At Any Price

  I lathered my hair before offering the bottle to him. Once he reached for it, I poured shampoo into my own palm and then put it on top of his head, setting aside the bottle to lather his hair. He watched me with a longsuffering, tolerant expression, but his eyes were dark with desire. His slick, hot, naked body was only inches from mine and I shook with anticipation, with the blood pumping through my veins at five times its normal speed.

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  Moving closer, I swallowed in a tight throat. I stood on my tiptoes to reach the top of his head, and he steadied me by placing hands on my waist. Then he ducked his head for my attention. His hands, where they held, me touched me lightly at first, but as I continued to massage his scalp, his hold on me tightened, fingertips pressing into my flesh. Thrill danced across my skin. I wanted to press my body to his. But I remembered his warning, about not making it to the top deck. Did I want our first time to happen in here?

  I pulled away and turned back to my side of the shower to rinse my hair, my eyes closed. But he came up close behind me.

  He picked up the bottle of shower gel and poured it into his hand and I twisted to look back at him, ready to feast on the vision of this gorgeous man lathering his abs.

  He said, “Stand still. I’ll wash your back. ”

  I took a deep breath and did as he told me. His warm hands slicked down from my shoulders, across my deltoids and trapezius muscles to the small of my back. Every inch that he touched sprang alive and I trembled. The soap allowed just the right amount of give and the sensation of his strong hands gliding over my skin set my insides aflame with impossible heat. Then he reached around and smoothed soap across my belly, my hips. His hands skirted my pubic region before slipping up to my breasts—and apparently he must have thought my breasts in extra need of washing because his hands lingered there for quite some time. My nipples were erect and sensitive under his touch, each stroke of his hands piercing my core with lancets of desire.

  I was panting, leaning against him. His erection pressed into the small of my back, hot and hard. His head came down to take my ear in his mouth. Shower spray pelted us. “Emilia, if I wasn’t a gentleman, I’d pin you to that wall right now and fuck you. ”

  My breath hitched. “Who said you had to be a gentleman?” His mouth was on my neck now but I squirmed out of his arms, pouring some gel in my hands. “That mouth of yours proves that you are a dirty, dirty man…” I said suggestively. He laughed and turned. I started on his shoulders and back and his grew posture rigid. My hands glided over his perfectly defined muscles. My hands sank to his waist, then down to his hard butt.

  I turned and filled up on gel again and moved to his front. His body felt exquisite under my hands. A quiet moan escape his mouth as he closed his eyes, savoring my touch. I bent my head to kiss him but stopped myself. Was I ready to start things here, despite what he’d just told me? I stepped away so he could rinse himself off.

  I exited the shower, my body still singing with his caresses. I shivered in anticipation of what would happen later tonight, perhaps even on the top deck, under the stars. We toweled off and dressed in casual clothes to go up to the top.

  All of OC hugged a south-facing coast that was the curve of Southern California as it twisted its way toward Mexico. At this distance from the coast, the plentiful lights of OC and LA were but a glow along the horizon.

  The moon was a tiny sliver of a waxing crescent and so, being just about to set, provided little competition with the stars. The lights from the coastline, however, did prevent maximum viewing. Still it was far better than trying to stargaze on land. The light pollution over the Los Angeles metropolitan area was considerable and on the best of nights, it was difficult to discern more than a dozen or so stars on any given night. It wasn’t like the skies over Anza, which were so dark and clear you could see satellites gliding through the quiet night skies. But out here, you could see almost as much.

  Adam had stopped by his office to check his e-mail and I had wandered up to the deck, alone, trying not to be annoyed. It was a wonder, really, that he had ignored it for as long as he did. I couldn’t expect a miracle. So I waited for him for almost an hour. He came up carrying two big blankets and—of course—his cell phone tucked into his pocket.

  After finding the most recognizable constellations, we lay back on a wide cushioned bench beside each other, gazing up at the black dome above us.

