Broken Silence

  I grinned. “I know he is. I just don’t know if it could work. If he moved to Australia and left behind his family, friends, dream job, and now his house, he’d end up resenting me. ”

  “You’re wrong. That boy could never resent you. ”

  “He might, and I’m not willing to take that risk. ”

  Mum shook her head at me and smiled as if to say, you silly girl. I don’t think anyone truly understood my feelings for Cole though. He would always come before me.

  “Miles is one of the good ones, too. ”

  I held my breath as I waited for her to respond.

  She sighed and stroked the handle of the mug.

  “Miles and I are friends. That is all either of us want. ”

  I opened my mouth to argue her blatant lie. They were both crazy about each other.

  “Please,” she said. “Not tonight. ”

  “Okay. Another night then. ”

  “Have you spoken to Cole much about the trial?” she asked, changing the subject.

  “A little. ”

  “You never speak to me about it. ” She frowned, hurt. Why would she want me to talk about it with her? He was her husband. No one wanted to hear the man they built a life with was a monster.

  “I didn’t think you’d want to. I didn’t want you to feel guilty. ”

  Mum took my hand. “I’ll feel guilty whether you talk about it or not. You should be able to talk to me. I want you to. There is nothing we can’t discuss. ” I smiled and squeezed her hand. She looked me in the eyes.

  “Will you tell me how it started?”

  Instantly dropping my smile, I swallowed hard. She wanted to talk about that?

  “What?” I whispered.

  “If it’s too hard I’ll understand, but I think we both need to do this before the trial. ”

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  “You really want to know now? You’re sure?”

  I watched her gulp. She didn’t want to, she had to.

  “Yes. I need to know. ”

  I had managed to go four years without breaking her heart completely. Now I was going to finish the job. She was right though. She did need to know. I took a deep breath and launched into everything.

  I didn’t stop when she started crying or when it looked like she was going to be sick, although I wanted to.

  She sat silently as I told her how Dad had watched everything Frank did to me. How scared I was and how afraid I became of my own dad. I told her how I blamed myself for years; I thought it was all my fault. When I told her that I tried to tell her a week after it started, but Dad got to me first and told me not to talk again, she sobbed.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

  Mum shook her head. “No, don’t. Don’t you ever be sorry. Honey, I…” She gasped for breath and pulled me into a hug. “I– I don’t know…”

  “It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything. ” I sank into her side, trying to disappear. Finally, everything was out in the open, but I didn’t feel much relief.

  “You are so brave, my beautiful girl. ”

  I didn’t feel brave. I’d run away, half way across the world, to escape from everything. Tired and desperate were better words I would use to describe myself. I was tired of trying to move on. Tired of seeing their faces. Tired of being scared that they would somehow get to me again. Most of all I was just desperate to get my life back.

  She took a deep breath and wiped her tears. “I keep trying to think of things. Anything that I missed, but there’s nothing. ”

  “Because we didn’t let there be anything. I didn’t want you to find out as much as he didn’t. Dad told me so many different things over the years. He told me that you would hate me. You wouldn’t want me any more; that it would kill you, and that you wouldn’t believe me. I was so scared. As I got older, I realised you wouldn’t, but I knew it would break your heart, and I didn’t want that. After it stopped, I convinced myself that everything would be okay, so I forced myself to leave it in the past. ”

  “I believe you. I would always have believed you. ”

  “I know that now, and it means a lot. ”

  Mum pulled me into another hug; this one was tighter and almost squeezed the air from my lungs.

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa. What’s going on here?” Jasper asked, appearing in the doorway. “Oh, I see, having secret hot chocolate moments without me. I’m hurt. ” He pretended to stab his heart.

  Mum sighed and shook her head in discouragement.

  “Sit down, Jasper. ” She got up to make him a drink.

  Jasper sat down. “Sorry about earlier. I wasn’t thinking. We cool?”

