Zane's the Other Side of the Pillow

  “That’s up to you, baby.”

  “Well, don’t you want to know whether we’re having a boy or a girl?”

  “All I really care about is the baby being healthy, having ten fingers and toes, and coming home with us.” He stopped walking and turned toward me, then took my hands. “Coming home to his or her married parents.”

  I blinked twice and then sucked in a breath.

  “Jemistry, come on. This is ridiculous. We love each other and we’re bringing a life into the world together. Let’s get married. I have no intention of ever getting a divorce.”

  “I’m sure you didn’t have any intention the first time.”

  I regretted the words the second they left my lips.

  “I didn’t mean it li—”

  Tevin grinned and kissed me on the forehead, then whispered, “It’s okay. It’s the truth. And no, I can’t promise you that nothing will ever happen to break us up, but what I can say is that you’d have to leave me.” He gazed into my eyes. “I’m a man of my word. I didn’t file for divorce the first time and I won’t do it this time.”

  “I understand.”

  “Do you really? I want you to realize that when I marry you, and I will, the vows will mean everything to me, and I won’t default on them. I won’t turn my back on you . . . ever.”

  I started walking again to avoid eye contact. I couldn’t possibly tell Tevin what was actually on my mind. I wanted to wait until I got past my second trimester before we got married. Even though I would be showing, I didn’t want to run the risk of having a miscarriage and having Tevin relive his nightmare all over again by being in a marriage with a woman who couldn’t give him a child. Despite what the tests said, and what my doctor said, I’d never carried a child to term . . . but I had aborted one.

  Back when I was with Wesley, in the darkest of my days of abuse, I got pregnant. I was on birth control pills, just as I was on birth control when I got pregnant with Tevin’s child. What can I say? The method worked for the majority of the time with the handful of men that I had ever allowed to enter me without a condom. It’s true that women need to seriously consider the men they are sleeping with as father material, in case something happens.

  We walked the rest of the way to my truck in silence. I used the key fob to unlock it, open the door, and tossed my purse onto the passenger seat.

  I turned to give Tevin a hug. “I’ll see you at home.”

  He gave me a half-hug back. “You never answered my question.”

  “What question?”

  “Do you understand what kind of man I am?”

  “Yes, I do. I understand. I appreciate. I love you for it.”

  “Then pick a date. A date for us to either go to the justice of the peace, plan a small backyard wedding, get married at a church, or a date to take off to an island or go to Vegas so that you can become Mrs. Tevin Harris.”

  I needed a glass of wine but that wasn’t happening. I wouldn’t even touch a soda while I was pregnant, much less alcohol.

  “Go back to the hospital. We’ll discuss it tonight.”

  “Speaking of the hospital, Floyd’s been hiding out for the past couple of days.”

  I played dumb. “Really? Maybe he’s just busy, or maybe he took a couple of days off.”

  “No, he’s around. I hear them paging him and his car is in the lot. He’s the only doctor there with a Bentley. Every time they call him over the intercom, I’m hemmed up but I’m going to catch up to him sooner or later.”

  I decided continuing to play dumb was my best bet.

  “Oh, okay. Well, I’m sure he’s fine.”

  “For now.”

  Tevin had an angry expression on his face.

  No more playing dumb!

  I sighed and leaned against the back door. “Tevin, I asked Floyd not to mention my pregnancy to you. He never wanted to go along with it. In fact, he pleaded with me to tell you. I told him that I needed time to tell you in my own way. I didn’t want him delivering that kind of news when we weren’t even speaking.”

  “Floyd is supposed to be my best friend,” he stated vehemently.

  “And he is your best friend.” I ran my fingers over Tevin’s chest. “Think about it. If he’d told you and I wasn’t prepared to even face you, what would you have done?”

  He sighed. “It’s not only about the pregnancy. Floyd sat there and listened to me for months, describing how I would go sit outside of your old place and wait for you. He knew that I was about to go crazy with worry and his ass knew how to contact you all along. That’s unforgivable!”

