Mr. Sponge's Sporting Tour

  CHAPTER VI

  LAVERICK WELLS

  The flattering accounts Mr. Sponge read in the papers of the distinguishedcompany assembled at Laverick Wells, together with details of the princelymagnificence of the wealthy commoner, Mr. Waffles, who appeared toentertain all the world at dinner after each day's hunting made Mr. Spongethink it would be a very likely place to suit him. Accordingly, thither hedespatched Mr. Leather with the redoubtable horses by the road, intendingto follow in as many hours by the rail as it took them days to trudge onfoot.

  Railways have helped hunting as well as other things, and enables a man toglide down into the grass 'sheers,' as Mr. Buckram calls them, with aslittle trouble, and in as short a time almost, as it took him to accomplisha meet at Croydon, or at the Magpies at Staines. But to our groom andhorses.

  Mr. Sponge was too good a judge to disfigure the horses with the miserable,pulpy, weather-bleached job-saddles and bridles of 'livery,' but had themproperly turned out with well-made, slightly-worn London ones of his own,and nice, warm brown woollen rugs, below broadly bound,blue-and-white-striped sheeting, with richly braided lettering, and blueand white cordings. A good saddle and bridle makes a difference of tenpounds in the looks of almost any horse. There is no need because a manrides a hack horse to proclaim it to all the world; a fact that few hackhorse letters seem to be aware of. Perhaps, indeed, they think to advertisethem by means of their inferior appointments.

  Leather, too, did his best to keep up appearances, and turned out in a verystud-groomish-looking, basket-button'd, brown cutaway, with a clean stripedvest, ample white cravat, drab breeches and boots, that looked as thoughthey had brushed through a few bullfinches; and so they had, but not withLeather's legs in them, for he had bought them second-hand of a pad groomin distress. His hands were encased in cat's-skin sable gloves, showingthat he was a gentleman who liked to be comfortable. Thus accoutred, herode down Broad Street at Laverick Wells, looking like a fine, faithful oldfamily servant, with a slight scorbutic affection of the nose. He hadeverything correctly arranged in true sporting marching order. Thecollar-shanks were neatly coiled under the headstalls, the clothing tightlyrolled and balanced above the little saddle-bags on the led horse, 'Multumin Parvo's' back, with the story-telling whip sticking through the roller.

  Leather arrived at Laverick Wells just as the first shades of a Novembernight were drawing on, and anxious mammas and careful _chaperons_ wereseparating their fair charges from their respective admirers and thedreaded night air, leaving the streets to the gaslight men and youths 'wholove the moon.' The girls having been withdrawn, licentious youths linkedarms, and bore down the broad _pave_, quizzing this person, laughing atthat, and staring the pin-stickers and straw-chippers out of countenance.

  'Here's an arrival!' exclaimed one. 'Dash my buttons, who have we here?'asked another, as Leather hove in sight. 'That's not a bad looking horse,'observed a third. 'Bid him five pounds for it for me,' rejoined a fourth.

  'I say, old Bardolph! who do them 'ere quadrupeds belong to?' asked one,taking a scented cigar out of his mouth.

  Leather, though as impudent a dog as any of them, and far more than a matchfor the best of them at a tournament of slang, being on his preferment,thought it best to be civil, and replied, with a touch of his hat, thatthey were 'Mr. Sponge's.'

  'Ah! old sponge biscuits!--I know him!' exclaimed a youth in a Tweedwrapper.' My father married his aunt. Give my love to him, and tell him tobreakfast with me at six in the morning--he! he! he!'

  'I say, old boy, that copper-coloured quadruped hasn't got all his shoes onbefore,' squeaked a childish voice, now raised for the first time.

  'That's intended, gov'nor,' growled Leather, riding on, indignant at theidea of any one attempting to 'sell him' with such an old stable joke. SoLeather passed on through the now splendidly lit up streets, the largeplate-glass windowed shops, radiant with gas, exhibiting rich,many-coloured velvets, silver gauzes, ribbons without end, fancy flowers,elegant shawls labelled 'Very chaste,' 'Patronized by Royalty,' 'Quite thego!' and white kid-gloves in such profusion that there seemed to be a pairfor every person in the place.

  Mr. Leather established himself at the 'Eclipse Livery and Bait Stables,'in Pegasus Street, or Peg Street, as it is generally called, where heenacted the character of stud-groom to perfection, doing nothing himself,but seeing that others did his work, and strutting consequentially with thecorn-sieves at feeding time.

