The Baller

  He carried me to his bed after that, and we had sex.

  Good sex.

  No. Great sex.

  The kind where he searched my face as he glided in and out of my body with smooth strokes and then, when my eyes fluttered open, our gazes met and he smiled down at me. Breathless and beautiful.

  Afterward, he pushed the hair off my face as we both lay on our sides facing each other. “Thank you for giving me that.”

  I grinned. “Thank you for giving me that.”

  He laughed. “You know what I meant. For letting me get lost in you for a little while. And not complaining when I basically attacked you as you walked through the door.”

  Complain? Was he crazy? “I can think of worse ways to be greeted.”

  He kissed my lips gently. “Today is going to suck.”

  I propped my head up on my elbow to listen.

  “They’re warming us up to the idea of removing all the tubes and letting her go peacefully. I just know it.”

  “I’m so sorry. That’s such a hard decision for you to make.”

  “I’m not the one who’s going to need to make it.”

  “I thought you were her legal guardian.”

  “I am. But she signed a health care proxy years ago. Before she started to show any signs of dementia.”

  “Oh. Who makes her health care decisions then?”

  “Willow.”

  That only made sense. “Has she been handling things okay?”

  “She’s upset. But holding her own right now. I’m not sure she would ever come back from this one if she disappeared on Marlene now.”

  I nodded. “How long has she been clean?”

  “She says eleven months.”

  “Do you believe her?”

  “I think so. She seems more like the Willow I knew than she has in a long time.”

  An uneasy feeling settled in. The Willow he knew was the Willow he fell in love with. If Drew wasn’t gone and walked back into my life tomorrow, what would I do with a second chance?

  We stayed in bed for a little while longer. I pushed whatever immature jealousy I had aside.

  “Tell me about her.”

  “Marlene? She’s tough as nails and soft at the same time. She did nice things for people, but never wanted anyone to know she did them.”

  “My father used to say altruism was spelled wrong, it was spelled a-n-o-n-y-m-o-u-s.”

  “That’s how Marlene lived. When Willow was on one of her binges, she used to frequent this squatters’ den in Bushwick. It was a real hellhole—no heat or running water—yet a handful of addicts actually called it home. One snowy January, Marlene insisted on coming with me to look for Willow. When we went inside, the place was freezing. Most of the people who were passed out had newspapers piled on top of them for warmth. We took Willow home, and a few days later I was back there to drag her ass out again. Only I went without telling Marlene the second time. When I walked inside, everyone had a coat on—they were all wearing Marlene’s coats. She had went back the next day without telling me and gave away all her coats.”

  “Wow. She sounds like a beautiful person.”

  “She is. It killed her to go to those places, too. She had to watch her granddaughter follow in her daughter’s footsteps. I’m glad she got to see Willow sober for a few weeks before this happened.”

  “I am, too.”

  We talked about Marlene until I was going to be late for work. “I need to wash up and get to the office.”

  “Take a shower with me.”

  “I’m already running late, and you wanted to get to the hospital when visiting hours started. Showering together is definitely not a good idea.”

  “You’re probably right.”

  “I’m just going to throw my hair up and jump in the shower to wash off. I’ll use the guest bathroom.”

  Brody pouted. “I like you with my scent all over you.”

  I took a quick shower and was just about to step out when something shiny near the drain caught my eye. At first, I thought it was a coin, but when I bent over to pick it up, I realized it was a necklace caught around the grate.

  I untangled it, and when I lifted it, a pendant fell to the floor. A pendant in the shape of the letter W.

  I was already dressed when Brody got out of the shower in the master bath. “You’re done quickly.” He snickered. “And that wasn’t the first time today.”

  I was inwardly freaking out but somehow managed to deliver my words calmly. Holding out my palm, I offered the necklace. “This was in the shower. It almost washed down, but the clasp was caught on the drain cover.”

