Proving Paul's Promise

  I scratch my head. “I don’t think we can get much closer than we were last night.”

  He shakes his head. “Sex is easy. It’s the rest of it that’s difficult.”

  I look at his profile because he’s still not looking at me. I pretend to make light of his comment and scoff. “I wouldn’t say that I made sex easy.”

  His gaze suddenly jerks to mine. “We didn’t have sex.”

  I hold up one finger and grin. “I distinctly remember—”

  But he cuts me off. “I remember it, too. I remember telling you that I loved you and you telling me you felt the same way. And we made mad, passionate love. Crazy good love like I have never had before. And then we did it again. And then we pulled my daughter into bed with us and that was the best fucking part about the whole thing.” He turns to face me. “I want a family, Friday. Not just a fuck. Tail is easy to come by. You, on the other hand…” He lets his voice trail off. “You’re one of a fucking kind, and I want you to be mine so badly I can taste it. And I’ll still be tasting it next week, next year, and every day following that.”

  “I’m with you,” I say hesitantly. I don’t know how much more of a commitment I can offer him. I’ve already offered more than I ever thought I would be able to offer anyone.

  He leans over and hovers over my lips. “I love you so fucking much,” he says. “Just remember that.” He stares into my eyes for a minute, and then he goes to Hayley and races her to the sliding board.

  I watch them playing and am just about to get up when a woman drops down beside me. “Beautiful morning, isn’t it?” she asks. She sighs heavily, but it’s a nice noise. It’s not frustrated or confused. It’s just comfortable.

  I look up at the blue sky. “Such a pretty day,” I say. I smile at her. She isn’t looking at me, so she doesn’t even see it.

  She points toward Hayley. “Is that your little girl?”

  I nod. Then I startle because she’s not. But she so is. “My boyfriend’s little girl.”

  “She’s adorable.”

  A grin tips the corners of my lips. I can’t take any credit for her, though. “Thanks.”

  I see a little boy with brown hair run over and talk to Paul. “Is he yours?” I ask.

  She nods. “Yes.”

  “He’s adorable, too.” He is. He’s tall and slim. Then he looks up, and his eyes meet mine. I gasp. I know those eyes. I have seen them before. It was only once in real life, but I will never, ever forget them. My gaze jerks to the woman beside me.

  “Please don’t be angry,” she says. “I talked your boyfriend into it.”

  My heart is so tight in my fucking throat that I can’t get out a sound, not even the sob that’s buried deep within me. I sit forward, balancing on the edge of the seat, because now that I’ve seen him, I can’t look away again. He grins, and I can see his dad’s quirky smile, the one he had when I met him, and I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that this little boy is my son.

  “Are you all right?” she asks quietly. She turns to face me on the bench. “Please don’t blame your boyfriend. I just wanted to meet you. Jacob doesn’t even know who you are, and he won’t, not unless you tell me you want that.”

  I can hear her talking, but I can’t speak. I get up and walk very slowly over to where Jacob is standing with Hayley. I feel like there’s a magnetic tether between us, and I couldn’t stay away from him even if I wanted to. I want so badly to touch him. I want to feel the heartbeat in his skinny little wrist and watch his chest go in and out when he breathes. I want to take off his shoes and count his toes because I never got to do that. I really wanted to do that.

  I stop beside him and squat down. “Hi,” I say quietly. I’m surprised that noise crept past the emotion in my throat because I still feel like it’s going to choke me.

  “Hi,” he says quietly. He looks over at Jill, and she gives him a thumbs-up. She doesn’t get up, though. I see her wipe a tear from her cheek.

  “Did you meet my friend, Hayley?” I ask.

  He nods. Paul keeps trying to catch my eyes with his, but I won’t let him.

  “I’m Friday,” I say. I’m your mother, and I love you more than anything, anywhere, anytime. The words rush to my lips, but I bite them back. “What’s your name?”

  Jacob runs over to his mother and says something to her. She reaches into the big bag at her feet and takes out a box. She hands it to him, and he runs back over. He never did tell me his name, but that’s okay. I’d rather he have a little stranger danger. And I’m a stranger, after all.

