If I Fall

  “You ready?” Kat asked as she opened the sliding door.

  Jade glanced at her phone and frowned. “It’s still early.” Her appointment wasn’t for another few hours.

  “I know. I figured we could stop at that new maternity store before your appointment. I know you’re picky about clothes, so I figured we better start shopping for your maternity wardrobe now.”

  She laughed. “You know me so well. I never turn down a chance for shopping.”

  They hit three stores, then a Mediterranean café for lunch. Jade was constantly eating or sleeping. Everything else came second. Her obsession with food replaced prior obsessions with shoes and purses, although, she did manage to snag a Coach diaper bag on clearance.

  Just as she returned from the ladies room—peeing was also a new obsession—she noticed a shift in Kat’s mood, which didn’t make sense after such a delicious lunch and a morning of shopping.

  As soon as she reached the table Kat gathered her purse and bags. “We’re leaving.”

  “Are you okay—”

  “Now,” she snapped, tossing money on the table.

  Jade grabbed her bags and followed her out the door. When they reached the sidewalk, a masculine voice called out. “Kat?”

  Jade stopped, but her agitated friend continued briskly walking toward the car. The man called her name again and finally, Kat turned with fury in her eyes.

  Whoa. Jade looked between the unfamiliar man following them to the sidewalk and her friend. “Kat, what’s going on?”

  Rather than answer, she tossed Jade the keys. “Do me a favor and wait for me in the car.” Then she pivoted and walked back toward the restaurant.

  Jade put the key in the lock and frowned. What was she, a dog? She wasn’t waiting in the freaking car. Turning, she squinted at the man approaching Kat. He was average height, with brown hair, a neatly trimmed beard, and small, beady eyes.

  In three charging steps Kat—a typically non-confrontational person—was in his face. What the hell?

  “What do you want?”

  Unsure what to do, Jade left the car and sped to her friend’s aide. The man leaned back and held up his hands in surrender as Kat railed at him.

  “Kitty Kat, what’s the matter? I just wanted to say hello.”

  Jade’s lip curled at the purr in his voice. Ew. Just ew. Who was this douche-canoe?

  Kat’s face distorted with rage and darkened. “Do not call me that! My name is Katherine, but you can call me Mrs. Adams! You and the pack of vermin you keep company with are nothing more than a group of criminals. I should have you arrested!”

  He held up his hands defensively. “Whoa, Kat, what are you talking about?” He seemed genuinely concerned with her stability, as was Jade, at the moment.

  Kat viciously swatted his hand out of the way and he scowled. In a waspish tone, she snapped, “You know exactly what I’m talking about!”

  “What the hell’s your problem?”

  Jade took a step forward, unsure what exactly was happening. A car sped to the curb behind her and a door opened and closed, but her eyes were glued to Kat and the man about to be assaulted by a woman half his size. People exiting the restaurant gathered at the sidelines, but that didn’t stop Kat from making a scene.

  “You! You’re my problem!” she shouted, crowding him again. “I know what you do! I know all about your secrets!”

  “You’re insane!” With a humorless laugh, he gave up the pursuit of a friendly hello and turned back to the restaurant.

  Kat viciously grabbed the sleeve of his suit jacket. “Where are you going? Afraid someone might notice?”

  “Get your hands off me, you crazy bitch!”

  Suddenly all hell broke loose. Out of nowhere, Jeremy was there, pushing the man and growling in his face. “Watch your mouth!”

  Disoriented by his sudden appearance, Jade turned and realized it was his Jeep at the curb.

  “Who the fuck are you?”

  Rather than answer, Jeremy shoved him. “Apologize to the lady.”

  “No! I just wanted to say hello and she went ape shit. She’s a whack job.”

  In a flash of movement too quick to track, Jeremy punched him in the face. The man bent his head and cursed. Kat yipped and jumped back a step just as Jade took another quick step forward.

  “What the fuck’s wrong with you people?”

  “Apologize!” Jeremy barked.

  “For what? I don’t even know what she’s upset about!”