  He furrowed his brow and picked the necklace up, the W dangling between us. Symbolic. His eyes closed for a moment and then rose to look at me.

  “It must be Willow’s.”

  I held his stare but said nothing.

  “She showered here yesterday. She must have dropped it.”

  “She was here?”

  “Yes. But by herself. I came home and took a shower, then when I went back to the hospital, I gave her my key and told her to use my place to shower. She lives all the way uptown, and we wanted to be there when the doctors came around.”

  I nodded. Then I walked to my purse and fished out my phone, checking it quickly for no reason other than that I needed to focus on something else. Brody just stood there and watched me. When I put on my coat and remained quiet, he spoke again.

  “Are you upset with me for doing that?”

  “Should I be?”

  He ran his fingers through his hair. “I really didn’t think about it. It just seemed like the right thing to do. But now that we’re standing here, I’m thinking maybe it wasn’t.”

  “How would you feel if I let Michael Langley shower at my house?”

  Brody’s jaw clenched.

  “And didn’t mention it to you.”

  “Point taken.”

  “I have to get to work.”

  Brody reached out and stopped me from passing, pulling me in close for a hug. “I’m sorry,” he whispered in my ear. “Forgive me. I should have thought about it more than I did. I don’t want you mad at me.”

  I pulled my head back to look him in the eyes. “Nothing else happened? She was here alone, showering?”

  “Nothing. I swear.”

  I thought about it for a minute. “Okay.”

  He blew out a long breath of air. “Thank God. I don’t think I could handle you being mad at me today.”

  I forced a smile, remembering what the last few days had been like for him. With or without Willow in the picture, the man loved Marlene. It couldn’t be easy. “I’m not mad. Text me from the hospital. Let me know what the doctors say this morning.”

  “Thanks, babe.”

  In truth, I wasn’t lying. I really wasn’t mad. Nervous, jealous, scared—maybe. Strangely, I was dating a former player who’d never tried to hide that relationships weren’t his forte, yet I believed him when he said nothing else had happened. What worried me was that he was opening his heart to Willow again, more than his home.

  Stepping out of the elevator, I bumped straight into a man who was waiting to enter, never even seeing him until my foot was on top of his. He fumbled before catching the coffee he was holding, but not before a splash of it hit his crisp white dress shirt. I apologized profusely and attempted to make it the rest of the way out of the lobby unscathed. I almost made it, too. Until my collision with the glass turnstile exit—my face actually smacked into the bright yellow Out of Order sign with the big arrow pointing to another door. That accident wasn’t my fault—I was paying attention as I walked. The problem was that my attention was on the beautiful woman sitting in the lobby, staring at me—and not on the electric door that wasn’t working.

  Willow.

  Chapter 32

  Brody

  Football players were supposed to be tough. Ten three-hundred-and-fifty-pound men piled on, kicking and scratching, elbowing and clawing, to get at the lone guy h
olding a scrap of leather. I’d been the guy on the bottom of the pile a hundred times. We got back up, brushed the dirt from our eyelashes, discreetly straightened a dislocated thumb, and jumped back into the action for another round.

  But tough had its limits. Even a diamond, if you hit it at the exact right place, the spot where it was flawed and weak, would sometimes shatter. Marlene was my weak spot.

  Willow cried while the doctor spoke. She didn’t make it past no functional brain activity. Silent tears fell as he continued on about our choices, one worse than the other. But I held strong. Even thanked him before he left, saying he would come back later that afternoon to discuss our decision. When I closed the door behind him, there was just enough time to catch Willow before she fell.

  She crumpled in my arms, her shoulders shaking, body trembling, sobs racking her body. The croak in her howl revealed her physical pain. I held tighter.

  Hours later, she was better—patched back up as best as I could. Hell, she’d even laughed a few times in the last hour as we played Wheel of Fortune, one of us on either side of Marlene as we wrote down our guesses.

  The last puzzle had most definitely been a mood changer.

  Category: Thing.

