Courageous: Afterlife Book Four

  Another thing began to bother me as I kept to myself in the tower. I began to feel fear of the strangest things. I was afraid of going out of the room, afraid that the world outside somehow would harm my baby or that something bad would happen like when I had been stuck in the black hole. To avoid all dangers and people I stayed inside, behind the door and soon I could hardly remember when I had last seen another person other than Mick. Worst of all I could hardly remember any good reason to leave the room or to see people other than Mick.

  All day I would rest in my bed, re-read my books and for every day that went I spent an increasingly amount of time staring into my mirror and talking to my reflection. It had become my main thing to do, I looked forward to it every day when Mick kissed me and left to work in the kitchen. Immediately I'd pull out the mirror and begin talking to myself. In the end it was the only thing I wanted, it became a desire, an obsession almost - and there was nothing else I wanted. I stopped trying to prepare food for myself and had Mick do it for me instead, since every time I tried it went wrong. So I guess I gave up. I didn't even want to try anymore. I stayed in my own little world feeling sorry for myself until one day about a month before the baby was due when there was a knock on the door.

  CHAPTER 26

  I JUMPED AT the sound and stared anxiously at the door. No one had knocked for weeks and weeks. It couldn't be Mick and there was no one else I wanted to see or let see me the way I looked. Suddenly I was struck by a deep intense fear that went like waves through my entire body. What if it was someone who wanted to hurt me? What if it was someone who wanted to hurt my baby?

  I didn't answer but floated towards the door and put my ear to it to listen. Maybe they would go away if I didn't answer? If I pretended like I wasn't there? My breathing became faster the more I imagined what kind of evil was lurking outside, what kind of people wanted to hurt me and my family. I thought about Azazel who had been after me on my second year of school. What if he was back? He probably never gave up on getting to me. Back then we were certain that he had a helper here on the school, a traitor in our midst? Maybe it was him?

  The thoughts flickered in my mind and I had a hard time controlling them. Then I heard a voice coming from the other side of the door. It was calming and soothing and instantly filled me with love. It was like all cells in my body relaxed for the first time in a long while. I felt so incredibly relaxed and peaceful.

  "Meghan?" It sang and I knew it could only belong to Rahmiel. "Meghan, we know you're in there. Can we come in?"

  We? Who was she with? Someone who wanted to hurt me? Someone who was using her to get to me?

  "I'm here with Abhik, Meghan. We need to talk to you."

  Abhik? I couldn't let him come in here. If Mick found out he would kill me. He would get so angry and we were doing so well now. There had been no arguments, no fighting for so long. I didn't want it back. I didn't have the energy to face more drama now. Not when the baby was so close. Not now when I had lived without strife for so long. I wasn't going to let it into my life again.

  "Meghan," Rahmiel continued. "Can we come in, please?"

  I was desperate now. They knew I was in here. Would they come in without my permission? I looked at the window. Could I just run away, disappear through the wall? But that would mean I had to go outside, out in the yard and out there people could see me. They would look at me and laugh at my hideous face.

  "I can't talk right now," I yelled back. "Mick is in the kitchen. You can talk to him."

  "We don't want to talk to Mick, we came to talk to you," Abhik said with serious voice. "It's important, Meghan."

  "But ... But ... Mick, he'll ... he'll be so mad that I let you in."

  "Meghan," Rahmiel said with a very deep and resounding voice it almost scared me. "We're coming in now whether you like it or not."

  "No! Please don't. Come back later when Mick's back ..."

  But my words couldn't stop them from oozing through the wooden door. I gasped and pulled backwards covering my face with my hands. "Don't look at me. I'm hideous," I said. "I don't want anyone to see me."

  "Meghan," Rahmiel said and approached me. She bent down and helped me up. She lifted me up to her face. "Meghan, look at me."

