If I Fall

  It was a battle. Acceptance started when she stopped expecting others to understand her experience the way she did. Every day she reminded herself not to penalize her friends for their lack of trauma, which was the spiral she’d almost fallen into. This was no more her friends’ fault than her own and it was ludicrous to misplace the blame. Thanks to Chloe, she understood that now and was progressing toward a balanced, hopefully normal, state of mind.

  Jeremy poured the smooth, crystal liquid into two tiny shot glasses and passed her an orange. “What should we toast to?”

  “Life. That we never let the ugly parts overshadow the good.”

  They raised their glasses and clinked them together. The fiery liquid tickled her tongue as the silky, cool flavor of tequila ran down her throat, seeping deep into her belly, warming her from the inside out. Her face puckered and she laughed as Jeremy flinched at the taste.

  Her teeth sank into an orange, the juicy fruit soothing the delicious burn. With jagged motions, Jeremy did the same and gasped. “That’s terrible.”

  “Only the first one,” she promised, tipping the bottle over their empty glasses. “The second shot’s easier and the third’s a breeze.”

  As a self proclaimed beer and whiskey man, Jeremy did his best to abide the tart selection, keeping pace with her shot for shot. Tonight was about meeting her resolution to get very, very drunk.

  As the evening progressed, their coordination suffered. Her worries faded with the passing of her inhibitions, and laughter fell from her lips, cleansing her soul as she reacquainted herself with old pastimes.

  Sliding to the floor, she flipped through her iPod. “Oooh! Beyoncé!” Cranking the stereo, she jumped to her feet and clutched her microphone—a.k.a. the half empty bottle.

  Her blood pumped as she gyrated to the fast beat. The world blurred and her lips stretched over her grin as she mouthed the words to Crazy Love. She let go.

  Somewhere in the midst of their mortifying dance-off, she had a moment of hope. Jeremy still loved her. Not every relationship could survive such excruciating circumstances, but theirs had.

  Twirling and giggling, she stumbled into his arms. He caught her and laughed as the music changed to yet another great song. They talked, danced, ate, talked some more, but most of all, they laughed, which was perhaps the medicine she needed most. It had been too long since she truly let herself go and it was magical, traveling there with Jeremy.

  Jeremy chuckled as she swung her tight, little ass in his face. Parking the bottle on the coffee table, uncaring of the orange peels that littered the floor, she turned the volume up and reached for him.

  She danced like a cat on speed and he perfectly content to be her scratching post. Fisting the neck of the bottle, she tipped it to his mouth. Adjusted to the sour taste, he swallowed back a swig. The song changed, this one heavy and fast, rattling the dainty decorations she’d posed on a shelf.

  “Do you know how much I love you?” she shouted.

  It couldn’t be more than he loved her. “How much?”

  “Like this much.” She held out her arms and stumbled, but he caught her wrist and pulled her flush to his front.

  Tugging her closer, he held her ass and brushed his lips to hers. “That so?”

  “Oh, it’s so,” she slurred and he laughed.

  Scooping her into his arms, her legs wrapped around his waist. “Well, I love you more.” He stole the first passionate kiss they’d shared in ages, as the rhythmic music filled the room.

  Liquor-diluted blood thrummed through his veins and his body swelled. “I’ve missed you.”

  Half lidded eyes studied him as he drew back and swayed at a pace incongruent to the fast song playing. “That’s why I love you, Jeremy. You only miss me when I’m gone. You never give up on me.”

  Giving a slight shake of his head, he promised, “I can’t give up on you, Jade. I care too much that you’re happy.”

  Her forehead pressed to his. “You make me happy.”

  “You make me happy too.”

  As an old Elvis classic came on, he chuckled. “And here I thought you only had shitty music on your iPod.”

  She gasped. “My music is not shit. You take that back right now.”

  “Fine. But this—this—is what I consider music.” He swayed, holding her to him, his focus drowning in her gaze as her legs clung to his hips.

