Give Me Strength

  I frowned at Casey. “How do you know how many times he rang me?” I faced Travis. “It’s a surprise.”

  “What’s a surprise?”

  “Ouch.” I winced when my earring backing jammed in with force.

  “Here.” Travis handed his drink to Casey and swatted my hand from my ear. “I’ll fix it.” He turned me so he had my back, and he started fiddling with the clasp of my earring. “What did you do to it?”

  “If I knew, I could fix it, couldn’t I? I can’t tell you.”

  “Tell me what?”

  “About the surprise. Then it’s not a surprise anymore.”

  I felt the backing of my earring loosen and I sighed. “Thanks.”

  Casey handed Travis back his drink and left us alone to go and chat with Mitch and Coby.

  “You mean about Jared proposing to Evie?” said Travis.

  My eyes widened. “You know?”

  He ignored my question and ran his eyes over me, making sure to take his time. “I need an excuse to drag you from this party, take you home, and fuck you until neither of us can move for a week. You sure about not tossing that drink at me?”

  “I…” That sounded like a really good plan. I actually found myself eyeing my glass with consideration. “Your brother would kill me if I ditched this party and left it all in his hands.”

  Travis ducked his head and nibbled lightly on my bottom lip. “Let him try,” he said against my lips before pulling away. “I can take him.”

  Carol approached me from the right. “Caterer crisis,” she advised. I made a grab for my colour-coded folder and clutched it to my chest. “Excuse us,” she said to Travis.

  Travis slipped his hand in mine and laced our fingers together, not letting me budge.

  “He knows,” I told Carol.

  She eyed me cautiously. “Knows… what?”

  “About the proposal.”

  “Oh. Well, no caterer crisis then. It’s a Jared crisis.”

  Following Carol, we detoured the kitchens until we reached the back room and a pacing Jared. He looked similar to Travis in a dark suit, but whereas Travis was relaxed and smiling, Jared’s face was pinched in fear. Travis leaned up against the doorjamb and folded his arms while Jared ceased his pacing at our arrival.

  He ignored Travis. “Thank God you’re here. I need to get this over with. Right now.”

  My eyes widened as he resumed his back and forth motion. “You can’t!”

  He stopped his pacing again and looked at me, eyes rounded with panic. “I can’t? Why not?”

  I bit down on my cheeks to hold back the laughter. “Well, because Evie isn’t here yet.”

  “Right. I knew that.” Jared cleared his throat and resumed pacing. “That’s good. I need a few minutes to-to…” He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “God. I thought I’d be so much cooler than this.”

  Jared’s shoulders were broad, his biceps flexed under his jacket as he clenched his hands together in a fist, yet the vulnerability rolled off him in waves.

  Not sure what else to do, I grabbed at his arm to stop his pacing. I wasn’t really the mother hen type and found myself suddenly floundering in the new found role. “Well…” I licked my lips. “I guess you don’t need to be cool, just…be yourself.” I eyed Travis warningly. “Right, Travis?”

  Travis nodded. “Absolutely.” The firm assurance warred with the smile he was visibly fighting.

  “You’re not Superman after all,” I added.

  “I am.” Jared pointed at me. “My nerves are hardcore fucking steel.” He resumed his pacing. “Except when it comes to Evie,” he muttered. “Then I turn into a giant douchebag. I can’t help it. Being with Evie is like being on a roller coaster ride that I don’t want to ever get off.” He stopped and looked at me. I stared back, thinking that maybe he’d gone a little around the bend. “What the fuck am I talking about?”

  “That’s a good question. Maybe I should go get you a drink.”

  I made to leave when once again my arm was grabbed, and I was hauled to Travis’s side.

  “I don’t want a drink. I don’t want her thinking I needed it to get through asking her to marry me.”

  “Okay,” I agreed.

  Jared stared at me a moment. “Maybe just a beer. That won’t hurt. Right?”

  Travis slid his arm from around me. “I’ll go get you a beer,” he offered and with a soft kiss at my temple, he was gone.

