Our Mutual Friend

  Chapter 4

  CUPID PROMPTED

  To use the cold language of the world, Mrs Alfred Lammle rapidlyimproved the acquaintance of Miss Podsnap. To use the warm language ofMrs Lammle, she and her sweet Georgiana soon became one: in heart, inmind, in sentiment, in soul.

  Whenever Georgiana could escape from the thraldom of Podsnappery; couldthrow off the bedclothes of the custard-coloured phaeton, and get up;could shrink out of the range of her mother's rocking, and (so to speak)rescue her poor little frosty toes from being rocked over; she repairedto her friend, Mrs Alfred Lammle. Mrs Podsnap by no means objected. Asa consciously 'splendid woman,' accustomed to overhear herself sodenominated by elderly osteologists pursuing their studies in dinnersociety, Mrs Podsnap could dispense with her daughter. Mr Podsnap, forhis part, on being informed where Georgiana was, swelled with patronageof the Lammles. That they, when unable to lay hold of him, shouldrespectfully grasp at the hem of his mantle; that they, when they couldnot bask in the glory of him the sun, should take up with the palereflected light of the watery young moon his daughter; appeared quitenatural, becoming, and proper. It gave him a better opinion of thediscretion of the Lammles than he had heretofore held, as showing thatthey appreciated the value of the connexion. So, Georgiana repairingto her friend, Mr Podsnap went out to dinner, and to dinner, and yet todinner, arm in arm with Mrs Podsnap: settling his obstinate head in hiscravat and shirt-collar, much as if he were performing on the Pandeanpipes, in his own honour, the triumphal march, See the conqueringPodsnap comes, Sound the trumpets, beat the drums!

  It was a trait in Mr Podsnap's character (and in one form or otherit will be generally seen to pervade the depths and shallows ofPodsnappery), that he could not endure a hint of disparagement of anyfriend or acquaintance of his. 'How dare you?' he would seem to say, insuch a case. 'What do you mean? I have licensed this person. This personhas taken out MY certificate. Through this person you strike at me,Podsnap the Great. And it is not that I particularly care for theperson's dignity, but that I do most particularly care for Podsnap's.'Hence, if any one in his presence had presumed to doubt theresponsibility of the Lammles, he would have been mightily huffed. Notthat any one did, for Veneering, M.P., was always the authority fortheir being very rich, and perhaps believed it. As indeed he might, ifhe chose, for anything he knew of the matter.

  Mr and Mrs Lammle's house in Sackville Street, Piccadilly, was buta temporary residence. It has done well enough, they informed theirfriends, for Mr Lammle when a bachelor, but it would not do now. So,they were always looking at palatial residences in the best situations,and always very nearly taking or buying one, but never quite concludingthe bargain. Hereby they made for themselves a shining little reputationapart. People said, on seeing a vacant palatial residence, 'The verything for the Lammles!' and wrote to the Lammles about it, and theLammles always went to look at it, but unfortunately it never exactlyanswered. In short, they suffered so many disappointments, that theybegan to think it would be necessary to build a palatial residence.And hereby they made another shining reputation; many persons of theiracquaintance becoming by anticipation dissatisfied with their ownhouses, and envious of the non-existent Lammle structure.

  The handsome fittings and furnishings of the house in Sackville Streetwere piled thick and high over the skeleton up-stairs, and if it everwhispered from under its load of upholstery, 'Here I am in the closet!'it was to very few ears, and certainly never to Miss Podsnap's. WhatMiss Podsnap was particularly charmed with, next to the graces ofher friend, was the happiness of her friend's married life. This wasfrequently their theme of conversation.

  'I am sure,' said Miss Podsnap, 'Mr Lammle is like a lover. At leastI--I should think he was.'

  'Georgiana, darling!' said Mrs Lammle, holding up a forefinger, 'Takecare!'

  'Oh my goodness me!' exclaimed Miss Podsnap, reddening. 'What have Isaid now?'

