Girl in the Shadows

  "Adamant? Listen to her. Adamant. What did you do, buy a dictionary before you came back?" She looked at the papers in my hand. "What did she do to them?"

  She leaped up and seized them. Her face filled with rage. "Look at this, Skeeter," she said, throwing the papers at him. He picked one up and looked at it and then he laughed,

  "I don't think that's so funny. Skeeter."

  He shook his head. "She's your mother."

  "Thanks for reminding me." She turned back to me. "You didn't do a very good job of convincing her if she had the nerve to do something like that."

  "I tried," I said. "Believe me. I would love for you to get your money and leave,"

  "Oh, you would, would you? Why? You think you'll inherit the rest of it if I go?"

  "No. I'm not staying here forever." I said.

  "Oh, that's for sure. Matter of fact since you failed in your mission and I don't need you anymore, you should leave tomorrow."

  "I'll leave when Mrs. Westington comes home," I said. "And don't try to threaten me with all those nasty things you intend to spread about me. I promised her and I would rather keep my promise than anything,"

  "Oh, how sweet. Hear that. Skeeter? She promised my mother she would stay."

  "That is sweet," Skeeter said. "So, tell me. April. Speaking of being sweet, you never answered me before. Why do you like girls more than boys?" He rose from the sofa. "Maybe. I can help change your mind about that." he said, taking a step toward me. "If you just give me the chance. I--"

  "Get away from me!" I cried, and ran out of the room and back to the front door. I charged out of the house, his lustful smile and laughter chasing me.

  Trevor was standing in the driveway near his truck. I stopped and quickly got hold of myself. If he found out what was happening, he'd rush into that house and have it out with Skeeter for sure. I thought,

  "What happened?" he asked.

  "Nothing. Of course. Mrs. Westington wouldn't sign their papers and I told them. They're upset, but it doesn't matter. They'll leave soon."

  "How was she doing?"

  "Complaining as usual." I told him. I didn't tell him how tired she looked and was,

  "That's good. How's Echo?"

  "She's okay. She's asleep. Who knows? Now that they see they can't get anywhere with Mrs. Westington, maybe they'll leave tomorrow."

  "I hope so. Okay," he said. "You know where I am if you need me."

  "Thank you. Trevor."

  He headed for his apartment. I walked on to the motor home, debating as to whether or not I should simply move in there with Echo until Mrs.

  Westington returned. I was tempted to sleep there tonight. Right at the moment, it seemed far more comfortable and secure.

  I went in and sat across from Destiny.

  "We'll be leaving here soon." I told her. When I looked about the motor home, it seemed suddenly very depressing to me, not only because Uncle Palaver was gone, but because of what had occurred here between Tyler and me. Places, like people, can upset you, I thought. Memories cling to them like flies on fly paper.

  I was surprised by a sudden knock on the motor home door.

  "Who is it?" I asked after I got up and went to the short stairway.

  "It's me," Trevor said.

  I opened the door quickly. Now it was my turn to read unhappiness quickly in his face. His eyes were gazing down, his shoulders slumped.

  "I just had a phone call. My mother's passed on," he said. "I got to go down to Phoenix and make arrangements."

  "Oh. I'm sorry, Trevor."

  "She's had one foot in the grave for some time now. I feel bad leaving you with this mess."

  "I'll be fine. Mrs. Westington will be home soon anyway and it will all be over. Don't you worry about us. Go do what you have to do."

  "I'll be staying with a cousin of mine. Here," he said, handing me a slip of paper. "This is the telephone number. Don't hesitate to call me if you need to. We got some relatives coming over from Houston, my mother's younger sister and her son. so I'll be away two, three days maybe."

  "Just go and do what you have to do. Trevor. Is there anything you need done at the winery?"

  "No, that'll keep," he said. "I'll be leaving in a few minutes. I've got to drive to San Francisco and catch a plane. There's a flight I can make early in the morning. You'll explain it all to Mrs. Westington for me. okay?"

  "Of course, Trevor. Don't worry about us," I emphasized. He nodded and walked way.

