The Color of Her Panties

  Jenny was tired, and so fell immediately to sleep, not watching anyone else's dream. She woke refreshed, and trusted that the others were too, except for Gobble, who didn't matter.

  They trekked on until they reached the chasm. There, unfortunately, was a phalanx of callicantzari, each one looking worse than all the others, as was their nature. What were they going to do now? Gwenny's wand could move only one monster out of the way at a time. They had hoped that these denizens would have forgotten about the travelers in the course of the last two days.

  Forgotten! Obviously these creatures had better memories than bodies or natures. But that gave Jenny an idea. She drew Gwenny aside. "We can use some of the water to make them forget us," she whispered. "Then they'll go away, and we'll have no trouble."

  "I knew I saved it for something," Gwenny said, brightening.

  But how could they do this without alerting Gobble? Of course they could sprinkle him with another drop and make him forget again, but they weren't sure the Lethe water would be effective against the same memory twice. It would be better to divert or deceive him in some way, so that he just didn't learn about the Lethe again.

  "Why don't I take Gobble and look for another way around the monsters," Jenny said. "Meanwhile you two can check in the other direction. Then we can meet back here and see who has the best route."

  "That's a wonderful idea, Jenny!" Gwenny agreed.

  "So I gotta be with the four-eyed freak elf," Gobble grumbled. Then he did a double take, or at least a one-and-a-half take. "Say, point-ears, how come you can see without your specs? I remember you lost 'em, and you're bat-blind without 'em, but now you're seeing okay."

  The brat was entirely too cunning! Jenny thought fast. "Maybe I'm not as blind as you think I am, bratwurst."

  He shut up, which was his usual reaction when bested. They walked down the tunnel away from the chasm, then turned right at the first intersection. Jenny made careful note, because she knew how important it was not to get lost.

  They proceeded through assorted chambers, but none seemed to lead near the chasm, let alone across it. "There doesn't seem to be much here," Jenny remarked. Of course she wasn't looking for much; the point was to give Che and Gwenny time to cross and sprinkle the callicantzari with Lethe water.

  "Why don't you have your dumb cat look?" Gobble asked.

  "Sammy isn't dumb; he can speak if he wants to." Because dumbness had nothing to do with intelligence, and everything to do with silence.

  "Yeah? Then let's hear him say something."

  Sammy growled at him.

  "That's not talking!" the brat said.

  "That's cat-talk. But I won't repeat what he called you, junk-brain." Still, it was a notion. "Sammy, find the safest way out." She held on to the cat, just in case.

  The cat map appeared, as it had before. It led straight back the way they had come. That meant that the others had cleared the way.

  "See, he doesn't know anything," Gobble said.

  "He's looking back," Jenny said. "That means we're going the wrong way. Maybe the others have found something."

  "Yeah, sure," he said derisively. "They're probably just smooching."

  That was all he knew about what adults did. The Conspiracy was holding.

  They made their way back. Sure enough, Che was across the chasm and Gwenny was waiting for them. "The monsters went away," she called. "They must have forgotten about us."

  Just so. "How nice," Jenny said.

  "I never heard of the callicantzari forgetting about their prey," Gobble said suspiciously.

  "Why, my dear little brother," Gwenny said sweetly, "could it possibly be that there is something about yucky monsters that you don't know?"

  He shut up twice as solidly as before.

  They tossed the rope, and Gwenny used it to cross. This time Che had flicked her with his tail before he was lofted to the other side, so that she was light, and it was easy for her to hand herself along the rope. Then from the other side she lofted Gobble and Jenny across.

  They hurried on, because there could be other callicantzari who hadn't been sprinkled with Lethe water, or some who had but might hear them and come in again. But they got through without event, to Jenny's relief. It was wonderful to see the faint splotch of light at the end of the tunnel.

  "Do you know, Jordan the Barbarian explored this very passage, centuries ago," Che remarked. "But he managed to find another way out."

