SCOTLAND ZEN and the art of SOCIAL WORK

  Chapter 28

  Still Monday 2nd June

   Most drugs used to treat the symptoms of HD have side effects such as fatigue, restlessness, or hyperexcitability. It is extremely important for people with HD to maintain physical fitness as much as possible, as individuals who exercise and keep active tend to do better than those who do not.

  My mother was wheeled into a small room at the entrance to ward nine. It had a large window with a blind, a bedside locker, a table which could fit over the bed, and two chairs. She was sleeping again, but she had been awake when she was being wheeled from casualty and tried to tell me to get back to work or I would be in trouble with that nice Chinese man. I told her that it was my lunch hour and I could stay a bit longer. I knew I looked and sounded as if I was feeling normal, but inside I was in a terrible state. Like a swan gliding down a river, very calm and sedate, but under the water his feet are paddling like mad.

  A nurse followed us into the room and introduced herself as Nurse Evelyn why doesn’t she just say Evelyn. I can see she’s a nurse, the uniform is a bit of a give away. She has blond hair, blue eyes, and a big diamond ring hanging on a chain round her neck, which shouted, ‘I’m taken, I’m not available’. She’s certainly in no danger from me.

  ‘We’re going to move your Mother off this trolley into a more comfy bed and take some blood for tests the doctor has ordered, so maybe you could go and have a nice cup of tea.’

  I really struggle with the patronising attitude but try to stay calm for Mum’s sake

  ‘I’ve got a few calls to make so I’ll be gone for about fifteen minutes unless you can bring me a phone here.’

  ‘She bristles a bit, her lips turn into a thin line and her shoulders straighten,

  ‘No, that won’t be possible, the mobile phone unit is for the use of the patients only.’

  ‘Well I don’t think my Mother will get her full use of it, do you?’ I decide to leave before I get even more nervy and rude. I hope blondie’s off duty when I come back. I wish Clair was still here. She could talk to the nurses with out losing her rag, and throw a bucket of water over me when I lose my cool. I walk to the phone in the foyer. I feel so pathetic, there is really no-one to call, no sisters or brothers to share this crisis with. My mates are all at work and are not close enough to understand how I feel. In the end I call Wang and tell him I will be at my Mothers bedside till she gets better or worse. He has just what I need, straight non-patronising sympathy and reassurance.

  ‘This is a terrible day for you, maybe the worst day of your life. We’ll hold the fort here and send all the positive power of the universe over to Airdrie. And don’t worry, I got the message about where to hide the car keys.’ This positive power really works, it is one of my mother’s tricks, it must also be one of his Zen things.

  ‘Aileen sends her love and a tight hug, which I don’t know how to do over the phone and Kate phoned to say twins will be fine.’ He is such a nutter, he amuses me even in my shaky state, and it sounded as if Kate had looked in a catalogue and said, yes they look nice, twins will be fine. Hopefully he’s paraphrasing. He wanted to come to the hospital to offer support but I said it wasn’t the right time. He knows of my phobia about nurses and he may be afraid that I’ll commit murder before the day is out. I start to walk away from the phones, then change my mind and turn back and call Mags number. John answers and says

  ‘We’re just in from Granny’s, Mam and Aunty Kate aren’t even up the garden path yet, who is it?’ I tell him and hear him whisper,

  ‘Right Rosie, pack a bag, that’s the social worker coming to take you away.’ Twenty years of trying to change our image obviously hasn’t worked in Carfin. Rosie wails and suddenly Mags is on the phone,

  ‘Sorry about that, can’t control my kids, how are you?’

  I feel my throat close over and I almost put the phone down in case I start to cry. I’m turning into a complete shaky wreck. I take a deep breath,

  ‘Not so good Mags, I’m at Monklands, my Mum’s had another stroke.’

  ‘Oh my good God, I’m so sorry, what can I do?’ before I know the words are coming out of my mouth, I say,

  ‘Could you come here for a while, I’m a bit scared.’ Instantly she replies,

  ‘No problem, Kate’s here, she need the practice looking after my kids.’ I felt myself relax a tiny bit, I was not going to be alone. I gave her the ward number and went for coffee. I got it in a plastic cup and took it back to my Mother’s room. Two nurses were still hovering about in the room, adjusting the drip, tidying the bedcovers, Evelyn and another. Evelyn looked disapprovingly at the coffee in my hand and opened her mouth to say something when a buzzer went off further down the ward and she made a swift exit. The other nurse looked older than Evelyn, maybe in her forties,

  ‘My name’s Molly, if you need anything please ask me, I’ll be here all night.’

  I was dumbstruck, she was really nice, a friendly face, soft voice, reddish frizzy hair and dark eyes. I’m sure Mum twitched in the bed, this would definitely amuse her. She knows ‘nice nurse’ is my oxymoron.

  ‘Don’t lose hope,’ she said, your mother is stable at the moment, but if you see any change, anything at all, give me a shout.’

  I nod my head, I don’t trust myself to speak and break the spell, stable is good, I know that. I move as close to the bed as I can and take Mum’s hand. It feels cool and bony and nicely familiar. I tell her what kind of morning I had today, about Mr. Lafferty falling asleep in the chair, how Clair had to take him home and how most of the nurses are annoying me. Just some jibbery trivia nonsense to amuse her… if she hears me. I also tell her that she would be seriously mortified if she could see herself in the tatty hospital gown she has on, and promise to bring her something a bit more respectable tomorrow. She moves slightly in the bed and turns her head to me and opens her eyes,

  ‘Shouldn’t’ve carried the rubbish in my bad hand, it unbalanced me, I must’ve tripped.’

