Edge of Eternity

  A bus pulled up and she jumped on. She walked with lowered gaze to a seat near the back and covered her face with her hands.

  She thought about their courtship. When she had raised the issues that had got in the way of her previous relationships--her feminism, her anti-Communism, her closeness to Carla--he had given all the right answers. She had believed that he and she were like-minded, almost miraculously so. It had never occurred to her that he was putting on an act.

  The bus crawled through the landscape of old rubble and new concrete toward the central district of Mitte. Rebecca tried to think about her future but she could not. All she could do was run over the past in her mind. She remembered their wedding day, the honeymoon, and their year of marriage, seeing it all now as a play in which Hans had been performing. He had stolen two years from her, and it made her so angry that she stopped crying.

  She recalled the evening when she had proposed. They had been strolling in the People's Park at Friedrichshain, and they had stopped in front of the old Fairy Tale Fountain to look at the carved stone turtles. She had worn a navy blue dress, her best color. Hans had a new tweed jacket: he managed to find good clothes even though East Germany was a fashion desert. With his arm around her, Rebecca had felt safe, protected, cherished. She wanted one man, forever, and he was the man. "Let's get married, Hans," she had said with a smile, and he had kissed her and replied: "What a wonderful idea."

  I was a fool, she thought furiously; a stupid fool.

  One thing was explained. Hans had not wanted to have children yet. He had said he wanted to get another promotion and a home of their own, first. He had not mentioned this before the wedding, and Rebecca had been surprised, given their ages: she was now twenty-nine and he thirty-four. Now she knew the real reason.

  By the time she got off the bus she was in a rage. She walked quickly through the wind and rain to the tall old town house where she lived. From the hall she could see, through the open door of the front room, her mother deep in conversation with Heinrich von Kessel, who had been a Social Democrat city councilor with her after the war. Rebecca walked quickly past without speaking. Her twelve-year-old sister, Lili, was doing homework at the kitchen table. She could hear the grand piano in the drawing room: her brother, Walli, was playing a blues. Rebecca went upstairs to the two rooms she and Hans shared.

  The first thing she saw when she walked into the room was Hans's model. He had been working on this throughout their year of marriage. He was making a scale model of the Brandenburg Gate out of matchsticks and glue. Everyone he knew had to save their spent matches. The model was almost done, and stood on the small table in the middle of the room. He had made the central arch and its wings, and was working on the quadriga, the four-horse chariot on the top, which was much more difficult.

  He must have been bored, Rebecca thought bitterly. No doubt the project was a way of passing the evenings he was obliged to spend with a woman he did not love. Their marriage was like the model, a flimsy copy of the real thing.

  She went to the window and stared out at the rain. After a minute, a tan Trabant 500 pulled up at the curb, and Hans got out.

  How dare he come here now?

  Rebecca flung open the window, heedless of the rain blowing in, and yelled: "Go away!"

  He stopped on the wet sidewalk and looked up.

  Rebecca's eye lit on a pair of his shoes on the floor beside her. They had been hand-made by an old shoemaker Hans had found. She picked one up and threw it at him. It was a good shot and, although he dodged, it hit the top of his head.

  "You mad cow!" he yelled.

  Walli and Lili came into the room. They stood in the doorway, staring at their grown-up sister as if she had become a different person, which she probably had.

  "You got married on the orders of the Stasi!" Rebecca shouted out of the window. "Which of us is mad?" She threw the other shoe and missed.

  Lili said in awestruck tones: "What are you doing?"

  Walli grinned and said: "This is crazy, man."

  Outside, two passersby stopped to watch, and a neighbor appeared on a doorstep, gazing in fascination. Hans glared at them. He was proud, and it was agony for him to be made a fool of in public.

  Rebecca looked around for something else to throw at him, and her gaze fell on the matchstick model of the Brandenburg Gate.

  It stood on a plywood board. She picked it up. It was heavy, but she could manage.

  Walli said: "Oh, wow."

  Rebecca carried the model to the window.

  Hans shouted: "Don't you dare! That belongs to me!"