  Jeremy looked at Kat and then Jade. Jade shrugged and looked at Kat. Her friend’s hands were clenched in trembling fists at her side. Never in her life had she seen her so angry.

  “Kat?” Jeremy asked, perhaps wondering if he’d just punched an innocent man.

  “You remember him, don’t you, Jeremy? When you first returned and we were at the market together?” Jeremy looked back at the man and recognition seemed to dawn. He glanced back to Kat. “What did he do to you?”

  “Look,” the guy said, wiping a dab of blood from his lip. “I have no idea what’s going on. I just—”

  “Shut up!” Kat snapped. “I know you know something!”

  “Know what?”

  Eyes wild, Kat marched to Jade, who flinched as she grabbed the collar of her blouse. “Hey!”

  “You know about this!” Kat yanked the collar aside. “Don’t you?”

  Time stood still. Jade’s knees buckled as bile rose. The man stood completely motionless, his stare fixed on the tiny brand. Insurmountable rage boiled in her veins, as transparent recognition registered on his face.

  Jade’s lungs tightened, making it impossible to speak above a whisper. “You know about this?”

  His eyes darted to hers then quickly away. Shame. She saw it, brief, but undeniable.

  He knows.

  He took a hasty step back, shaking his head as he opened and closed his mouth like a fish out of water. In a low voice, he said, “You’re all crazy.”

  “Hey!” Jade called as he pivoted and rushed around the corner. Sheer panic sprang her into motion and she sprinted after him. “Wait!”

  “Jade!” Jeremy yelled, but she wasn’t stopping until she got some answers.

  Her feet pounded over the paved sidewalk as she chased after him, snagging the back of his jacket just as Jeremy caught up with her.

  “Get off me!” The man snapped, yanking out of her reach. “I’m done with this. If you don’t desist I’ll sue you for assault. I’m a lawyer, I know my rights.”

  “Your rights?” Delirium struck. “Your rights!” Shoving him with both hands he stumbled back. “What about my rights? Do you know something about this mark? Tell me! Tell me! Was it you? Did you do it? Did you have fun with me while I laid there like a dead animal?”

  “Jesus, no! It wasn’t me! I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Tiny beads of sweat gathered on his brow.

  “Fucking liar!” She shoved him again. Hysteria took over. “Tell me!”

  “I don’t know anything!”

  “Why did this happen to me?” Gripping the collar of his jacket, she shook him with all her strength and screamed as strong arms dragged her off the man. “Who are you?”

  “Enough!” Jeremy barked, restraining her. “I’m calling the cops.”

  “Go ahead. She’ll be the one arrested.”

  An unholy growl left her throat as she lunged, only to come up short as Jeremy restrained her.

  “Jade! You need to relax.”

  Her entire body shook. Giving the man her most severe glare she growled, spit gathering on her drawn lips. “Well, I know something you don’t. Your little game … you fucked up. You see, it didn’t break me. As a matter of fact, you left behind a crucial piece of evidence, and in seven months you’ll be caught.” Her hand covered her belly. “I’ve got all the evidence I need. I’ve got DNA. If you or your friends ever come within a breath of me or my child, I’ll show you what it feels like to be a victim and, I’ll make sure they’re awake for ev
ery second of my revenge.”

  The man’s face paled white as snow as her words sank in. Good.

  Jade pivoted and stilled. Jeremy, also pale, stared at her with wide unblinking eyes. Then there was Kat, still a furious shade of red and shaking with anger. Jade didn’t have time for this. She marched around the corner to the car. She had a heartbeat to hear.

  Sliding into the passenger seat, she cranked the engine on and turned the AC on high, rubbing her belly affectionately. “Sorry. It’s all right now.”

  Staring out the windshield, Jade committed the man’s face to memory, waiting for something to click. Nothing. She didn’t recognize the sound of his voice. There wasn’t anything distinguishing in his scent or the sound of his voice. Seeing him, jogged nothing as far as fragmented memories went.

  She glanced at the rearview mirror. The guy was gone and Kat was speaking to Jeremy. Kat was visibly upset, pressing her hand to her forehead as Jeremy wildly gestured with his hands. Kat’s shoulders slumped and she placed a nurturing hand on her own belly.