  ‘You should’ve left it for me to put out, you did trip, and gave us all a fright, but don’t worry now.’

  ‘What are you doing here Jim? You better go to your work.’ Surely she’s dreaming. She must know it’s me, not my Dad. I feel an incredible wave of sadness to think that she still dreams of a man who has been dead for twenty five years, and speaks to me now as if I’m him.

  ‘It’s me, Mum, Tommy, you’re havering a bit, calling me Jim.’ She drifts off to sleep again and I am left with an empty lonely feeling. The room is silent and the ward outside is settling down for the evening. I can hear a television in the day room and a trolley rattling as its being hurled along. I can smell food, a kind of steamed pudding and potato smell that I always associate with hospitals. Molly pops her head round the door and says I have a visitor. I go into the corridor and Mags is standing there smiling and I walk right up close to her and take her in my arms. She looks so calm and rosy, and she hugs me back tightly. I have such a need to hold on to her it’s like a physical pain in my chest.

  Tommy gave me a big hug as if his life depended on it and then we went into the side ward that his mother was in. Having never met the woman I had no idea what to expect. The blind had been drawn and the room was only lit by a small light above the bed. Tommy’s Mother lay perfectly still and peaceful. Her face and hands were very white and she looked as if she was hardly breathing. Her hair was short and neat and greying and she looked like an ageing prettier version of her son. Tommy explained that she had been drifting in and out of sleep, not talking much, but mostly making sense when she did speak which was a good sign. We settled at either side of the bed and Tommy brought me up to date with what had happened so far. I knew Tommy wasn’t saying everything the doctor had told him, as he didn’t want his mother to hear. He raised his eyebrows at me and said loudly,

  ‘The doctor says she’s stable, that’s good isn’t it?’ he was willing me to agree.

  ‘That’s great, maybe she just needs plenty of rest,’ I’m no expert b
ut she looked so still and ghostly it was hard to imagine her ever getting up out of this bed.

  There was a quiet knock at the door and a nurse came in. She had nice red hair and a friendly face she said she had news that a doctor would be here in five minutes to do another examination. He was a geriatrician, and although Tommy’s mother was not a geriatric patient, this doctor had a lot of experience with stroke sufferers. Tommy explained this to his mother and she nodded slightly although she kept her eyes closed. He also told her I was there,

  ‘Remember last week I told you about the girl from Carfin I’d met? Well she’s here to keep us company for a bit.’ I said hello and asked her if she was comfortable and she slowly reached out her hand to me. I took her hand very tentatively, not wanting to hurt her and she whispered something, but I didn’t understand the words.

  ‘She said she hopes you’re as pretty as you voice sounds,’ said Tommy, ‘Of course she is Mum, she’s a real cracker.’

  I was red in the face now but saved from further embarrassment by the doctor giving a brief knock and coming into the room. He was very tall and slim, dark and handsome.

  ‘So this is your Mother, Mr. Social worker you must have been here all day.’ He leaned over the bed and introduced himself to Tommy’s mum. She moved her head a bit but didn’t answer.

  ‘And I thought you were off duty for a few days. So you’re the expert in these cases,’ said Tommy.

  ‘Listen, I do casualty duty and children and might even be asked to clean the floors next but don’t worry, I’ve had a great rest and I was called back in on an emergency anyway. Doctor Keith asked me to have a look at your Mother, I don’t say I’m an expert but I’ve had a lot of experience. Can you wait outside? I’ll speak to you again in about ten minutes.’

  We walked out of the ward to a bench seat that was in the corridor. I took Tommy’s hand and looked at his tired worried face,

  ‘You mum seems quite responsive, she may come out of this fine.’

  ‘I don’t think so, the last time she was ill she was loads better than this, she was chatting, asking to go home, bossing the nurses, but now she seems too passive, I don’t think…’

  ‘Keep thinking positive, and you need to go home sometime soon to bring in her own things. That hospital gown makes her look pathetic. He wouldn’t make any decisions and we sat quietly waiting for the doctor. Tommy explained that he had a meeting with this same doctor this morning about a work related case right here in the hospital, which now seemed like a week ago. The doctor walked briskly towards us with a serious expression and we both stood up as if bad news can’t be received sitting down.

  ‘Are you a relative?’ Tommy answered for me,

  ‘No but go ahead, tell me what you think?’ I was still holding his hand but now he held mine in a tortuous grip.

  ‘Your mother seems to have a slow steady bleed behind her left eye. It’s not decreasing even though she’s been given a lot of medication to try to clot it, but that can be dangerous too.’ Tommy took a big breath and said,

  ‘What if it doesn’t stop?’ the doctor stood for a few moments looking at the floor and I realised this was going to be very bad. I felt tears running down my face, poor Mrs. Jones, poor Tommy.

  ‘There’s some pressure building up already on the left side of her brain, so this haemorrhage could get worse, I’m sorry, we’ll give her more sedatives and see what happens.’ Tommy looks shattered, the colour had drained out of his face and his lips were pressed tightly together, as if he daren’t trust himself to speak.

  ‘She is going to sleep soundly for the next couple of hours with what I’ve given her now, so if you want to have a break this is the time to have it.’

  We walked slowly back into the room and Tommy told his Mother he was going home for a bit to get her a decent nightdress and some toilet things and he would be back before she knew he was away. There was absolutely no response.