Give Me Strength

  Travis tossed his towel haphazardly in the sand and looked out towards the waves. Trying to stave off my impending doom, I pulled my neatly folded towel from the bag Travis dropped in the sand and proceeded to lay it out carefully, ensuring the edges were neat and sand free.

  Removing a book and a bottle of water, I went to sit down.

  Travis shook his head. “Uh uh.”

  “Are you serious?” I pressed my lips together.

  “As a heart attack,” he said solemnly.

  Peeled down to my bikini, I hugged my body, rubbing my arms to keep warm, I muttered, “Well come on then. Let’s get this over with.”

  Reaching the water’s edge, icy water rushed and bubbled over my toes and my lungs closed up. I stepped back and turned around, but before managing my escape, Travis took hold of my bicep and grinned at me.

  “Leaving so soon?”

  “Hell yes,” I replied emphatically.

  “You’ll get used to it in a moment,” the big bully told me, dragging me forward until alarmingly cold water splashed around my knees.

  “Why are we doing this again?”

  “Because it’s fun.”

  I arched a brow of disbelief at him, but a wave rocked me, and my efforts were turned to bracing against the onslaught. “Ice torture is your definition of fun?”

  Those monster waves were starting to roll in, and as water swirled around my waist, he said, “Nothing makes you feel more alive than swimming in a cold ocean.”

  I beg to differ, I thought wistfully, watching as he let go of my arm and dived into the waves. Nothing makes me feel more alive than when you touch me, Travis.

  Eventually he surfaced a few metres ahead, turning to check on me as he pushed hair from his face. Seeing my chance, I hollered to him that I was hopping out.

  “You haven’t even got your hair wet, Quinn.”

  “I’m cold.”

  His eyes lowered to my chest and running a tongue along his bottom lip, they returned to mine with a cheeky glint. “I can tell.”

  I laughed. “Would you stop?”

  Travis grinned and started for me. I began backing away, poking out my tongue as he effortlessly jumped in the face of a big wave. It crashed into me and I was pitched beneath the surface with embarrassing fanfare.

  He was laughing when I sputtered to the surface, wrestling wet hair out of my face as my teeth chattered. “This is crazy. We’re officially crazy people.” My eyes fell on a wave of tsunami like proportions rolling in behind him.

  Seeing my panic, Travis glanced behind him. Turning back, he held out his arms. “Come here.”

  I didn’t hesitate. I climbed the length of him and wrapped myself around his front like a barnacle. I burrowed my head in his neck, Travis clutching me tight to him as he turned his back to the wave. As it crashed wildly around us, the sweet bloom of something beautiful began unfurling in my chest and rocked me hard. My throat worked at swallowing it down, but right then I wanted nothing more than to claw my way inside his skin and never leave.

  “Oh God,” I muttered.

  He pressed a soft kiss against my ear as the water rushed around us and the sweet warmth of his breath made me burrow in a little tighter. “You okay?”

  Not trusting my voice, I nodded into his neck as he waded through to the shallows and set me on my feet. The sun was high in the sky when we reached our towels. I spread out on my carefully placed towel while Travis picked his up, flicking it around carelessly in the breeze.

  “Travis!”

  He chuckled as he spread his towel out, lying down with a thud while I brushed at the fine layer of sand now covering my body.

  I rolled on my stomach and faced him. He was on his back, his eyes closed as the sun beat down on his chest. Water glinted over his tanned skin, making me want to lean over and lick the salty drops away.

  He squinted his eyes open and peeked at me. “What?”

  Flustered, I shrugged. “Nothing. I was just uh, wondering where you went to uni.”

  Sighing, he closed his eyes again. “Charles Sturt. You?”

  “That’s in Wagga, isn’t it? Mine was correspondence because I was already working full time.”

  “It is. My dad went there and so did Mitch and Jared.”

  “But not Mac. She went to Melbourne, right?”

  “She was going to but I think with Jared and me still there, she didn’t want the quote-unquote ‘Valentine testosterone’ cramping her style.”

  “You all must be close though.”

