Girl in the Shadows

  "How does it look like we're doing? I'm still chained to this bed, aren't I? I'm still here. Where have you been? Like I have to ask." she added. "Delivering cases of wine. I imagine."

  "You imagine correctly," he said. "And your grapes are still the most cherished in the valley."

  "They're not my grapes. My grapes died years ago on the vine, along with a lot of other things," she said. 'How's my house?"

  He glanced at me.

  "Don't wait to see what she told me and didn't tell me! Is it still in one piece?"

  "Everything's just fine. Mrs. Westington," Trevor said. She looked from him to me and back to him.

  "Look at the two of you, with faces that could be billboards advertising terrible liars."

  Trevor laughed and Echo, even though she didn't follow most of what had been said, laughed as well. Before we could talk about it anymore, there was another knock on Mrs. Westington's door and my jaw unhinged at the sight of Tyler Monahan. He had a bouquet of red roses in his hand. Echo's face lit up like a neon sign. Even Trevor, who I knew distrusted him from the start. smiled.

  "I hope I'm not interrupting," Tyler said. "I just wanted to stop by and see how you were doing, Mrs. Westington."

  "Interrupting? What could you be interrupting? Nothing's doing here. I'm practically in solitary confinement. In the soup as they say. I really should say dishwater,"

  "These are for you," he said. approaching. "To cheer up the room."

  "Thank you. Tyler. Lord knows, this room could use a ton of roses to cheer it up. Trevor, please take those dead weeds out of the vase on the windowsill and put these in, would you?"

  "Right," Trevor said, and went to work on it.

  Tyler glanced at me and then back at Mrs. Westington. "So how are you doing? How long will you be in here?"

  "Until hell freezes over, it seems. My doctor is rolling the dice with different medications to see which one sticks. If I survive it, he'll let me out" she replied.

  "That's not the way it is. Mrs. Westington, and you know it," I said.

  Echo was signing to Tyler, trying to get his full attention, asking him when he was coming back. "What she should do with the work he had given her?" "How would she know what to study next?" He gave her a quick. "We'll worry about it later. After your grandmother is well," reply, and her arms floated down like two small kites that had lost their lift of wind.

  "What I really stopped in to say. Mrs, Westington. is I would be glad to help you with the arrangements for Echo while you're stuck in here. I thought about it and realized I could be of assistance in that regard."

  "Oh, that's kindly of you. Tyler. but I think I'll wait on that until I'm out. It's not going to be easy for her and I'd like to be right there with her."

  He nodded, "I understand. I just wanted you to know I would be glad to do whatever else I can. I assume you've been told that I have to end my tutoring." he added, glancing at me.

  "No. No one bothered telling me. but I'm not surprised at all this secrecy."

  "Things have become harder for my mother at the store and the plant. I must devote more time to it."

  "I see." she said. "Well, then we'll make enrolling Echo in that school a priority as soon as I'm out."

  "Good. I really can't stay long. I'm just on my way to do some errands for my mother and took a detour to see you."

  "Thank you for coming and for the flowers. Tyler."

  "You're welcome. Mrs. Westington. I always liked working for you and being in your home."

  "And you're welcome back anytime." she said.

  He looked at me again, but all I did was glare at him. I didn't care how uncomfortable it made him. He nodded, said goodbye to Echo, telling her to be a good girl, and then hurried out.

  "Well now," Mrs. Westington said as soon as he was gone. "What other bad news are you hiding from me?"

  "Nothing," I said quickly. "I didn't think it mattered to tell you that right away."

  "At least the boy has a conscience."

  "The jury's still out on that," I muttered, and she looked at me. Trevor laughed and then she did. too.

  To my surprise. Rhona did not come to the hospital all day. Trevor left to return to his deliveries. Echo dozed off out of boredom a few times, as did Mrs. Westington. It took me a while to get over Tyler's unexpected appearance. but I finally calmed myself and went down to the hospital store to buy magazines for Echo and myself. We had lunch with Mrs. Westington and then she insisted we go home.

