Girl in the Shadows

  alike than he might think.

  "You were never close with any girl, ever?" "No, not really. I mean. I studied with them,

  things like that, but when it came to socializing, going

  out on dates. I went into retreat. There was a girl once

  who I knew liked me very much. She tried to develop

  a romance between us. but I didn't respond the way I

  should have and she just became angry at me, the way

  you were. I'm sure, Anyway. I decided I would come

  here to tell you about it so you wouldn't feel that it

  was your fault. I came to apologize,I'll fix it with

  Echo. too. I'll have to prepare her for my ending the

  tutoring."

  "She won't understand. No matter what you tell

  her, she's going to think it's her fault somehow and

  she's going to be heartbroken."

  "I hope you'll help me with her and prevent

  that. She thinks of you now as her best friend in the

  world."

  I sighed deeply and shook my head. "I know,

  and I regret it now."

  "Why?"

  "I don't know how much longer be here. Tyler.

  Rhona is determined to get me out. She's already

  threatened me."

  "What does Mrs. Westingon say about that?" "She doesn't know how bad things could get

  and I don't know if I will be able to stay around here

  any longer anyway. I promised Trevor I would try, but

  it's really not my business or my right to come

  between a mother and her daughter. Anyway. I have

  my own troubles."

  "I'm sorry to hear that," he said.

  "Is it really important to you that I stay?" "Yes, important for Echo especially. Will you?" "We'll see. As I told Trevor. I'll try."

  "I'll help you if I can," he promised. "It could

  be that Rhona will get quickly discouraged once she

  sees how big a responsibility Echo is and take off

  again anyway,"

  "I don't know as I would count too heavily on

  that. Tyler. As you have pointed out. Mrs. Westington

  is not a young woman. I think Rhona came here because she realizes it and wants to be sure she has control of everything, the property, the money. If Mrs. Westington should leave it all to Echo. Rhona will have a mother's authority. What could I possibly do to

  help or prevent any of that? What can you do?" "Well, don't make any quick decisions about

  it," he said. "I'll return on Monday. Please."

  I looked at him. He really did seem to want me

  to stay. Was it only to make things easier for him or

  was there some interest in me, enough to keep him

  thinking about me?

  "I tell you what," I said. "I'll promise to stay as

  long as you do." He thought a moment and then

  nodded. "Okay."

  "Is that a firm promise?"

  "Yes."

  "Destiny, do you believe him?"

  "Give him the test," I made her say.

  Tyler laughed, "What test?"

  "Test of truth." I said. I stood up and went to

  the cabinet under the television set to let a deck of

  cards. Then I handed it to him. "Pick a card and

  whisper what you've chosen into Destiny's ear." "What?"

  "Just do it."

  He started to pluck one out of the deck. "No, this is the honor system. Don't pull it out.

  Just pick it and tell her."

  "Tell her?"

  "That's right. Whisper it in her ear. Go on." I took the deck back and went into the kitchen.

  He laughed, rose, and whispered into Destiny's ear.

  Then I returned and knelt down to put my ear to her

  lips. Her lips moved and then I turned and plucked a

  card from the deck. "Was this it?"

  He looked from the card to Destiny to me,

  "How could you do that?"

  "A good magician..."

  "Never tells, but you've got to tell me or I'll go

  crazy."

  "It's better you believe it was simply magic," I

  said, and started away, but he grabbed my wrist and

  pulled me back so roughly I nearly fell over him. "In a minute I'll give you magic you won't

  forget, if you don't talk."

  "I must warn you. I'm trained to endure all sorts

  of torture to keep the great secrets." I said.

  He stood up. "Is that so?" He smiled and then

  he started to tickle me and I squirmed to get away. He

  held on and we both fell back on the sofa. He held me down and started to blow in my ear. I screamed and

  he stopped. "Are you going to talk?"

  I shook my head.

  Then he poked the tip of his tongue into my ear

  and I squealed.

  He held himself inches from my face. We were

  both very silent. I'm not like Brenda. I thought. I'm

  not. I want him to kiss me. I really do. I raised my lips

  toward his. He didn't move and then he brought his to

  mine.

  "I'm a stumbling fool when it comes to this." he

  said.

  "So am I." I whispered, and he kissed me again.

  I moved more to the left to make room for him on the

  sofa. It occurred to me as he slid down beside me that

  we were truly like two young teenagers making an

  initial foray into the sexual jungle. A man his age

  really should have more sophistication. I thought. He

  wasn't lying to me about his inexperience and lack of

  romantic involvement. Could I be the first girl he's

  ever gone this far with?

