Leo's Chance

  No sign of recognition appears on her face. "Well, Jake Madsen, a.k.a. creepy stalker, obviously you already know that I'm Evelyn Cruise. And you already know to call me Evie." She reaches her hand out to shake mine and when we touch, I feel the electricity jump to life against our touching skin. That same chemistry that we had when we were teenagers is still there. I want to grin with happiness at this undeniable proof of the connection between us, but I contain myself, simply staring at our clasped hands until she pulls away.

  "Bye, Jake," she says, turning away.

  "Evie!" I call, and she turns around. "You're gonna miss me, aren't you?" I’m smiling because there’s no way she’s going to miss me – I’m not going away. Annnnd… cue creepy stalker music. Fuck it. I don’t care.

  "You know, Jake, I think I will." She smiles a small smile and turns around and walks away.

  CHAPTER 6

  I head back to my office and when I pull into my assigned parking spot in the underground garage, I realize that I don’t even recall any portion of the drive. My brain is going over every second of my run-in with Evie. So much of me feels intense guilt for lying, but part of me is on a high for the time I spent close to her, brief though it was. I’ve waited what feels like a lifetime for the moment when I could feel her and know her presence in my life again. I’ll have to tell her the truth, obviously, and, God I dread that. Just the thought of it chills my blood instantly. But if I’m going to explain why I never contacted her, I need to make sure that she cares enough to stay while I spew out my fucked up story. And then I’ll just have to pray to God that she can find it in herself to forgive me. I bang my head against the seat back. After a few minutes, I sit up and get out of my car.

  I pull my suit coat back on and head into the glass elevator that takes me to my office. I stop at the reception desk in the lobby on my floor, smiling at Christine, my receptionist.

  Christine is in her forties, married with a son and a daughter in junior high school. She and I don’t know each other outside the office, but I can tell by the way she talks about her husband and her kids that they’re her world and that there’s nothing she wouldn’t do for them. She’s everything to them that I had hoped Lauren would be to me when I moved to San Diego.

  "Hey, there," she greets me, smiling back, tucking her chin length auburn hair behind her ear.

  "Hey. How are you? What’d I miss?"

  "I’m great! Nothing exciting going on around here. You gonna tell me where you’ve been disappearing to so much lately or what? You’ve had a gleam in your eye for a week now. There’s a good story there. I can feel it." She rubs her manicured hands together and grins.

  I lean forward on the counter above her and look around as if checking to make sure no one else is around. She leans in toward me, eyes wide. "Christine," I lower my voice and look around one more time for effect. "Can I have my messages?"

  She stares at me for a beat and then her eyebrows snap down and she swipes the papers in her hand toward me. I laugh, leaning back to avoid being smacked in the face.

  "Fine, have it your way. I don’t have time to listen to your boring story anyway. I need to finish up here so I can get to Michael’s game by five thirty."

  I laugh at her boring story comment. "Why don’t you leave now? You were here all Saturday morning for Preston’s meeting. We owe you a couple hours. That way you can take your time."

  She pauses. "You sure? That would actually be great because then I’d have time to stop by the house and change, too."

  "Yup. Go." I smile and head into my office.

  "Thanks! I’m just going to straighten up here and I’ll see you tomorrow."

  "Okay. Oh," I say, stopping in my office doorway and turning back toward her, "I’ll be in a little late tomorrow. I have something to take care of in the morning. More secret espionage." I wink and walk into my office, closing the door behind me. I hear her harrumph.

  I sit at my computer, going over the reports Preston sent me while I was gone. Surprisingly, I’m able to focus on them enough to make some necessary changes and send him a follow up email with my suggestions.