  I obeyed and slowly removed my hands. Her light shone bright in my face. Her eyes smiled. "Meghan, you know better than that. You know appearance doesn't matter in this place. People here look the way they did when they died. Some even have bloody wounds on their faces. That's why we don't have mirrors. We try to get vanity out of people. You know that."

  "I know," I said. "But it's just that I'm so ... so incredibly wrong."

  Rahmiel tilted her head slightly. "I have never heard you speak in such a manner," she said, then looked at Abhik. "You were right. Something is definitely wrong here. Where did all this come from? Why are you suddenly so concerned with the way you look?"

  "She has a mirror," Abhik said. "A mirror where she can see her own reflection."

  "Is this true?" Rahmiel asked looking at me.

  I stared at Abhik angrily. The traitor. "Yes it is. But ..."

  "I'd like to see it," Rahmiel interrupted me.

  I hesitated. I had become so fond of that mirror and now I had a feeling that she was about to take it away from me.

  "It's on the bed," I said.

  Abhik floated to the bed and picked it up. He looked in it for a few seconds, turned it over and then handed it to Rahmiel. She held it up in front of her, but as soon as she did the mirror suddenly hissed and turned into a long green snake. Startled Rahmiel moved backwards with a small shriek. I gasped as I watched the snake slither its way through the air. It turned and looked at us with eyes like flames, then hissed at us once again before it disappeared through the wall. Then it was gone.

  "What was that?" I asked startled and slightly shaken.

  "That mirror wasn't an ordinary mirror. In an ordinary mirror you wouldn't have any reflection. What you had here was what we call a fault-finding mirror."

  "A what?" I asked.

  "A mirror of dark magic," she answered. "A mirror designed to only show your faults. It was designed to make you feel bad about yourself."

  "But it spoke to me; it told me it was a truth-telling mirror?" I asked.

  "And you believed it, of course. You always were so good, Meghan. You always believe the best, that's just who you are. But that mirror would have destroyed you and your confidence slowly, and then filled you with insecurity and fear. In the end you would become nothing but a statue sitting frozen in front of the mirror staring at yourself, looking at your many faults, too paralyzed to act. It keeps you spellbound seeing nothing but what is wrong with you, seeing nothing but your mistakes."

  I felt a pinch in my stomach as Rahmiel spoke. That was exactly what had been happening to me, I realized. I had let myself be grabbed and paralyzed by fear and insecurity. I looked around and realized that I had hardly even been looking out the window lately, hardly even noticed the sun or the animals in the forest. All the things I loved to do; to go flying and riding and being with my friends. I hadn't done any of this.

  "You have to be more careful what you keep close to your heart," Rahmiel said.

  "And who you keep close to your heart," Abhik said.

  "What do you mean?" I asked nervously.

  "That's why we came," Rahmiel said. "Abhik has found something that we need to address. It's very important that you come with us."

  I felt anxiety grow inside of me. I really didn't want to go out of my chambers, I really didn't want anyone to see me with Abhik and tell Mick. I didn't want to jeopardize my marriage now that it was going so well.

  "I don't know," I said. "I think it's best I stay here. I have to be here when Mick comes back. I don't want to have to lie to him."

  I felt Rahmiel's eyes on me and turned to look at her. "It's vital that you come with us," she said.

  By her look I knew I had no other choice.

  CHAPTER 27

  IT
WAS WITH my heart in my throat and slightly hyperventilating that I left my room with them. I kept looking around me to make sure no one was following us or even saw us and would report to Mick. He had friends everywhere and everybody loved him. I followed them through the corridors of the castle where the walking armored man was waiting for us. Next to him was the thinking chair. It crabbed sideways when it saw me and wanted me to pet it. I was too anxious to do so and chose to ignore it. It began whining disappointedly.

  Rahmiel gave me a look. "You need to take care of your friendships," she said. "Nurture them, or you'll lose them."

  I reached down and started petting the chair under the seat. It sighed satisfied.

  "Why am I here?" I asked. I was anxious to get this over with since I knew Mick would be done in the kitchen in only a matter of minutes and then he would come back to the room expecting to find me there. I wanted to get back before he did.