  “I still can’t believe you were up there. ”

  “Yep. For ten days. And if I get my way, I’ll go up again. ”

  “How did you turn off work for that long?”

  He shrugged. “I didn’t. I worked by satellite for a few hours every day. But I also had to participate in science experiments, too. I enjoyed that a lot. ”

  From here the blackened sea stretched out around us, calm, rocking gently.

  I sighed. “It must be so satisfying, to see your wildest dreams come true. ”

  He was silent for a long moment. “What are your dreams, Emilia?”

  I shrugged. “You know, I don’t have an answer for that besides ‘become the best badass doctor ever. ’” I frowned, glad for the darkness that cloaked my face. He couldn’t see the valley of worry that had etched itself into my forehead. Though I’d finished my premed program, I was still far from that dream. It was a sobering thing, to see the thing I wanted so much in the world just beyond my reach. The one barrier was something I feared more than anything—failure, yet again. It had paralyzed me, prevented me from retaking the test over and over again until I got it right. No, I wouldn’t take it again until I’d paid the price with blood, sweat and tears, studying hours and hours a day until I had the material ingrained as a part of the fabric of my brain.

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  “That’s a worthy enough dream,” he murmured. “But there’s got to be something deep inside—something you’ve always wished to do or see. ”

  “Thanks to you I think I can cross a couple things off the list I never even knew I had. ”

  He turned his head and looked at me. “That trip to Europe should hardly count. You deserve to go back, to enjoy it like it should be enjoyed. ”

  I sighed. “Maybe I’ll do that. ”

  “So what other things have I helped you with?”

  “Hmm. Flying first-class. Swimming with dolphins. Spending a day on a gazillion-foot yacht…” I took a deep breath. “Experiencing the most amazing kiss ever. ”

  He was still watching me, and in the dim light I could tell he was smiling. But if he made a sarcastic remark right now, I knew I would die of humiliation. I was still reeling from the fact that I’d even put that out there. He cleared his throat. “What a coincidence,” he breathed. “I had that one on my list, too. ”

  I turned my head to look at him. “Had?”

  “Yes. But I can cross it off now, too. ” He rolled onto his side toward me, watching me still. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to try to do what I always do. ”

  “Oh? And what’s that?”

  He ran his finger along my jawline before tracing the outline of my lips. His touch burned hot and cold and my lips shivered.

  “I always try to top my own personal best,” he said quietly.

  When he leaned over and kissed me, it was with the force of all the suppressed tension between us the entire day. That talk in the Jacuzzi had brought us closer together and that shower had ensured that both of us had our motors revved and ready to go by the time he first kissed me.

  He rolled on top of me, pressing me into the cushion. His hands and mouth were everywhere. And he was going fast, unbuttoning my shirt, and reaching inside. I shivered and he stopped only to reach for one of the blankets to cover us.

  He immediately went to my fly and unbuttoned it, reaching inside. I tipped my head back, gasping at the sudden, but not unwelcome, invasion. He knew how hot and wet I was, murmuring heated words about how I was ready. He tugged my jeans off my hips and I l
ifted them while he pulled them off, tossing them and my panties aside.

  “Emilia, you are driving me insane,” he said as he pressed his body to mine again. My hands flew up to unbutton his shirt and pull it open. He immediately pressed his bare chest to mine and we both sighed in unison. The feeling was exquisite—his hard, male body pushing against my breasts, the desperate need between my legs.

  “Adam, I want you. ”

  And he kissed me, his movements growing more urgent, if that was possible.

  His head traveled down to my nipples, suckling each in turn while I arched my back to meet him, my body burning hotter with each passing minute. Then he kissed his way down my belly, across my navel. And lower.

  His head was between my legs and he nudged them open as he traced his hot tongue and mouth up the insides of my thighs. Every part of me began to throb in time with my own urgent heartbeat. I knew what was coming next.

  Adam was about to go down on me. Suddenly I tensed at the thought of him so close to one of my most intimate places—I didn’t think I would have baggage about this, since this had nothing to do with what had happened to me, but my fear of something possibly happening stopped me.