  In a lot of ways, the day I was adopted by Lauren and Phil was the beginning of my downfall. But at the same time, I’m constantly aware of how lucky I am to be in charge of this company. I am honestly passionate about the business and in awe of Phil’s brilliance and product design. I spend as much time as possible down in the lab, learning exactly how the technology works and what changes are being implemented to improve it. Phil handpicked all his lead engineers and so I know they’re the best of the best. It’s critical to me that I run this company well and through my success, pay homage to the man who wanted and tried his best to do right by me and whom I unfairly treated so poorly for years and years. It’s the reason I put off finding Evie immediately when I got to Cincinnati. I needed to make sure that I was as mentally present as possible as I took on my new role. I knew that once I got a glance at Evie, my mind would be at least partially elsewhere. Just thinking about her and how close she was, played havoc with my emotions.

  I was fucked up in a lot of ways over the years, but one thing I have confidence about is my work ethic. I’ve always been a hard worker. I always got good grades in school and I know I’m not a lazy person, like the good for nothing dirtbag who raised me most of my life. I take a deep breath as images of the man who called himself my father for the first eleven years of my life swirl around in my brain. It’s still so fucking hard not to get stuck in the feeling his memory evokes. It’s still so fucking hard not to let his disparaging words about me play on repeat in my brain. Dr. Fox brought me so far, but now I need to do the daily work of replacing the hateful ideas I was force fed from the time I could comprehend who I was, with something more positive. It takes daily diligence not to fall into the self-hatred trap. Disease can be deadly, and self-hatred is a disease, too. Secrets and shame can end a life just as easily as metastasizing cells and viral takeover. I know I’m not helping myself out by doing something that feels morally questionable, keeping something from Evie, but I need time. Not a lot, just a little.

  My thoughts are interrupted when I hear a light knock at my office door. "Come in," I call.

  A blond head peeks around the door, a smile on her full lips. Gwen. Shit. If Christine had still been here, she’d have known to call my phone after a few minutes with a "pressing" call. Damn it. Why’d I let her go early? Now I’m trapped, like a rat in a cage. And Gwen is the hungry cat in this scenario.

  She enters and then locks the door behind her before strutting in, her lean body encased in a skin-tight, navy blue dress. "Jake!" she croons. I stand up to greet her and she comes around my desk, holding her arms open. I lean in to kiss her on the cheek, her perfume assaulting me. It’d be a nice smell if she wasn’t bathed in it. She turns her head at the last minute so that I can’t help but to kiss her lips and she squeezes my shoulders. I lean back, smiling tightly and she takes her thumb and wipes her lipstick off my mouth, her own lips puckering up as she focuses on the task.

  Every muscle in my body is tensed to move away from her. I need to be alone with my work and my thoughts. I’m not up for playing her games right now and past experience tells me that that is exactly what I’m in for. "Hey, Gwen. How are you?"

  "Better now that I’m here with you, gorgeous." She smiles, showing me her perfect, overly white teeth as she takes a seat on the edge of my desk, her big, round breasts right at eye level. I take a deep breath and scoot my chair back slightly and look up at her. "Gwen, there are two chairs right there." I gesture my head in the direction of the chairs on the other side of my desk.

  She ignores me, grabbing my tie and pulling me toward her. "God, look at you. All corporate. It’s sexy." She slips her shoe off and puts her bare foot in my lap, wiggling her toes on my crotch.

  That’s it. I grab her foot and remove it, then scoot my chair back even further, my tie falling from her hand. Through a clenched jaw, I say, "Gwen. Enough." My bloo
d is boiling. I can’t stand forward women. It’s mostly my own personal issue for obvious reasons, but that shit enrages me. "Unless you’re here for something work related, you need to leave."

  "Grumpy," she says, standing up, slipping her shoe on and walking around my desk to one of the chairs. She sits down, crosses her legs and goes on, "We used to be friends, Jake. What happened?" She pouts, crossing her arms and sticking out her bottom lip. She literally sticks out her bottom lip like a petulant two year old. I almost laugh.

  "I’ve already told you, Gwen, we can be friends. As long as you keep your foot, and other body parts away from my crotch, we’ll get along fine."

  "You used to like it when I paid attention to your crotch," she says, raising an eyebrow. "You know I’m good at it. Why deny yourself?"

