Back to You

  “Jesus Christ,” he exhaled before he brought his mouth back to hers, and she met him in earnest, kissing him with renewed intensity.

  He hadn’t expected any of this: for her to kiss him back, for her to take control the way she was, for that sexy, womanly sound to come out of her mouth.

  She was determined. She was confident. She was perfect.

  And he wanted her. Badly.

  Del slid his hands up under her shirt, gripping her waist and feeling the heat of her skin against his palms, when the sound of a door slamming below them caught his attention. He was hoping he’d imagined it until he heard the muffled yell from downstairs.

  “Yo, douchebag! How’s your face?” The laughter of two other boys followed, and Del instantly pulled his hands from under Lauren’s shirt and pushed her back somewhat roughly by her shoulders.

  She whimpered in protest and leaned back toward him, clearly oblivious to the sounds coming from downstairs, and Del reached down again and gripped her hips, lifting her off his body and forcibly putting her down on the floor next to him.

  She looked completely stunned: her eyes were darker than he’d ever seen them, her hair somewhat mussed, and her chest was heaving as she stared at him. She was pure sex in that moment, and he felt something frighteningly powerful tearing at him. Every part of his body was charged; it actually felt like his blood was vibrating in his body. He had never been this turned on in his entire life, but he knew it was so much more than that.

  Lauren leaned forward on her hands, attempting to bring her mouth back to his, and for a second, he gave himself over to the raw need and met her, their lips moving together again, still hungry. He felt her hand come to the side of his face as she ran her fingertips over his cheek, feather-light and gentle despite her urgency.

  In that moment, something irrevocable ignited inside him, and he knew he’d never be the same.

  “Tell the truth, Delaney! Did she slap you because you can’t hold your load?” a voice called, spurring another bout of raucous laughter. As the sounds of his friends coming up the stairs burst into his consciousness, Del jerked away from Lauren again.

  “You should go,” he said through his labored breath.

  Lauren stared at him for a second before she blinked suddenly, her eyes widening as she glanced at the door, as if she’d just come back down to earth and heard them for the first time.

  Del reached for his bottle as she jumped up from the floor, stumbling a bit as she composed herself, and just as his bedroom door burst open, she turned and headed toward it.

  “See you tomorrow,” she called casually over her shoulder, but the look in her eyes was pure fire, and Del could only swallow and nod in return as she squeezed her way through his rowdy friends and slipped out the door.

  He spent the next hour in relative silence as his friends continued to take turns tormenting him for the Tanya incident. He knew they attributed his silence to being drunk, or angry, or both, and he let them.

  But the entire time, all he could do was sit there reliving that moment with Lauren.

  And when they finally left, having tapped themselves out of crude jokes for the evening, Del laid in bed for hours; sleep eluded him as he replayed those last few minutes with her over and over, until his heart rate sped up and his breathing became irregular.

  Eventually, the heat of the memory wore off, along with the buzz of the alcohol, and was quickly replaced with an overwhelming sense of guilt.

  What the hell had he been thinking?

  How could he have kissed her that way? Handled her that way?

  And what would have happened if his friends hadn’t shown up when they did? If he had allowed himself to—

  Del couldn’t even let himself finish the thought. He would have never forgiven himself.

  He would have hated himself.

  And what was he supposed to do now? What was she thinking? After she had time to decompress, would she be angry? Offended? Or worse, would she expect to eventually finish what they started?

  Del closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was such an asshole.

  At around four in the morning, he fell into a restless sleep, still wondering what the hell he was going to say to Lauren the following day.

  By the time he pulled into the parking lot of the school, he had decided on a plan of action.

  He would avoid her.

  He knew it was weak and pathetic, but he had already determined that he was an asshole. Might as well add coward to the list as well.

  His inexcusable plan worked until fifth period, when he turned the corner to see her waiting at his locker. She shouldn’t have been there. She had gym now, all the way on the other side of campus.

  He faltered for only a second before immediately putting on a casual face and continuing toward her.

  Her expression was tentative as she looked up at him.

  “Hey,” she said softly, stepping back to allow him access to his combination lock.

  “‘Sup?” he said.

  There was a beat of silence before she uttered the dreaded words.

  “Can we talk?”

  “About what?” he asked casually, spinning the lock and not even paying attention to the numbers.

  “About last night,” she said, and this time, there was a hint of annoyance in her voice.

  “What about it?”

  Del knew it was a dick thing to say as soon as it came out of his mouth, but he didn’t know how else to handle the conversation. He hadn’t prepared for it at all.

  Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her shift as she folded her arms and cocked her head at him. “Are you going to say it was a dare again? Because it wasn’t this time.”

  Yes, she was definitely annoyed now. Her words were clipped, her tone brazen.

  Del turned his head toward her, his hand still on his combination lock. “No, I wasn’t going to say it was a dare. I was going to say it was a mistake.”

  Lauren’s brow instantly smoothed as she took the tiniest step back, the hurt apparent in her eyes.

  Fuck.

  He needed to fix this. He didn’t want to hurt her. It was exactly the opposite.