  “No, it’s not unforgivable. He only did what I asked so if you must take it out on someone, take it out on me.”

  Tevin frowned. “I’m not taking anything out on you. I love you.”

  “And Floyd loves you. Don’t try to punish him or confront him about any of this. He’s avoiding you because he feels bad. I told Courtney at lunch the other day that you’d figured it out, about them knowing. I’m sure she related that to him.”

  Tevin smirked. “I’m sure she did.”

  “Floyd’s a good man. You need to cut him a break. He was only trying to do the best for all involved.” I wrapped my arms around his waist and laid my head on his chest. “Besides, what does it matter now? We’re back together, you know about the baby, and everything’s all good.”

  Tevin’s heart felt like it was about to jump out of his chest. “Floyd’s not the saint you and Courtney believe him to be.”

  I giggled, let him go, and started to climb into the driver’s seat. “I never said Floyd was a saint. But he is a good man and he loves his wife and kids. And he loves you. So go kiss and make up.”

  “I’m not kissing his ass.” Tevin finally laughed. “But I am going to make sure I see him today, tomorrow at the latest.”

  “I’m going to stop by Eatonville and pick up dinner. You want some of that gumbo you like?”

  “Yes, get some gumbo and grab some of those corn muffins while you’re at it.”

  “Bye, baby.”

  Tevin leaned in and kissed me gently on the lips.

  “Now go lay one of those on Floyd,” I joked as I put on my seat belt.

  “Shit! There’s not a snowball’s chance in hell of that happening.”

  We both laughed as he shut my door and watched me start the engine and pull away. He seemed like he was in a better mood. I hoped that Tevin would let the entire thing with Floyd go. He had been stuck between a rock and a hard place, and made the only choice that made sense at the time. That’s all any of us can ever do.

  Chapter Twenty-seven

  “You don’t mean anything to me. You mean everything to me.”

  —Unknown

  When Tevin got back that night he had indeed tracked Floyd down at Sibley. It did not go well.

  “That motherfucker!”

  I was sitting on the sofa with my feet up when he stormed into the living room and threw his keys on the coffee table.

  He collapsed into the armchair as I stood up and walked behind him to start massaging his shoulders. It was obvious that he was talking about Floyd.

  His muscles were tensed up like bricks.

  “Baby, you need to calm down before you have a stroke or something.”

  He sounded like he was hissing but didn’t respond.

  “I hope you didn’t get into a loud confrontation in front of people at the hospital.”

  He shook his head. “No, I finally told his punk ass to meet me at the bar down the street so we could talk about the situation like men.”

  I sighed. “Sounds like you wanted to have some kind of gladiator fight.”

  “I should’ve whipped his ass.”

  I stopped massaging him and walked around the chair to look down on him. “Tevin, I already told you that Floyd only did what he thought was best. He honored my request and I appreciate that.”

  Tevin glared at me. “You do realize that I can never trust him. I should’ve never trusted h
im in the first place. Any man who fucks half of the women at work and then smiles up in his wife’s face is a damn good liar. I should call Courtney and rat his ass out.”

  It was not the norm for someone to render me speechless but that was exactly what happened when Tevin blurted that out about Floyd.

  He stared at me. I stared at him. We both knew the situation that we now faced. It was unwritten man code and woman code that once either knew that one of their friends or relatives had a cheating spouse or mate, the man should feel obligated to tell the other man and the woman should be obligated to tell the other woman. It was so obvious that I decided to call him on it.

  “So, you’re going to put that burden on me?”

  Tevin lowered his eyes.

  I went and sat back down on the sofa.

  For a few moments, we sat in silence.

  Tevin finally spoke. “I’m sorry, Jemistry. I didn’t mean to put Floyd’s business out there but I was pissed.”