  I closed the door and sat across from Destiny again,

  "You put on a good act for Trevor," Destiny said. "It was nice of you to do it, but you know deep inside that you're very frightened about being in that house with those two with Trevor gone "

  "You know. You're right,'" I said. "It's time you came out of here. Destiny," I muttered. "I shouldn't be alone." I picked up the doll control and then I lifted her out of the chair and carried her out of the motor home. Of course. I was anticipating Skeeter and Rhona making fun of the life-size doll, but that didn't matter to me now. Nothing they said mattered to me.

  Fortunately, however, they were already upstairs and in their room when I entered with Destiny. I carried her up to the guest room and placed her in a chair in the corner. Then I put the control on the night table by the bed. I didn't want to admit it to myself, but I needed her company more than ever now, even though I knew she was only a doll. Having her here helped me feel close to Uncle Palaver again. She was part of the little family I had.

  I left to check on Echo. She had gotten into her pajamas and fallen asleep with Mr. Panda cradled in her arms. The small lamp on her night table was still on. so I turned it off and then returned to the guest room.

  "I'm going to change these sheets and pillowcases. Destiny," I said. "I certainly don't want to sleep on what they slept on."

  "You should," I had her say. I know it was crazy to throw my thoughts through her, but it gave me the feeling of having company, a companion. My situation was like a magical key opening the door to understanding my uncle even more. With Mrs. Westington in the hospital and Trevor leaving. I did feel alone, maybe as lost and alone as Uncle Palaver had felt.

  "You should change into one of your own nightgowns," Destiny remarked.

  "Good idea."

  I found one I had brought in from the motor home and then I fetched a different blanket from the linen closet and got into bed.

  "It's more comfortable than the bunk in the motor home, but not as nice as the bed I first had here." I told Destiny. Then I reached for her control and had her nod.

  "I bet." she said. "I used to wonder how you slept up in those cramped quarters."

  "It was all right. I felt safe being with Uncle Palaver."

  "Me, too," she said. I turned her head from side to side. This isn't such a bad room. It's sort of quaint, old-fashioned. It has character."

  "That's what Mrs. Westington says."

  "How wise she is," Destiny said, nodding. It was almost as if she was doing it all before I pressed the right buttons. My imagination is running away with me. I thought. It was like mounting a magical horse and galloping out of the shadowy reach of loneliness.

  "I guess I'll go to sleep." I reached up and turned off the small lamp on the night stand. but I kept the control for Destiny beside me. I just liked knowing it was there, knowing she was there watching over me as my mother would when I was very young and had a childhood illness, a fever or a rash.

  For a while I just lay there looking into the darkness. This won't last much longer. I thought. I was confident what I had told

  Trevor would come home. Rhona will find out how Mrs. Westington had gotten her attorney to stop her from getting anything and she'll give up and leave. She certainly wasn't interested in her child or bearing any responsibilities for her, and with Echo attending a special school soon, she won't have even a phony excuse to remain. Skeeter was surely going to grow bored as well,

  Doctor Battie would find the right medicine for Mrs. Westington
soon and she'd be coming home. There wasn't much more that Rhona could do then. I wanted to shout at her what she had said to me. "The writing's on the wall." Her days were numbered, reduced to hours, not mine.

  But then I thought about what Mrs. Westington had said to me in the hospital. Of course, she was right. I did have to start thinking of myself and my future. Brenda would surely be calling me any day now and we'd meet and talk about our lives together, her future and mine. Despite all that had happened since we had last seen each other and what had happened immediately before I left. I was anxious to reunite with her. After all, we were still sisters and as Trevor was fond of saying, blood was telling and strong. We couldn't deny who we were to each other. The truth was I actually missed her, even missed her criticisms of me as much as anything.

  I was a changed person. She would see that immediately. Beside becoming more mature. I was more determined to stop neglecting myself. I'd lose these pounds and gradually gain more self-respect. Brenda would appreciate that. I was sure we would get along better than we ever had.