  Del’s hand fell from his lock as he turned toward her fully.

  “That came out wrong,” he said softly. She just continued to stare up at him, that bewildered expression tearing his heart in two, and he exhaled heavily and shook his head. “Look,” he continued. “Our friendship is the best thing I’ve got going on in my life. And…if I want it to stay that way, then we can’t do that again. That shit gets too messy, okay?”

  She blinked up at him, the confusion and hurt in her eyes slowly giving way to something else. Acceptance? Indifference? Concession?

  “Okay,” she finally said, her voice gentle again.

  Del crouched slightly, bringing his eyes to her level. “You’re too important to me,” he said, his voice bordering on desperate. “Do you understand? I really need you to understand.”

  She looked at him for a second before she nodded. “I do,” she whispered. And then she leaned over and kissed his cheek. “See you later,” she added with a smile before she pushed away from the lockers and continued down the hall.

  As he stood there, staring down at his combination lock, he knew he should have been feeling relieved that she had been so understanding, that she was so willing to put their friendship before anything else.

  But that memory would haunt him for years to come, that moment when she told him she understood, when she looked up at him with that smile.

  Because this time, it didn’t reach her eyes.

  December 2011

  Lauren walked through the glass door that Adam held open for her, the wine in her system making her feel warm and tranquil, despite the cold December air that assaulted her as she exited the restaurant.

  She watched as Adam approached the valet, handing him their ticket and saying something to him that made the man laugh. She never tired of watching him interact
with people; there was something about him that instantly disarmed whomever he was speaking to.

  The restaurant he had taken her to was extremely exclusive; in fact, Lauren felt a little out of her element when they first arrived. The staff, much like the décor, was overtly formal, maybe even a bit stuffy. But within seconds, Adam had everyone who waited on them engaged in conversation, smiling and laughing. Over and over again, she found herself completely captivated by his charisma, as if it were the first time she was witnessing it.

  Lauren smiled as she walked over to him, gently taking his hand and intertwining their fingers as she rested her head on his shoulder.

  He squeezed her hand gently, turning his head to look down at her. “You sleepy?” he asked, his voice a soft purr against Lauren’s cheek that only added to the serenity she was feeling.

  She shook her head and looked up at him, and he smiled before leaning down and planting a kiss on her forehead. “Good,” he said. “I couldn’t let you fall asleep before midnight on New Year’s Eve. That would be blasphemous.”

  “Blasphemous?” Lauren echoed with a laugh.

  “Absolutely,” he said, releasing her hand as the valet pulled his car up in front of them. “Or at the very least, pitiful,” he added with a smirk over his shoulder as he opened the passenger door for her.

  Lauren laughed again, sliding into the seat as Adam tipped the valet and wished him a Happy New Year.

  “So,” Adam said once he was seated beside her and starting the car, “shall we begin phase two of our date?”

  “What’s phase two?” Lauren asked as she buckled her seatbelt.

  “Depends. I have a few options. You can decide where the evening takes us.”

  Lauren smiled. "Like Choose Your Own Adventure books?”

  Adam laughed, looking over at her. “Exactly like that. So, your character can either attend this party one of my neighbors is throwing—apparently he’s notorious for his New Year’s parties, although I’ve never been,” he said. “Or, your character can go somewhere low-key. Lauren Monroe, choose your adventure.”

  She looked over at Adam’s profile, the smile curving his lips, the angle of his jaw, highlighted and defined every few seconds by the flash of streetlights as they passed, and her decision was made.

  “Low-key,” she said.

  “You got it,” Adam said, glancing in his rearview as he switched lanes and took the highway entrance ramp.

  They drove for a little under an hour, and Lauren was so consumed by their conversation that she paid no attention to where they were going until the terrain suddenly turned bumpy.

  She glanced out the window, seeing nothing but trees and darkness.

  “Are we going off-roading?” Lauren asked, reaching out to steady herself on the dash. “I didn’t think we were going on an actual adventure.”

  Adam smiled, his eyes still on the road. “We’ll only be off-roading for a few more minutes.”

  “Okay, but just so you know, hiking in the dark is definitely not my idea of low-key. And there’s no way I could do it in these shoes.”

  “Or that dress,” Adam said, glancing over to let his eyes run down her body before he brought them back to the road, and Lauren stifled a triumphant smile.

  A few minutes later, they came upon a sudden break in the trees. Adam slowed the car, bringing it to a complete stop and cutting the engine and the headlights.

  If she hadn’t already trusted him, she would have been terrified. It was as if the car was covered with a tarp. She couldn’t see anything, save for tiny little specks off in the distance that she assumed were the lights of some far-away town.

  She glanced over to where Adam was sitting; as her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she could just make out his features. He was smiling at her, his eyebrow quirked.

  “What are you thinking?” he asked.

  “Um, that you’re planning on murdering me and disposing of my dismembered body out here? Either that, or you just brought me to make-out point.”

  Adam burst out laughing, the hearty sound of it filling the car, and Lauren smiled as she unbuckled her seatbelt.

  “Not exactly,” Adam finally said through his laughter. “But good to know where your mind is.”