  “You do realize that you just told me that Floyd is a man whore? And that now I can either betray my friend by allowing her to believe that her husband is faithful, or I can conspire against her, hope she never finds out the truth another way, and that she never asks me if I already knew.”

  “Kind of like you enlisting Floyd to conspire with you against me, huh?”

  We were about to have a serious argument and we both recognized that. He was not ready to drop it.

  “For the last time, Tevin. I asked Floyd and Courtney to give me time, and allow me the opportunity to tell you when I was ready. There was never a single moment in time when you wouldn’t have known about our child. Abortion never crossed my mind, and I would never have raised your child without you playing a significant role in their upbringing.

  “You’re one of the most loving men—persons—that I’ve ever met and my child is blessed to have you as their father. Even if we never got back together, it was a given that you would be ever-present.”

  Tevin sat up on the edge of the armchair and reached for me. I scooted over on the sofa so he couldn’t.

  “No, let me finish my thought. On the flip side, what you told me is completely different. Are you going to sit here and say that, sans you spilling the proverbial beans, that Floyd was eventually going to tell Courtney that he’s fucking around on her?”

  Tevin sighed. “No, I guess not.”

  “Exactly!” I paused. “How long has he been cheating and with how many women?”

  “Why would you want to know all that? Isn’t that making it worse?” he asked and sat back, settling into the cushions. “That’ll only give you more information you have to cover up.”

  “I don’t have to cover up a damn thing. I’m not sure why you would think that I would.”

  He went into a panic and loosened his tie. “It’s not our place to interfere in their marriage, Jemistry.”

  “How long and how many? You said that you’d never lie to me. Like a bad defense attorney, you’ve introduced this evidence into the mix, so now you have to give me full disclosure.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “Yes. Tevin, here’s your chance to prove that you’re not a liar. I should be upset about the fact that you’ve been cosigning on his behavior and then going over to their house and smiling all up in Courtney’s face. That says a lot about you, and it’s nothing nice.”

  Tevin practically catapulted out of the chair then. “Hold up!” He started pacing the floor with an attitude. “I hope you’re not trying to imply that I’m the navigator of Floyd’s dick!”

  “That’s not what I’m implying at all. What I am saying is that you always pride yourself on what you will or will not do to a woman—me in particular—and yet you’ve been apparently idly sitting by while Floyd not only dicks down various women but risks the health of his wife in the process.”

  I stood up as well. “All this shit being spread around today and he’s fucking random broads? He could bring anything home to her and you think that’s cool?”

  “Hell no, I don’t think it’s cool! I’m the one who’s been telling Floyd he needs to stop before the shit catches up to him. I’ve warned him over and over that he needs to grow the fuck up and do the right thing.”

  “And what did he say?”

  Tevin crossed his arms in defiance. “As of late, all he was doing was boasting about the fact that you dumped me over something that I never did, and that he was doing him and that Courtney worships the ground he walks on regardless.”

  “That’s because Courtney doesn’t know he’s a filthy, mangled mutt!”

  “Actually, according to him, he’s an Alaskan Malamute.”

  “An Alaskan what?”

  Tevin walked over to me and took me in his arms. “I don’t want us to fight about this. What they’re doing has nothing to do with us.”

  “They’re our friends,” I reminded him.

  “Yes, but they’re grown friends and we have to stay out of it.”

  I looked up at him. “Are you asking me not to tell?”

  “I’m asking you to really think about what doing that will accomplish. As of today, I’m not even feeling Floyd like that. We may eventually be able to be friends again, now that I’ve calmed down and can see it from another perspective. But even if we do start hanging out again, you telling Courtney will only make matters ten times worse.

  “If she’s content, let the woman be happy. They have four kids. If she divorces him, it’ll affect them in the long run.”

  “And if he gives her HIV, or some lunatic broad shows up on their doorstep to confront her because he refuses to leave her and attacks her, how will that affect the children?”

