When Love Matters Most

  “I understand the moral dilemma. I’m not disagreeing with your motivations. I know your intentions were compassionate. Even admirable. I can go as far as to say that I’m empathetic to what you did.” She bit her lower lip and stared out the window. “I love and respect my father. I recognize that he can be obstinate at times, but I’ve never known him to be wrong about the law. He’s been my moral compass my entire life, and in many ways, I’m the person I am because of him. And if what you’ve been doing came to light, it could tarnish my father’s reputation. When he was being considered for the bench, we were both subjected to intense personal scrutiny. His professional and our personal lives were examined under a microscope. My father’s always lived his life above reproach, and I can’t risk his reputation being tainted through me and my relationship with you.”

  Rick’s blood was throbbing in his ears, making it hard to think straight. “What are you saying?” He didn’t want to lose her, but he was afraid that was where she was heading.

  “Just what I’ve already said. I have to think about this.”

  It felt as if his heart had been ripped right out of his chest. He loved Madison! He didn’t want to contemplate that tonight might be the last time he’d see her on a personal basis. But there was nothing he could think of to say, nothing that would change her mind. He’d made his case. He walked to her door in silence.

  As he stepped over the threshold, she took a deep breath and he braced himself.

  “Rafael is a fortunate boy to have happened upon you.”

  “Thank you,” he whispered. He knew, coming from her and under the circumstances, that was a huge concession, and it gave him a glimmer of hope. But understanding wasn’t acceptance. Still, he closed his eyes for a moment. She’d just validated what he’d done. Whatever came next, he’d find a way to deal with it, he thought as he walked out the door.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  RICK HADN’T HEARD from Madison for nearly a week, nor had he called her. Her reaction to what he’d confided had only intensified his own personal quandary about what he was doing, but he couldn’t...wouldn’t do anything else, even if it ultimately compromised his job and cost him his relationship with Madison. Intellectually and emotionally, they were at odds. He knew he was breaking the law and there could be serious consequences for him. He wondered what he’d do with his life if he could no longer be a cop. That then brought into question what kind of cop he was if he could repeatedly not just ignore but potentially break the law.

  On the emotional side, he was a product of his childhood. He was alive and enjoying the freedom and quality of life that he had only because he’d crossed the San Ysidro border into California and found a home in San Diego.

  Madison’s silence was driving him crazy. He had to know, one way or the other, where they stood. Finally, he called her and she agreed to have dinner with him. Considering the weighty subject they had to discuss, he offered to make dinner at his place, but she insisted on a restaurant. He felt that didn’t bode well. She didn’t want to be alone with him. A sobering and ominous thought.

  As it turned out, the dinner was what he’d feared. He and Madison were at odds. Being in a public environment precluded making his case any stronger than he already had. Madison said she had feelings for him, but there were issues between them that she couldn’t reconcile herself to. Despite her feelings, she told him she needed more time.

  When Rick returned home, he let himself into the house, still in a daze. He greeted Sniff and Nitro absentmindedly. He flopped down in his armchair, head back, eyes closed. Both dogs nudged and nuzzled him. Since he continued to ignore them, they finally settled with loud huffs of protest at his feet.

  Rick was devastated. The more he thought about losing Madison, the more he realized just how much she meant to him and how much he loved her. He couldn’t blame her for her views. He thought about promising her he’d never do it again, but...he couldn’t.

  He just had to accept that there could be no future for them and move forward with his life the best he could.

  * * *

  MADISON WATCHED ATTENTIVELY while one of the techs walked the Portuguese water dog in circles around the exercise yard. Sure, he still had a limp, but it was subtle, and there was no indication that the limp was caused by pain rather than the imperfect way the bone fracture had set.

  “What are we looking for?” she heard the familiar voice ask behind her. She turned her head to smile at Jessica, who stepped up and leaned on the railing next to her. She’d been expecting Jess.

  “That’s Harlen. The dog I told you about with the femur injury. Closed fracture and soft tissue.”

  Jessica studied the dog for a couple of circuits. “Based on what you’ve told me, he’s doing extremely well.”

  Madison could feel her face flush with excitement. “He is. The combination of the PRP therapy and the advanced aqua therapy seems to be doing the trick for Harlen. And Zeke? He’s as good as new!”

  They watched the dog in silence for a few more minutes, then Madison signaled to the tech that Harlen was done with his therapy for now. They’d give him a rest and later they’d do the aqua therapy.

  “Are you still free for lunch?” Jessica asked.

  Madison nodded.

  As they walked to the restaurant, Madison glanced over at Jess. “Are you okay if I ask you a question about Cal?”

  “Sure.”

  “He’s been in law enforcement for a long time, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “Does he talk to you about his work?”

  Jessica chuckled. “Of course! It’s his life. Good luck trying to stop him. Why do you ask?”

  “Does he ever talk to you about how he applies the law or whether he sees any flexibility in the system?”

  Jessica gave her a questioning look. “I’m not sure I understand what you mean.”