  "Yes, he was the one who left the boulder blocking the entrance," Gwenny said. "I mean, they rolled it to shut him in, but he did get out. But he wasn't looking for—" She stopped just in time, remembering not to speak of it.

  They walked on out of the deep cave and into the afternoon sunlight. It was a glorious feeling.

  The goblin men came out to see them. "Very well, Gobble," Gwenny said. "You may go now. Thank you for a wonderful time."

  Gobble opened his mouth. "_____!" he yelled, frustrated.

  They returned to Godiva's suite and made a full report while eating a full meal. Then they retired to Gwenny's suite for a full night's rest. This, too, was wonderful. There was much to be said for fullness.

  But there was no spare pair of spectacles in Goblin Mountain. Jenny had had a pair in reserve, but probably Gobble had sought them out and destroyed them out of sheer brattishness. So Gwenny insisted that she keep the one lens, until she could get regular spectacles. But she would have to act as if she couldn't see as well as she could, so that the goblins did not catch on that there was other magic in operation. That could make mischief for Gwenny.

  Next day they walked around the passages of Goblin Mountain, talking with goblins. That was interesting and disquieting. "How do you feel about my becoming chief?" Gwenny asked one.

  "You can be chief if you want to," the man replied. But he seemed evasive, and Jenny saw a daydream of Gobble wearing the mantle of the chief. This goblin actually supported Gobble, but didn't dare say so, in case Gobble didn't make it.

  "How do you feel about me?" Gwenny asked another male.

  "You're okay, I guess," he responded. But his mental picture showed her in a big pot of boiling water.

  Jenny realized that not only were the goblins against Gwenny, they were lying to her about it, or trying to. The night mare lenses were acting like lie detectors, because the spot daydreams showed the truth. That made them very useful indeed! Perhaps it had actually been a good break, having to fetch these special lenses instead of regular ones.

  They talked to some goblin women, too. Some said they liked Gwenny and hoped she would be chief—and their dreams showed they were telling the truth. Others said they thought a male should be chief—but their daydreams showed that it was Gwenny they really wanted. The men were pretty solidly against her, and the women similarly solidly for her, whatever either said openly.

  Then they passed a chamber where goblins normally caroused. They had never been there before, because Gwenny had normally remained confined in her chambers, so that no one would realize that she couldn't see well. She never wore her spectacles here, of course; only Jenny did that. Che had helped greatly with that, so that she had been able to go out when she'd needed to, but they had never pushed their luck. How well Jenny understood, with the way Gobble had always tormented her about her spectacles and supposed blindness. But a chief would have to go about, so now Gwenny was doing it, demonstrating her ability.

  But this chamber was a terror. They didn't even try to enter it, because they could see the daydreams floating out from it. They were of nymphlike goblin girls running around without clothing and flinging themselves on the men to perform Conspiracy acts galore. Both they and the men seemed tireless. It just went on and on, the variations parading through, but the underlying nature unchanging. It was really true: all those crude men wanted was one thing, and that thing was dreadfully dull. What was the matter with them?

  Jenny exchanged a glance with Gwenny, and because their lensed eyes were doing it, they saw each other's fanci
es too. Both their spot daydreams were of a monstrous pot of boiling water, cooking all those dreaming males into mush. Then they laughed, though somewhat hollowly. Poor Che was perplexed, because he couldn't see the daydreams.

  The following day it was time for the Challenge. This was to determine a candidate's fitness to be chief. Two challenging tasks were written out on paper and sealed into capsules. They would each draw one, and have to perform the task written. If one succeeded within the time limit, and the other did not, then the failure would be disqualified. If both succeeded, they would in due course move on to the next challenge.

  Gobble marched up to draw first, without asking. Jenny knew that Gwenny would have protested, but did not want to be impolite. Gobble felt around for what seemed like a long time, trying to pick between the two. Finally he pulled one out, opened it, and exclaimed with satisfaction. "I have to get an old wives' tail, in two days," he said. "I can do it in one." He ran off. "Come on," he called to two adult goblins. "We gotta head for the harpy forest." He was allowed to have two helpers, because Gwenny had two.

