Aunt Jane's Nieces and Uncle John

  CHAPTER V

  A WONDER ON WHEELS

  But the Major was not cross when they met him in Uncle John's sittingroom. He beamed upon the three girls most genially, for he likedMyrtle and fully approved all that was being done for her.

  "Of course it's like Patsy," he had said to Mr. Merrick that morning."She couldn't help being a sweet ministering angel if she tried; andBeth is growing more and more like her. It will do those girls good,John, to have some human being to coddle and care for. If Patsy couldhave a fault, it would be wasting so much affection on that bunch o'rags Mumbles, who audaciously chewed up one of my pet slippers while Iwas at dinner last evening. No dog is a fit thing to occupy a girl'stime, and this imp o' mischief Mumbles must take a back seat from nowon."

  Uncle John laughed, for he knew his brother-in-law had never conqueredhis antipathy for poor Mumbles, and realized why.

  "Take care that you do not get jealous of Myrtle," he replied."You're a selfish old beast, and don't wish Patsy to love anyone butyourself."

  "And why should she?" was the inquiry. "Any dutiful daughter ought tobe satisfied with loving such a father as I am."

  "And in that," remarked Uncle John, whimsically, "you remind me ofWampus. You should strut around and say: 'Behold me! I am Patsy'sfather!'"

  The Major was full of news at luncheon time.

  "What do you think, my dears?" he said, addressing the girls. "Yourcrazy uncle must have had another snooze, unbeknown to us, for he'sgot the wildest idea into his head that human brains--or lack ofthem--ever conceived."

  "You are not very respectful, sir," retorted Mr. Merrick stiffly,as he ate his salad. "But we must not expect too much of a disabledsoldier--and an Irishman to boot--who has not been accustomed to goodsociety."

  Major Doyle looked at his brother-in-law with an approving smile.

  "Very well put, John," he said. "You're improving in repartee.Presently you'll add that I'm unlettered and uncivilized, and no fitassociate for a person who has made an egregious fortune out of tincans in the wilds of Oregon."

  "But what's the news?" asked Patsy impatiently. "What new idea hasUncle John conceived?"

  "First," replied the Major, "he has bought an automobile as big as abaggage car. Next he has engaged a chauffeur who is a wild CanadianIndian with a trace of erratic French blood in his veins--acombination liable to result in anything. Mr. Wampus, the half-breedcalls himself, and from the looks of him he's murdered many a one inhis day."

  "Oh, Major!"

  "Show me an automobile driver that hasn't. Myrtle knows. It's no trickto knock over a peaceful pedestrian or so, to say nothing of chickens,cats and dogs mangled by the roadside. I confidently expect he'll makea pancake of dear little Mumbles before he's five miles on the road.Eh, Patsy?"

  "Be sensible, Daddy."

  "It's my strong point. If I'm any judge of character this Wampus is aspeed fiend."

  "He is recommended as a very careful driver," said Mr. Merrick; "andmoreover he has signed a contract to obey my orders."

  "Very good," said Beth. "I'm not afraid of Mr. Wampus. What next,Major?"

  "Next," continued Patsy's father, with a solemn wink at the row ofcurious faces, "your inventive relative has ordered the automobilerebuilt, thinking he's wiser than the makers. He's having a furnaceput in it, for one thing--it's a limousine, you know, and all enclosedin glass. Also it's as big as a barn, as I said."

  "You said a freight car," observed Patsy.

  "True. A small barn or a big freight car. The seats are to be madeconvertible into sleeping berths, so if we get caught out overnight wehave all the comforts of a hotel except the bell boys."

  "I'll be the bell boy," promised Patsy.

  "Also we're to take a portable kitchen along, like they use in thearmy, with a gasoline stove all complete. The thing fits under theback seat, I believe."

  "All this," said Beth, "strikes me as being very sensible and a creditto Uncle John's genius. I'm a good cook, as you know, and the kitchenoutfit appeals to me. But how about provisions?"

  "Provisions are being provided," replied her uncle, geniallysmiling at her praise. However scornfully the Major might view hispreparations he was himself mightily proud of them.

  "Tinned stuff, I presume," remarked his brother-in-law. "John Merrickhas a weakness for tin cans, having got his money out of them."

  "You're wrong," protested Uncle John. "I merely made my money from thetin the cans were made of. But we won't get money out of these canswhen they're opened; it will be something better, such as sardines andhominy, preserved cream and caviar, beans and boned chicken."

  "Sounds fine!" cried Patsy with enthusiasm. "But how can you arrangeto carry so much, Uncle?"

  "The limousine body is pretty big, as the Major says, and high enoughto allow me to put in a false bottom. In the space beneath it I shallstow all the bedding, the eatables and kitchen utensils, and a smalltent. Then we shall be prepared for whatever happens."

  "I doubt it," objected the Major. "There's gasoline to be reckonedwith. It's well enough to feed ourselves, but what if we ran short ofthe precious feed for the engines?"

  "The two tanks will hold sixty gallons. That ought to carry us anyreasonable distance," replied Mr. Merrick.

  "You see, Daddy, our Uncle John is an experienced traveler, while youare not," declared Patsy. "In all our journeys together I've found himfull of resources and very farsighted. This trip doesn't worry me atall."

  "Nor me," added Beth. "We are sure to have a delightful time underUncle's auspices."

  "Wampus," said Uncle John, "is so pleased with my preparations that hewants us to start in the car from here."

  "Can you put it on runners, like a sledge?" asked the Major. "That'sthe only way it could travel through this snow. Or perhaps you'll hirea snowplow to go ahead of it."

  "No; I told Wampus it was impracticable," was the reply. "We shallload our machine on a flat car and ship it to Albuquerque, which is inNew Mexico and almost directly south of Denver. We shall then be overthe worst grades of the Rocky Mountains."

  "And which way do we go then?" inquired Beth.

  "I have not yet decided. We can go still farther south, into Texas,or make our way down into Phoenix and across the prairies to ImperialValley, or follow the Santa Fe route by way of the Grand Canyon."

  "Oh, let's go that way!" exclaimed Patsy.

  "And freeze to death?" asked the Major. "It's the northernmost route."

  "When we get to Albuquerque we will be below the line of frosts andsnow," explained Mr. Merrick. "The climate is genial all through thatsection during winter. Haggerty says--"

  "I guessed it!" groaned the Major. "If Haggerty recommends this tripwe'll surely be in trouble."

  "Aside from Haggerty, Wampus knows that country thoroughly," saidUncle John stoutly.

  "Tell me: did Haggerty recommend Wampus?"

  "No."

  "Then there's hopes of the fellow. As you say, John, there is no needto decide until we get to Albuquerque. When do we make the start?"

  "Day after to-morrow. The car will be shipped to-morrow night, but ourparty will follow by daylight, so as to see Colorado Springs, Pike'sPeak and Pueblo as we pass by them."