  "This is no place to keep her anyway," she told me. "Just let her go home and stay busy and keep her away from her mother as much as possible."

  "I will,"," I promised. I signed to Echo that we'd return in the morning and to say good-bye for now. She did and we left.

  I knew where the school was that Echo would attend. I thought it might be beneficial to show it to her. She didn't mind the riding around with me anyway. I knew she wasn't anxious to return to the house. Her mother's behavior the night before had disturbed and frightened her. Being out and about with me made her feel older, more mature as well. I didn't tell her we were going to the school or mention it until we drew close to it.

  From the outside, it looked like any other public high school. It was a long, rust-colored brick building with a decent-sized front lawn and a parking lot off to the right. At first Echo didn't think anything of it. Then we both caught sight of a young woman using sign language with a girl about Echo's age. The other girl signed back and they continued to stroll around the north side of the building.

  Echo turned to me and asked about it. I explained that it was a special school for kids her age who had hearing and seeing disabilities. Behind the school itself was a dormitory for the students.

  "You mean you sleep here, too?" she asked.

  I nodded and she looked at it again. I didn't think it would be harmful to drive in and look around, but when I did, she immediately asked me why I was doing it.

  "Wouldn't you like to go to school here?" I asked her. "You could be with other young people your age."

  She stared out at the buildings for a moment. The way her eyes narrowed and widened told me she was thinking deeply about it all. Suddenly, she turned and just stared at me.

  "What?" I asked her. smiling.

  "My grandmother is not coming home?" she asked.

  I nodded. emphatically. "Yes, she is."

  I saw she didn't believe me. I never thought that bringing her here might make her think that. I should have waited before doing this. I should have waited for Mrs. Westington to explain it first.

  "You're just... older." I signed "bigger" and she smirked and looked at the building, sadness seeping into her face from every angle.

  I can't do anything right. I thought. Why don't I just do what Tyler said and leave?

  A side door opened and two boys stepped out, both signing to each other. One, who looked to me to be maybe sixteen, had meticulously styled ebony hair. He had a lean, swimmer's build and even from across the parking lot looked handsome. He was about to turn toward the rear of the building with his friend when he saw us and stopped. Echo was staring at him and he realized it. I saw him smile and sign hello. She gasped and sat back like someone discovered peeping. He laughed and then joined his friend.

  "Who was that?" she wanted to know,

  I shrugged,"A boy who goes to school here," I said.

  She strained to look around the building and follow the two boys, but they were gone.

  "Let's get home," I said. "I have to make dinner."

  She nodded, but she nearly twisted her head fully around to look back as we drove down the drive and turned right to head back home. Maybe I didn't do such a bad thing, I thought, rather hoped.

  The dirty old van was parked in front. so I knew Skeeter and Rhona were there. I wondered why she hadn't gone to the hospital to at least make a show of caring about her mother's health. The two of them were in the living room watching television. Skeeter had a can of beer in hand. Rhona was smoking
a cigarette. They both looked up when we entered.

  "The doctor would like you to call him," I said immediately. "His name is Doctor Battie and the number is in the kitchen pinned to the wall by the phone."

  "How is she?" Skeeter asked.

  "Just call the doctor:. I said.

  Rhona looked at us as if she was contemplating how she would perform the murder. Echo started signing, but Rhona turned away without

  acknowledging her.

  "You're out of my room. Whatever you had in it has been moved to the guest room," Rhona said. And then as nonchalantly as she had said that, she added. "I've decided you can stay awhile longer. I'm going to need your assistance with my mother after all."

  "What does that mean?" I asked.

  Skeeter smiled at her and looked at the television set.

  "We had a phone call while you were at the hospital," she said. I didn't like the way she was smiling at me with such gleeful confidence. Echo had stopped frying to get her to respond and stood by, confused about being ignored. I instinctively put my arm around her shoulders.

  "Look at that. Skeeter," she said, nudging him, and he turned back to us. "Can't keep her hands off her."