  Jacob sits down on the sidewalk and opens his box. He takes out a clunky piece of chalk and says, “Do you want to draw with me?”

  I sit down beside him and say, “What color should I use?”

  He gives me a blue piece of chalk. “This one.”

  So I sit for hours and draw with my son in chalk on the sidewalk. We draw rainbows and dragons, and we even make some flowers for his mom. I look around and see that the sidewalk is completely full of our art. There’s not an available space to be had.

  “You’re a really good drawer,” he says. He grins up at me, and I see the space where his missing tooth should be.

  “So are you.” I reach out a tentative hand and touch the top of his head. I close my eyes and breathe, letting my hand riffle through the silky strands. I pull back way sooner than I want to because he’s looking at me funny.

  I look over and see Paul sitting and talking quietly with Jill. He gets up and yells over to us. “We’re going to get some lunch! We’ll be right back!”

  I give him a thumbs-up and get up to chase Hayley and Jacob over to the swings.

  “Push me!” Hayley cries.

  “Push me!” Jacob calls at the same time. He laughs, and I put my hand in the center of both their backs, standing between them, and give them both a shove.

  It’s only a minute or two later when Paul and Jill come back carrying hot dogs and drinks. The kids race to the table. I jam my hands into my pockets and walk over a little more slowly. Paul and Jill sit side by side on one side of the picnic table, and Hayley and Jacob sit on the other.

  “Sit beside me!” Hayley cries.

  “No, me!” Jacob says. I put my legs over the bench and sit between them, and Paul hands me a hot dog. Jacob scoots so close to me that I can feel his thigh against mine. The heat of his little body seeps into the cold of mine and warms me everywhere. I close my eyes for a moment and just breathe, enjoying the feel of having my living, breathing child pressed into my side.

  The kids inhale their hot dogs and are ready to go back and play. Paul gets up with them and follows, leaving me with Jill.

  “You don’t look anything like I expected,” she says quietly.

  “What did you expect?” I take a bite of my hot dog.

  She grins. “Something less colorful.”

  I put a hand in front of my mouth and talk around my food. “Color’s not a bad thing.”

  She heaves in a sigh. “I expected some washed-up, downtrodden girl who regrets her life. I’m glad that’s not what I found.” She closes her eyes and waits a beat, and then they fly back open. “So glad that’s not what I found.”

  “Sometimes, that’s still me.” I look over at Jacob, and he grins in our direction.

  “Sometimes, it’s all of us.” She covers my hand with hers. “Can I tell you something no one else knows? Well, except for my husband.”

  “Please do.”

  “When I was twenty, I got pregnant.”

  All the air in my body whooshes out of me, and I choke on my hot dog. I cough into my fist, trying to clear my airway.

  Before I can speak, she holds up her hand to stop me. “I had to make a very difficult decision. And I had an abortion. I wasn’t in love with the father, and I didn’t think I could do it on my own.”

  “Wow.” I don’t know what else to say.

  “What you did took so much strength.” Her eyes fill up with tears, but she blinks them back, waving a ha
nd in her face.

  “So did what you did.” I mean that with all my heart.

  “We do what we have to do to survive.”

  I set my hot dog to the side because I couldn’t swallow it even if I wanted to.

  “I thought for a long time that not being able to get pregnant was my punishment for having the abortion.”

  I can understand how she might feel that way. But it wasn’t the case. The universe doesn’t work that way.

  “Jacob is the best thing that ever could have happened to us. We love him so much.”

  I still can’t get over how beautiful he is. He’s standing looking up at Paul with his hands on his hips, and Paul is glaring playfully down at him. I can’t help but grin, too.

  “Don’t be too mad at him, okay?” she says. “He loves you so much.”

  I nod. I know he does. And I haven’t had enough time to process what he did today.

  “I’m sorry we ambushed you.” She looks sincere. But I can tell she’s happy about the way it turned out. I kind of am, too.

