Mr. Sponge's Sporting Tour

  CHAPTER XVIII

  THE EVENING'S REFLECTIONS

  'Well, I think he'll do,' said our friend to himself, as having reached hisbedroom, in accordance with modern fashion, he applied a cedar match to thenow somewhat better burnt-up fire, for the purpose of lighting a cigar--acigar! in the state-bedroom of Jawleyford Court. Having divested himselfof his smart blue coat and white waistcoat, and arrayed himself in a greydressing-gown, he adjusted the loose cushions of a recumbent chair, andsoused himself into its luxurious depths for a 'think over.'

  'He has money,' mused Sponge, between the copious whiffs of the cigar,'splendid style he lives in, to be sure' (puff), continued he, afteranother long draw, as he adjusted the ash at the end of the cigar. 'Two menin livery' (puff), 'one out, can't be done for nothing' (puff). 'What aprofusion of plate, too!' (whiff)--'declare I never' (puff) 'saw such'(whiff, puff) 'magnificence in the whole course of my' (whiff, puff)'life.'

  The cigar being then well under way, he sucked and puffed and whiffed in anapparently vacant stupor, his legs crossed, and his eyes fixed on aprojecting coal between the lower bars, as if intent on watching thealternations of flame and gas; though in reality he was running all thecircumstances through his mind, comparing them with his past experience,and speculating on the probable result of the present adventure.

  He had seen a good deal of service in the matrimonial wars, and wasentitled to as many bars as the most distinguished peninsular veteran. Nowoman with money, or the reputation of it, ever wanted an offer while hewas in the way, for he would accommodate her at the second or thirdinterview: and always pressed for an immediate fulfilment, lest the 'cursedlawyers' should interfere and interrupt their felicity. Somehow or other,the 'cursed lawyers' always had interfered; and as sure as they walked in,Mr. Sponge walked out. He couldn't bear the idea of their coarse,inquisitive inquiries. He was too much of a gentleman!

  Love, light as air, at sight of human ties Spreads his light wings and in a moment flies.

  So Mr. Sponge fled, consoling himself with the reflection that there was noharm done, and hoping for 'better luck next time.'

  He roved from flower to flower like a butterfly, touching here, alightingthere, but always passing away with apparent indifference. He knew if hecouldn't square matters at short notice, he would have no better chancewith an extension of time; so, if he saw things taking the direction ofinquiry he would just laugh the offer off, pretend he was only feeling hisway--saw he was not acceptable--sorry for it--and away he would go tosomebody else. He looked upon a woman much in the light of a horse; if shedidn't suit one man, she would another, and there was no harm in trying. Sohe puffed and smoked, and smoked and puffed--gliding gradually into wealthand prosperity.

  MR. SPONGE AS HE APPEARED IN THE BEST BEDROOM]

  A second cigar assisted his comprehension considerably--just as a secondbottle of wine not only helps men through their difficulties, but showsthem the way to unbounded wealth. Many of the bright railway schemes offormer days, we make no doubt, were concocted under the inspiring influenceof the bottle. Sponge now saw everything as he wished. All the errors ofhis former days were apparent to him. He saw how indiscreet it wasconfiding in Miss Trickery's cousin, the major; why the rich widow atChesterfield had _chasseed_ him; and how he was done out of the beautifulMiss Rainbow, with her beautiful estate, with its lake, its heronry, andits perpetual advowson. Other mishaps he also considered.

  Having disposed of the past, he then turned his attention to the future.Here were two beautiful girls apparently full of money, between whom therewasn't the toss-up of a halfpenny for choice. Most exemplary parents, too,who didn't seem to care a farthing about money.

  He then began speculating on what the girls would have. 'Great house--greatestablishment--great estate, doubtless. Why, confound it,' continued he,casting his heavy eye lazily around, 'here's a room as big as a field in acramped country! Can't have less than fifty thousand a-piece, I should say,at the least. Jawleyford, to be sure, is young,' thought he; 'may live along time' (puff). 'If Mrs. J. were to die (Curse--the cigar's burnt mylips'), added he, throwing the remnant into the fire, and rolling out ofthe chair to prepare for turning into bed.

  If any one had told Sponge that there was a rich papa and mamma on thelook-out merely for amiable young men to bestow their fair daughters upon,he would have laughed them to scorn, and said, 'Why, you fool, they areonly laughing at you'; or 'Don't you see they are playing you off againstsomebody else?' But our hero, like other men, was blind where he himselfwas concerned, and concluded that he was the exception to the general rule.

  Mr. and Mrs. Jawleyford had their consultation too.

  'Well,' said Mr. Jawleyford, seating himself on the high wire fenderimmediately below a marble bust of himself on the mantelpiece; 'I thinkhe'll do.'

  'Oh, no doubt,' replied Mrs. Jawleyford, who never saw any difficulty inthe way of a match; 'I should say he is a very nice young man,' continuedshe.

  'Rather brusque in his manner, perhaps,' observed Jawleyford, who was quitethe 'lady' himself. 'I wonder what he was?' added he, fingering away at hiswhiskers.

  'He's rich, I've no doubt,' replied Mrs. Jawleyford.

  'What makes you think so?' asked her loving spouse.

  'I don't know,' replied Mrs. Jawleyford; 'somehow I feel certain he is--butI can't tell why--all fox-hunters are.'

  'I don't know that,' replied Jawleyford, who knew some very poor ones. 'Ishould like to know what he has,' continued Jawleyford musingly, looking upat the deeply corniced ceiling as if he were calculating the chances amongthe filagree ornaments of the centre.

  'A hundred thousand, perhaps,' suggested Mrs. Jawleyford, who only knew twosums--fifty and a hundred thousand.

  'That's a vast of money,' replied Jawleyford, with a slight shake of thehead.

  'Fifty at least, then,' suggested Mrs. Jawleyford, coming down half-way atonce.

  'Well, if he has that, he'll do,' rejoined Jawleyford, who also had comedown considerably in his expectations since the vision of his railway days,at whose bright light he had burnt his fingers.

  'He was said to have an immense fortune--I forget how much--at LaverickWells,' observed Mrs. Jawleyford.

  'Well, we'll see,' said Jawleyford, adding, 'I suppose either of the girlswill be glad enough to take him?'

  'Trust them for that,' replied Mrs. Jawleyford, with a knowing smile andnod of the head: 'trust them for that,' repeated she. 'Though Amelia doesturn up her nose and pretend to be fine, rely upon it she only wants to besure that he's worth having.'

  'Emily seems ready enough, at all events,' observed Jawleyford.

  'She'll never get the chance,' observed Mrs. Jawleyford. 'Amelia is a veryprudent girl, and won't commit herself, but she knows how to manage themen.'

  'Well, then,' said Jawleyford, with a hearty yawn, 'I suppose we may aswell go to bed.'

  So saying, he took his candle and retired.