  _UCK _E IN THE A_ _ TONIGHT.

  Really?

  Only one of us had gotten LUCK BE IN THE AIR TONIGHT. And it definitely wasn’t me.

  After a good laugh, Willow went down to the cafeteria to grab us some lunch. An aide came in and changed Marlene’s pillows and refreshed the pink plastic pitcher with new water. She straightened up a bit and nodded before she left.

  Busying myself, I noticed she had left the bedside drawer open just a little, so I walked over to shut it. But for some reason, I opened it first. Inside was only one thing—Marlene’s powder-blue denture case. They had taken her teeth out when they put the breathing tube down her throat. I stared at it—I had no idea why, it was certainly a random enough thing to set me off, but seeing that case made me lose it. I bawled like a bitch.

  It had been years since I cried.

  When I heard the door open behind me, I was still standing in front of the open drawer. I shut it, leaned down, kissed Marlene on the forehead and went to the bathroom without turning around for Willow to see my face.

  ***

  This morning with Delilah felt like days ago. Between emotions running high and a day of marathon game shows, I hadn’t texted her an update all day. I dug my phone out of my pocket and powered it on.

  Brody: Still at the hospital. Leaving soon for practice. Coming back here tonight after. Doctors are going to turn off the ventilator at nine.

  Delilah: That’s good, right?

  Brody: No.

  Delilah: Oh God. I’m sorry. I thought you meant there was an improvement.

  Brody: It’s what she would have wanted.

  Delilah: I’m glad you know that, and I hope that brings you some peace.

  Brody: Breakfast tomorrow, maybe?

  Our texts were flowing fast, but there was a long pause before her next response.

  Delilah: I actually have a breakfast meeting I can’t miss. Lunch, maybe?

  Brody: OK.

  Delilah: Call me whenever you need tonight. The time doesn’t matter. I’ll be thinking of you.

  That night, Willow and I took turns saying goodbye to Marlene before the doctor came in. I don’t remember saying goodbye to my mother—I was too young when she died. But I imagined it felt an awful lot like saying those last words to Marlene did.

  I looked down at her frail body. “There are so many things you taught me over the years. To never give up. To love someone worth loving, flaws and all. Hell, I can say someone isn’t all there in their head a thousand and one ways because of you. But you also taught me the one thing I need most right now: When life knocks you down, stop and look around for one thing that’s good, because there is always something. Then cling to that good.” I kissed her forehead one last time and covered her hand with mine. “Here’s the good I’m holding on to today. I’m lucky to have known someone who was so hard to say goodbye to.”

  I couldn’t possibly have hidden my tears from anyone that time.

  Not long after we said our goodbyes, the doctor removed the breathing and feeding tubes and turned off all of the monitors. I didn’t know what I’d expected, but she simply stopped breathing.

  Marlene Elizabeth Garner died at 1:03 a.m.

  Chapter 33

  Willow

  Life is filled with a series of tethers. Imaginary threads that connect us to people from the moment we’re cut from our mother’s cord. I’d spent the first twenty-five years of my life trying to cut those threads and fly high, out of reach. It wasn’t until eleven months ago that I woke up one morning and realized those tethers weren’t chains that were keeping me down. They were lifelines, and my threads were so frayed, there were virtually no lines left to my life. Last night—or maybe it was actually today, I wasn’t even sure anymore since one day had blurred into the next—the strongest thread that had ever existed in my life was cut away.

  Brody handled all of the plans. Tonight we would have a small service at my grandmother’s church. Tomorrow we would drive to the cemetery and lay her to rest. And then . . . I didn’t know what came after that. I only knew I didn’t want to lose Brody again.

  I dressed in a simple black dress. It was a summer dress and the air outside had the chill of late fall, but a sweater was going to have to make do since I didn’t have money for shopping. Brody knocked on my door right on time. I had told him I would meet him downstairs, explained that parking was difficult to find. But the reality was, I hadn’t wanted him to see where I was living.