  He laughed.

  "What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, but with the speed of a reflexive action, took my arm away from Echo.

  "That phone call I mentioned? It was Mrs. Monahan looking for her son. She was worried he had come back here. He had promised her he was finished tutoring Echo and he wouldn't have anything more to do with this situation. Of course, I told her he wasn't here and then, like most mothers, she went into this frenzied defense of her son, calling me a liar for telling her the story about you two.

  "I wouldn't let her get away with calling me a liar, especially after what we saw with our own eyes. right. Skeeter?"

  "Exactly," he said, more interested in the television program he was watching.

  "I laid into her and then you know what she told me? I think you do," she said before I could offer any response. She laughed. "You're quite a little sexual tramp, aren't you? But it runs in the family, huh? A gay sister? Her lover and you having lesbian sex? You're a walking tabloid magazine. I don't think my mother knows the gritty little details, does she? I couldn't imagine her tolerating you around here, especially around Echo, if she did. She'd say something like lie down with dogs and you get up with fleas.'

  Tears seeped into my eyes. I pressed my lips together to hold back the ache and the sobs that were rising like bubbles to the surface. I didn't know what to say, how to respond. Tyler's betrayal of my intimate secret in order to calm his mother's concerns left me with few options for defense.

  "Naturally. I was very surprised. We both were, right. Skeeter?"

  "Shocked," he said, nodding, but turning back to the television set.

  "And then I thought, so that's why she's always in Echo's room and why she had Echo sleep with her!"

  "That's not true!" I cried.

  She shrugged. "Hey. I don't knock anyone's sexual preferences. I would have to admit that I experimented with same partner sex on occasion or participated in a... what do they call it, Skeeter?"

  "What? Oh, menage a trois."

  "Right. menage a tra la la or whatever. However." she said, losing her self-satisfied grin, "when it comes to some tramp coming here and seducing my innocent, deaf daughter--"

  "That's all a lie," I cried.

  "Maybe. But I'm sure I could get that Tyler to testify that you told him those things and with Skeeter and I adding what we saw here. I think the police or whoever would believe us or find it interesting enough to investigate, don't you? Would Echo there deny being in your bed?"

  For a moment it felt as if all the air had been sucked out of my body and I couldn't breathe in any new air. My face was hot with the blood that had rushed up through my neck. I looked at Echo, whose eyes were full of questions and confusion.

  "Don't worry," Rhona said, "I'm not going to do it unless I absolutely have to do it. It would probably devastate poor little Echo there to be dragged into a police station and asked all sorts of questions about her body, your body, stuff like that."

  "You're disgusting." I said.

  "Me? I don't go around telling boys I just met how I slept with my sister's girlfriend,"

  "I didn't say that!"

  "You said enough. I doubt that Tyler would have made it all up, don't you. Skeeter?"

  "No," he said, half listening, "I mean yes," he added, unsure of what she wanted. She glared at him and then turned back to me.

  "Do you deny that you have a gay sister? Will she deny it if she is asked by the police?"

  Words choked in my throat like cars on a highway smashing into each other.

  "You get the point. I think we understand each other a little better. Now, let's get back to what I said at the beginning. I'll let you stay here a while longer, but you have got to help me with my mother. I want you to convince her to sin over the money that belongs to me anyway. We had the paperwork prepared for us and all she has to do is sin a power of attorney document. You can convince her that once that's done, we'll be on our merry way, right. Skeeter?"

  "Sure," he said. "We'll make like a tree and leaf."

  "In the meantime, tell that cleaning girl to go home, She's annoying. I don't like the way she looks at me and she's in my face too much. She acts like she owns the place and has the nerve to complain about the mess she had to clean up in here. Tell her my mother told you to send her home. Do it!" she screamed. I couldn't help but wince and even jump back. "Then get dinner started. We saw steaks in the freezer. Both of us like them medium. Don't overcook them. And Trevor is not invited. You tell him not to come to dinner here. Go on. Do what I say," she ordered.