  He sensed it immediately and his head came up. “Are you okay?”

  I took a deep breath, forced myself to relax. And I let my knees drop fully open. “I’m okay. ”

  He sank his head to my sex, then, his hot breath bathing my inner thighs. I closed my eyes, willing myself to remain calm, to lie back and enjoy what was about to happen, but the anxiety of anticipation was not helping. I felt his finger first, separating me while he kissed my thighs. He pushed it inside me curling it slowly so that it pressed at a certain spot—a place he knew well, apparently—and I immediately gasped, arching.

  He pulled his head up. “Bingo. Found it. ”

  And all I could do was laugh. He’d tracked down the elusive g-spot.

  “They should give out merit badges for that,” he said.

  I gasped when the finger moved again. “I’ll give you a fucking gold medal if you want, just don’t stop. ”

  “Emilia, I haven’t even begun,” and his mouth sank to my sex, licking along the ready flesh there, before finding the most sensitive spot, my clitoris, and sucking it into his mouth.

  The sensation was indescribable. Like his mouth was made of fire and scorching me with the most exquisite pain and pleasure at the same time. I stopped breathing and then let out a little shout that I’m sure every human being within a mile radius must have heard.

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  I was coming before I even realized what was happening. The spasms came in short, intense bursts and lasted for minutes. Just when I thought they’d stop, he’d press himself harder against me or adjust his head. My back lifted off the bench and I actually—much to my eternal embarrassment—squealed!

  I couldn’t help it, though. It was just that good.

  But even though I felt like a wet rag that had been wrung out, I realized, when he settled next to me again, that he was right. We had only just begun. And now, it was his turn to take pleasure from me.

  “You liked that, did you?” he said, appearing immensely proud of himself.

  I smiled. “No. Hated every minute of it. ”

  He leaned down and kissed me then. A deep, soulful kiss. It lasted for long moments and with each passing second, I could feel the urgency build within him. I ran my hands over the supple ridges of his chest, around to his back, cupping his shoulder blades, pulling him down on me.

  He didn’t break the kiss to unbutton his khakis. It was so quiet out here, with only the sounds of the boat and the lapping of the ocean around us. I heard his zipper and an icy thread of fear shot through me. It was niggling—minor—but I tried not to think about what was about to happen. Knew that my fear was silly—unfounded. Knew that afterward, I would be relieved to have it over with.

  With a deep breath, I opened my legs so he could settle between them. He was fighting himself to keep his hands out of my hair, I could tell. One hand would approach my hairline and then drop to my shoulder or back. I appreciated it, even though forcing himself to remember probably yanked him out of the moment. I opened my eyes and saw him watching me. When our gazes met, he pulled back and broke the kiss.

  He was breathing heavily. “Emilia,” he said, and then kissed me again, pulling me closer. His erection nudged against my inner thigh and he groaned, his arms tightening around me. I adjusted my hips underneath him, wondering why he was hesitating.

  “Fuck me, Adam,” I said, between clenched teeth.

  Another groan and he shifted. He was about to enter me. The tip of him brushed against my heat, but then he stiffened, tearing himself out of my arms.

  I sat up, watching him in shock as he grabbed his boxer briefs and khakis, pulling them on with a face frozen in something that looked like disgust.

  “What the hell?” I said, still completely naked under the blanket.

  He shook his head, grabbing his shoes and standing up—his shirt still completely open and exposing his perfect chest.

  “This isn’t happening,” he said in a distant voice. “Get dressed. You can stay in a guest room. ”

  And without waiting for me to reply, he spun and moved down the stairs to the lower deck, leaving me with my mouth hanging open in shock. I watched him go, utterly lost. My whole body shook and my face burned with humiliation. My breath came fast and anger shot a heated streak down through my entrails. How the fuck dare he?

  With jerky movements I pulled on my clothes, trying to ignore the sinking sensation that made me wish the sea would rise up and swallow me here and now.