  “Mac and Jared were always close.”

  “You were closer to Mitch?”

  “Well, no, not really. Mitch was close to Dad. He was the one that followed in his footsteps the most. Jared and I kinda peeled off to do our own thing.”

  “So who were you close to?”

  Even with his eyes closed he frowned. “No one I guess, though I met Casey at uni. After the first year, we shared an apartment together.”

  “And after that you started doing…what you do.”

  “Mm hmm.”

  “So why didn’t you and Jared follow in your dad’s footsteps like Mitch did?”

  Opening his eyes, he rolled on his side and propped his head in his hand. “Wanted something a little less rigid I guess—something that felt like we were making more of difference.”

  “Are you?”

  “I like to think so. Otherwise, what’s the point?” he said, rummaging in my bag and coming out with a bag of chips. Opening the packet, he offered me one.

  I shook my head.

  “What about you? Who were you close to—apart from Lucy?”

  “No one that mattered, except for…”

  Travis stopped chewing and swallowed. “Except for who?”

  “Ethan.” I paused. “He…” was the one who showed me how good life could be. The one who, by leaving, reminded me that that good life, and people like Travis, weren’t for people like me. “…mattered.”

  A beat of silence passed between us where I thought Travis would push for information I wasn’t sure I could share. I sat up. “We should probably get back.”

  “Soon,” he murmured and finished his chips. Travis rolled onto his back again and closed his eyes. A moment later I followed suit, and we lay there together in the quiet, listening to the waves crash on the shore as the mild sun warmed our skin.

  My phone ringing brought me out of what could possibly have been a nap. Travis stirred as I reached into my bag and pulled it out.

  “Mac?”

  “Where are you, asshead?”

  My eyebrows flew up and I whispered to Travis, “She called me ‘asshead!’”

  He nodded, his lips tipping up lazily. “That’s a sign of love, Quinn. Embrace it.”

  “What’s the time?” Mac and I had to be at the White Demon at four.

  “Three.”

  “Shit.” I sat up and grabbed for my shorts. “Already on our way, Mac.”

  “Sure you are.” She hung up.

  Sandy and rushed, we reached the car and I brushed haphazardly at the sand on my feet.

  Travis opened the passenger door, and scanning the carpark, thrust his towel at me. “Here.” I grabbed the towel before it could drop to the ground. “Cover me.”

  “What?”

  He hooked his fingers in the waistband of his boardshorts and underwear and yanked them off.

  My eyes widened and a bubble of breathless laughter escaped me as I scrambled to hold up the towel. I scanned the carpark and turning back, caught a good glimpse of his firm backside when he twisted to flick his wet clothes inside the car.

  “You can wrap the towel around me now.”

  “What?”

  “Come on, Quinn. It’s cold and that’s not a good look for a guy.” He winked at me.

  With another breathless laugh, I took a step forward and wrapped the towel around his hips, biting down on my lip as I gently tucked it in at the front. I repressed a shiver of longing as my fingers brushed his damp,
warm skin. He cupped my cheek in his hand before I could pull away, and the heat of it warmed me.

  “Thanks, Quinn.”

  “What for?”

  “For today. Thanks for giving me today.”

  ***

  “Woohooo Sydney!” Evie raised her arm up high as she yelled into the crowd at the White Demon Warehouse.

  They yelled back, the sound reverberating around the huge ceilings of the inner city venue as once again, Evie held the crowd in the palm of her hand.

  Jamieson was a regular here and the place was heaving with people, the bartenders frenzied as they hopped between one another to fill orders.

  On the opposite side of the stage, Jared let out a piercing whistle. To my left Mac was clapping, and to my right Travis stood silently, his arms folded as his eyes skimmed the crowd with measured calculation. He paused for a moment to smile down at me, and my heart pounded.

  Our day together at the beach had been weeks ago now, and we were well into the middle of winter, but a day like that, and a man like Travis, wasn’t easily forgotten. Quite frankly, he didn’t make it easy on me. When he was at the duplex, or working security, he was pretty much all I could see. When he wasn’t, I would get random emails and find myself smiling whenever I saw his name in my inbox. My heart would flutter over the simplest things, like…

  The list for security is attached.

  or

  Did you get our latest invoice?