  After Leather's long London experience, it is natural to suppose that hewould not be long in falling in with some old acquaintance at a place likethe 'Wells,' and the first night fortunately brought him in contact with acouple of grooms who had had the honour of his acquaintance when in all theradiance of his glass-blown wigged prosperity as body-coachman to the Dukeof Dazzleton, and who knew nothing of the treadmill, or his subsequentcareer. This introduction served with his own easy assurance, and thedeference country servants always pay to London ones, at once to give himstanding, and it is creditable to the etiquette of servitude to say, thaton joining the 'Mutton Chop and Mealy Potato Club,' at the Cat andBagpipes, on the second night after his arrival, the whole club rose toreceive him on entering, and placed him in the post of honour, on the rightof the president.

  He was very soon quite at home with the whole of them, and ready to tellanything he knew of the great families in which he had lived. Of course, heabused the duke's place, and said he had been obliged to give him 'hup' atlast, 'bein' quite an unpossible man to live with; indeed, his only wonderwas, that he had been able to put hup with him so long.' The duchess was a'good cretur,' he said, and, indeed, it was mainly on her account that hestayed, but as to the duke, he was--everything that was bad, in short.

  Mr. Sponge, on the other hand, had no reason to complain of the colours inwhich his stud-groom painted him. Instead of being the shirtless strapperof a couple of vicious hack hunters. Leather made himself out to be thegeneral superintendent of the opulent owner of a large stud. The exactnumber varied with the number of glasses of grog Leather had taken, but henever had less than a dozen, and sometimes as many as twenty hunters underhis care. These, he said, were planted all over the kingdom; some atMelton, to ''unt with the Quorn'; some at Northampton, to ''unt with thePytchley'; some at Lincoln, to ''unt with Lord 'Enry'; and some at Louth,to ''unt with'--he didn't know who. What a fine flattering, well-spokenworld this is, when the speaker can raise his own consequence by ourelevation! One would think that 'envy, hatred, malice, and alluncharitableness' had gone to California. A weak-minded man might have hishead turned by hearing the description given of him by his friends. Buthear the same party on the running-down tack!--when either his ownimportance is not involved, or dire offence makes it worth his while 'tocut off his nose to spite his face.' No one would recognize the portraitthen drawn as one of the same individual.

  Mr. Leather, as we said before, was in the laudatory strain, but, like manyindiscreet people, he overdid it. Not content with magnifying the stud tothe liberal extent already described, he must needs puff his master'sriding, and indulge in insinuations about 'showing them all the way,' andso on. Now nothing 'aggrawates' other grooms so much as this sort ofthreat, and few things travel quicker than these sort of vapourings totheir masters' ears. Indeed, we can only excuse the lengths to whichLeather went, on the ground of his previous coaching career not havingafforded him a due insight into the delicacies of the hunting stable; itbeing remembered that he was only now acting as stud-groom for the firsttime. However, be that as it may, he brewed up a pretty storm, and thelonger it raged the stronger it became.

  ''Ord dash it!' exclaimed young Spareneck, the steeple-chase rider,bursting into Scorer's billiard-room in the midst of a full gathering, whowere looking on at a grand game of poule, 'Ord dash it! there's a fellowcoming who swears by Jove that he'll take the shine out of us all, "cut usall down!"'

  'I'll play him for what he likes!' exclaimed the cool, coatless CaptainMacer, striking his ball away for a cannon.

&nbs
p; 'Hang your play!' replied Spareneck; 'you're always thinking of play--it'shunting I'm talking of.' bringing his heavy, silver-mounted jockey-whip acrack down his leg.

  'You don't say so!' exclaimed Sam Shortcut, who had been flattered intoriding rather harder than he liked, and feared his pluck might be put tothe test.

  'What a ruffian!'--(puff)--observed Mr. Waffles, taking his cigar from hismouth as he sat on the bench, dressed as a racket-player, looking on at thegame, 'he shalln't ride roughshod over us.'

  'That he shalln't!' exclaimed Caingey Thornton, Mr. Waffles's premiertoady, and constant trencherman.

  'I'll ride him!' rejoined Mr. Spareneck, jockeying his arms, andflourishing his whip as if he was at work, adding: 'his old brandy-nosed,frosty-whiskered trumpeter of a groom says he's coming down by the fiveo'clock train. I vote we go and meet him--invite him to a steeple-chase bymoonlight.'

  'I vote we go and see him, at all events,' observed Frank Hoppey, layingdown his cue and putting on his coat, adding, 'I should like to see a manbold enough to beard a whole hunt--especially such a hunt as _ours_.'

  'Finish the game first,' observed Captain Macer, who had rather the best ofit.

  'No, leave the balls as they are till we come back,' rejoined Ned Stringer;'we shall be late. See, it's only ten _to_, now,' continued he, pointing tothe timepiece above the fire; whereupon there was a putting away of cues,hurrying on of coats, seeking of hats, sorting of sticks, and a generaldesertion of the room for the railway station.

  MR. SPONGE ARRIVES AT LAVERICK WELLS]