  “Did he call you?” I ask.

  She nods. “Last night, actually.”

  After I showed him my box of secrets, he used the information and found her. My gut clenches because I can’t help but feel betrayed.

  “Can we see you again another day?”

  I nod. Now that I’ve been this close to Jacob, I don’t think I could stay away. It was almost easier not knowing where he was or what he was doing or what he looked like or what he smelled like or the way he smiled.

  “He looks like you,” she says.

  “He looks like his dad, too.”

  “Do you have any pictures of him? I’d love for Jacob to see them when he’s ready.”

  I look at her. “He knows that someone else gave birth to him?”

  She lays a hand on her chest. “He knows he grew in my heart while he grew in someone else’s belly.”

  I like that. I like it a lot.

  “I want you to have whatever place you want to have in his life. You can just be the really sweet lady we met in the park one day, or you can be the woman who gave birth to him. It’s completely up to you.”

  I nod. I am suddenly choked with emotion. A hot tear rolls down my face, and I brush it back. “I’m pregnant,” I say.

  Her eyebrows arch. “Congratulations?” she asks. She looks from Paul to me and back.

  “It’s not his. I volunteered to be a surrogate for some friends of mine.”

  Her gaze gets soft.

  “So, it might be best to wait and decide what to tell him later. I don’t want him to think I just give up all my babies.” I lay a hand on my stomach.

  “When will you be done torturing yourself?” she asks. She lays her chin on her upturned palm and gazes at me. “We do the best we can with what we have.”

  I nod and get to my feet. I walk around the table, and she stands up in front of me. I open my arms, and she hugs me tightly, and then whispers in my ear. “Thank you.”

  I don’t know if she’s thanking me for coming today, or if she’s thanking me for giving her my son, or if she’s thanking me for something else I don’t understand. “You’re welcome,” I grunt out.

  “Jacob!” she calls over my shoulder. “It’s time to go.”

  Jacob runs over, and he stops at my feet. He looks up at me and smiles. He holds up a purple piece of chalk. “Do you want to keep the purple?” he asks. “It’s my favorite color.”

  I take it from him and squat down. “Thank you so much,” I say. I desperately want to hug him. But I am afraid to.

  Suddenly, Jacob launches himself at me and wraps his arms around my neck. I fall back gently onto my butt, and we roll to the ground. I can’t keep from laughing as he hugs me. I wrap my arms around him and bend my head so I can smell his hair. He has that little-boy smell that reminds me of the outdoors and purple shampoo.

  Finally, he squeaks and starts to squirm, and I realize I’ve held him too long so I let him go. It wasn’t nearly long enough, though. Not even close. He steps back and wraps his arms around Jill’s legs. “Can Friday come over and play with me one day?” he asks.

  Jill nods.

  “Call me,” I say.

  They walk off together hand in hand, and I watch them until they disappear from sight. Paul comes toward me from the other direction with Hayley’s hand in his. “How angry are you?” he asks. He cocks his head and looks at me like an inquisitive puppy.

  “I’m not angry.”

  I touch the top of Hayley’s head and tell her, “I’ll see you later, Hayles, okay? I have some errands I have to run.”

  She nods, and I walk away.

  “Friday,” Paul calls. But I don’t turn back. I can barely see for the tears blurring my eyes, but I’ll be fucked sideways before I’ll let anyone see them fall.

  Paul

  Shit. I fucked that all up. It was going so well and she looked so fucking happy. Watching Friday with her son was like watching chocolate being poured over ice cream. It was warm and soothing, and they just belonged together. The two of them in the same place—it was magical. It was meant to be. My only regret is that I didn’t warn her. I didn’t give her notice that we would be meeting them. But she might not have come if I had told her. I run a frustrated hand through my hair.

  Hayley pulls on my hand. “Where is Friday going?”

  As far from me as she can get, I’d imagine. “She said she had to run some errands. I don’t know.”

  She blinks up at me, her blue eyes big and wide. “Is she coming home later?”

  I don’t know. “I think so.”