  She rested the plywood base on the windowsill. "You ruined my life, you Stasi bully!" she shouted.

  One of the women bystanders laughed, a scornful, jeering cackle that rang out over the sound of the rain. Hans flushed with rage and looked around, trying to identify its source, but he could not. To be laughed at was the worst form of torture for him.

  He roared: "Put that model back, you bitch! I worked on it for a year!"

  "That's how long I worked on our marriage," Rebecca replied, and she lifted the model.

  Hans yelled: "I'm ordering you!"

  Rebecca heaved the model through the window and let it go.

  It turned over in midair, so that the board was uppermost and the quadriga below. It seemed to take a long time to drop, and Rebecca felt suspended in a moment of time. Then it hit the paved front yard with a sound like paper being crumpled. The model exploded and the matchsticks scatted outward in a spray, then came down on the wet stones and stuck, forming a sunburst of destruction. The board lay flat, everything on it crushed to nothing.

  Hans stared at it for a long moment, his mouth open in shock.

  He recovered himself and pointed a finger up at Rebecca. "You listen to me," he said, and his voice was so cold that suddenly she felt afraid. "You'll regret this, I tell you," he said. "You and your family. You'll regret it for the rest of your lives. And that's a promise."

  Then he got back into his car and drove away.

  CHAPTER TWO

  For breakfast, George Jakes's mother made him blueberry pancakes and bacon with grits on the side. "If I eat all this I'll have to wrestle heavyweight," he said. George weighed a hundred and seventy pounds and had been the welterweight star of the Harvard wrestling team.

  "Eat hearty, and give up that wrestling," she said. "I didn't raise you to be a dumb jock." She sat opposite him at the kitchen table and poured cornflakes into a dish.

  George was not dumb, and she knew it. He was about to graduate from Harvard Law School. He had finished his final exams, and was as sure as he could be that he had passed. Now he was here at his mother's modest suburban home in Prince George's County, Maryland, outside Washington, DC. "I want to stay fit," he said. "Maybe I'll coach a high school wrestling team."

  "Now that would be worth doing."

  He looked at her fondly. Jacky Jakes had once been pretty, he knew: he had seen photographs of her as a teenager, when she had aspired to be a movie star. She still looked young: she had the kind of dark-chocolate-colored skin that did not wrinkle. "Good black don't crack," the Negro women said. But the wide mouth that smiled so broadly in those old photos was now turned down at the corners in an expression of grim determination. She had never become an actress. Perhaps she had never had a chance: the few roles for Negro women generally went to light-skinned beauties. Anyway, her career had ended before it began when, at the age of sixteen, she had become pregnant with George. She had gained that careworn face raising him alone for the first six years of his life, working as a waitress and living in a tiny house at the back of Union Station, and drilling him in the need for hard work and education and respectability.

  He said: "I love you, Mom, but I'm still going on the Freedom Ride."

  She pressed her lips together disapprovingly. "You're twenty-five years old," she said. "You please yourself."

  "No, I don't. Every important decision I've ever made, I've discussed with you. I prob
ably always will."

  "You don't do what I say."

  "Not always. But you're still the smartest person I've ever met, and that includes everyone at Harvard."

  "Now you're just buttering me up," she said, but she was pleased, he could tell.

  "Mom, the Supreme Court has ruled that segregation on interstate buses and bus stations is unconstitutional--but those Southerners just defy the law. We have to do something!"

  "How do you think it's going to help, this bus ride?"

  "We're going to board here in Washington and travel south. We'll sit at the front, use the whites-only waiting rooms, and ask to be served in the whites-only diners; and when people object we're going to tell them that the law is on our side, and they are the criminals and troublemakers."

  "Son, I know you're right. You don't have to tell me that. I understand the Constitution. But what do you think will happen?"

  "I guess we'll get arrested sooner or later. Then there'll be a trial, and we'll argue our case in front of the world."

  She shook her head. "I sure hope you get off that easy."

  "What do you mean?"