  'Alfred, you know,' hinted Mrs Lammle, playfully shaking her head. 'Youwere never to say Mr Lammle any more, Georgiana.'

  'Oh! Alfred, then. I am glad it's no worse. I was afraid I had saidsomething shocking. I am always saying something wrong to ma.'

  'To me, Georgiana dearest?'

  'No, not to you; you are not ma. I wish you were.'

  Mrs Lammle bestowed a sweet and loving smile upon her friend, which MissPodsnap returned as she best could. They sat at lunch in Mrs Lammle'sown boudoir.

  'And so, dearest Georgiana, Alfred is like your notion of a lover?'

  'I don't say that, Sophronia,' Georgiana replied, beginning to concealher elbows. 'I haven't any notion of a lover. The dreadful wretches thatma brings up at places to torment me, are not lovers. I only mean thatMr--'

  'Again, dearest Georgiana?'

  'That Alfred--'

  'Sounds much better, darling.'

  '--Loves you so. He always treats you with such delicate gallantry andattention. Now, don't he?'

  'Truly, my dear,' said Mrs Lammle, with a rather singular expressioncrossing her face. 'I believe that he loves me, fully as much as I lovehim.'

  'Oh, what happiness!' exclaimed Miss Podsnap.

  'But do you know, my Georgiana,' Mrs Lammle resumed presently, 'thatthere is something suspicious in your enthusiastic sympathy withAlfred's tenderness?'

  'Good gracious no, I hope not!'

  'Doesn't it rather suggest,' said Mrs Lammle archly, 'that myGeorgiana's little heart is--'

  'Oh don't!' Miss Podsnap blushingly besought her. 'Please don't! Iassure you, Sophronia, that I only praise Alfred, because he is yourhusband and so fond of you.'

  Sophronia's glance was as if a rather new light broke in upon her. Itshaded off into a cool smile, as she said, with her eyes upon her lunch,and her eyebrows raised:

  'You are quite wrong, my love, in your guess at my meaning. What Iinsinuated was, that my Georgiana's little heart was growing consciousof a vacancy.'

  'No, no, no,' said Georgiana. 'I wouldn't have anybody say anything tome in that way for I don't know how many thousand pounds.'

  'In what way, my Georgiana?' inquired Mrs Lammle, still smiling coollywith her eyes upon her lunch, and her eyebrows raised.

  'YOU know,' returned poor little Miss Podsnap. 'I think I should go outof my mind, Sophronia, with vexation and shyness and detestation, ifanybody did. It's enough for me to see how loving you and your husbandare. That's a different thing. I couldn't bear to have anything of thatsort going on with myself. I should beg and pray to--to have the persontaken away and trampled upon.'

  Ah! here was Alfred. Having stolen in unobserved, he playfully leaned onthe back of Sophronia's chair, and, as Miss Podsnap saw him, put oneof Sophronia's wandering locks to his lips, and waved a kiss from ittowards Miss Podsnap.

  'What is this about husbands and detestations?' inquired the captivatingAlfred.

  'Why, they say,' returned his wife, 'that listeners never hear any goodof themselves; though you--but pray how long have you been here, sir?'

  'This instant arrived, my own.'

  'Then I may go on--though if you had been here but a moment or twosooner, you would have heard your praises sounded by Georgiana.'

  'Only, if they were to be called praises at all which I really don'tthink they were,' explained Miss Podsnap in a flutter, 'for being sodevoted to Sophronia.'

  'Sophronia!' murmured Alfred. 'My life!' and kissed her hand. In returnfor which she kissed his watch-chain.

  'But it was not I who was to be taken away and trampled upon, I hope?'said Alfred, drawing a seat between them.

  'Ask Georgiana, my soul,' replied his wife.

  Alfred touchingly appealed to Georgiana.

  'Oh, it was nobody,' replied Miss Podsnap. 'It was nonsense.'