  “You didn’t have to come up.”

  I hadn’t put my heels on yet, so he was almost a foot taller than me. I saw him look over my head and scan my apartment. I knew what he was doing, and I certainly couldn’t blame him.

  I opened the door wide and stepped aside. “No drugs. I’m clean.”

  “I wasn’t . . . ”

  I arched my eyebrow as if to say yes you were, and he confessed with a grin. “All right, maybe I was.”

  He came inside.

  “Let me give you a tour.” I twirled a circle with my arms extended. You could tour my entire studio apartment, except the bathroom, in one pivot. “Tour over. So how do you like it?”

  “I like it. It’s . . . warm.”

  “It’s not really. You better keep your jacket on.”

  “It’s yours, right?”

  “You’re really taking this find one good thing to heart, aren’t you?” I teased.

  “I am.”

  “Just give me one minute, I’m searching for my black heels.” My apartment was small, but the ceilings were high. Typical for Manhattan. There was little surface space left, so they built up.

  One wall in the living room had built-in storage that started at about seven feet. I hopped up on the small ratty love seat that served as my living room furniture and stood on the back, balancing as I opened different compartments.

  “What are you doing? You’re going to fall.” Brody walked over and reached up to my waist, steadying me as I searched through the storage cupboards. He moved with me, making sure I didn’t fall as I walked the length of the couch top, inspecting and closing different doors. When I reached the last one, I found the shoes shoved into the top corner and had to stand on my tippy toes to reach them.

  “Got ’em,” I waved the shoes in the air like I’d just won a prize.

  Brody lowered me back to the ground as if he were lifting a carton of empty milk. When he took his hands away, I longed for them. God, I miss his touch.

  Turning to face him, it was easy to slip back into a comfortable place. I wrapped my hand around his bicep and squeezed. “Thanks for the lift. Big muscles. Have you been working out?”

  He chuckled. “Get your shoes on, wiseass.”

  That one unexpected moment, something so completely insignificant as Brody helpi
ng me reach my shoes and then joking around, made me feel more like my old self than I had in years.

  “Bring an overnight bag. I want you to stay at the hotel again tonight, and tomorrow night, too.”

  “I’m fine here, Brody. I appreciate it, though.”

  “Can you just do it for me?”

  The man had no idea what I would be willing to do for him. I nodded and threw the clothes I’d picked out for the service in an overnight bag.

  On the way out, I heard voices coming from my neighbor’s apartment. Lena and Abby’s apartment. “Can you just give me a minute?”

  I listened before knocking. Brody stood behind me.

  The familiar sound of rusted locks clanked and then Abby opened the door. Her face lit up, and she ran to hug my legs, catching me by surprise. “Can we go to the park again?”

  I smiled at the little ball of energy. “Not today. I’m going somewhere with my friend. This is Brody.”

  She looked at Brody, found zero that interested her, and returned her attention to me. “When you’re done?”

  “I’m actually going to be busy for a few days.” I looked into her apartment. “Is your mom here?”

  “No. Grandma brought me to get more clothes.”

  With that, Sophie appeared. “Didn’t I tell you not to open the door?” she scolded

  “It was only Willow.”

  Sophie put her hands on her hips. “And how did you know it was Willow? Did you ask who it was, Abby?”

  Abby looked at me, then back to her grandmother. “No.” She sulked. “I forgot again.”

  Her grandmother tried to hide a smile. “We’ll work on it.” She turned her attention to me. “Hi, Willow. Don’t you look pretty.”

  “Thank you. I heard voices and wanted to see if everything was okay.”

  Her eyes pointed to her granddaughter. “Everything is good. Abby is probably going to stay with me for a while.” I read between the lines. She was probably going to stay with her because she had no idea where the hell her daughter had disappeared to. The situation brought me back twenty years. Thankfully, Abby had Sophie like I’d had Marlene.