  I stare at her for several moments. I got myself into this mess by leading her on all those years. I used her to get back at Lauren and Phil. Any time there was a company sponsored trip and families went along, or her dad brought her with him for business in San Diego, I went out of my way to make sure we were "caught" together in the most compromising positions possible. She’s one of the most shallow people I’ve had the displeasure of meeting, but the fact remains that she’s a person, and deep down, maybe she has feelings. I’ve never seen them, but there’s a chance that they exist. "Listen, Gwen, anything we had has been over for a long time. A really long time, actually. I’m trying to get my life back on a better track and I need to focus on doing that, okay?"

  She narrows her eyes at me. "Fine. I’m glad to see you cleaned up, don’t get me wrong about that. Just know that I’m not giving up on us."

  I take a deep breath, conjuring patience. "This is why it’s really challenging to be your friend. Do you get that? God damn." I run my hand through my hair. How many times do you have to tell someone something?

  "Calm down, Jake. Fine. You need some space to go through your fourteen steps or whatever. I get it. I actually came here for a specific reason. I have the tickets for the autism fundraiser." She grabs an envelope out of her purse and places it on my desk. She stands up and fluffs her hair and makes a show of adjusting her dress down her hips. "Pick me up at seven thirty?"

  Fuck. I almost forgot about taking Gwen to the fundraiser. I almost tell her that something came up and I can’t go but I can’t do that. It’s a benefit for autism, for Seth, and there’s no way I’m bailing on that, even if I have to put up with Gwen for a couple hours. It will be in public, and there will be lots of other people from the company there. It should be fine. "Yeah. Seven thirty. And Gwen? It’s twelve steps."

  She squints at me, pursing her lips. "What’s twelve steps?"

  "You said fourteen steps. I’m assuming you’re talking about AA, which, incidentally, I’m not in. But it’s twelve steps."

  "Oh-kaaay. If you’re not in it, then who cares how many steps there are?"

  Uh, lots of alcoholics and their families probably do. People who grow up in homes like the one I did. "Never mind, Gwen. I’ll see you Friday. And Gwen? Friends."

  She sails out calling, "Whatever. See you then!" She turns at the door and pauses for a second. "Oh and I’m wearing red. You know, in case you want to match your tie or something."

  "I’m not taking you to the prom, Gwen."

  She smiles big and closes the door behind her. Clueless. I grit my teeth. Why do I have the feeling this is going to be painful?

  CHAPTER 7

  The next morning, I get up early and shower and pull on jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt. I’ll need to come home and change before I head to work, but after I check on Evie, I’m going to go visit Seth. I can’t go to a cemetery dressed in a suit. I take a deep breath. This is not going to be easy.

  When I was in the hospital, I had followed up with the lawyer who had located Seth for Lauren. I had held my breath when I called him, hoping against hope that she had been lying to me. I could see her doing something like that just to get back at me. But no, she had been telling the truth. When I heard the words, it felt like I lost him again. I had held it together long enough to ask him to find out where Seth is buried, and then I had hung up and let the tears for my baby brother fall once again.

  I drive over to Evie’s apartment, wondering if she’s doing okay. I thought about her late into the night last night, tossing and turning, sleep elusive. I need to see her face and make sure that she’s alright.

  I park down the street, and as I get to her building, I see her locking up her apartment through the front glass doors. Nice timing. I lean against a car right in front and wait for her to come out. I can’t help the grin that spreads across my face. I feel so fucking deliriously happy that she’s back in my life. I realize it’s on completely casual, practically non-existent terms right now, but it’s a start. The happiness in that thought is so consuming that it’s even easy to push away the fact that I’m here under false pretenses. The niggling reminder that that needs to be dealt with is there in the background, but forefront in my mind is that Evie is right in front of me. After all these years, she’s right in front of me.

  She steps out and spots me and halts in her tracks, a surprised look briefly flashing across her face. She crosses her arms and tilts her head to the side as her eyes roam my body and finally land on my face. "Need help 'finding your puppy' I suppose?"