  'But if you are determined to know, Mr Inquisitive Pet, as I suppose youare,' said the happy and fond Sophronia, smiling, 'it was any one whoshould venture to aspire to Georgiana.'

  'Sophronia, my love,' remonstrated Mr Lammle, becoming graver, 'you arenot serious?'

  'A
lfred, my love,' returned his wife, 'I dare say Georgiana was not, butI am.'

  'Now this,' said Mr Lammle, 'shows the accidental combinations thatthere are in things! Could you believe, my Ownest, that I came in herewith the name of an aspirant to our Georgiana on my lips?'

  'Of course I could believe, Alfred,' said Mrs Lammle, 'anything that YOUtold me.'

  'You dear one! And I anything that YOU told me.'

  How delightful those interchanges, and the looks accompanying them! Now,if the skeleton up-stairs had taken that opportunity, for instance, ofcalling out 'Here I am, suffocating in the closet!'

  'I give you my honour, my dear Sophronia--'

  'And I know what that is, love,' said she.

  'You do, my darling--that I came into the room all but uttering youngFledgeby's name. Tell Georgiana, dearest, about young Fledgeby.'

  'Oh no, don't! Please don't!' cried Miss Podsnap, putting her fingers inher ears. 'I'd rather not.'

  Mrs Lammle laughed in her gayest manner, and, removing her Georgiana'sunresisting hands, and playfully holding them in her own at arms'length, sometimes near together and sometimes wide apart, went on:

  'You must know, you dearly beloved little goose, that once upon atime there was a certain person called young Fledgeby. And this youngFledgeby, who was of an excellent family and rich, was known to twoother certain persons, dearly attached to one another and called Mr andMrs Alfred Lammle. So this young Fledgeby, being one night at the play,there sees with Mr and Mrs Alfred Lammle, a certain heroine called--'

  'No, don't say Georgiana Podsnap!' pleaded that young lady almost intears. 'Please don't. Oh do do do say somebody else! Not GeorgianaPodsnap. Oh don't, don't, don't!'

  'No other,' said Mrs Lammle, laughing airily, and, full of affectionateblandishments, opening and closing Georgiana's arms like a pair ofcompasses, 'than my little Georgiana Podsnap. So this young Fledgeby goesto that Alfred Lammle and says--'

  'Oh ple-e-e-ease don't!' Georgiana, as if the supplication were beingsqueezed out of her by powerful compression. 'I so hate him for sayingit!'

  'For saying what, my dear?' laughed Mrs Lammle.

  'Oh, I don't know what he said,' cried Georgiana wildly, 'but I hate himall the same for saying it.'

  'My dear,' said Mrs Lammle, always laughing in her most captivating way,'the poor young fellow only says that he is stricken all of a heap.'

  'Oh, what shall I ever do!' interposed Georgiana. 'Oh my goodness what aFool he must be!'

  '--And implores to be asked to dinner, and to make a fourth at the playanother time. And so he dines to-morrow and goes to the Opera withus. That's all. Except, my dear Georgiana--and what will you think ofthis!--that he is infinitely shyer than you, and far more afraid of youthan you ever were of any one in all your days!'

  In perturbation of mind Miss Podsnap still fumed and plucked at herhands a little, but could not help laughing at the notion of anybody'sbeing afraid of her. With that advantage, Sophronia flattered her andrallied her more successfully, and then the insinuating Alfred flatteredher and rallied her, and promised that at any moment when she mightrequire that service at his hands, he would take young Fledgeby out andtrample on him. Thus it remained amicably understood that young Fledgebywas to come to admire, and that Georgiana was to come to be admired; andGeorgiana with the entirely new sensation in her breast of having thatprospect before her, and with many kisses from her dear Sophronia inpresent possession, preceded six feet one of discontented footman (anamount of the article that always came for her when she walked home) toher father's dwelling.

  The happy pair being left together, Mrs Lammle said to her husband:

  'If I understand this girl, sir, your dangerous fascinations haveproduced some effect upon her. I mention the conquest in good timebecause I apprehend your scheme to be more important to you than yourvanity.'