  These thoughts filled my aching heart with renewed hope. Mrs. Westin ton was right about the necessity of being optimistic. If you saw only the dark side of everything, you'd be blinded by the light of any promise and your savings account of expectations would be bankrupt. I can get us through all this. I thought, as I turned on my side and cuddled up with the blanket I had taken from Mrs. Westington's linen closet. It had the scent of lilac and it made me feel good.

  I can survive it all and I can help both Echo and Trevor get through it as well. Well be fine. The morning would bring light and no matter what Rhona said or whatever tantrum she pulled. I would be strong and ignore it. She'd get frustrated and give up on terrorizing me, too. Mrs. Westington was right. Rhona didn't have the attention span for it.

  I welcomed sleep. I needed sleep so I could restore myself my strength and my wit, as Mrs. Westington would call it. I wanted to be as confident and as trusting in the future as the birds who were sleeping in the darkness out there. We'll be fine. I sang to myself as I would a lullaby. We'll be fine and safe again.

  I did fall asleep quickly, much more quickly than I had expected, because it was only minutes later that I woke when the mattress dipped beside me and the blanket was lifted away. The smell of whiskey curled under my nostrils before any other odor. My body froze: my throat tightened. I was terrified of turning around. It was as if I was trying to get out of a nightmare and if I turned. I would fall deeper into it.

  I felt something wet and warm on my neck and realized it was a tongue licking me.

  "Hi, April," Skeeter whispered.

  He shoved his left hand under my left side and brought his right hand over my waist, lifting the nightgown up, his palms moving across my breasts. Then he pulled the nightgown so hard, it brought my arms up and he slipped it off me. I cried out, but he put his hand over my mouth and brought his lips next to my ear.

  "Nobody who wants to hear you can hear you," he whispered. "Don't waste your breath."

  "Stop," I moaned.

  "Naw, you don't mean that," he said, his hands moving down over my hips and between my legs.

  I tried wresting myself out of his grasp, but he was too strong. The shock of feeling his hard sex moving between my thighs froze me for a moment.

  "Hey, you like that?" he asked.

  "No, please, let me go."

  "You fascinate me. April. You're the youngest bisexual girl I know. Rhona thinks you just haven't had a real man yet. That Chinese bay is a wimp. I think she's right. You'll thank me for this. I'll help you make up your mind."

  I squirmed and tried pushing him away, but he put his weight against me and I was barely able to move.

  "You don't want to keep fighting me like this. April. It takes away from the experience, the pleasure."

  "Get off me!"

  "Hey if I get off you, I'll have to go elsewhere and Rhona is asleep," he said. "Where do you think I might go? Huh?"

  It had the effect of a knife made of ice cutting toward my heart. Was he saying he would go into Echo's room?

  "All the young women here need the experience, don't you agree?"

  "No."

  "Sure you do. Who's it going to be first?"

  "You're horrible."

  "You don't know that yet. April. I might be very, very good. You saw how I was with Rhona. Don't tell me you didn't think about it. want it. too. Rhona said you were standing there and watching us for quite a while.'

  "I was not! And I don't want you. You're disgusting," I said. He laughed.

  "Stop!" I cried, trying to elbow him away.

  "Take it easy. You're about to have the experience of your life and if you're a good girl. I'll help you with Rhona and keep her from driving you out of here, but you have to be a good girl," he said. "Hymn, lots here to grab onto. That's nice," he continued, his hand all over my sides, my stomach, working on turning me around. I tried to fight it, but he was too strong and he threw his leg over me as he turned me, pushing me down until I was on my back, looking up at him. He sat on my legs and in the starlight coming through the window. I could see his tormenting smile.

  I swung at him and he grabbed my right wrist and twisted it hard.

  "You're hurting me!" I cried.

  "Makes it more exciting," he said, and didn't let up on his grip. "Rhona likes that. too. Now what we're going to do here is be very cooperative. I don't like forcing myself on a girl. I like feeling I'm wanted.'

  "Well, you're not. Get off me,"

  He twisted my wrist again and I cried out in pain. "I can break your wrist in half, you know."