  “I can’t help falling in love with you, Jade Schultz,” he whispered.

  “I was always afraid of falling,” she confessed, her breath ticking his neck as she rested her head on his shoulder. “But with you, I know you’ll catch me.”

  “If you fall… I’ll always catch you.”

  She hummed and pressed a kiss just below his ear. The romantic tune ended and some fast nightmare blared. He winced.

  “What. Is. This?”

  Her shoulders shook as she laughed and slid down his body until her feet touched the floor. Swaying as if the horns played for her the way a snake charmer plays for its serpent, she became a siren, a temptress, a woman he’d never be able to resist. He smiled as she pulled him into the rhythm, easily the sexiest girl he’d ever watched dance.

  “You know what I want?” she yelled.

  “What?”

  “Bacon.”

  Snorting, because that was not what he expected her to say, he laughed. “You want bacon? Now?”

  Holding her hand over her mouth as if divulging a big secret, she shouted, “I only eat it when I’m drunk. But it’s soooooo good. We should make some bacon!” She cranked the stereo to the max volume, took his hand, and they congaed to the kitchen.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Jade awoke and immediately wondered if a blind person had given her a haircut with a dull axe. Opening her eyes, she winced as the bright morning light flooded her room. Something heavy was crushing her ribs.

  “What did we do last night?” she groaned, giving Jeremy’s arm a shove. “You’re crushing me.” She nudged him again

  His unbuttoned shirt only covered one arm and his pants were gone. Such a cute ass. Giving him a strong shove, he flopped to his back.

  In the distance, Zeppelin was playing. That meant she’d played through almost all of her tunes.

  Wiping her eyes, she eased into a seated position. Squinting at her clock there was a half eaten plate of—bacon?—yes, bacon, sitting on her nightstand.

  Oh, God. The ‘secret’ drawer of her vanity, where she kept her toys, was open and a varied array of items hung over the edge. Her leg brushed something cold and solid. Lifting the blanket, she bit her lip, one empty bottle of tequila and one—definitely used—bottle of lube.

  Well, mission accomplished.

  Stumbling to her feet she hissed and bent to pick up whatever she’d stepped on. It was a tiny house from the Monopoly game and several more littered her floor.

  Jeremy let out an unattractive snore and she raised an eyebrow. Tiptoeing through the minefield of plastic game pieces, she shuffled to the bathroom. Memories from the night before pieced back together in scattered disarray. But they were there. She made a choice and had control of her actions enough to recall at least the basics of the evening.

  A long shower restored a bit of her equilibrium and she found herself smiling as she remembered some of the stupid shit they’d done last night. They were wrecked.

  When she entered her room Jeremy was lying with his arm draped over his eyes. “Why’s it so bright in here?”

  “I feel your pain. I was going to make some toast. You want some?”

  “Shh.” He moaned. “I need coffee. Lots and lots of coffee.”

  Jade paused. Mayday. “Umm, I think I’m out of coffee.”

  He released the most pathetic man-cry. “Whyyyy?”

  Slipping into her pants, she slid onto the bed and kissed his belly. “How about I make breakfast and you get dressed and pick up coffee?”

  His hand lazily dragged down her hair. “Tell me you at least have aspirin.”

  S
he smiled. “Aspirin I can provide. Go get showered. You smell like the day after spring break in Punta Cana.”

  Jeremy dressed and headed out the door for coffee. The alarm shrilled and he cursed as the noise stabbed into his skull harder than an icepick. Blinding white light pierced his corneas and he flinched, squinting at the drifts of heavy white snow that weren’t there yesterday. Before he had time to process that they’d gotten the blizzard forecasted, his eardrums were shattered by an exhilarated scream from the sidewalk.

  “Daddy!”

  Looking past the mountain of snow that was his car, Mia, rosy-cheeked and dressed like a Christmas card, trudged toward him. Her pink hat and snow pants popped against the white hills with each trudging step.