  There was a mirror on the wall before them, and her eyes just caughthim smirking in it. She gave the reflected image a look of the deepestdisdain, and the image received it in the glass. Next moment theyquietly eyed each other, as if they, the principals, had had no part inthat expressive transaction.

  It may have been that Mrs Lammle tried in some manner to excuse herconduct to herself by depreciating the poor little victim of whom shespoke with acrimonious contempt. It may have been too that in this shedid not quite succeed, for it is very difficult to resist confidence,and she knew she had Georgiana's.

  Nothing more was said between the happy pair. Perhaps conspiratorswho have once established an understanding, may not be over-fond ofrepeating the terms and objects of their conspiracy. Next day came; cameGeorgiana; and came Fledgeby.

  Georgiana had by this time seen a good deal of the house and itsfrequenters. As there was a certain handsome room with a billiard tablein it--on the ground floor, eating out a backyard--which might havebeen Mr Lammle's office, or library, but was called by neither name, butsimply Mr Lammle's room, so it would have been hard for stronger femaleheads than Georgiana's to determine whether its frequenters were menof pleasure or men of business. Between the room and the men there werestrong points of general resemblance. Both were too gaudy, too slangey,too odorous of cigars, and too much given to horseflesh; the lattercharacteristic being exemplified in the room by its decorations, and inthe men by their conversation. High-stepping horses seemed necessary toall Mr Lammle's friends--as necessary as their transaction of businesstogether in a gipsy way at untimely hours of the morning and evening,and in rushes and snatches. There were friends who seemed to be alwayscoming and going across the Channel, on errands about the Bourse, andGreek and Spanish and India and Mexican and par and premium and discountand three quarters and seven eighths. There were other friends whoseemed to be always lolling and lounging in and out of the City, onquestions of the Bourse, and Greek and Spanish and India and Mexican andpar and premium and discount and three quarters and seven eighths. Theywere all feverish, boastful, and indefinably loose; and they all ate anddrank a great deal; and made bets in eating and drinking. They all spokeof sums of money, and only mentioned the sums and left the money tobe understood; as 'five and forty thousand Tom,' or 'Two hundred andtwenty-two on every individual share in the lot Joe.' They seemed todivide the world into two classes of people; people who were makingenormous fortunes, and people who were being enormously ruined. Theywere always in a hurry, and yet seemed to have nothing tangible to do;except a few of them (these, mostly asthmatic and thick-lipped) who werefor ever demonstrating to the rest, with gold pencil-cases which theycould hardly hold because of the big rings on their forefingers, howmoney was to be made. Lastly, they all swore at their grooms, and thegrooms were not quite as respectful or complete as other men's grooms;seeming somehow to fall short of the groom point as their masters fellshort of the gentleman point.

  Young Fledgeby was none of these. Young Fledgeby had a peachy cheek,or a cheek compounded of the peach and the red red red wall on whichit grows, and was an awkward, sandy-haired, small-eyed youth, exceedingslim (his enemies would have said lanky), and prone to self-examinationin the articles of whisker and moustache. While feeling for the whiskerthat he anxiously expected, Fledgeby underwent remarkable fluctuationsof spirits, ranging along the whole scale from confidence to despair.There were times when he started, as exclaiming 'By Jupiter here it isat last!' There were other times when, being equally depressed, he wouldbe seen to shake his head, and give up hope. To see him at those periodsleaning on a chimneypiece, like as on an urn containing the ashes of hisambition, with the cheek that would not sprout, upon the hand on whichthat cheek had forced conviction, was a distressing sight.

  Not so was Fledgeby seen on this occasion. Arrayed in superb raiment,with his opera hat under his arm, he concluded his self-examinationhopefully, awaited the arrival of Miss Podsnap, and talked small-talkwith Mrs Lammle. In facetious homage to the smallness of his talk, andthe jerky nature of his manners, Fledgeby's familiars had agreed toconfer upon him (behind his back) the honorary title of FascinationFled
geby.