  The armored man turned his head and looked at me. He opened his visor and for the first time I saw his eyes.

  "Sir Lyonell here has told us something that you should know," Rahmiel said. "Abhik first talked to him."

  Abhik stepped forward. My stomach acted nervously. I knew this was bad by the look of his face. I had known Abhik for many years now and this was a very serious face for him.

  "I have been searching and reading and looking and asking people all over the castle about missing pages in files and ... well to make a long story short I had Salathiel tell me about all the procedures of where the files were kept and who had access to them and he was even kind enough to take me to them and after my third visit there I realized that there was one man in this castle who saw everything, well one man and one chair," he added and petted the thinking chair on the seat. It gave a sigh of pleasure. "These two, the walking armor Sir Lyonell and the thinking chair constantly walk the corridors of this castle unnoticed, so I knew if anyone had seen anything, it had to be them. And I was right. On the night before our graduation they both saw the same thing. They saw someone enter the chamber where the files are kept and then ..." Abhik stopped and looked at Sir Lyonell. "Well, you better tell the rest yourself."

  "Very well, then," Sir Lyonell said with a strong British accent. He cleared his throat. My heart was racing in my chest, or at least that's how it felt.

  "You see, dear Meghan, normally the corridors are a very quiet place at night, among my most favorite times actually, when everyone is asleep and me and my little friend here are all alone. But nevertheless this particular night there was a terrible noise, a turmoil almost, coming from the Chambers of Life, where the Books of Lives are kept. It is an area of the castle that is generally an extremely nice and quiet place since no one comes here during the school year. Only Headmaster Salathiel comes here every year on the morning of graduation day and pulls out the books of those who are about to graduate. It is normally a very cheerful morning when he arrives with all his helpers and they sound the trumpets and so on. So as you can imagine I was looking forward to the next morning and was not expecting to hear noise coming from inside of the Chambers at that hour. At first I thought it might have been Headmaster Salathiel who for some reason had arrived early or maybe was preparing for the upcoming ceremony, but the sounds coming from the Chambers arose my curiosity. Therefore I moved closer and as I peeked in I saw the oddest sight." Sir Lyonell paused and looked at me.

  "Tell her who you saw," Abhik said.

  "Very well, then. I saw Master Mick. He was holding one of the books of life and was surrounded by the strangest purple almost pink light. The book was soon spinning in the air in smoke and light and it was all very noisy and strange. I have always cared deeply about Master Mick and it is with great pain that I tell you this. You must understand that, dearest. "

  I nodded while the information spun in my head. Mick in the Chambers? Mick doing what to a book? I felt dizzy and confused.

  "I don't understand," I said. "What are you telling me? That Mick did something to my file? That Mick took my memories?"

  Abhik looked at me, so did Rahmiel. I felt her big hand on my shoulder. "I am afraid so, Meghan," Abhik said.

  "We believe he must have used some kind of magic," Rahmiel continued. "The kind of magic that doesn't belong to this place. That is the only way he would be able to erase those pages from the book, from your file. It's not something we teach around here, but there are ways to learn how to do it."

  "But how could he have access to the books? Aren't they guarded or even restricted somehow? Can anybody just go in there and take them out?" I asked.

  "Of course not. But Mick has access to them," Rahmiel said. "He has been a trusted employee and a good friend of Salathiel and me for almost a hundred years. We trusted him and therefore he has access to everything around here."

  Sir Lyonell shook his head slowly causing the armor to rustle. "We all loved and trusted him. That's why I didn't question his presence in the Chambers in the first place. I was certain he was only acting on behalf of our Headmaster. It never even occurred to me that he might have been up to no good. I simply couldn't imagine Master Mick would do anything wrong." Sir Lyonell breathed profoundly. "This is indeed a sad day on the Academy," he said. "So sad."