  "You grew up privileged," she said. "At least, you did after your white father came back into our lives when you were six years old. You don't know what the world is like for most colored folk."

  "I wish you wouldn't say that." George was stung: he got this accusation from black activists, and it annoyed him. "Having a rich white grandfather pay for my education doesn't make me blind. I know what goes on."

  "Then maybe you know that getting arrested might be the least bad thing that could happen to you. What if things get rough?"

  George knew she was right. The Freedom Riders might be risking worse than jail. But he wanted to reassure his mother. "I've had lessons in passive resistance," he said. All those chosen for the Freedom Ride were experienced civil rights activists, and they had been put through a special training program that included role-playing exercises. "A white man pretending to be a redneck called me nigger, pushed and shoved me, and dragged me out of the room by my heels--and I let him, even though I could have thrown him out the window with one arm."

  "Who was he?"

  "A civil rights campaigner."

  "Not the real thing."

  "Of course not. He was acting a part."

  "Okay," she said, and he knew from her tone that she meant the opposite.

  "It's going to be all right, Mom."

  "I'm not saying any more. Are you going to eat those pancakes?"

  "Look at me," George said. "Mohair suit, narrow tie, hair close-cropped, and shoes shined so bright I could use the toe caps for a shaving mirror." He usually dressed smartly anyway, but the Riders had been instructed to look ultra-respectable.

  "You look fine, except for that cauliflower ear." George's right ear was deformed from wrestling.

  "Who would want to hurt such a nice colored boy?"

  "You have no idea," she said with sudden anger. "Those Southern whites, they--" To his dismay, tears came to her eyes. "Oh, God, I'm just so afraid they'll kill you."

  He reached across the table and took her hand. "I'll be careful, Mom, I promise."

  She dried her eyes on her apron. George ate some bacon, to please her, but he had little appetite. He was more anxious than he pretended. His mother was not exaggerating. Some civil rights activists had argued against the Freedom Ride idea on the grounds that it would provoke violence.

  "You're going to be a long time on that bus," she said.

  "Thirteen days, here to New Orleans. We're stopping every night for meetings and rallies."

  "What have you got to read?"

  "The autobiography of Mahatma Gandhi." George felt he ought to know more about Gandhi, whose philosophy had inspired the civil rights movement's nonviolent protest tactics.

  She took a book from on top of the refrigerator. "You might find this a little more entertaining. It's a bestseller."

  They had always shared books. Her father had been a literature professor at a Negro college, and she had been a reader from childhood. When George was a boy he and his mother had read the Bobbsey Twins and the Hardy Boys together, even though all the heroes were white. Now they regularly passed each other books they had enjoyed. He looked at the volume in his hand. Its transparent plastic cover told him it was borrowed from the local public library. "To Kill a Mockingbird," he read. "This just won a Pulitzer Prize, didn't it?"

  "And it's set in Alabama, where you're going."

  "Thanks."

  A few minutes later he kissed his mother good-bye, left the house with a small suitcase in his hand, and caught a bus to Washington. He got off at the downtown Greyhound station. A small group of civil rights activists had gathered in the coffee shop. George knew some of them from the training sessions. They were a mixture of black and white, male and female, old and young. As well as a dozen or so Riders, there were some organizers from the Congress of Racial Equality, a couple of journalists from the Negro press, and a few supporters. CORE had decided to split the group in two, and half would leave from the Trailways bus station across the street. There were no placards and no television cameras: it was all reassuringly low-key.

  George greeted Joseph Hugo, a fellow law student, a white guy with prominent blue eyes. Together they had organized a boycott of the Woolworth's lunch counter in Cambridge, Massachusetts. Woolworth's was integrated in most states but segregated in the South, like the bus service. But Joe had a way of disappearing just before a confrontation, and George had him pegged as a well-meaning coward. "Are you coming with us, Joe?" he asked, trying to keep the skepticism out of his voice.

  Joe shook his head. "I just came by to say good luck." He smoked long mentholated cigarettes with white filter tips, and he was twitchily tapping one on the edge of a tin ashtray.