  'Warm weather, Mrs Lammle,' said Fascination Fledgeby. Mrs Lammlethought it scarcely as warm as it had been yesterday. 'Perhaps not,'said Fascination Fledgeby, with great quickness of repartee; 'but Iexpect it will be devilish warm to-morrow.'

  He threw off another little scintillation. 'Been out to-day, MrsLammle?'

  Mrs Lammle answered, for a short drive.

  'Some people,' said Fascination Fledgeby, 'are accustomed to take longdrives; but it generally appears to me that if they make 'em too long,they overdo it.'

  Being in such feather, he might have surpassed himself in his nextsally, had not Miss Podsnap been announced. Mrs Lammle flew to embraceher darling little Georgy, and when the first transports were over,presented Mr Fledgeby. Mr Lammle came on the scene last, for he wasalways late, and so were the frequenters always late; all hands beingbound to be made late, by private information about the Bourse, andGreek and Spanish and India and Mexican and par and premium and discountand three quarters and seven eighths.

  A handsome little dinner was served immediately, and Mr Lammle satsparkling at his end of the table, with his servant behind his chair,and HIS ever-lingering doubts upon the subject of his wages behindhimself. Mr Lammle's utmost powers of sparkling were in requisitionto-day, for Fascination Fledgeby and Georgiana not only struck eachother speechless, but struck each other into astonishing attitudes;Georgiana, as she sat facing Fledgeby, making such efforts to concealher elbows as were totally incompatible with the use of a knife andfork; and Fledgeby, as he sat facing Georgiana, avoiding her countenanceby every possible device, and betraying the discomposure of his mind infeeling for his whiskers with his spoon, his wine glass, and his bread.

  So, Mr and Mrs Alfred Lammle had to prompt, and this is how theyprompted.

  'Georgiana,' said Mr Lammle, low and smiling, and sparkling all over,like a harlequin; 'you are not in your usual spirits. Why are you not inyour usual spirits, Georgiana?'

  Georgiana faltered that she was much the same as she was in general; shewas not aware of being different.

  'Not aware of being different!' retorted Mr Alfred Lammle. 'You, my dearGeorgiana! Who are always so natural and unconstrained with us! Who aresuch a relief from the crowd that are all alike! Who are the embodimentof gentleness, simplicity, and reality!'

  Miss Podsnap looked at the door, as if she entertained confused thoughtsof taking refuge from these compliments in flight.

  'Now, I will be judged,' said Mr Lammle, raising his voice a little, 'bymy friend Fledgeby.'

  'Oh DON'T!' Miss Podsnap faintly ejaculated: when Mrs Lammle took theprompt-book.

  'I beg your pardon, Alfred, my dear, but I cannot part with Mr Fledgebyquite yet; you must wait for him a moment. Mr Fledgeby and I are engagedin a personal discussion.'

  Fledgeby must have conducted it on his side with immense art, for noappearance of uttering one syllable had escaped him.

  'A personal discussion, Sophronia, my love? What discussion? Fledgeby, Iam jealous. What discussion, Fledgeby?'

  'Shall I tell him, Mr Fledgeby?' asked Mrs Lammle.

  Trying to look as if he knew anything about it, Fascination replied,'Yes, tell him.'

  'We were discussing then,' said Mrs Lammle, 'if you MUST know, Alfred,whether Mr Fledgeby was in his usual flow of spirits.'

  'Why, that is the very point, Sophronia, that Georgiana and I werediscussing as to herself! What did Fledgeby say?'

  'Oh, a likely thing, sir, that I am going to tell you everything, and betold nothing! What did Georgiana say?'

  'Georgiana said she was doing her usual justice to herself to-day, and Isaid she was not.'