  “Why is she mad at you?” She’s all innocence and wonder.

  “What makes you think she’s mad at me?” I narrow my eyes at her.

  “She looked like she was going to cry.”

  Fuck. She did. I pick up my phone and call Matt. “Hey,” I say.

  “What the fuck do you want?” he replies. But he has that playful tone in his voice that’s all Matt.

  “Hayley wants to come over and touch Sky’s belly.”

  “Oh,” he says. He puts his hand over the phone and says something to someone. “Bring her over. Sky’s belly will be waiting.”

  I wait a beat.

  “What’s wrong?” he says.

  “I think I messed up.”

  “Friday?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Bad?”

  “Yeah.”

  “You want us to watch Hayley so you can go talk Friday down off the ledge?”

  “I just want to climb up with her and hold her hand.” I scrub my palm down my face.

  “How far away are you?”

  “Five minutes.”

  He hangs up on me. I hate it when he does that; I taught him better manners.

  I look down at Hayley. “You want to go touch Matt and Sky’s babies? See if they’re kicking?”

  She puts her hands on her hips. “You’re despecting.”

  I sputter. “I’m what?”

  “Despecting. Making me think about one thing when I want to think about another. Like why Friday is crying.”

  I scratch my head. “Despecting?”

  “Despecting,” she says again. She puts her hands up like she’s blocking karate chops. “Despecting.”

  “Oh, deflecting!” I laugh. “Yeah, I’m deflecting. That okay with you?”

  “Do I still get to go see Sky’s belly?”

  I nod, and she grins. Apparently, deflecting is okay as long as Matt’s babies are involved.

  I knock on Matt’s door when we arrive, and it opens to a little girl wearing a pink-and-purple tutu and nothing else.

  “Hi,” Mellie says.

  Hayley looks at me, rolls her eyes, takes Mellie’s hand, and leads her to her room to get dressed.

  Matt is in the kitchen making an early dinner. “Where’s Sky?” I ask.

  “Taking a shower.” He dumps hot pasta into a colander.

  “One of your children just op
ened the door wearing nothing but a tutu.”

  He grins. “As long as it wasn’t Seth, I don’t care.” He thinks about it for a second and then adds, “And if it was Seth, I hope he’d pick one with fall colors to match his eyes.”

  “Dude, I am so taking your man card.”

  He laughs. “At least I’m getting laid.”

  Heat creeps up my cheeks, and I look away.

  “Oh,” he breathes. “That’s what’s up.”

  I pick up the salad bowl and toss the salad with a pair of tongs, pushing the carrots to the bottom because I hate carrots and don’t think they should be in a salad.

  “Sorry, didn’t mean to kick you in the vagina,” Matt says to me.

  I growl and finally raise my eyes.

  “How was it?” he asks softly. He doesn’t want details. He just wants to be sure we’re okay, and I know that.

  “Earth shattering.” I groan and throw my head back. “Fucking perfect.” I close my eyes and let my head hang there.

  I hear feet pitter-pattering across the floor and open my eyes to see Sky walking into the kitchen. She wraps her arms around Matt’s back and squeezes him. She can’t wrap around much of him with that belly in the way, but it’s sweet to watch. He kisses her over his shoulder.

  “Hey, Paul,” she says. She walks by me and runs her hand through my hair. Then she tips my head back with a quick, soft jerk to my hair. She kisses my forehead, which makes me smile. “What’s up?” she asks.

  Matt cups his hands around his mouth and whispers, “He and Friday bumped uglies, and then he opened his mouth and did something stupid. He hasn’t told me what yet.”

  She sits down and glares at me.

  “We did not bump uglies,” I grumble.

  She tilts her head and grins at me. “But you did something stupid.”

  “What makes you think that?” I grumble.

  “Because you have testicles.” She throws up her hands. She picks up the salad bowl and stares into it. “What happened to all the carrots?” she asks.

  Matt barks out a laugh.

  “So what did you do?” Sky asks, and then she digs until she finds a carrot and pops into her mouth.