  “We’ve got a member to the Jamieson team we haven’t introduced you to yet,” Evie shouted into the microphone after finishing their first song of the night. “Wanna meet her?”

  My eyes widened and I started backing away slowly.

  Evie glanced over at me and grinned. “Uh oh. Looks like she’s trying to do a runner.”

  I spun around, already running, when I heard, “Go get her, Henry,” and the crowd started chanting Henry’s name.

  Arms wound around me and in my ear Travis said, “Uh uh. You may as well just get it over with.”

  When I turned in his arms, he was grinning at me. I shoved at his chest but he didn’t budge. “I’m not going out there,” I hissed. “Are you mad?”

  He picked me up and walked me back like a rag doll, offering me up towards where Henry stood waiting. Suddenly I knew how Ann Darrow felt when she was offered up as a sacrifice to King Kong.

  Henry offered me his back. “Get on.”

  I shook my head. “No. I’m good right here.” And I was actually. All tucked in the arms of Travis.

  “She’s being difficult, guys,” Evie said into the microphone. “Why don’t we offer her some encouragement? Who wants to meet Quinn?”

  My stomach churned as thousands of people began chanting my name. Travis hoisted me onto Henry’s back, and I clung on, turning to glare at him as I was piggybacked into the blindingly bright lights.

  “Here she is. Isn’t she cute?”

  “I shall kill all of you,” I hissed in Henry’s ear. “Sleep with one eye open, Henry.”

  He threw his head back in a laugh, and I almost fell off his back. “Smile and say hello into the microphone and we’ll let you go.”

  Trying to smile, I bared my teeth in what was probably a grimace and said hi quickly into the microphone Evie shoved in my face. Then Henry spun me around in circles like I was about to pin the tail on the donkey.

  “Get me the hell off this stage, Henry,” I whispered furiously.

  Set back on my feet, I muttered something about some of us having real work to do and fled for the dressing room.

  My phone rang and tugging it from my pocket, I answered it as I shut the door behind me.

  “Quinn, it’s John about the Melbourne festival appearance. Sorry about the late call, but I didn’t figure I’d catch you and was just going to leave a message.”

  I rummaged through my bag and pulled out my iPad as he spoke. “That’s fine, John. Are you telling me you slotted us in?”

  “Thankfully we did,” he returned, and I could hear the grin in his voice.

  “Yes!” I mouthed silently, jumping up and fist pumping the air with enthusiasm. “Great news,” I said calmly. “Can’t wait to tell the Jamieson crew.” Then I boogied my hips from side to side to the muffled thump of the beat coming from the stage.

  A deep chuckle from behind sent a hot flush running from my toes to the very tips of my hair. Whirling around, Travis lazily trekked his eyes upwards, locking on mine.

  I cleared my throat and replied casually, “Okay then. If you can email the details through, I’ll get the paperwork signed and sent back first thing tomorrow.”

  Tomorrow was Sunday but this was already short notice. In two weeks Jamieson would be featuring at the biggest music festival Melbourne hosted. Organising the details couldn’t wait.

  John assured me he was emailing the information through at that very moment, and after promising to talk to him tomorrow, I hung up.

  “Good news?”

  I grinned ruefully. “You had to ask that?”

  Hands in his pockets, he shrugged and walked towards me. “Have I given you enough space yet?”

  “Space?”

  “Yeah.” Leaning his hip casually against the table, he reached out and brushed a lock of hair from my face.

  “Space for uh, what?”

  “Us. I don’t know if you’re ready for what this is between us, but I can’t seem to make myself leave you alone.”

  I shook my head slightly. “I don’t…”

  Travis cupped my cheeks in his hands and leaned in. “You’re so guarded and wary, Quinn. I can understand why, but maybe space is not what you need.”

  “What do I need?” I breathed, my heart thundering in my chest.