  Tevin chuckled. “You and your imagination. It’s not going to go that far. The STD concern is valid, and I would hope Floyd’s not irresponsible enough to fuck women raw. But as far as him lying and telling a chick that he’s in love or leaving his wife, he’s definitely not that reckless.

  “I don’t know all of his comings and goings but the ones from work that I know about are only interested in getting fucked.”

  I pushed him away from me.

  How the fuck do you know all that?

  “How do you know that’s what they want? Have they come on to you?”

  “Jemistry, I’m a young, successful, black surgeon in the DMV. Women try to get my attention. You know that. But you didn’t have to do that, because I tried to get your attention, and since the night we met, you’re all I ever think about.”

  I tried to fight it, but I blushed.

  “All I want you to concentrate on, baby, is feeding my baby, loving me, and deciding which bedroom you want to turn into the nursery. That’s all you need to be concerned about. Why bring any unnecessary drama into our lives? We’ve had enough of it while we’re trying to establish our future.”

  I had to give it to him. He did make a valid argument. Telling Courtney about Floyd cheating would be the equivalent of throwing an alligator into a swimming pool full of people.

  “Let me tell you something about Floyd,” Tevin continued. “Not in his defense but to explain a little bit about his crazy behavior.”

  “There is no defense or legit excuse for him cheating.”

  “I agree. All I’m saying is that I recognized something about him a long time ago. We all have flaws but one of Floyd’s biggest ones is being born with such a ridiculous ego. He thinks so highly of himself, which makes it both a blessing and a curse. He’s successful because he always knew he would be, and no one would’ve been able to convince him otherwise, even if they’d had the audacity to try.

  “He takes care of himself physically because he believes that he’s godlike material. So he’ll never succumb to any kind of addiction. Not alcohol, not drugs, and not—”

  “Pussy?” I asked sarcastically.

  “No, definitely not that.” Tevin sighed. “Floyd’s wilding out because he believes that’s what men are supposed to do. He grew up in a family where he was told
that’s what men do. His father and uncles told him that he was supposed to get a wife, buy a house, father some children, and always have some backup action.”

  “So what you’re trying to say is that Floyd is a victim of circumstance?” I laughed. “You can miss me with all of that! He’s a typical man!”

  “That’s the point. In his world, he’s only being typical.”

  “And is that typical in your world, Tevin?”

  “Jemistry, you have a lot of trust issues. I get that. And what happened with Winsome’s crazy ass didn’t help, but I’m not fucking around on you. I can’t make you believe it, but I hope that I’m not going to have to go through this kind of speculation on the regular. I want us to have a long, peaceful life together. That’s it. That’s all.”

  I decided to lighten up the mood.

  “You know, being pregnant has heightened my senses.” I pointed to my vagina. “Especially down there.”

  “What do you mean, especially down there?”

  “I’ve been playing with myself a lot more lately.”

  Tevin chuckled. “You don’t need to play with yourself. You have me.”

  I pouted. “Why can’t I have the best of both worlds?”

  He doesn’t get it!

  “I was thinking. Maybe we could make love with a device inside of me.”

  “A device? You want me to share you with a big-ass vibrator or dildo?”

  “First off, I have not seen a vibrator or dildo that can give your elephantine dick a run for its money.”

  We both laughed.

  “I’m talking about a bullet. I’ll stick it in, turn it on, and then you can bang my pussy out while it turns us both out.”

  Tevin looked appalled. “I’m not using a sex toy!”

  “Why not?”

  “Because . . . because I love you.”

  I giggled. “You have completely lost me.” I waved my hand toward the ceiling. “That went way over my head.”

  “Let me school you on something about men, baby. All that freaky shit in the bedroom is cool. Food play, role-play, whips, chains, blindfolds, all kinds of shit. But to ask a man to share you with a sex toy steps over the line. Men will do that with women they are just fucking. It is what it is, but when a man loves a woman, he wants to feel like he can satisfy her all by himself.