Coming Clean

  She didn’t look convinced, just started rocking back and forth with her arms hugged tight around her torso. No doubt, she was putting herself in Abe’s crazy suit, feeling his abandonment issues and trying to see the world through his eyes.

  I took a seat next to her so I could unwrap her arms and replace them with my own. “Look, sweetness, if it’ll make you feel better, and I know it will, we can stay up all night drilling each other and making sure we know everything there is to know about each other.”

  “Really? You’d do that?”

  “Of course I would. I told you I’d do whatever it takes, didn’t I?”

  Her panicked eyes softened and her shoulders relaxed as she tilted her head to the side and smiled adoringly at me. “You did. I’m sorry I’m such a basket case when it comes to stuff like this. I just want to be prepared.”

  “I know,” I told her. “And I understand. I really do. It’s one of the things I love most about you.”

  She leaned up and kissed me sweetly. “I love you, too,” she said when she pulled back. “Thank you.”

  “No need to thank me, sweets. That scorching-hot blow job you just gave me was gratitude enough.” I gave her a wink, which earned me a light slap on the shoulder, but she laughed, and that was so much better than watching her freak out. “Now, what would you like to know about me?”

  CHAPTER 10

  Cassidy

  Shaw and I had stayed up well into the morning, quizzing each other on likes, dislikes, and our favorite everything. Strange that you could be with someone for as long as Shaw and I had been together, even conceiving and raising a child together, and still not know the basic facts about them. But we did now, and I was confident going into our appointment with our relationship coach, Dr. Jeremy Sparling. Or as Shaw liked to refer to him, the Keymaster. I totally saw the resemblance.

  Still riding the high of the unbelievable orgasm I’d given myself via Shaw’s provocation, there was a little bounce in my step, which was a miracle considering the limited number of hours I’d slept. Not to mention I was missing my Abey Baby like crazy. I’d talked to him first thing this morning, and had completely melted at the sound of his cheery voice on the other end of the phone line. His uncle Casey was going to take him out on the boat tomorrow, and he was ten kinds of excited about it. Most overprotective mothers would be worried, but that was the way of life in Stonington, and I wanted Abe to have as much exposure to it as possible because it was what shaped boys into men.

  “So…how have things been since our last session?” Today, Dr. Sparling was wearing a vintage We Are the World T-shirt under a sports jacket and blue jeans with deck shoes. His hair was dry this time, less greaser and more seventies feather bang.

  “Good,” I told him, and Shaw grunted his agreement.

  “And did you go see Dr. Minkov?” The way he asked the question gave away his eagerness for the response, much like a dirty boy propositioning a hooker in the seedy part of town, not wanting to get caught but unable to resist the urge at the same time.

  Shaw gave a short snicker. “We absolutely did. You know, if you had told us to expect an unmarked car, an abandoned warehouse parking lot, and a secluded getaway, we might not have been so afraid for our lives.”

  Jeremy nodded his head with a chortle. “Katya does have a flair for the dramatic, doesn’t she?” He pulled opened the notebook on his lap and flipped a few pages over the top. “Did she agree to…um, counsel you?”

  “Yes,” I told him, wondering just how much he knew of her tactics.

  Again with the nod, though he still hadn’t looked up. I, too, had a knack for reading body language and could tell he wanted to ask more, but was afraid doing so might give something away. He cleared his throat and pulled a pen from his front pocket before finally lifting his head with a plastered smile. “Shaw, if it’s okay with you, I’ll need to not only record this meeting but also take notes. Will that be a problem?”

  Shaw threw his hand up dismissively. “Nah, go ahead, Doc.”

  Pressing a button on the recorder, he got things under way. “Okay, let’s get started. No worries; this little game is always so much fun, probably the least intimidating of all the sessions we’ll have.”

  I wished I’d had even a fraction of Jeremy’s excitement over what was about to go down, but I was nervous despite my confidence that we’d studied as much as we could about each other.

  “First question goes to Shaw. What is Cassidy’s favorite color?”

  “Blue,” he answered confidently.