  “So you and Travis, huh?” Jared watched him go then turned back to me. “I know we haven’t really had a chance to talk—”

  “We had our chat the other week,” I told him. “I’m all out of chats right now. If I had a dollar for all the chats I’ve had these past three weeks, I could retire. I could buy a boat and spend my days drinking champagne and cruising the harbour.”

  “Quinn, stop.” My breath caught at the anger in his tone, and he grabbed both of my hands in his. Then he paused. “Wait. You wanna buy a boat?”

  “Well, not really. I’ve never thought about it. Doesn’t everyone buy a boat when they’re rich?”

  “Who’s everyone? Jesus. Just…never mind.” Jared frowned at me. “You think about running again, don’t.”

  “I got your sister involved. She could’ve been hurt. You should be mad at me. All of you should be pissed as hell.”

  “She handled herself pretty well, and so did you.”

  Jared looked over my shoulder and saw Travis returning with his drink. He let go of my hand and took a step back, his green eyes changing instantly from fierce to teasing. “Anyway, welcome to the family, Quinn. Mac’s always been the runt of the litter, but that crown passes to you now.”

  “Thanks for the talk.” I folded my arms, a little irritated at having to listen to another lecture and then getting called a runt on top of all that. “Just remember, I did all this for you.” I waved my hand around, my attempt at encompassing the whole venue. My eyes narrowed. “You owe me.”

  “Interesting,” he murmured.

  “What is?”

  “Well when the crown passes, apparently so does the attitude.”

  I gasped. “You…”

  He cocked a brow. “I...”

  I let out a weak laugh. “Oh my God, you’re right.”

  “Shut your mouth, Quinn. Rule number one of surviving the Valentine family, and you can consider this little piece of advice payback for the party, never and when I say never, I mean never, concede defeat. You do that, you’ll get walked on. And no Valentine gets walked on. Ever.”

  “But…I’m not a Valentine.”

  Travis reached my side and handed the beer to Jared.

  Jared looked at Travis and then at me. “Yes you are.” I watched in amazement as he gulped down half the glass in one go. Then the hand holding his glass pointed at me. “There’s no escape for you now.”

  “No escape from what?” Travis asked, taking my now empty wine glass and replacing it with a full one.

  Jared winked at me. “From planning all the Valentine birthday parties in the future of course, seeing how she’s done such an amazing job tonight.”

  Rumour on the street according to Evie when she took me aside later that night was that Jenna had a dream. As the sharp and all-knowing mother of the Valentine clan, I really liked her, but her dreams didn’t bode well for me. They included healthy, bouncing grandbabies and lots of them. That was off the table for me. If Travis and I remained together, it was off the table for the both of us.

  I rubbed at my chest.

  The thought of Travis never having his own babies gave me indigestion.

  Travis looked down at my wince. “Okay?”

  “Indigestion,” I replied, moving my glance from Jared climbing the stage to look up at him.

  “Can I get you something?” His gaze softened as he smiled down at me. He’d make a great dad. Of that I was sure.

  Crap, were those tears lurking in the back of my eyes?

  I blinked them away, hearing everyone clap after Ja
red said something. My hands clapped numbly.

  Standing on the other side of Travis and Jenna was his dad, Steve. Steve had his arm around Jenna, forming a strong family unit.

  “Thanks everyone for coming tonight and sharing Evie’s birthday with us.”

  I blinked again and focused on Jared as the crowd around us clapped wildly, all eyes turning to Evie when the spotlight hit where she was standing. She gave a bright smile and waved her glass in a jaunty salute.

  I looked around the entire room, suddenly breathless.

  “No Valentine gets walked on. Ever.”

  “But I’m not a Valentine.”

  “Yes you are.”

  “Travis?”

  He looked down at me, concern in his eyes. “Sweetheart?”

  “I think I need some fresh air.”

  In a matter of moments I was out the back of the bar and sucking in lungfuls of it. I wish I could say it was fresh, but it was the back of the bar. The air was cool at least, soothing the embarrassment burning my cheeks from freaking out.