  'Precisely,' exclaimed Mrs Lammle, 'what I said to Mr Fledgeby.' Still,it wouldn't do. They would not look at one another. No, not evenwhen the sparkling host proposed that the quartette should take anappropriately sparkling glass of wine. Georgiana looked from her wineglass at Mr Lammle and at Mrs Lammle; but mightn't, couldn't, shouldn't,wouldn't, look at Mr Fledgeby. Fascination looked from his wine glassat Mrs Lammle and at Mr Lammle; but mightn't, couldn't, shouldn't,wouldn't, look at Georgiana.

  More prompting was necessary. Cupid must be brought up to the mark. Themanager had put him down in the bill for the part, and he must play it.

  'Sophronia, my dear,' said Mr Lammle, 'I don't like the colour of yourdress.'

  'I appeal,' said Mrs Lammle, 'to Mr Fledgeby.'

  'And I,' said Mr Lammle, 'to Georgiana.'

  'Georgy, my love,' remarked Mrs Lammle aside to her dear girl, 'I relyupon you not to go over to the opposition. Now, Mr Fledgeby.'

  Fascination wished to know if the colour were not called rose-colour?Yes, said Mr Lammle; actually he knew everything; it was reallyrose-colour. Fascination took rose-colour to mean the colour of roses.(In this he was very warmly supported by Mr and Mrs Lammle.) Fascinationhad heard the term Queen of Flowers applied to the Rose. Similarly, itmight be said that the dress was the Queen of Dresses. ('Very happy,Fledgeby!' from Mr Lammle.) Notwithstanding, Fascination's opinionwas that we all had our eyes--or at least a large majority of us--andthat--and--and his farther opinion was several ands, with nothing beyondthem.

  'Oh, Mr Fledgeby,' said Mrs Lammle, 'to desert me in that way! Oh, MrFledgeby, to abandon my poor dear injured rose and declare for blue!'

  'Victory, victory!' cried Mr Lammle; 'your dress is condemned, my dear.'

  'But what,' said Mrs Lammle, stealing her affectionate hand towards herdear girl's, 'what does Georgy say?'

  'She says,' replied Mr Lammle, interpreting for her, 'that in her eyesyou look well in any colour, Sophronia, and that if she had expected tobe embarrassed by so pretty a compliment as she has received, she wouldhave worn another colour herself. Though I tell her, in reply, that itwould not have saved her, for whatever colour she had worn would havebeen Fledgeby's colour. But what does Fledgeby say?'

  'He says,' replied Mrs Lammle, interpreting for him, and patting theback of her dear girl's hand, as if it were Fledgeby who was patting it,'that it was no compliment, but a little natural act of homage thathe couldn't resist. And,' expressing more feeling as if it were morefeeling on the part of Fledgeby, 'he is right, he is right!'

  Still, no not even now, would they look at one another. Seeming to gnashhis sparkling teeth, studs, eyes, and buttons, all at once, Mr Lammlesecretly bent a dark frown on the two, expressive of an intense desireto bring them together by knocking their heads together.

  'Have you heard this opera of to-night, Fledgeby?' he asked, stoppingvery short, to prevent himself from running on into 'confound you.'

  'Why no, not exactly,' said Fledgeby. 'In fact I don't know a note ofit.'

  'Neither do you know it, Georgy?' said Mrs Lammle. 'N-no,' repliedGeorgiana, faintly, under the sympathetic coincidence.

  'Why, then,' said Mrs Lammle, charmed by the discovery which flowed fromthe premises, 'you neither of you know it! How charming!'

  Even the craven Fledgeby felt that the time was now come when he muststrike a blow. He struck it by saying, partly to Mrs Lammle and partlyto the circumambient air, 'I consider myself very fortunate in beingreserved by--'

  As he stopped dead, Mr Lammle, making that gingerous bush of hiswhiskers to look out of, offered him the word 'Destiny.'

  'No, I wasn't going to say that,' said Fledgeby. 'I was going to sayFate. I consider it very fortunate that Fate has written in the bookof--in the book which is its own property--that I should go to thatopera for the first time under the memorable circumstances of going withMiss Podsnap.'