  “Yeah, it’s fine. Let’s just forget it. ”

  “Okay. So what are you two talking about? How awesome I am?”

  Mum snorted which made me laugh.

  “See, this is why I’m unable to love,” he said, waving his hand in Mum’s direction. “Well, actually it was Abby whoring herself to my best friend, but you’re not helping. When you’re sitting in your big death chair in the retirement home, crying to yourself about never seeing your only son get married, just remember it was half your fault. ”

  ‘Cole!’

  I stared at Jasper with the same dumbfounded look as Mum. These fine words came from an adult.

  “A death chair in a retirement home,” Mum repeated. From everything in that little speech that was what stood out to her!

  “Yeah. All those old people have a chair they always sit in, ninety per cent of them’ll die there!”

  I shook my head. “Wow. ”

  I wasn’t even going to try. Mum opened her mouth but shut it quickly. Good call, Mum. It was best to not encourage him.

  “What are you two doing tomorrow?” Mum asked.

  “I’m going to buy some new games because I’m so bored I want to die. I’m guessing Oakley’s hanging out with Cole, where they’ll make eyes at each other and pretend they’re not minutes away from ripping each other’s clothes off. ”

  I gave him a tight smile. “Shut up, Jasper. ”

  “I don’t think I will. You should just get it over already. We all know you want to. ”

  “I’m tired. ”

  “Of course you are,” Jasper muttered, sheepishly.

  “Okay. Night, sweetheart. Love you. ”

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  “Love you too, Mum. ” I turned to look at them, and they were both smirking at me. “Whatever!”

  I hated when Jasper was right. It didn’t happen often but when it did we never heard the end of it. The truth was, me and Cole were getting closer, and it was only a matter of time before something happened. I didn’t even want to stop it anymore.

  I got back into my bed, and this time I was tired. It was almost three in the morning, after all. My phone was on the futon beside my pillow. Would Cole be mad if I called him now? Before I could think myself out of it, I dialled his number. The worst that could happen was for him to tell me to call again in the morning.

  “Hello,” Cole murmured on the third ring. His voice was thick with sleep and it made me smile.

  “Hi,” I said as cheerfully as I could.

  He groaned. “This better be good, Oakley. I was having a real nice dream. ”

  “Yeah, what about?”

  “Wouldn’t you like to know. ”

  I didn’t have to see him to know he was grinning.

  “Let me guess, you were naked?”

  “We both were. ”

  Whoa. That was kind of obvious, but I didn’t expect him to just come out with it like that. He’s probably joking. Say something, Oakley!

  “Wanna know what we’re doing. ” His voice was husky, and I didn’t know if it was because he was tired or turned on.

  “If you’re touching yourself right now I’m going to–”

  He laughed, cutting me off.

  “Sorry, that was f
unny. Just so I know though, what would you have done if I was? Spanked me?”

  I sighed. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

  “You have no idea. ”

  Men!

  “Fine. Okay, yeah, I would definitely spank you. Well, after I tied you to the bed and ripped your clothes off. ”

  The line was silent. Ha.

  “Promise?”

  “Oh my God, Cole!”

  He laughed again. It had turned into a competition, and I wasn’t winning!

  “You coming over? I don’t have any handcuffs, but I think there are some scarfs around here somewhere. ”

  I sighed in defeat. There was no way I was going to win.

  “What are you really doing?”

  He chuckled. “Lying in bed, talking to a beautiful girl. ”

  “Really? I should let you go then. ”

  “Yeah, you’re kinda disturbing us. ”

  “There’s not really another girl, Oakley. ”

  “I know! There’s no way anyone would put up with you. ” I joked, trying to turn the attention away from my jealousy.

  “You keep insulting yourself,” he responded.

  “Oh very funny. Oakley loves Cole. Oakley insults herself!”

  “Say that again,” he whispered.

  Oh God! I had just told him I loved him.

  “Oakley insults herself?” I repeated, knowing that wasn’t what he wanted me to say.