  She turned in her seat, facing him fully. “Okay, I give. Where the hell are we?”

  He followed her lead, unbuckling his seatbelt and shifting in his seat so he was facing her. “I did find this place hiking once. I used to do it a lot right after I recovered from my neck injury.” He turned to look out the blackened windshield. “I’ve never come here at night, though. I just always thought tonight would be a cool night to do it.”

  “Why?”

  He smiled and glanced down at his watch. “You’ll see in about four minutes.”

  “Oh my God, it’s four minutes until midnight?” Lauren asked, surprised. When Adam nodded, she said, “How is that possible? It feels like the night just started."

  “I know,” he said. “It’s always like that with you.”

  She smiled. “You mean the night flying by?”

  Adam looked down as the corner of his mouth lifted in a smile. “Night, day, phone calls, chiropractic appointments.” He took a small breath, and to Lauren’s surprise, he almost looked sheepish. “I always feel like time goes too fast with you.” He laughed softly as he looked up at her. “Or maybe I just never feel like it’s enough.”

  Lauren stared at him, and he looked down again. “I know that sounds—”

  She leaned forward, cutting him off as she pressed her lips to his.

  He chuckled softly in surprise and amusement, kissing her back. “That wasn’t a line, you know,” he said against her mouth, and she nodded.

  “I know,” she breathed before taking his bottom lip between hers, and he made a small sound in the back of his throat, leaning forward and kissing her fully.

  His hand came to her face, his thumb caressing her cheek as his fingers slid behind her ear, and she shivered, shifting her body and trying to get as close to him as the console in between them would allow.

  A sudden hissing sound followed by a muted pop caused Lauren to open her eyes just in time to see a rainbow of colors explode in the sky, lighting it with a million shimmering twinkles. She broke the kiss, turning her head to look out the windshield; just as the colors fizzled away, the silence was filled with a new series of hisses and pops as fireworks shattered the darkness, some little starbursts of color, while others were tremendous explosions of glitter and light.

  Lauren stared out the windshield in awe until she felt his thumb on her cheek again, and she finally pulled her eyes away from the spectacle to look at him.

  “Happy New Year,” he whispered.

  Another pop sounded, louder than the ones before, and by the sound of it, and the way light danced over Adam’s face, Lauren knew it must have been amazing.

  But this time, she kept her eyes on him.

  He leaned toward her, bringing his mouth back to hers, and she kissed him, the soft sounds of their lips brushing together mixing with the muted booms of the fireworks in the distance.

  Lauren shifted again, trying to get closer, and when the console prevented her, she came up onto her knees and tried to maneuver around the stick shift. Adam immediately sat back against his seat, gripping her hips and helping her over the console and onto his lap.

  He slid his hands into her hair, gazing up at her, and as she leaned down to kiss him again, she felt his hands slide down the sides of her neck and over her shoulders.

  She shivered, and Adam pulled back slightly, their lips barely touching and their breath mingling together. He ghosted his hands over her ribs, his thumbs grazing the sides of her breasts, and Lauren gasped softly against his mouth before closing the tiny distance, kissing him more earnestly.

  He had been so patient with her, always so patient. But she was pushing the boundary right now, and she knew it.

  They had only been on three dates before this, so it wasn’t as
though it was completely unreasonable that she hadn’t been intimate with him yet. And every time they’d gone out, he’d always been a perfect gentleman, never pushing, never taking it to a new level without her permission.

  But she knew he was ready for more. Hell, even she was ready for more. At least, her body was.

  But she just couldn’t bring herself to sleep with him yet.

  She told herself it was because she wanted to make sure this was something real, something meaningful, before she gave herself over to him.

  But she knew what the real reason was.

  She knew what always happened whenever she slept with someone. She knew what she would end up doing. And she wasn’t ready for that to happen yet. She liked him too much.

  Adam hummed in contentment against her mouth before pulling back slightly and brushing the hair out of her face. “So,” he said breathlessly, “where does the character go from here?”

  Lauren dropped her eyes, taking a small breath before she bit her lower lip.

  “Hey,” she heard him whisper, and she tentatively lifted her gaze to his. “It’s okay,” he said softly.

  “I’m so sorry,” Lauren said, moving to get off of him. “I shouldn’t have—”

  His hands immediately came to her hips, stilling her. “Don’t be sorry. We both agreed to take it slow. That’s what we’re doing.”

  Lauren looked at him expecting to see the frustration behind his kind words, but all she saw in his eyes was complete sincerity.

  She hated herself in that moment. Why couldn’t she just give him what he wanted? What she wanted?

  “I do want you, Adam,” she whispered.

  He smiled a slow smile before he trailed the backs of his knuckles up the side of her body, and Lauren’s eyes fluttered closed as she instinctively arched toward him.

  She quickly regained her composure before opening her eyes and looking down at him.

  “I know you do,” he said.

  Lauren closed her eyes again, nodding softly as she took a deep breath.

  “Do you want to know why my last relationship ended?” Adam asked, shifting her so she was sitting on his lap rather than straddling it.