  "Pity. You're from the South, aren't you?"

  "Birmingham, Alabama."

  "They're going to call us outside agitators. It would have been useful to have a Southerner on the bus to prove them wrong."

  "I can't, I have stuff to do."

  George did not press Joe. He was scared enough himself. If he started to discuss the dangers he might talk himself out of going. He looked around the group. He was pleased to see John Lewis, a quietly impressive theology student who was a founding member of the Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee, the most radical of the civil rights groups.

  Their leader called for attention and began a short statement to the press. While he was speaking George saw, slipping into the coffee shop, a tall white man of forty in a crumpled linen suit. He was handsome though heavy, his face showing the flush of a drinker. He looked like a bus passenger, and no one paid him any attention. He sat next to George and, putting one arm around his shoulders, gave him a brief hug.

  This was Senator Greg Peshkov, George's father.

  Their relationship was an open secret, known to Washington insiders but never publicly acknowledged. Greg was not the only politician to have such a secret. Senator Strom Thurmond had paid for the college education of a daughter of his family's maid: the girl was rumored to be his child--which did not stop Thurmond being a rabid segregationist. When Greg had appeared, a total stranger to his six-year-old son, he had asked George to call him Uncle Greg, and they had never found a better euphemism.

  Greg was selfish and unreliable but, in his own way, he cared for George. As a teenager George had gone through a long phase of anger with his father, but then he had come to accept him for what he was, figuring that half a father was better than none.

  "George," Greg said now in a low voice, "I'm worried."

  "You and Mom too."

  "What did she say?"

  "She thinks those Southern racists are going to kill us all."

  "I don't think that'll happen, but you could lose your job."

  "Has Mr. Renshaw said something?"

  "Heck, no, he doesn't know anything about this, yet. But he'll find out soon enough if you get arrested."


  Renshaw, who was from Buffalo, was a childhood friend of Greg's, and senior partner in a prestigious Washington law firm, Fawcett Renshaw. Last summer Greg had got George a vacation job as a law clerk at the firm and, as they both had hoped, the temporary post had led to the offer of a full-time job after graduation. It was a coup: George would be the first Negro to work there as anything other than a cleaner.

  George said with a touch of irritation: "The Freedom Riders are not lawbreakers. We're trying to get the law enforced. The segregationists are the criminals. I would have expected a lawyer such as Renshaw to understand that."

  "He understands it. But all the same he can't hire a man who has been in trouble with the police. Believe me, it would be the same if you were white."

  "But we're on the side of the law!"

  "Life is unfair. Student days are over--welcome to the real world."

  The leader called out: "Everybody, get your tickets and check your bags, please."

  George stood up.

  Greg said: "I can't talk you out of this, can I?"

  He looked so forlorn that George longed to be able to give in, but he could not. "No, I've made up my mind," he said.

  "Then please just try to be careful."

  George was touched. "I'm lucky to have people who worry about me," he said. "I know that."

  Greg squeezed his arm and left quietly.

  George stood in line with the others at the window and bought a ticket to New Orleans. He walked to the blue-and-gray bus and handed over his bag to be loaded in the luggage compartment. Painted on the side of the bus were a large greyhound and the slogan: IT'S SUCH A COMFORT TO TAKE THE BUS . . . AND LEAVE THE DRIVING TO US. George got on board.

  An organizer directed him to a seat near the front. Others were told to sit in interracial pairs. The driver paid no attention to the Riders, and the regular passengers seemed no more than mildly curious. George opened the book his mother had given him and read the first line.

  A moment later the organizer directed one of the women to sit next to George. He nodded to her, pleased. He had met her a couple of times before and liked her. Her name was Maria Summers. She was demurely dressed in a pale gray cotton frock with a high neckline and a full skirt. She had skin the deep, dark color of George's mother's, a cute flat nose, and lips that made him think about kissing. He knew she was at the University of Chicago Law School, and like him was about to graduate, so they were probably the same age. He guessed she was not only smart but determined: she would have to be, to get into Chicago Law with two strikes against her, being both female and black.