  He fingered the buttons on my blouse

  awkwardly. Should I help him? I wondered, Would he

  be embarrassed, insulted, and once again turn away

  from me? I waited with my eyes closed until he finally had it all done. Then I let him lift me so he could take off my blouse and begin to fumble now with the fastener of my bra. It was easier and in moments, he had my breast cupped in his hand, his lips to my nipple. I moaned and sank back on the sofa. He started to undo the button of my jeans and gently pull them down. I felt his fingers move under the elastic of my panties and then I let him lift my legs to

  slide my panties lower and lower.

  "I do like you. April," he said. 'I do. I do." he

  chanted. I heard him undoing his pants. I am going to

  do this. I thought, almost solely to prove to myself I

  wanted it as much as I was proving it to him and

  letting him prove himself to me.

  And then I turned slightly to my right and

  looked at Destiny. "Wait," I said. but I said it through

  her. "Wait."

  Tyler stopped, a confused smile on his face.

  "What?"

  "Are you prepared? Are you ready for this?" My lips didn't move. He turned and looked at

  Destiny and then back at me. "What are you doing?" "She's right," I said. "We have to be careful. I

  don't want to get pregnant. That would be horrible

  right now. Are you prepared?"

  He thought a moment and shook his head. "Then let's wait until you are. Tyler. Please," I

  said.

  He nodded and sat back with a dazed look on

  his face. I saw his eyebrows rise and fall with the ebb

  and flow of his thoughts as he gazed at Destiny. The

  foggy look lifted away from his face and left behind

  his thoughtful, more intelligent expression. He turned

  to me.

  "You're right, of course, but why did you throw

  your voice through the doll to say it?" He smiled at

  me, but it w
as a smile of confusion and even a little

  annoyance.

  "I don't know. I just... it seemed to be what she

  would say."

  "She? She? It's a doll. April."

  "I meant, what she would say if she were really

  sitting there.' "You think we would do this in front of

  someone?"

  "You know what I mean. Tyler."

  He thought and then he glanced at Destiny and

  buckled up his pants. I started to dress as well. "Tell me this. Did you enjoy being with a male,

  with me?" he asked.

  "Of course I did. I wouldn't have gone this far if I didn't, and you already know I was upset and disappointed the first time because you ran out." I told

  him.

  That seemed to satisfy him. "I'd better get

  home," he said. rising.

  "Can you come back tomorrow?"

  "I don't know. I have chores to do at our plant." "On Sunday?"

  "I can do what I have to do better when there's

  no one else there. I'll try. I'll call you." he said. "We

  could meet here again, but it would be better..." "If Echo didn't know. I know." I said. "Until I had a chance to explain things to her

  and make sure she was all right."

  "Okay."

  He glanced at Destiny and then he looked at me

  and smiled, "C'mon, tell me how you did that card

  trick. I promise I'll never tell another living soul." "Why do you want to ruin the magic?" "I find my magic in reality, not in illusion," he

  replied. "It's healthier."

  He's right. I thought.

  "All right. I'll tell vou. Hand me the control," I

  said, pointing to it on the seat beside Destiny. He did.

  "There's a tape recorder inside Destiny's head. I just push this button on the control," I said, showing it to him. "Destiny's ear is the microphone. When you whispered the card in her ear, it was recorded and I just played it back through her mouth by pushing the

  button again."

  "Wow," he said, looking at Destiny. "What else

  can this doll do?"

  "That's for me to know and you to find out. For

  one thing, she just stopped us from going too far

  without protection."

  "Yeah, right," he said, shaking his head. "She

  stopped us. I gotta go before I end up throwing my

  voice through her, too." He stepped forward and

  kissed me quickly on the lips. I watched him go down

  the short stairway and out the door.

  I turned to Destiny. "Should I be happy or sad?"

  I asked her. She said nothing, of course.

  It was too soon to know.

  I turned off the lights this time and left the

  motor home. Before going any farther. I stopped and

  looked at my car. It had been so long since I had

  driven it. Maybe I'll take Echo for a ride tomorrow. I

  thought. Maybe we'll look Tyler's mother in the face

  so she can't ignore our existence or at least Echo's.

  Tyler might be upset about it, but maybe his mother would see how sweet Echo is and she wouldn't be so against Tyler's helping her. Once in a while, it's good to think positively and be optimistic, whether it has a

  chance to come true or not.

  Once in a while.

  When I rounded the corner of the house. I

  immediately saw the van was gone. I was relieved at

  that. I wasn't looking forward to confronting Rhona so

  quickly again. The house was very quiet when I

  stepped in, but then I heard the rattle of a pan in the

  kitchen and I headed for it.

  It wasn't hard to see Mrs. Westington was

  upset. "Where is everyone?" I asked.

  She stopped working, took a breath, and turned

  to me. "My daughter has decided to take her daughter

  to a restaurant for dinner tonight. She says it's about

  time they got to know each other. Can you imagine?

  It's about time? Ten years? There's enough water

  under that bridge to fill an ocean. But," she said after

  another deep sigh, "I guess a child always has a right

  and a need to know her mother, even if that mother is

  as irresponsible and as selfish as Rhona."

