispered right after he entered me. I was trying to deal with the initial pain of his dick being so big. “You feel so good!”

  Now I will say this. In my lifetime, I had only been rendered speechless by one other dick. I had screwed this guy back in college off the cuff one night and he put it on me so bad that I couldn’t even find the words. Tevin was the second man to render me speechless when he started slowly grinding his dick into me.

  I spread my legs into a wide V because it was all that I could think of to try to give him the most access possible. He started going deeper and deeper and I was moaning like crazy . . . but could find no words. And I was considered a “shit talker” in the bedroom. Not that night.

  It seemed like Tevin fucked me for hours. It was really more like thirty minutes, but it was like being in heaven. Getting that first nut out when I sucked his dick made Tevin last a long-ass time. I planned to keep that in mind in the future. Saving the oral until after so he would come faster.