  "I thought you don't like forcing yourself on someone."

  "I don't, so don't make me do it. I want you to pull your legs apart slowly, see, and then I want you to put your feet flat on the bed and lift your bottom a bit so I have no trouble fitting in neatly. Got it?"

  He slipped off me, but held onto my wrist. I tried pulling it free, but he was far too strong. In the process, my left hand hit Destiny's control and I remembered it was there. He hadn't noticed her sitting across from us, facing the bed. Somewhere in the deepest, darkest places in my mind. I realized that she wouldn't like this and that she would help me. Where I found the power. I do not know, but it came back to me: all the skill Uncle Palaver had taught me returned.

  "What do you think you're doing?" Destiny asked in her deeper

  Skeeter stopped moving but held on to my wrist. "What?" he muttered, looking at me.

  "If you don't get off her this instant. I'll call the police."

  I saw he couldn't understand how I could speak and not move my lips.

  "Get off her! Get off her this minute!"

  Very confused now, he turned ever so slowly and looked at Destiny. Just then I pressed the control and had her lift her right arm, turning her hand so that her forefinger pointed right at him. It took him by total surprise.

  "Who the hell are you?" he screamed, and twisting back, fell off the bed. He scampered quickly to his feet.

  "Get out of here! Now!" Destiny cried, nodding her head. "or we'll call the police."

  He backed up, looked at me. "Who is that?"

  "I'll tell you who I am. I'm your worst nightmare if you're not out of here in a split second." she told him. I turned her torso in his direction. His eyes widened and he sputtered and then turned and left the room.

  I leaped off the bed and shut the door the moment he was out of the room. Then I brought a chair to it and wedged it under the handle so it couldn't be opened. My heart was pounding so hard, it sounded like there was a drummer in the room. I pressed my ear to the door to listen for him.

  Out in the hall, he gathered his wits about him and turned back to my room. I heard his footsteps and I moaned. He hit the door with his fist so hard, it bounced against my temple. I stepped back and watched him try to open the door against the chair.

  "What the hell is that? Who is that? Open this door!" he screamed,

&nbsp
; "What's going on. Skeeter?" I heard Rhona ask in a sleepy voice, probably from her bedroom. "What are you doing?"

  "She's got someone in there with her, some black woman," he said.

  "What?"

  "There's someone in the room."

  "Who?"

  "I don't know. It looked like a black woman."

  "A black woman? You're crazy and you're drunk," she said.

  "I'm telling you..."

  "What are you doing in there. anyway, Skeeter? God, you're pathetic."

  "I was just... having some fun,"

  "Fun? You call that fun. Come on back to bed. We have a lot to do tomorrow. You know you have to talk to Billy and Lester. That five thousand isn't going to make them happy.'

  "But... I'm telling you someone is in her room."

  "Now? This time of night she has a black woman visiting her? You're drunk and you're seeing things,"

  "I'm not drunk. I heard her and I saw her sitting there. Go look for yourself."

  I listened hard, my heart still pounding. Rhona came to the door and tried it.

  "What is this'? Open this door immediately. April. Do you hear me?"

  "He tried to rape me!" I cried.

  "Is there someone in the room with you?" "Yes," I said.

  "Who is it?"

  "Destiny and she saw it all. She'll tell the police if you don't leave me alone." I said,

  "Destiny? What the... open this door." she demanded, and shook it hard. "Do you want me to have Skeeter break it down? He can do that and you'll have to explain it to my mother,"

  "Leave me alone. I'm calling Trevor if you don't go away," I said. They didn't know his mother had died and he was gone.

  She stopped shaking the door.

  "I'm telling you she has someone in there," Skeeter insisted, his voice high and frantic.

  "Good for her. I'm going back to bed. Skeeter. I'm not in the mood to start dealing with Trevor and all this in the middle of the night. Who cares about her?"

  "Will you stop. I'm tired. dammit."

  I held my breath and listened. I heard Rhona walk away and then I saw Skeeter's face in the cracked opening.