  He pressed a sweet kiss on my mouth and against my lips whispered, “Me.”

  Pulling back, his hands remained, his eyes taking in every inch of my face as though committing it to memory.

  I ducked my head from his gaze.

  “Don’t,” he said gruffly. “You’re so beautiful.”

  “Travis,” I whispered, both warmth and confusion warring within me. Confusion won. Why did he think I was so special? I had nothing to offer except a sordid, violent past and a broken future. I was timid, unsure of myself, and emotionally unstable. The sleek, flashy women I’d seen at the Florence Bar were a much better fit for him than I was.

  I took a step back and his hands fell away.

  “I wish I could see what you seem to because I’m nothing like those beautiful girls you were with at that bar. What’s here,” I waved a hand at my face, “doesn’t matter because that’s not what I see. I see what’s in here...” I thumped a hand against my chest “...and what’s in here is ugly, and I live with it every day.”

  “Is that what you think?” He shook his head at me, swallowing hard. “Quinn,” he said hoarsely. “I watched you. From the moment you walked in that bar, I saw you. Amongst all the shallow and the fake, you looked like spring, and then you got close and I was right because you smelled like jasmine. When you turned around to leave I thought I was wrong because why did someone as sweet as spring think that life wasn’t meant for her? There was no light in your eyes, and somehow, even though I barely knew you, it left an ache in my chest. How could I let you walk away?”

  “You heard me say that?”

  “That life wasn’t meant for you?”

  I nodded and closed my eyes.

  He sighed heavily and reaching out, trailed his fingers through the wild curls of my hair. “Life is hard, Quinn, and the hardest part is being yourself in a world of people trying to make you someone you’re not. I saw you standing apart from everything that was the same, and that was beautiful, not sad. When I was holding you and inside of you, I watched your eyes come alive, and fuck spring because you were hotter than summer, and I want to see that again.” His voice was low and as I opened my eyes and met his, he brushed his thumb across my lips. “I want to see you smile, and I want to touch you again and feel you burn
brighter than the sun while I’m doing it.”

  My heart swelled until I thought it would beat its way out of my chest. I reached up and covered his hand with my own.

  “Travis…”

  I stood there, maybe breathing—I couldn’t be sure—but wanting to tell him that no one had ever said anything so beautiful to me in all my life. That no one had ever looked at me the way he was doing right now—as though nothing else existed but me.

  My lips parted as I tried to find the words, and at the invitation, his mouth slammed down on mine. I moaned at the wild force as he thrust his tongue in my mouth, arms winding tightly around me until I was sure I’d never breathe again and didn’t care to. Travis lifted me and turned, backing towards the couch until he was sitting down, my legs straddling him. He groaned as my tongue rubbed against his, greedily wanting more and fearing it would never be enough. My hands slid up the hard ridges of his chest, reaching his neck and twining through his hair until he broke the kiss, breathing heavy as he shifted his lips to my neck, his tongue licking a path downwards as my body burned.

  “Oh God,” I moaned breathlessly, my back arching.

  “Want you so much,” he muttered, slipping his hands beneath my tight shirt, frantically pushing my bra out of the way until warm naked skin filled his palms.

  Someone’s phone rang. We both ignored it. Instead, Travis returned his lips to mine, his hips grinding into me along with his tongue.

  The phone kept ringing.

  “Shit,” he muttered, and it stopped as he pulled away.

  It was good that he did because there was no way I could. He could have ripped off my pants and filled me right then and there, and I would have been his. That was not good. Anyone could have walked in. In fact, we were both supposed to be working.

  I informed him of that very fact and he chuckled. “Maybe you are, but we have enough security out there that I’m not really needed. I’m just here for you.”

  “Me?”

  Travis cocked a brow. “You’re a full time security job yourself.”

  My mouth fell open. “I am not.”

  His eyes dropped to my lips. “Careful doing that. It seems to get you in trouble.”

  I scrambled off his lap, brushing at my hair and tugging my bra back into place. Nodding at the table where my iPad and pen sat, I said, “I need to do…some stuff.”