  “No, the other bit. ”

  “Oh very funny?”

  He chuckled. “Where are you gonna go now? There’s only one thing left you said. ”

  “I love you, Cole. ” I whispered. “You know that. ”

  “Yeah, well it wouldn’t hurt you to say it once in a while. ” I laughed, shaking my head.

  “I love you too,” he said.

  I closed my eyes, overwhelmed by emotion. Those words were worth coming back for.

  “So you’re really not coming over to spank me? You’ve got me all hot. ”

  Aaaand, moment gone!

  “Good night, Cole. ” I hung up the phone and smiled to myself.

  Chapter Ten

  Cole

  I didn’t see Oakley the day after that phone call. She spent the day shopping with her mum and then had dinner with her grandparents. We had spoken on the phone and texted, but it wasn’t the same as seeing her. I was very quickly getting used to being around her all the time.

  The following day was dragging like a bitch. Every time I looked at the clock, only a few minutes had ticked by. I used to love my job but right now it was just a pain in the arse. It wasn’t like I could just take the day off either. I now had a house to pay for!

  As soon as it turned one o’clock, I left the office and made my way to the diner, where Oakley had informed me we were meeting for lunch. Tomorrow, Max’s trial was starting. I was only working a half day so I could spend the rest of it with her, but I was running low on holiday.

  I parked outside the diner, smiling like an idiot as I saw her already sitting at a table inside. I opened the car door but instead of getting out I sat for a moment, staring at her; enjoying seeing her, completely un-self-conscious, unaware I was looking. People walking past would probably think I was a stalker. Her long blonde hair fell down her back in big loose curls. She turned to the side and started talking to the waitress.

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  When it got to the point that my obsessiveness was even worrying me, I forced my eyes off her and got out of the car.

  “You’re early,” I said and sat down.

  She jumped, and spinned around to greet me.

  “Sorry. I’ll go away for a bit shall I?”

  “So dramatic,” she grinned and threw a menu at me.

  “I already know what I’m having. ”

  “Burger and chips,” Oakley stated.

  I smirked, “No, actually. I’m having the chicken salad. ”

  Her eyebrows rose quickly, but she quickly recovered a poker face.

  “You’re going to have to go through with that now, or I’ll know you’re lying. ”

  Damn!

  “You could always admit I know you that well and have the burger,” she sang, pretending to look at the menu.

  “I’m having the salad. ” And stopping at McDonalds on the way back to work.

  “Great, I’m having the burger. ”

  “Of course you are,” I said, resigned to being tormented.

  Ten minutes later a plate of rabbit food was placed in front of me, while Oakley received a large cheeseburger and fries. Why did I always have to win? This wasn’t even winning. I should have just admitted it, and I would be munching on a juicy cow sandwich right now.

  Oakley popped a chip in her mouth and sighed, “Mmm. ”

  I glared. Why did lettuce have to taste of nothing?

  “You’re really enjoying this, aren’t you?”

  She nodded. “You have no idea how much. Don’t forget your tomato. ”

  “If you’re not careful I’m going to throw it at you. ”

  And then inevitable – she broached the event looming on the horizon.

  “So you’re coming over at one tomorrow?”

  “Yep, unless I can get off any earlier,” I reassured her.

  Then just as abruptly, she shut down the topic: we ate lunch, and chatted about everything but the start of the trial tomorrow. If she wasn’t going to talk about it, then I wouldn’t bring it up. I didn’t feel like I needed to start a conversation about it any more. If she wanted to talk, she would come to me.

  “So, you gonna call me again tonight for some more naughty time?” I asked, leaning against my car as we waited for Jasper to pick her up.

  She blushed, shaking her head and grinning.

  “Shut up, Cole. ”

  Trying not to laugh, I placed my hands on the glass, either side of her body. Oakley took in a shaky breath as I stared down at her.

  “Sure you don’t want to?”

  Whatever she came back at me with, I knew she wanted to, her eyes gave her away.