  Travis looked down into my gasping face. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing,” I puffed and waved airily, certain I was about to vomit. “I’m just…having a moment.”

  “Talk to me, Quinn.”

  “Family,” I blurted out under the pressure of his burning eyes. “I’ve never had one. Not really. It’s a bit overwhelming.”

  “Sweetheart, our family is a bit much for anyone. It’s not just you.”

  Travis reached out and tucked my hand in his, and the nausea took a back seat to his touch.

  I cleared my throat. “I need to ask you something, and I need you to be honest with me. A hundred, no...two hundred percent honest with me.”

  His eyes searched my face. I had no idea what he could see besides my red cheeks, the fear in my eyes maybe, because what if he wasn’t okay with what I was about to ask?

  Travis nodded, patient, a little cautious.

  “If you’re asking me to try, for us, then I figure that means you want us to have a future.” I looked down at my hands and forced the words out. “But you know I can’t give you a family. What I need to know is if you’re okay with that.”

  “Quinn—”

  “Travis,” I cut him off as I looked up, focusing somewhere over his shoulder. “Maybe you should take some time to think about it. Not just answer based on how you feel right now. What about in five years, when your brothers and Mac are all having babies. All of a sudden, it’s nappies and cute baby talk. Then all they’re talking about is how little Dean is doing with potty training, or how little Juliet got an A on her spelling bee. Years later, their weekends are all caught up in taking their kids to soccer or netball and dealing with kids’ parties and raging sleepovers. Then it’s teaching them how to drive, glaring down potential boyfriends for your daughter, or seeing them graduate from university. You would be watching all of that happen to everyone close to you. What if one day you resent me for not giving that to you. For having to stand on the sidelines and watch it happen to everyone else…but you.”

  Saying that out loud sounded so much worse than how it sounded it my head. It wasn’t indigestion. It was goddamn agony.

  “How can I deal with being the one that couldn’t give that to you?”

  My chest burned as I tried not to look at Travis. Maybe I was having a heart attack.

  He stepped forward, right in my space, until his face was all I could see. “Lucky for you I’m going to ignore the fact you think I’d only be with you for what I could get from you. Why does this have to be so hard?”

  “I…what?”

  “If one day we wanted kids together, why can’t we just adopt? Or be foster parents? There are so many beautiful children out there just thrown away. Why can’t we be the ones to love them? Give them parents, grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles, friends.”

  Foster kids? The very thought had the next breath I sucked in lodge tight in my lungs until I thought I’d pass out.

  “Quinn?”

  “Huh?” His voice sounded far away because suddenly I’d been shown a way to give to someone else what had been taken from me, and that was huge. Huge.

  Travis said something else but I didn’t catch it. Instead I said, “You…you want that?”

  Even I could hear the wonder in my voice.

  Travis tilted my chin until his eyes held mine.

  “I would love that. There’s only one thing I love more than the idea of doing that with you.”

  Silence fell as a cool wind gusted through, ruffling my hair around my face. I could hear the tinny noise of music coming from inside and the tinkle of glassware and laughter going on around us.

  “You,” he said.

  “Me?” I tried to say. I felt my mouth move, but I didn’t hear anything come out.

  “I love you.”

  Travis reached out and squeezed my hand, and for some reason he may well have just moved heaven and earth. I wasn’t whole, I wasn’t sure I ever would be, but Travis loving me made me realise that no one ever really was. If we were, how did it explain the need for someone to fill us with their love?

  “Perfect is for people who don’t know how to be real, and I don’t want any of that. I want you.”

  I swallowed, feeling tears spill over. Travis was the peace I’d been struggling to find since as long as I could remember.

  “Travis.”

  He slid his hand around my neck and pulled me in. His lips touched my forehead for a brief moment before he pulled back. “Sweetheart, I promise, soon David will be a memory and then we’ll have time for us.”

  I wiped at the tears on my face. Travis swatted my hands away and tilted my head as he took over. “It’s not a party without a few tears,” he offered.