  To which Georgiana replied, hooking her two little fingers in oneanother, and addressing the tablecloth, 'Thank you, but I generally gowith no one but you, Sophronia, and I like that very much.'

  Content perforce with this success for the time, Mr Lammle let MissPodsnap out of the room, as if he were opening her cage door, and MrsLammle followed. Coffee being presently served up stairs, he kept awatch on Fledgeby until Miss Podsnap's cup was empty, and then directedhim with his finger (as
if that young gentleman were a slow Retriever)to go and fetch it. This feat he performed, not only without failure,but even with the original embellishment of informing Miss Podsnap thatgreen tea was considered bad for the nerves. Though there Miss Podsnapunintentionally threw him out by faltering, 'Oh, is it indeed? How doesit act?' Which he was not prepared to elucidate.

  The carriage announced, Mrs Lammle said; 'Don't mind me, Mr Fledgeby, myskirts and cloak occupy both my hands, take Miss Podsnap.' And hetook her, and Mrs Lammle went next, and Mr Lammle went last, savagelyfollowing his little flock, like a drover.

  But he was all sparkle and glitter in the box at the Opera, and there heand his dear wife made a conversation between Fledgeby and Georgiana inthe following ingenious and skilful manner. They sat in this order:Mrs Lammle, Fascination Fledgeby, Georgiana, Mr Lammle. Mrs Lammle madeleading remarks to Fledgeby, only requiring monosyllabic replies. MrLammle did the like with Georgiana. At times Mrs Lammle would leanforward to address Mr Lammle to this purpose.

  'Alfred, my dear, Mr Fledgeby very justly says, apropos of the lastscene, that true constancy would not require any such stimulant as thestage deems necessary.' To which Mr Lammle would reply, 'Ay, Sophronia,my love, but as Georgiana has observed to me, the lady had no sufficientreason to know the state of the gentleman's affections.' To which MrsLammle would rejoin, 'Very true, Alfred; but Mr Fledgeby pointsout,' this. To which Alfred would demur: 'Undoubtedly, Sophronia, butGeorgiana acutely remarks,' that. Through this device the two youngpeople conversed at great length and committed themselves to a varietyof delicate sentiments, without having once opened their lips, save tosay yes or no, and even that not to one another.

  Fledgeby took his leave of Miss Podsnap at the carriage door, and theLammles dropped her at her own home, and on the way Mrs Lammle archlyrallied her, in her fond and protecting manner, by saying at intervals,'Oh little Georgiana, little Georgiana!' Which was not much; but thetone added, 'You have enslaved your Fledgeby.'

  And thus the Lammles got home at last, and the lady sat down moody andweary, looking at her dark lord engaged in a deed of violence with abottle of soda-water as though he were wringing the neck of some unluckycreature and pouring its blood down his throat. As he wiped his drippingwhiskers in an ogreish way, he met her eyes, and pausing, said, with novery gentle voice:

  'Well?'

  'Was such an absolute Booby necessary to the purpose?'

  'I know what I am doing. He is no such dolt as you suppose.'

  'A genius, perhaps?'

  'You sneer, perhaps; and you take a lofty air upon yourself perhaps!But I tell you this:--when that young fellow's interest is concerned,he holds as tight as a horse-leech. When money is in question with thatyoung fellow, he is a match for the Devil.'

  'Is he a match for you?'

  'He is. Almost as good a one as you thought me for you. He has noquality of youth in him, but such as you have seen to-day. Touch himupon money, and you touch no booby then. He really is a dolt, I suppose,in other things; but it answers his one purpose very well.'

  'Has she money in her own right in any case?'

  'Ay! she has money in her own right in any case. You have done so wellto-day, Sophronia, that I answer the question, though you know I objectto any such questions. You have done so well to-day, Sophronia, that youmust be tired. Get to bed.'