  She gripped a fistful of my shirt and pulled me closer, so our chests were touching. I reminded myself that taking her in a public place would get us arrested.

  “What if I do?” she whispered, her voice sounded even more husky than usual.

  My heart hammered in my chest. Every single part of my body was screaming out for her. I pressed my forehead to hers and tried to control my heavy breathing.

  “Then call me. I really don’t mind. ”

  Oakley grinned and ran her finger along my bottom lip. Self-control, Cole. Don’t grab her.

  “I bet you don’t mind. ”

  My eyes wandered down to her lips. There was nothing I wanted more in the world than to kiss her.

  “Thing is, I’m not that easy,” she said, pushing my chest away from her with both of her hands, making me stumble back. I’d been so focused on her I was surprised I didn’t fall over.

  “That wasn’t nice. You need to make it up to me. And not with ice cream,” I added quickly.

  “Bet I can guess what you want,” she replied sarcastically.

  I pulled her back into my arms: “Me. You. Bed. Whipped cream. ”

  “Apart from the whipped cream, that’s pretty much what I thought. ”

  She pushed her entire body against mine. Usually I would prevent certain areas from pressing against her and but this time it was her fault. Oakley ran her index finger along the collar of my shirt, and I shuddered.

  “Jasper’s here,” she said, grinning at me just as I was about to kiss her.

  “Hands,” Jasper growled at me.

  Oakley laughed. “Will I see you later?”

  “If you want to. Good. You can come over and play dress up with me and Leona. ”

  I had promised Leona that I would play the stupid game, and I
couldn’t let her down so I would just have to include Oakley.

  “Dress up?” she asked, looking up at me and failing miserably to try to keep a straight face.

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  “Not my idea. ”

  “Of course not. ”

  “And you’re done,” Jasper said. “Enough flirting, we need to go. ”

  She smiled sheepishly and stepped away from me. I hate Jasper right now.

  “See you later then. For dress up. ”

  She wouldn’t find it funny when she was covered in pink glitter make-up, wearing fairy wings and a feather boa.

  “I’ll see you later. ”

  I watched them drive off before getting into my car. Thankfully, I had a few minutes’ drive to calm myself down before I got back to work. Being around her was getting harder. She had to see we belonged together. I wasn’t going to rush her though. She already had too much to deal with.

  The rest of the working day went by smoothly and thankfully, fast. The second I stepped in the front door Leona was there, holding up the damn fairy wings. Smiling, which probably looked more like a grimace, I picked her up.

  “Shall we get your dress-up box then?”

  “Yeah!” Leona shouted and squealed in excitement. Great!

  Oakley arrived soon after Leona had forced me into some wings. As soon as she laid eyes on me she giggled, slapping her hand over her mouth to try and stop. Yeah, I looked like an idiot but dressing up like a purple fairy was what uncles were meant to do.

  “Wow, you look… pretty,” she teased.

  “Just embracing my inner child. You should lighten up and do the same!”

  Her smile grew into a full toothy grin: “Your inner child is a girl?”

  I threw Leona’s red wings at her.

  “Shut up and put those on. ”

  “No,” Leona screamed. “Oaley’s wearing the lellow ones. ”

  I held my hands up in surrender. Christ.

  “Sorry!”

  “It’s like your hair,” Leona pointed out, passing the wings to Oakley.

  “Thank you. So do you want to do my make-up?” she asked her, bending down to Leona’s level and putting the wings on.

  “Yeah,” Leona chirped, jumping up and down.

  “Great, make-up time,” I mumbled under my breath. This is the part where my balls shot back up inside me.

  “Shall we do Cole’s first?” Oakley suggested, smirking at me.

  “Yeah, untle Ole!”

  Perfect.

  I sat still, scowling as they both plastered bright pink crap all over my face. I should get an Uncle-of-the-Year award for letting them do that to me. It was worth it to see Leona giggling and having so much fun though. Oakley too, although I would be getting revenge on her.