  Since Cal worked predominantly search and rescue, it occurred to Madison that he might not face the kinds of quandaries Rick did. “Never mind,” she said as they entered the restaurant and were shown to their table. “Forget it.”

  “No. I wasn’t implying I had a problem with your question. I’m just not sure I understand what you’re getting at.”

  “Well...” Madison fidgeted with her fork.

  “Does your question have anything to do with the reason you’re not looking too cheerful today?” Jessica asked.

  Madison rolled her eyes. “That’s an understatement.”

  Jessica asked the waitress to bring them each a glass of Coke. “I understand from Cal that Rick hasn’t been in much better spirits recently. Can I assume it has something to do with what’s going on between the two of you?”

  “Ha! It’s more like what’s not going on between us.”

  The waitress served their drinks and took their orders. Madison gratefully took a sip. “So what’s up?” Jessica prompted when they were alone again. “Last time I saw you, all was well, and you seemed to be deliriously happy and falling in love with Rick.” Jessica’s eyes clouded over. “Did he do anything to hurt you?”

  Madison appreciated her friend’s loyalty, despite the fact that Rick was one of her husband’s closest friends. That eased the unbearable ache in her heart a fraction. “No. Not in the sense you’re thinking. I suppose I’m the one who did the hurting.” Madison lifted her glass again. Instead of drinking, she swirled the dark liquid before putting the glass back on the coaster. It felt so good to have the support of her friend, but she couldn’t fully disclose the circumstances that had led to their breakup. She owed Rick at least that much. When Jessica remained silent with an expectant look on her face, Madison flipped her hair over her shoulder in a nervous gesture. “We had a difference of opinion that we haven’t been able to work through.”

  “You’re both intelligent, reasonable people. Can??
?t you resolve whatever it is?”

  Madison picked up a coaster and played with it. “Apparently not. But it’s more than that. Even if we could, I have to think of my father, too.” Her eyes met Jessica’s cool gray ones.

  “This sounds serious” was all Jessica said.

  Madison almost wished she hadn’t raised the matter. She didn’t want to alarm her friend, nor did she want to get Rick into trouble. She chose her words carefully. “It’s just that Rick and I see things differently, and if my father knew, he wouldn’t understand. And...” She considered Patrick’s unblemished reputation and the importance of that to his job. “Well, it could create problems for him.”

  Jessica eyed Madison thoughtfully. “It doesn’t take much to figure out that it has something to do with the law, and Rick’s upholding of it. Correct?”

  “I’d rather not get into it.”

  “Okay, I’ll take that as a yes.”

  Madison’s only response was a long exhalation.

  “So let me tell you this. Rick’s a good cop. I’ve never seen a man so committed to the law and, through his drug counseling work, helping at-risk kids make the right decisions to stay clean and off drugs. Knowing what you’ve told me about your father, I expect there’s some gray areas involved in whatever you and Rick argued about.”

  “We didn’t argue.” It might have been easier if it had ended badly between them. Maybe she wouldn’t still love him so much.

  “Okay, disagreed, then. At any rate, your father interprets the law. No disrespect, but he does it in a courtroom. After the crime or alleged crime, based on facts, to the extent that they’re available. Guys like Cal and Rick have to uphold the law, and they have to make decisions, sometimes in a split second and often without full knowledge of the facts. Those decisions can mean life or death for them or someone else. What they do isn’t always black-and-white, and they do it under considerable stress and often in the most difficult circumstances. Again, no disrespect, but—unlike your father—they don’t make their decisions in the comfort of a courtroom.”

  Madison wanted to jump to her father’s defense. And yet, her intellect told her that what Jessica had said was true. “I told you how I met Cal,” Jessica continued. “He got injured because he went back into a collapsed building to rescue Scout. He did that in contravention of a direct order. That’s insubordination. In the military, he could’ve been court-martialed for it. He got written up by Logan, which was bad enough for Cal, especially since he was still in his probationary period. Cal knew what he was doing, that it could have cost him his job—even his life—but he wasn’t prepared to leave Scout in that building.”

  Madison was aware of some of this. She knew Cal had been seriously hurt in the incident. He’d been off work and on crutches for a period of time. She hadn’t known it was because he’d gone back against orders to rescue Scout. How could she not respect him for what he’d done to save his dog?

  “The point I’m making is that Cal did what he thought was right.” Jessica took a sip of her soda. “He disobeyed an order. Does that make him a bad person? A lesser cop? I told him then and I’ll tell you now. I would’ve done the same thing. I wouldn’t have been able to walk away from that building, knowing my dog might still be alive in there and essentially condemn him to death by doing so. Could you have?” she asked pointedly.

  Madison glanced away. Of course she couldn’t have. She would’ve gone in, too, if it was Owen. “That’s not the same,” she said finally. “Disobeying an order and breaking the law are two different things.” She hadn’t meant to divulge that much, but it had slipped out.