  Jade’s brow pinched. Looking down, she gasped as she realized they were each holding their stomachs in the same way.

  Is she pregnant, too?

  Staring out the front window, Jade tried to imagine all the ways that changed her situation. If Kat was pregnant, she wouldn’t be so alone—

  The door opened, Jade smothered her excitement as Kat gripped the wheel, still quite distressed. Offering her a moment to find her bearings, she turned and sucked in a breath. Jeremy stood on the sidewalk watching her, his eyes haunted, and his expression completely unreadable.

  She lowered her chin, unable to make eye contact. “I know you’re upset, Kat, but can we get out of here?” The car slowly pulled away from the curb.

  They didn’t talk the entire drive to the doctor’s office. When Kat finally parked the car she turned to Jade and said, “I’m sorry.”

  “You don’t have to apologize.”

  Her fingers tucked a strand of brown hair behind her ear. “I didn’t intend for that to happen.”

  Jade looked at her phone. They were already ten minutes late. She was still processing the scene at the restaurant, wondering who that guy was, how Kat knew him, and how he could possibly recognize the mark on her body. But according to her therapist, she wasn’t supposed to get lost in the spiraling vortex of what ifs, hows, and whys, so she shelved the issues to focus only on the now.

  “Listen to me, a name changes nothing about my circumstances. I waited weeks for this appointment and I don’t want anything to spoil it. We’ll talk about it when we get home, okay?”

  “You’re not mad?”

  She wasn’t sure what she felt, mainly because she was focused on staying positive at the moment. “Kat, you’ve been my best friend my entire life. You were there when I peed my pants in Russell Fisher’s shed and when I stole the fish from Mr. Simon’s koi pond. Now, I’m not sure what animal came out of you back there, but being best friends means we accept the good, the bad, and the fugly. Whatever that was, it changes nothing. But I need my best friend now because I’m about to hear my baby’s heart beat for the first time and that’s what matters.”

  Kat smiled and her shoulders noticeably relaxed. Her hand gripped Jade’s. “Let’s do this.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  The paper sheet crinkled beneath her as she eased back and focused on the poster of ducklings tacked to the ceiling. Lily smeared cool jelly on her belly and pulled out something that looked like a microphone attached to a walkie-talkie. She pressed the microphone onto the blob of jelly and slid it around her abdomen. At first, there was amplified friction, but then came the most magical sound in the world.

  A fast pattern of waves swished like a propeller. Shoosh, shoosh, shoosh, shoosh…

  She drew in a deep breath and smiled. Her baby’s heartbeat.

  Kat squeezed her hand and her eyes prickled. It sounded so strong for something so small. Jade grinned at Lily. “It’s amazing.”

  Her friend nodded. “It sure is.”

  Jade scheduled her next appointment and stilled when the receptionist said, “And Mrs. Adams, don’t forget your prenatal booklet. Your first appointment’s scheduled for next Wednesday at four.”

  “I knew it!” Jade shrieked and laughed, snatching Kat into a hug and dancing around the waiting room. “How long have you known? When are you due?”

  “I took a test a few days ago and I’m not exactly sure of my due date yet, but I think it’s a June baby.”

  “Oh my God! A little June bug. They’ll be best friends! Does Tyson know?”

  This news was so welcome, Jade could hardly contain her excitement. Everything was suddenly different. She’d have a pregnancy buddy, someone to order random take-out with when the cravings hit. Their children would have each other, just like she and Kat had one another. Jade was certain, for the first time in a long time, she’d been given a gift. No matter what brought her to this point, the fact that her best friend arrived at basically the same spot in life at the same time seemed like kismet. She was meant to have this baby.

  “Ty knows, but Mia doesn’t. We don’t want to tell her until I’m farther along and showing. So don’t give it away, blabbermouth.”

  “Oh. My. God. This is fabulous! We’re going to be like two fat Weeble Wobbles. We can paint each other’s toenails!”