  “Yep, that’s right!” I beamed, wanting to high-five my teammate.

  “Great! Cassidy, what’s Shaw’s favorite color?”

  “Green.” Two points on the board to our favor. I moved to the edge of the couch, anxious for the next question. Dr. Sparling noticed and looked at me like I was a weirdo, which I might have been, but we were going to win this.

  Pen met paper. Darn it. “It’s interesting that you both chose the color of your partner’s eyes.”

  Not that I needed to, but I turned to examine Shaw’s, which seemed to be a brighter blue today for whatever reason. “I’ve always loved his eyes. That shade of blue reminds me of the sky and sea, two things my hometown has plenty of. The sky, the ocean…You know, they’re both so vast, their reach so far and deep, that I think of endless possibilities. That’s the reason the color has always been my favorite.”

  “Do you think maybe you’ve subconsciously seen the same in Shaw? Endless possibilities? Home?”

  I’d never considered it, hadn’t ever read that much into it. “Yeah, I suppose it’s possible.”

  “And Shaw, what does the color green represent for you?”

  “Damn, Doc. You’re getting deep on this color thing, aren’t you?”

  Jeremy just grinned victoriously, nodding for Shaw to answer the question. I already knew what he’d say. Green was the color of money, after all. And Shaw loved to make lots of it.

  Shaw sighed as if he was being forced to admit something he hadn’t wanted to. “Green reminds me of the spring. I guess maybe I like it because that’s a time when everything is refreshed, sort of reborn with new life. Does that make sense?”

  My jaw fell open and I turned to gawk at him, astonished by this deeper side of Shaw Matthews that I’d never seen before.

  The sound Jeremy made was almost like a pat on the back, as if a theory had been proven. “Yes, that makes perfect sense. Now, I’ll ask you the same question as I did with Cassidy. Do you think maybe you’ve subconsciously seen the same fresh start in her?”

  Shaw turned to me. “My life certainly has changed since I met her. She’s my first relationship, the mother of my firstborn, and the first person I’ve ever had any real feelings for. So yeah, I can see the correlation.”

  Scribble, scribble, scribble, and then a push of his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “Excellent! Let’s move on. Tell me about the best vacation you’ve ever taken together.”

  Shaw tilted his head in thought. “Huh. You know, I don’t think we’ve ever been on a vacation. Not a real one, anyway.” He looked to me as if asking whether I’d realized that. I hadn’t, but it was no big deal, so I shrugged indifferently. “After the draft,” Shaw said. “We’ll take one after the draft.”

  I nodded in agreement.

  “Oh, you definitely should. Couples need a timeout every now and then to regroup.” Jeremy wrote something and then scanned the pad in front of him for his next question. “Where was your first date?”

  Shaw and I looked to each other. I was sure my expression was just as dumbfounded as his in my perplexity. “We’ve never,” I stopped to clear my throat. “We haven’t ever really been on a date,” I admitted. It was the truth. Sure, we’d eaten together, but that was more out of necessity than a date-type situation.

  “Really? That’s interesting.” Jeremy crossed his legs at the knee and then sat forward with his forearms crossed over the lower part of his top thigh. “Tell me why that i
s.”

  I shifted under his scrutiny, aware that Shaw and I had never been what was considered a normal couple. “Well, as you know, our relationship started as coworkers and advanced into something a little more competitive, which naturally put us at odds with each other.”

  “Yes, we discussed that there was no love lost between the two of you in the beginning.” He steepled his index fingers and touched them to his lips. “But what about afterward, as your feelings grew?”

  Shaw tagged in on that one, sitting forward as if to drive home the point he was about to make. “We went from being ‘enemies with benefits,’ I suppose you’d say—you know, always at each other’s throats even when we were trying to get down each other’s pants—” he explained, “to being in love, then finding out Cassidy was pregnant, and straight to moving in with each other after that. There was never any time for dating, and it didn’t seem necessary by that point.”

  “So you went from zero to a hundred with no buildup in between? You were never friends?”