  “Are they?” Jessica asked. “Or are they just different points on a spectrum? I don’t know what your disagreement was about, and I don’t need you to tell me. What I do know is that Rick is a good man. A decent, caring man who believes in the law. I don’t have to know what happened to state without the shadow of a doubt that Rick did the right thing—what he believed was right in his heart, if not in his head.” She looked at Madison questioningly. “I can understand that who your father is might complicate matters for you, but try to keep an open mind.”

  After her conversation with Jessica, Madison tried to see it from Rick’s perspective, but that had never really been the problem. She’d understood why he was doing what he did. Jessica had said she should decide whether she could accept him for who he was, despite his faults. Madison couldn’t call it a “fault.” Intellectually, she understood Jessica’s rationale, but she was certain that her father wouldn’t. How could she resolve such basic differences between the two men she loved?

  Madison thought about her discussion with Jessica on and off most of the afternoon, at the end of the day as she drove home and, later, when she and Owen went for a long walk.

  It was late enough that there weren’t a lot of people out on the beach. She let Owen off his leash, sat on a bench and watched him chase the waves.

  Jessica had made a number of good points over lunch. Madison couldn’t argue with them. Jess had grasped the situation without knowing the particulars, including the complication concerning Madison’s father.

  Madison realized that Rick had been grappling with his own doubts and she hadn’t made it any easier for him. But she felt conflicted, too.

  Her father had taught her never to ignore someone breaking the law or an injustice being done He’d taught her to report any such occurrences. But in this case, those two things were at odds. Rick might have been allowing or aiding the law to be broken, but he was doing it to help right injustices, like little Rafael’s need to flee for his life.

  She’d almost resigned herself to overlooking what he’d been doing, but his actions were escalating. Taking Rafael into his home was proof of it. Where would he stop?

  Now she was withholding knowledge of illegal activity—and by the man she loved—from the authorities. Her father had always told her when she was a child that nothing bad would happen if she told the truth, but she simply couldn’t see that applying in this case. Nothing would be gained, but for Rick a great deal could be lost when he was only trying to help kids in need.

  In her driveway, Madison let Owen hop out of the back of the SUV. Luckily she wasn’t holding on to his leash or she would’ve been pulled right off her feet. Owen bolted for the front door, jumped up against it a couple of times, then rushed down the steps and around to the backyard.

  “Owen!” Madison called, and ran after him. “What’s gotten into you? Settle!”

  Owen seemed oblivious to her command. He was at the patio door, barking aggressively. Madison’s mouth dropped when she caught up to him. The sliding door to her kitchen was open a couple of inches. Leaving the door unlocked, let alone open, was something she’d never do.

  She grabbed Owen by his collar and led him away, at the same time fumbling in her handbag for her cell. She walked Owen around to the front and put him back in the SUV. Pressing Send for Rick’s number, she looked anxiously up and down the street while she waited for him to answer.

  “Madison!” He sounded so happy to hear from her she felt awkward.

  “I’m sorry to disturb you, but I just got home from a walk with Owen. I think someone’s broken into my house.”

  “Have you gone inside?” Rick’s voice was all business now.

  “No. I’m outside. Owen sensed there was something wrong when I let him out. We found the back patio door open. I’m always careful about locking up. I didn’t leave it like that.”

  “Okay. Do you see anything else out of place?”

  Madison scanned her house carefully. “I’m out front now, but no. Everything looks fine from here.”

  “Okay. Don’t go in. I’m coming over right now. In fact, do me a favor. Get back in your vehicle and park on the road a good ten houses away. Park so you can see your house, but not so close that your presence would be obvio
us. And lock your vehicle.”

  “Okay,” she said, and climbed back in her SUV.

  “I’ll be there as soon as I can. Call me back if you want, but I’ll see you in about twenty minutes.”

  He was true to his word. Madison saw his Explorer turn the corner onto her street and drive slowly by her house less than twenty minutes later. She noticed a second police vehicle following Rick’s. While Rick pulled up beside her and rolled down his window, the other vehicle stopped directly in front of her house.

  “You okay?” Rick asked.

  She nodded. “Thanks for coming.”

  “No problem. I’m glad you called. Have you seen anything since we spoke?”

  “No.” When she saw Cal Palmer and his search and rescue dog, Scout, get out of the other vehicle, she waved to him. “I see you brought reinforcements.” She tried to make her comment sound light, but the fact that Rick considered this serious enough to bring backup added to her anxiety.

  “Cal was just returning to the division as I was leaving. I thought he might be able to help,” he explained.

  She nodded again.

  “Was your alarm system armed when you’d left?”

  “Yes, I’m sure of it.”

  “And you’ve had no calls from the monitoring company?”

  “No.”

  “Okay. Give me your keys and wait here. Cal and I’ll check it out.”

  She’d been calmer while she waited for Rick, but now she was feeling anxious. Her house had obviously been broken into, and there were two cops and a dog inside while she waited helplessly.

  She saw them come out the front door and Rick signaled to her. After she’d parked in her driveway, she got out, leaving Owen inside the car. She exchanged greetings with Cal, but his attention was focused on Scout. Rick’s face was grim.

  “There was someone inside, wasn’t there?”