  One capsule remained. Gwenny took it and opened it. She stood there, appalled.

  Jenny came and took it from her hand. She read it. FETCH WHAT IS BETWEEN THE ROC AND THE HARD PLACE.

  "What is that?" Jenny asked.

  "The most terrible challenge of all," Gwenny said. "I don't think I can do it at all, let alone within two days."

  Che took the paper. "We must consult," he said grimly.

  They went to Gwenny's suite and consulted. Che explained the meaning of the paper to Jenny. "In the Nameless Castle there is a great stone nest, and on that nest sits a roc bird. Between the two is the roc's egg. That is what we must fetch."

  "But the egg must be huge!" Jenny said.

  "It is. But Gwenny's wand will lift it. That is not the problem."

  "The roc—it won't give up its egg without protest," Jenny said.

  "True. That is a problem. But not the problem."

  "Where is this Nameless Castle, anyway?"

  "That is the problem," Che said soberly. "No one knows where it is. In fact the only reference to it we know of is in the Good Magician's notes; it seems the demons spoke of it. Humfrey searched for it and ascertained that it was nowhere on the peninsula of Xanth, so he went on to other things."

  "Then how do you know about the roc and the hard place?"

  "The Good Magician had a footnote about that. Perhaps the great demon Professor Grossclout mentioned it. But that is all we know."

  "How could Gobble get such a simple task, while Gwenny gets an impossible one?" Jenny asked.

  "I suspect that Gobble cheated," Che said soberly. "He must have switched the real capsule with this one. Unfortunately we cannot prove that. I am afraid that we are stuck with this task."

  "But we should go to the authorities and complain!" Jenny said.

  "The authorities are male goblins."

  Jenny sighed. She had learned enough of goblin ways to know that protest was useless. "So what do we do?"

  Che made half a smile. Unfortunately, it wasn't the nice half. "We find the Nameless Castle."

  "When even the Good Magician couldn't find it?"

  "He didn't find it. That is not to say he couldn't. He probably had other things to do."

  "So how do we find it, then?"

  "We ask Sammy."

  Jenny smiled. "Maybe that will work!"

  So they replenished their packs and went out of the mountain. When they were in an open region, Jenny addressed the cat. "Sammy, find the first short stretch of the way to the Nameless Castle." For she had no notion how far the cat might run, if not limited, and she was learning how to use his ability more effectively.

  Sammy bounded to the east. That was all right, since there was a path in that direction, leading to the river. They had used it not long ago. But they had not seen any castle on or near the river—and anyway, the castle was supposed to be not on peninsular Xanth. That probably meant the sea, which was less all right.

  They followed. After a bit Sammy stopped and waited. When they caught up, Jenny had him find the next segment of the route. This was certainly a good way to use his talent.

  But what would they do when they came to the sea to the east, and had to go beyond? Build another raft? That had worked for the river, but she wasn't eager to risk it on the sea. If Fracto spied them—

  They came to the river. Sammy's mental map proceeded straight across. So they pulled out their raft and found poles and shoved across.

  But this was the haunting ground of dragons. In a moment one or more of them would sniff them. So Jenny started singing, making a dream, and any local dragons who weren't already paying attention joined the dream instead. Che, who was doing the poling, paid close attention, so that he did not get caught in the dream.

  When they were safely across and had trees to conceal them, Gwenny touched Jenny's hand. "Do you know, I could see the dream without being in it. That was fun!"

  Beyond the river the route continued. But it was too good. There was an old wide path that curved along the contour, fairly level. Sammy bounded along it so swiftly that they were soon worn out trying to keep up. But that wasn't all.

  "Nice paths too often lead to tangle trees or ogres' dens," Che said. "Now I know he's supposed to be following a safe route, but he might not realize who made the path. Maybe it is safe only so far, then it becomes unsafe, and whoever is on it is trapped."

  "Or maybe it is safe only by day, but it will take more than a day to traverse, and we won't like the night," Gwenny said.