  “Did you come over to play in the snow?”

  “I, uh, came over to dig out Jade’s car,” he fibbed.

  Mia frowned at the two snow covered mountains in the driveway. “Your car’s all snowy too?”

  “I got a ride,” he lied again.

  Thankfully, Tyson shoveled himself within earshot and tossed him a life vest. “Mia, why don’t you see if Mommy’s out of the shower? Ask her if she wants me to make breakfast and tell her to look and see if we have the ingredients for hot cocoa.”

  “Hot cocoa!” Mia yelled and quickly turned, bounding toward her house.

  “Long night?” Tyson asked and Jeremy shook his head.

  “Do you guys have some coffee we can steal?”

  Tyson laughed. “Already brewed, and you’re welcome to take some. You two want to come over for breakfast? You look like you could use something solid in your stomach.”

  “You have no idea,” Jeremy said, glad he didn’t have to shovel out his Jeep in his condition.

  Jade helped Kat finish up some Christmas shopping online, while the guys watched the hockey game in the living room and kept Mia occupied. Her headache had morphed from the hatchet scenario into a dull throb.

  Shopping always cheered her up. Although the mall was preferable, the blizzard limited them to Internet spending. While Kat worked on Ty’s computer, piecing together Mia’s Christmas list, Jade used her iPad for some of her own holiday shopping. So far she’d purchased a shirt for Jeremy and a dress and some new earrings for herself, and a cute kitchen sign for her cottage.

  Every few minutes the guys yelled at the television in the other room. Jade laughed. “I guess Jeremy’s head’s feeling better.”

  “What did you guys do last night?” Kat scrolled down a list of toys. “And where the heck is this doll she wants?”

  “I’m not sure there’s anything we didn’t do, but it’s just a blur of fun in my mind, so I’m okay with not recalling every detail.” This was definitely different than waking up and recalling nothing at all. “What can I get Mia this year?”

  “You want to get her this doll that doesn’t exist?”

  “No.”

  Kat groaned and shoved the mouse away as she eased back on the chair. “I need a break. Should we order Chinese for dinner?”

  “Sure.”

  “I’ll go tell Ty to call.” She left the room and Jade snatched Mia’s list off the desk.

  Before she moved on to the rug rat’s gifts, she checked her email to make sure her last order processed. As she skimmed through her inbox, one message, in particular, caught her eye. The email address of the sender wasn’t one she recognized, but in the subject line were two words that made her blood run cold. The 4.

  “What the hell?” She scowled and clicked the message.

  J.,

  I believe I can help you, but I’ll do so only if our communication is kept completely confidential. I don’t want any trouble from your friends. If you’re interested in what I have to tell you, email me at this address. If I have somehow tracked down the wrong email address and this is not J., please disregard this message.

  Sincerely,

  N.L.

  Sitting back, she exhaled. N.L. had to be that guy Nathan. What was his last name? Lake? Leithe? How had he gotten her email address? And why would he suddenly want to speak to her? Was this a trick? Only one way to find out…

  N.L.,

  How did you find my email address? What information do you have?

  -J.

  As she contemplated hitting the delete key and tossing the entire message into her spam folder, Kat walked in and asked her if she wanted chicken or shrimp with her rice. Startled, Jade meant to minimize the screen but accidentally clicked send.

  Turning, she hid her dismay and said, “Chicken.”

  Jade was convinced she’d lost her mind. She didn’t receive a response to her first reply until late Sunday evening. At first, their correspondence was brief.

  J.,

  Please verify that it is, in fact, you. We share a mutual acquaintance. Who is she?

  -N.

  Jade wrote back.

  K.D. now K.A.

  His reply only took a few minutes.

  J.,

  Do I have your word that what passes between us will be kept in the strictest confidence? The information I have is no doubt something you’ll find useful, but I’m reluctant to share it unless I have your word that you agree to my terms. No one can ever know we spoke. Is that acceptable?