  "Mrs. Westington isn't going to believe you," I offered, finally responding with some defense.

  "Oh. really? You actually want me to go to the hospital and put on a scene about my daughter being sexually assaulted by some transient girl my mother stupidly took in to live with us? Because I will do it and you know I will," she said firmly, her eyes fixed on me with such evil and hate. I didn't doubt her for a moment. "How will her doctor like that? Who the hell do you think people will blame for my mother's bad health and maybe death? Me? Her daughter just trying to protect her own poor, deaf child? Or you, a runaway with no home, no school, nothing but a history of disgusting behavior?"

  I felt my body soften in defeat.

  "She won't listen to me. You're wasting time having me ask her to sign those papers." I said weakly. After what Mrs. Westington had told me she had done with her lawyer already, it was pointless to go up there and try to convince her of anything. I thought. but I couldn't tell Rhona about that.

  "Maybe, maybe not. She seems to have taken to you and in the condition she is in right now, there's a good chance she'll listen. Look," she continued, softening her tone. "you'll have prevented all sorts of horrible. unpleasantness if you get her to do it. Think of it that way. Think of how you're protecting everyone. You'll be a regular heroine, won't she. Skeeter?'"

  He looked at me and smiled. You know." he said. "girls who like ,girls more than boys always intrigued me. Is it because you're afraid of men or is the sex somehow better?"

  Rhona smiled,

  Echo was signing now, asking me why we were standing there and what were all these words, some of which she had caught by reading lips. Why were her mother and I arguing so much? I had to get her away, to protect her, to ironically do what Rhona said, look after her.

  "It's a fair question, April," Rhona said. "You've been with both now. Which do you prefer?"

  "You're both disgusting," I said.

  They laughed and their laughter confused poor Echo even more.

  "Get going," Rhona said. "You have a lot to do."

  I turned Echo away and led her to the stairway. She was full of questions for me, but I told her to go up and change to help me prepare dinner. I said I would tell her more later. She did it, but she
didn't like it. Meanwhile. I went to Lourdes, who was working in the kitchen, and told her I had just come from visiting Mrs. Westington in the hospital and she wanted me to tell her to leave. She didn't believe me and insisted she finish up in the kitchen. I explained that Mrs. Westington's daughter was in charge now and she wanted me to do the cleaning. I saw how it hurt Lourdes's feelings, but reluctantly she finally obeyed and left, mumbling in Spanish.

  I took out the steaks and got potatoes out of the pantry, some canned vegetables, and then began to prepare a salad with what was left in the refrigerator. I kept looking through the window toward Trevor's vineyard and winery, anticipating his arrival. How was I going to tell him what was happening? I wondered. If I didn't say it right, he would get enraged and come at Rhona and Skeeter. Then she might just do what she threatened and I would have made everything ten times as bad.

  All I've done is brought hardship and horror to this house and family. I thought. Maybe it wasn't my loving dead souls who delivered me here after all. Maybe it was something darker, something very evil. My anger and rage toward Tyler was greater than ever. Because of what he had told his mother. I was now in this predicament. All of us were ensnared. Echo. Trevor, Mrs. Westington, and me. Trust no one but yourself from now on. I thought, if there would be a now on. Right now, disaster loomed over this house like a gigantic bruised cloud threatening to drop a cold, hard rain.

  Echo came down and I immediately got her busy peeling potatoes and then setting the table. which I told her would be set only for four. Of course, she wanted to know why not five, but instead of answering. I said. "Just do it." I hated being so hard. but I had no explanations I could give her and I was tired of searching high and low for acceptable lies. Silence. I thought, was finally a better choice after all when it came to her.

  Soon after I heard Trevor's truck pull into the driveway and park by the winery. He got out and carried some boxes into the building. I rehearsed my story and prayed that I could be convincing enough to keep him from getting too upset and causing trouble. I took a deep breath. told Echo I would be right back, and then walked out, pausing near the living room.

  "How's our dinner coming?" Rhona asked.