  Had I done something wrong? Had I not responded to him the way he wanted? In my mind I retraced everything that led up to the moment where he’d stiffened and pulled away. Had I touched him in a place he didn’t like or—oh, God—had he been fantasizing about someone else? My hands shook with fury as I dressed.

  ***

  What the hell was that? I couldn’t help but wonder. It wasn’t even ten o’clock when I checked the clock in my room—the guest room just down from his. His door was open, light off, so I assumed he wasn’t in his quarters.

  What had made him react so strongly? Why that look of revulsion on his face? Was Adam screwed up about sex? Maybe he’d been abused as a child or teen. The thought turned my stomach but alleviated some of my anger. What if he couldn’t help it? But he’d obviously had sexual relationships with other women—at least one of whom I’d met, Lindsay. But maybe it was something about my being a virgin? Of course if that repelled him, why bid on the auction?

  I paced in a tight circle for a while before deciding there was no way I could keep still. I slipped on my shorts and running shoes and headed down to the yacht’s little gym. Adam had showed it to me on my tour that afternoon—a room with a treadmill, elliptical machine, weights. I could use a nice long run to clear my head.

  With my trusty mp3 player and earbuds in, I descended a deck and—after a couple wrong turns—finally found the room I was seeking. I had the light shining from the doorway to thank for being able to find it. So this was where he’d run to.

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  Undeterred, I queued my music to my running playlist and headed straight for the unoccupied treadmill. I caught a glimpse of him in the corner—in running shorts and a black tank top—at the pull-up bar. So I wasn’t the only one who had decided to burn off my sexual frustration with exercise.

  His head jerked toward me just as I turned my back on him and mounted the treadmill.

  I turned it on and quickly got my pace up, upping the speed probably faster than I should have. I wanted to burn off the energy as quickly as possible. Maybe, exhausted, I could find the courage to talk to him after that.

  I was all-out sprinting—Christina Aguilera’s “Keeps Getting Better” pounding through my pulse—when he entered my line of vision, standing just in
front of me and mouthing something, shaking his head sternly. I shook my head and looked down. He wanted to talk now? Hell no. He could wait. Just like I’d waited up on the top deck while he’d checked in on work.

  He didn’t move when I refused to stop running or look at him. Then he reached out and turned off the treadmill. The safety mechanism kicked in and the slow was gradual. If I turned it on again, I’d only fall, because it would start with a much slower speed than the one at which I was running.

  When it came to a stop I yanked out my earbuds. “What the hell was that?”

  He scowled at me. “You’re going too fast. You didn’t even warm up. ”

  “I’ll thank you to keep your fucking nose out of my exercise routine. ”

  “I’m not going to sit back and watch you hurt yourself. You can really fuck yourself up that way. ”

  “Well, maybe I’m pissed off and I need a good run. ”

  “Then at least do it properly. ”

  Heath had told me that Adam was once a runner—probably still was—but that didn’t give him the right to butt in.

  I got off the treadmill and was about to walk off—wishing I had my computer and an Internet connection so I could log on to the game and go hack a few hundred orcs. “Emilia. ”

  I spun on him, face burning. “What?”

  “You aren’t ready. ”

  I knew he wasn’t talking about running now. I stiffened. “And who are you to determine that? It’s my decision. My body. I’m twenty-two years old, for chrissakes. I could go out tomorrow with anyone and—”

  “No, you can’t,” he said flatly, hands curling at his sides.

  I shook my head. “There’s no agreement if you refuse to go through with it. ”

  “Oh? So you’ve just decided to do away with our impending bank transfer?”

  I swallowed in a tight throat. I needed that money, goddamn it. I shrugged. “Who says you were ever planning to pay me, anyway?”

  His jaw bulged. “I never back out of my agreements. ”

  I shook my head. “I can’t take this. I opened up to you. You asked me to be honest and I was and now…” I gestured wildly. “It’s like you’re punishing me because I told you about my past. ”