  "But ..." I tried hard to grasp exactly what they were telling me. Parts of me were screaming on the inside, that they were wrong, that it couldn't be, that he would never do that to me, but other parts knew they were right. Something was off with Mick, something wasn't right and I had known it for quite some time now, yet didn't want to face it. "But ... maybe there is an explanation for it?" I said. "Maybe he wanted to protect me from something? Something so bad he didn't want me to see it, to relive it? He has admitted that he did know me when I was a child. Maybe he didn't want me to know ..."

  "Do you remember anything about him from your childhood?" Abhik asked.

  "No, I don't."

  "Isn't it strange that he chose to erase all memories of him in your life?" Abhik said. "Haven't you thought about that?"

  I closed my eyes. I felt so dizzy, like the corridor with all these people and all this information was spinning around me. I thought about that, but I also pushed the thought away.

  "Meghan," Rahmiel said.

  I opened my eyes and looked up at her.

  "Who gave you that mirror?"

  I swallowed hard, and then exhaled deeply. "Mick did."

  "That's what I thought," she said.

  "I think we need to get you away from him," Abhik said. "You need to get as far away from him as possible. Until we find out what is going on, he is not safe for you to be around. I have seen the anger in his eyes, I have faced it and I know you have too. I know that deep down inside you know he isn't good for you and it's time for you to face it. He's pulling you down, Meghan. You're losing your confidence every day that goes by, you're not yourself anymore. You can't even perform your magic, can you? What about speed flying? Do you even go out anymore? You used to be so strong, Meghan. He's pulling you down. You're losing all your strength. Soon you'll be nothing but a puppet."

  "He's right, Meghan," Rahmiel took over. "If you're not at peace within yourself, you'll lose all your powers. If you have strife inside of you you'll lose your balance and you won't be able to make things appear or fly with the speed of light like you used to. It's draining you slowly. You need to pursue peace in your life. You need to press through your fear and not let it stop you from being who you really are. You need to fight your way out of this darkness like you fought your way out of the black hole. We don't know what is going on with Mick, but a spirit practicing dark magic might be heading towards something really bad."

  "Let us take you someplace safe," Abhik said and grabbed my arm.

  I pulled it out of his hand and backed up, away from all of them. I shook my head slowly. "No. No. Mick is my husband. I'm carrying his child," I said fighting the tears. "I should at least give him a chance to explain himself to me. If he did take my memories, if he did give me that mirror i
ntentionally, then I need to know why. You don't need to take me anywhere or take care of me. I appreciate what you've done for me, what you've told me here today, but you don't need to do anymore. I'll take it from here."

  "But ..." Abhik moved toward me, but Rahmiel held him back.

  "Let her do what she needs to," she said.

  I turned my back at them and stormed through the corridors towards the tower, while the tears rolled fast down my cheeks.

  CHAPTER 28

  MICK HADN'T COME back to the tower when I arrived, so after waiting in anger and frustration I decided I no longer cared what everybody else thought of me and flew towards the kitchen. I couldn't wait any longer, I needed this settled now.

  Hornam Hall was packed with people eating dinner that Mick had prepared for them. They were laughing and chatting cheerfully. I realized I missed coming there and being with other human spirits and it added more frustration to my mind as I entered the kitchen. Mick was sitting in the windowsill finishing his dinner just before he would walk out in the hall and receive the daily applause for the splendid food. This was his favorite time of the day, I knew that and I also knew I was about to ruin it.

  "Mick?" I said and floated closer.

  He looked at me, surprised, startled even. "Meghan? What are you doing here? Why have you left the tower?" He floated towards me. "It's not good for you to be here."

  I scoffed. "I bet you'd rather have me locked away in the tower for the rest of eternity, huh?"

  Mick stopped. He threw his hands in the air. "Whoa. What's going on here? Are you mad about something?"

  I closed my eyes and embraced myself. To restrain myself was going to take all of my strength, but I couldn't let my anger get the best of me. I needed to keep calm. "We need to talk."