  -N.

  Guaranteeing him complete anonymity left her at risk. After much deliberation and a pretty solid plan to protect herself, she finally wrote back.

  N.,

  You have my word. However, in the event that anything should happen to me, I’ve made arrangements to expose you. If I’m unharmed, the evidence of our communication will be destroyed before anyone sees it. I am doing this to secure my safety and feel it’s a fair stipulation to our agreement. Let me know if you can abide by these conditions.

  -J.

  Nathan took longer than usual to respond to that email.

  Agreed. Meet me this Wednesday, 12:00pm, at the coffee house outside of New Castle on the corner of Barkley and Clearwater.

  She corresponded with Nathan for five days before finally agreed to meet him. She was taking a huge risk, meeting him without letting anyone know where she was going or what she was up to, but his conditions were unchanging. And her need to know what he knew was keeping her up at night. Her gut told her to meet him, something inside of her saying he wasn’t her guy, but he might have the key to finding the bastard she was after.

  Presently, sitting in said coffee shop, she sipped her skinny half-caf with shaky hands. She’d been waiting for over an hour, an absolute nervous wreck.

  Before she left, she’d written a note on the stationary Kat gave her a while back. In her recognizable handwriting, she penned,

  With Nathan Lithe. Call police if you do not hear from me by the time you read this.

  After slipping the note into Mia’s backpack, which Kat emptied every night around dinnertime, she felt a little more secure in her choice to meet Nathan alone. When she made it back unscathed, she’d simply sneak over to her friend’s house and remove the note. If she didn’t…

  Well, she had visions of swat teams swarming Nathan’s home, wherever that might be.

  The door to the coffee house opened and her spine stiffened. Without a doubt, Nathan gave off a sinister impression. His beady eyes and well-kept beard and thin mustache did little to hide his lack of scruples—at least that was the impression she got.

  Scanning the area, he smirked. Was his smile creepy because of everything she heard about him or was it creepy because he was a rapist and possibly a serial killer?

  Please don’t let this be the part where I get crammed into a trunk and dragged off to some dilapidated cabin in the woods. Remember what Oprah said. Do not let them get you to the next location!

  His gaze found hers and he slowly pulled out the adjacent chair. “Hello, Jade.”

  She should leave. She should stand up and leave. Just get the fuck out of there. This was a bad idea.

  Lowering himself into the chair, he flipped over a small menu and pushed it a
side. “Were you waiting long?”

  She swallowed. “No,” she lied in a barely audible voice.

  “Can I get you another coffee?”

  Eyeing her drink, inspecting every last froth of foam, she pushed it aside. “I’m not thirsty.” Even breathing the same air as her possible assailant terrified her.

  He sighed and folded his hands in his lap, perhaps a purposely passive move on his part. “I didn’t come here to harm you.”

  She scoffed, finding his words anything but comforting.

  He fidgeted, his gaze skittering to the glass window and back to her. He flattened his palms on the table. “You don’t believe me.”

  His nails were tidy—the kind that told of little manual labor. “Not even a little.”

  “But you’re here.” He looked at the surface of the table as if unable to look her in the eye. “I can’t say I blame you. Certain incidents make it difficult to trust others.” His gaze finally found hers. “I should know.”

  Blood running cold, she gripped her purse at her side. If she left, would he follow her?

  “May I see your scar?”

  Her thoughts jolted as a terrifying sort of paralysis took hold. Everything inside of her stilled except the bile rising in her throat and her heart beating out of control. “Excuse me?”

  “May I see your scar?” He repeated.

  This was insane. “Yeah, you know what? This was a mistake. I have to go.” She lifted her bag.

  He grabbed her hand across the table and she froze. She didn’t know whether to scream or hit him.

  “Get your fucking hand off of me before I scream. I could have the cops here in seconds.”

  “Please,” he beseeched, loosening his hold.

  She snatched her hand out of his grip. This was a no touch zone.