  I laugh. "I was actually just going to offer you some candy. It's in my van over there." I grin bigger. I must look like a fucking loon.

  Her face breaks out into a beautiful grin too, and I swear I hear angels singing. Get a grip on yourself, desperado.

  She shakes her head and starts walking and I fall in step beside her. From my peripheral vision, I see her inhale through her nose and then open her mouth and subtly take in a breath of my air. Holy shit! Did she just taste my scent in her mouth? I feel my dick twitch in my pants. I go over sales reports in my head trying to distract myself. Do not tent your jeans walking down the street with her.

  For a minute I feel like I’m fourteen again, begging my body not to betray me in front of Evie who is unknowingly turning me on so much, I can hardly think straight. I want to start grinning again because for the first time in eight years, the thought of getting turned on feels clean and normal. The feeling of being turned on by her in the present conjures up the memory of being turned on by her in the past when sex wasn’t all about guilt and shame. This stuns me. I didn’t even know I could remember that feeling and Evie has brought it back for me in one day. I want to kiss her. Stop! Don’t think about kissing her! Sales reports, Excel spreadsheets, bar graphs.

  Evie breaks the momentary silence. "You know, I'm sure there are girls all over the city who would love the opportunity to be stalked by you. It really doesn't seem fair that you focus all your creepiness on me."

  I smile. "I've decided I like focusing on you, though, Evie." Is she crazy? As far as I’m concerned, there are no other girls in this city.

  She stops walking and crosses her arms. I stop, too and take a quick glance at the perfect, small breasts that she’s unknowingly plumping. Equations, PowerPoint presentations, product testing.

  "Look, Jake," she says, looking serious, "you caught me by surprise yesterday, about a person I haven't thought about in a long time, but I'm okay. You don't need to check up on me anymore. My life is fine. It's not exciting, it's not glamorous. But I have everything I need. I'm, um, happy."

  I run my hand through my hair wondering at why her statement ended up sounding like a question. I tuck away the comment about her not thinking about me in a long time. It stings.

  "I just thought maybe you looked a little upset when you left yesterday. And I did that to you. I just wanted to make sure you were okay today, not in general, but today."

  She glances over at me, pulling herself up straighter. "I was fine yesterday. I don't like to hear about anyone meeting a tragic end, even someone I don't know anymore." She frowns slightly and pauses but then goes on, "But it's nothing that a little ice cream wo
n't take care of. That's where I'm headed. Want to follow me to the grocery store? One last stalking for old time's sake?" She winks.

  Despite the fact that her words hurt and I’m becoming more and more sure that she let me go a long time ago, I rally and laugh at her joke. I’m here now. I’m here now.

  "I don't think it's stalking if I get an invitation, but yes, I'd love to accompany you to the store."

  She looks over at me and puts a hand to her chest, looking up at me through her lashes. "I don't know if I'm ready for this huge jump in status," she teases. "From stalker to chaperone in a day? You'll think I'm easy!"

  God, she’s cute. "Just lead the way, smart ass," I say. And then, before I even really think about it, I grab her hand. This whole situation is just so familiar and she’s bringing feelings up in me that I thought I remembered perfectly but that I realize now were only memories in black and white. Reality is so overwhelming that I can barely keep up with everything I’m feeling. It’s as if all my emotions for her are in living color now and coursing through my body at light speed. I’m home.

  She jolts slightly though and pulls her hand away, reaching into her purse for her sunglasses and then popping them on and putting her hands on her purse strap so that I can’t reach for her again. Damn. I spooked her. Slow down.

  "So," she says, "What does your father's company do?"

  I tell her a little bit about my company and how I started working with my father and then moved to the Ohio office when it started to suffer. And because you’re here, Evie.

  She nods as we turn the corner onto the block where the grocery store is. "Your father must trust you a lot to give you responsibility for such a big task so quickly," she says.