  “I don’t think that’s true. I mean, I think we always had a mutual respect for each other.” Shaw sat back, a retreat I’d have said was barely noticeable, but nothing about body posture seemed to ever get by Jeremy.

  As expected, he made a note on his pad. “Respect is not the same thing as friendship, though, is it?”

  “No, I suppose not. But, hey, look.” Shaw got animated. “A friend puts your ass in check when you need it, right? Cassidy did that to me all the time. Still does.”

  He pitched a good point, so I caught the ball and ran with it. “Yeah. And they support each other, as well. When I had to go back to my hometown in Stonington, and Shaw followed…well, let’s just say I was going through some things, and Shaw was sort of my savior during all of that. Even when my town got destroyed by a hurricane, Shaw stayed to help with the cleanup.”

  Jeremy nodded, making even more notes. “You’re certainly defensive of each other, as friends tend to be.”

  Shaw reached over and took my hand, linking our fingers together in a show of solidarity. “No one knows me like Cassidy does. Maybe that’s because no one else really knows me at all. She’s the only person I’ve ever let see the real me, and maybe that wasn’t by choice—she’s as nosy as they come—” he added with a teasing tone, “but she was the only person who ever cared to pry. She isn’t just my friend; she’s my best friend.”

  “I’m a firm believer that friendship is crucially important to the success of any relationship, so I’m really glad to hear you say that.” Jeremy looked down at his notepad and read from it. “Tell me, Shaw. Which do you think Cassidy is likely to say was the one day of your relationship she would least like to experience again?”

  Shaw didn’t even hesitate. “Oh, that’s easy. The day I almost drowned.”

  I could see why he’d think that, but he was wrong. “That’s not true, actually,” I told him. “You know, as scared as I was about your near-death experience, that was also the day I really knew that I loved you. I’d relive that feeling over and over again, even though that, too, scared the crap out of me.”

  Shaw’s voice was tender. “Really? You never told me that, sweetness.”

  I nodded, the moment coming back to me with perfect clarity, how terrified I was that I’d teetered over the thin line between lust and love. “I remember the exact moment. It was while you were making love to me that night. Maybe it was even before then and I’d just suppressed it because that wasn’t how things were supposed to have been between us.”

  “Yeah, my feelings for you had caught me unaware, too.” Shaw lifted my hand to give it an affectionate kiss. His lips were warm and soft, lingering for as long as his gaze did on my face. That was my Shaw, the man I’d fallen head over heels for.

  “That’s how it usually works,” Jeremy interjected. I’d been so caught up in the moment with Shaw that I’d almost forgotten he was there. “When we’re not looking for love, it usually finds us.” He looked down at his watch and then back up with a smile. “Ready for the next question?”

  “Shoot,” Shaw said as I nodded.

  “Okeydokey! Shaw, when Cassidy says, ‘Honey, they’re playing our song,’ what song are they playing?”

  “Um…” Shaw’s brow furrowed, and he turned to me with all sorts of “help me out here” in his expression. “I don’t think we have a song.”

  We didn’t. How in the world did we not have a song? Didn’t every couple?

  My eyes shot wide, panic over two, back-to-back failed answers making me desperate to pull out a win. “Shaw’s favorite genre of music is R-and-B from the eighties and nineties,” I blurted out, holding out a finger and then another as I ticked off a list of facts. “His favorite artist is Jodeci, and yes, that surprises the heck out of me, too. And his favorite song is ‘Purple Rain’ by Prince.” After last night’s cram session, I’d memorized all of those details.

  Dr. Sparling looked up at me from over the rim of his glasses and then gave me a kind smile. “Not exactly what I asked, but it’s nice that you know all of those particulars, Cassidy.” Pen, paper. Uh-oh, busted. “Since you do, how about if you tell me what Shaw’s favorite food is?”

  “Abby’s cookies!” I announced, plenty proud of myself.

  “Hell yeah!” Shaw exclaimed. He rubbed his belly, and I could imagine his mouth watering by the way his eyes rolled back into his head. “Aw, man…they’re the best in the world, Doc. Wish I had some now.”