  There had been so many questions she assumed would never be answered. But knowing Kat was pregnant answered a huge one. Had Jade aborted the pregnancy only to watch Kat go through one… It would have been the biggest mistake of her life. This was right. She’d done something right and it felt incredible to have that certainty back in her life, repairing so much broken confidence.

  Her euphoria held the entire way back to the house until she spotted the Jeep in the driveway. She hesitated at the car door.

  “Do you want me to send him away?”

  “I don’t know what I want.”

  Kat gave a sympathetic grin. “I know it’s hard to see him, but maybe it would help to talk to him. He’s a good guy, Jade. After today, I’m sure he understands a lot more about what you’ve been going through.”

  Jade nodded and they entered the house. Kat called for Tyson, but he didn’t answer. Out back, Mia played with Trixie by the edge of the property. Jeremy and Tyson sat on two patio chairs angled toward the covered fire pit.

  Jeremy’s head hung between his drooping shoulders, his elbows braced on spread knees. As Kat slid the glass door open Ty looked up and scowled. Jeremy glanced at Jade and his expression was … regretful.

  Tyson walked to Kat, kissed her, and then spoke in a seething but controlled tone. “Do you mind explaining what in the world would make you attack Nathan Lithe on a sidewalk? In your condition?”

  Nathan Lithe. That was his name.

  Not wanting to eavesdrop on their quarrel, having decided to leave the past where it belonged, Jade walked over to Jeremy who’d returned his gaze to the ground.

  “Hey.” She nudged his knee with her own.

  He eyed her solemnly. “Hey.”

  “I’m sorry you had to be there for that today.”

  “I understand a little more about why you didn’t want to talk about what was going on.”

  Her stomach pinched. “Did Tyson tell you?”

  “Some.”

  There was such sadness in his eyes, she couldn’t shake the feeling that she’d somehow betrayed him. “Jeremy, I’m so sorry. I—”

  “You’re pregnant.”

  She wasn’t sure if he was saying it to himself or her. She dropped her weight into a vacant chair.

  “You were…” His hand closed in a fist as he stumbled over the explanation of her condition. “And now you’re pregnant and you’re keeping the baby.”

  Her protective touch drifted reflexively to her abdomen. “This baby is as much mine as anyone else’s. I’d never expect everyone to understand that, but it’s how I feel.”

  His eyes narrowed. “Y
ou wouldn’t expect me to understand?” He laughed without humor. “You don’t expect much of anything from me, do you, Jade? As a matter of fact, you set the bar so low I can’t seem to slip under it and convince you otherwise.”

  “It’s not that I think you couldn’t understand, but why should you have to, Jeremy? This entire situation is fucked up.”

  He shook his head. “I’m too selfish to accept your condition, is that it? I’m too judgmental to understand, too superficial and cynical to see past it?” He scoffed and rolled his eyes as if he was giving up. “You don’t know me at all.”

  “I don’t think you’re any of those things, Jeremy. I just didn’t want you to be burdened by any of this. You deserve better.”

  “And you don’t deserve better?” He forked his fingers through his hair. “Jesus, Jade, none of this would’ve ever happened to you if I saw you home that night. If I just—”

  “Don’t. Nothing good comes out of the what if game. Believe me, it doesn’t change the facts.”

  “And the fact that I still care about you, does that change anything? I still want you and you won’t even accept my calls. You took something that should have been my choice and decided for me. These last few weeks have been hell and I’ve been in the dark the whole time trying to figure out what I did wrong. And the things I said… ”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t think…” She swallowed hard. “Why would you want me, Jeremy? I’m damaged.”

  “You’re no more damaged than I am.”

  Tears burned her eyes and she quickly swiped them away. “Fucking hormones.”

  His hands closed over hers. “I miss you, Jade. I miss your presence in my life. I miss your optimism, your silly work anecdotes, your laughter. I miss touching you and kissing you and waking up next to you.”

  His words washed over her, emotionally unhinging her resolve. “But we were only together for two days.”

  “Bullshit. This thing between us has been going on for over a year. I’m done with the secrets. I want everything on the table.”