  “Well.” I chuckled. “Glad I could help out.”

  “Just don’t start throwing chairs,” he joked.

  I straightened my shoulders because finally I was finding my place. Quinn. The survivor. Jesus. I sounded like a television show.

  “I could totally Jackie Chan your ass.”

  His eyes crinkled. “Oh you could, could you?”

  My eyes narrowed at his patronising tone. I bit down on my lip enticingly and lowered my lids. “Uh huh. When you least suspect it, I’ll have you laid out flat and begging for mercy.”

  ***

  The next morning I was in the kitchen making a cooked breakfast when the knock at the door of the duplex came. It was Sunday and even with the sun already high in the sky, everyone was still bunkered down in bed.

  Not for much longer, I thought as I filled the frypan with bacon and the scent overtook the kitchen. All I’d done was remove the packet from the fridge, and already Peter and Rufus were banging at the back door, frantic to get inside. Rufus was letting out intermittent powerful barks amidst Peter’s desperate yips, both of them busy informing me they were famished from the morning walk Travis and I took them on.

  I peered out the blinds. Seeing Casey standing there, I swung the door wide. “Casey! How did you know I’d just put breakfast on?”

  He shrugged. “I know everything.”

  I rolled my eyes and he grinned, stepping inside and following me back into the kitchen.

  Travis came down the stairs dressed in a T-shirt and jeans, tying his wet hair back after his shower. My heart swelled as I turned back to the kitchen counter and started removing eggs from the carton.

  “Did you get my message?” I heard Casey ask Travis.

  “Yeah,” he replied unhappily.

  I tuned out as they spoke, busying myself with putting bread in the toaster and getting mugs down from the top cupboard.

  “Oh, Quinn? Did you know your car’s leaking oil on the drive?”

  I spun around. “What?”

  “Your car. Leaking oil,” Casey told me.

  My eyes narrowed and I balled up the tea towel and tossed it on the counter. “That horrible mean bitch,” I muttered angrily and started for the front
door.

  Travis snatched my wrist.

  I gave him a look. “Travis. I won’t go further than the driveway.”

  “Don’t care if it’s the front door or the goddamn moon. I’ll go move your car onto the street and then I’ll have a look at it. Probably just needs a new oil filter or something.”

  He snagged the keys off the hook by the front door.

  “Thanks, Travis!” I called out.

  Travis rolled his eyes. “I’m buying you a new car.”

  “What?”

  “You heard me.”

  “I know, but I was giving you a chance to take your words back. You can’t buy me a car.”

  He waved his hand in an “I can’t hear you” gesture and pulled the door shut behind him as the toast popped.

  I looked at Casey. “He wouldn’t really, would he? Buy me a new car?”

  “We are talking about that piece of yellow scrap metal out there currently falling to pieces on the front drive?”

  I sighed. “Yes.”

  He shrugged and then grinned. “If someone said they were buying me a new car when I owned that, I wouldn’t complain. You know he lo—” He halted his words.

  “Loves me?” I put down the butter knife and leaned up against the kitchen bench. “I know,” I said softly, feeling an idiotic smile creep over my face.

  “Well that’s what you do for the people you love. You look out for them. Anyway, I’m glad he told you. I know he was worried about the whole assignment thing but I told him once he explained—”

  “Wait…what? What assignment thing?”

  Travis walked in the door and hung up the keys. He smiled at me. “You’re right, Quinn. Your car does hate you. Looks like it’s the rear seal. That’s gonna cost a stupid amount of money to fix because the engine will have to be removed to be able to replace it.”

  That sounded bad. Really bad. He was smiling because it was just another reason for me to get rid of her and get something new and safe, but all that was beside the point.

  “What assignment is Casey talking about, Travis?”

  Travis froze, his eyes steady, the green in them dark as he stared at me. Something didn’t feel right, and I opened my mouth but nothing seemed willing to come out. My chest was starting to rise and fall a little faster in the silence. The fact that Travis remained motionless only escalated the feeling of unease.