  “Chocolate chip?” Jeremy asked.

  Shaw nodded. “Melts in your mouth.”

  “Sounds delicious. And what is Cassidy’s favorite food?”

  “Umm…” Shaw looked toward the ceiling as if searching for the correct answer.

  Come on, Shaw. We went over this. My brow crinkled as I mentally willed the right answer toward him, as if telepathy were a skill I possessed.

  “Oh! Lobster!” He sported a childlike grin in expectation of approval.

  Approval that would not come because that was the wrong answer. I shook my head in disappointment and withdrew my hand from his. “Nope. I don’t even like seafood.”

  “But you’re from a fishing village, and your pops is a fisherman, so I just assumed—”

  My eyes narrowed, disappointment turning into aggravation. Even if we hadn’t spent all night going over this crap, he’d never seen me eat any sort of seafood, so that showed me just how well he paid attention. “You assumed wrong.”

  “It’s really not that big of a deal. Sometimes we miss these little details,” Jeremy said, jotting away in his notebook. Strange that he should feel the need to jot down a “not that big of a deal.” “Now, Cassidy, please fill in these blanks: Shaw may be the world’s best blank, but he may also be the world’s worst blank.”

  “Shaw may be the world’s best…lover,” I said, watching his head grow about ten times its normal size, “but he may also be the world’s worst…partner.”

  My lover/partner growled, and there was nothing sexy about it. “How’d I know that was eventually going to come up?”

  Again, Jeremy leaned forward, intrigued by the response. “What do you mean, Shaw?”

  Shaw reclined back, his demeanor oozing condescension. “I mean, she’s still holding a grudge over my getting the partnership. A partnership she willingly gave up, I might add.”

  “Oh, don’t flatter yourself,” I barked. “I wasn’t talking about that. I meant partner as in life partner. You didn’t even know that I don’t eat seafood, for crying out loud! How could you not know that?”

  “Jesus Christ, Cass! My plate’s been a little full, in case you haven’t noticed. Cut me some slack.”

  “Oh, I’ve noticed, and you’re right, it has been full. Full of yourself! My plate’s been full, too, just not with lobster.”

  “Pfft. Whatever.” He looked away with a dismissive wave of his hand. The same hand attached to the wrist with that stupid watch.

  “Cassidy?”

  “What???
? I snapped at Dr. Sparling, my misplaced anger getting the best of me.

  When my voice softened with an apology, Jeremy said, “It’s quite all right. Can we keep going?”

  I nodded, but still crossed my arms over my chest defensively and turned my head in the opposite direction of Shaw. I was sure we looked like quite the brooding pair.

  “If you had a day off alone and could do whatever you wanted, what would it be?”

  It was a good, safe question, which I was sure was the point. “Wow. A day off alone?”

  Before I could answer, Shaw opened his big, fat mouth. “She has every day off.”

  I turned to look at him like he’d lost his damn mind, because it was apparent he had. “Excuse me?”

  “What? It’s true.” And then the proverbial lightbulb went off above his head. “Wait, I didn’t mean it like that. You have Abe all day. I’m sure running around the house playing superhero is hard work. So I take it back.” Even without the sarcastic smirk, I would’ve known his poor excuse for an apology wasn’t sincere.

  “You know what?” Jeremy interjected. “That’s not really an important question. Let’s just move on from it.”

  “No. I want to answer it.” I set my chin in defiance. “If I had a day off alone, I’d still want to spend it chasing my son around the house playing superhero. Because that’s not only my job,” I emphasized, “it’s a privilege.”

  Shaw was quick on the retort. “Well, it must be nice to have that privilege.”

  “You could spend just as much time with him, but work always comes first,” I challenged.

  “Someone has to make the money to support us, Cass.”

  I sat up straight on that one, prepared to get down and dirty with him. “Maybe you’ve forgotten, but I happen to have plenty in my savings account, Matthews! No one asked you to take over the bills. But you’ve just gotta be in control of everything, don’t you? You want me beholden to you.”

  “Beholden to me? Go fuck yourself, Cass.”