  She looked at me as if she just realized she

  wasn't talking to herself aloud.

  "I've prepared a nice chicken salad for the two of us. Do you want a baked potato as well? It won't

  take long."

  "No, the salad is quite enough for me." "Determined to lose weight now, are you?" "Yes. I am," I said. I wondered if I should say

  any more about Rhona, about her wanting me out. I

  decided for now I would just ignore it and see what I

  could do to help Tyler with Echo. "Let me help with

  the table," I said, but she told me everything was

  already done.

  "I had to keep myself busy so I wouldn't be

  nervous about Echo going off with Rhona in that junk

  heap."

  I helped her bring the food into the dining room

  and we sat at the table, just the two of us. I watched

  her nibble at her food. Lifting a fork seemed to be a

  treat effort for her.

  To me it seemed as if a strange thing had

  happened with Rhona's return: Mrs. Westington,

  instead of finding any pleasure and hope in this

  reunion, grew older instantly because of it. Rhona was

  like a dark storm aggravating Mrs. Westington's

  arthritis, invading her very bones. She moved slower,

  looked much more fatigued and simply overwhelmed. I was sure that for a time early on in her marriage and life with Mr. Westington, the world was joyful and bright. The vineyard prospered. They had friends and parties. Their home and property glistened with success. Her beauty was nourished by the happiness and she blossomed, Before Rhona became their problem child. there were waves and waves of laughter rolling over this house and family. Neighbors and other people who knew them or of them were envious. Many wondered why it was some people were so successful and so lucky. Why weren't they as

  blessed as the Westingtons?

  And then Mrs. Westington's life took a dark

  turn. The death of their newborn, the battle with her

  brother-in-law, the growing discipline problems with

  a rebellious Rhona, and eventually Mr. Westington's

  death sent her spiraling down a long, seemingly

  endless hole of pain and disappointment. The burdens

  grew. Echo was enough of a responsibility and a

  weight for young, healthy parents, much less an older

  woman, a widow deserted by her daughter.

  Nevertheless, her spirit was too strong, her

  determination too fixed, to permit her to surrender.

  She made do with what she had and she continued,

  assuming the role of mother again, but this time far

  more protective than she had been with Rhona. In a real sense Echo suffered for her mother's sins because she was being stifled, kept in this cocoon her grandmother had lovingly woven around her. Mrs. Westington saw hope and promise in Tyler Monahan's successes with Echo, and I. in my small way, looked like I would contribute in the areas that were still deficient. She truly believed I had been brought here not for myself so much as for her granddaughter's best

  interests. There was new hope.

  And then Rhona returned and the prospects of

  what she had brought along with her-- not only in

  Skeeter, but in her new determination to get what she

  believed was hers. Including control of Echo-- was a

  new weight on the frail shoulders of this heroic o
ld

  lady I quickly had come to love.

  More than ever. I was determined to help her. "I guess," she said. "I might just have to give

  them the money."

  "She doesn't have the legal right to make

  demands on you," I offered.

  "I don't have faith in the courts. I've seen too

  much injustice signed, sealed, and delivered by greedy

  lawyers. Rhona gets one of them legal criminals

  working for her and we could be knocked into a

  cocked hat. An old lady, who's already lived long past her due date with the Grim Reaper, and an old black

  man won't suffice as a substitute family."

  "But you have!" I insisted. "You've been more

  than a grandmother. You've been a real mother and

  you're providing for her and you've protected and

  taken care of her."

  "I couldn't have done otherwise. No one would

  have expected less, but it's not enough to guarantee

  they'd agree with us. Na. we'll have to face the music

  one way or the other eventually. I'm afraid. Best we

  can hope for is putting it off as long as we can.

  Maybe, just maybe she's grown up some. too." I looked down. I was happy she included me by

  saving "we," but I had no false hope about Rhona

  having changed for the better. Just the little I had seen

  of her had already sickened me. I didn't have the heart

  to disagree. however.

  "You just make sure Echo is okay." she

  continued. "If you see something bad happening,

  come right to me. Don't be afraid and don't hesitate.

  I'm happier than ever that I have you here to do all

  this with me."

  I nodded, tears building in my eyes.

  "You're a sweet child," she said. "Your parents

  were lucky folks and I'm sure you were lucky to have them. too. But you see how unjust things are with their being gone too early? We can't depend on the right things always happening on their own. We have to do our best to ensure they do and that's all we can

  do. I think you already know all that."

  "Yes, Ma'am."

  "Eat up. I know you won't have any of my

  homemade apple pie,.'

  "Maybe just a small piece." I said. relenting. "I don't put all that much sugar in it like starebought pies."

  "I know, Thank you."

  She smiled and we finished eating silently, both