  "Or maybe it just goes so far that we'll be hopelessly footsore by the time we get to wherever it goes," Jenny said. It was evident that none of them were eager to spend much time on this particular path. "I really don't think Sammy would lead us down an unsafe route, but we only have two days, so we need to go fast."

  Che studied the path. "I think this is a serpentine track," he said. "See, its surface is oily green and very hard. Probably a giant serpent slithered along here years ago and is long gone, leaving only its imprint in the land."

  Gwenny peered at the green. "I would hate to meet a serpent that big!"

  "But if it makes its own trail as it goes, and doesn't return to it," Jenny said, "then it's free for anyone to use. Still, if the Nameless Castle is far away—and it may be, if Gobble wants to be sure we won't be back in time—we still need something more than just to walk along it."

  "Maybe we should try a diversionary ploy," Che suggested.

  "A what?" Jenny asked.

  "Ask the feline to find us something that will in an indirect manner facilitate our journey with respect to both velocity and safety."

  "You weren't any clearer the second time," Gwenny complained. "You're getting to be too much like a centaur."

  Che was taken aback. "I didn't realize. All I meant was that maybe Sammy can find us something to help."

  "Oh. Good idea." Jenny addressed the cat. "Sammy—"

  Sammy took off into the underbrush. "Wait for me!" Jenny cried, running after him.

  "Here we go again," Gwenny said, following.

  They trailed after the cat, who bounded through thicket and field and finally came to a peasant hut. There was a boy of about eight playing among a collection of toys, blocks, and things. He had black hair, blue eyes, and looked smart for his size. Sammy came up to him and stopped.

  "Hey! A friendly wild creature!" the boy said, delighted. He reached out to pet Sammy, and Sammy did not avoid his hand.

  Jenny saw that as she ran up. That meant that not only was this boy what the cat was looking for, he was an okay person. Those were good signs.

  The boy looked up as Jenny arrived. "Look what I found!" he said, indicating Sammy.

  Ah, the naiveté of youth! Now that Jenny was in the Adult Conspiracy, she felt nostalgia for the innocence of the childish state. "Yes, that is Sammy, my cat. You didn't find him; he found you. I think you have something we want."

/>   "I do? You can have all these things. I just made them for fun."

  Jenny looked at the objects in the yard as Che and Gwenny caught up. They were of every type, but she didn't see how any of them would help them travel. "You made these?"

  "Yes. That's my talent. I make in—inan—"

  "Inanimate," Che said.

  "Whatever—things into other things," the boy finished.

  "Now that has possibilities," Che said. "Let's introduce ourselves. I am Che Centaur, and I am seven years old. These are Jenny Elf and Gwenny Goblin. They are older, but they have a right to be—they're girls."

  "Yeah," the boy said, seeing the logic of it. "I'm Darren. I'm eight. I'm older than you, Che!"

  "So you are. But I have wings."

  "Gee, I wish I had wings! But I can't change myself, just bits of wood and stone and stuff."

  Jenny and Gwenny stayed back and let Che interview the boy; he was good at it.

  "We are traveling, but we are in a hurry," Che said. "We saw a path that goes where we want to go, but we need to go along it very quickly. Can you make anything that would help us do that?"

  "Sure," Darren said. "A land sailer. You can go very fast in that."

  "A sailor on land?" Che asked, perplexed.

  "No. A sailer. Like this." The boy went to a big block of wood and touched it. Immediately the block started changing its outline, until it became a wooden boat with a thin wooden sail. At its base were several wooden wheels. "See? When you get in it, it attracts the wind, which blows it along. But Mom won't let me go very far. She says that there are dragons out there."

  "Your mom is smart. There are dragons. I think we can use this sailer. What can we trade for it?"

  Darren looked around. "How about this cat?"

  Jenny jumped, but Che took it in stride. "No, we need Sammy with us. But maybe he could find something for you. Something you want." "Oh. I guess all I want is to forget how dull it is being a child."