The Iron Butterfly

  When dinner began to die down, I took a peek into the hall to see if I could spot him. I froze in shock at seeing a room full of Denai. I had never seen so many beautiful people in one place and it took Avina giving me a nudge to bring me back down from the visual high.

  I searched for Joss, and sure enough his tall frame was surrounded by a bunch of girls vying for his attention. As a new Denai, he couldn’t help but draw a crowd. His good looks drew the female Denai and among the flock of skirts, a familiar blonde held his attention the most.

  I couldn’t help but roll my eyes and duck into the kitchen before he saw me spying. What could I say? She was gorgeous, even if she was mean spirited, and it sure looked like Syrani was laying on the charm.

  After dinner, the kitchen staff again ate together, and I deftly avoided too many personal questions with quick one-word answers. After a few questions they got the hint to not pry; everyone except for Avina, who in her childish exuberance didn’t know when to stop with the chatter. Her questions followed me back to our room where I crashed in exhaustion onto my bed after I changed into my nightclothes. I didn’t even bother to make the bed with the clean linens Berry had given me earlier in the day.

  Avina changed and crawled into her bed explaining that because she was a baker’s assistant she worked really early and she would try and not disturb me. Yawning, I assured her she was fine and I rolled over and looked out the window at the moon.

  My thoughts drifted toward Cammie and how Avina reminded me so much of her. And the brooding Kael, even if he was rude, I still prayed that he was safe. Then I thought of Darren and hoped he would be home to see Melani soon and that he could forgive me for treating Joss and him cruelly. Had it only been a day since I had come here? It seemed like it had been weeks since I left Joss and Darren's care. So much had changed in a day.

  Chapter 6

  The following weeks became a routine of working in the kitchen or running errands. Even though I would have preferred to work outdoors, I didn’t dare ask because the Adepts had done so much for me. Each week they would meet with me in their office and I would hear what they had to say about their search so far.

  At the first weekly meeting I met Adept Cirrus. He was an even-tempered man with blonde hair that he wore long in a ponytail, and I would guess his age to be in his late forties. He was seriously concerned with what had happened, and wanted to hear the story again from me personally and not just repeated from the other Adepts.

  His summons came to my room in the form of a sealed note delivered by Forrest a few days after he had returned from his trip. Entering his round office I was surprised at the difference between his opulently decorated rooms and Lorna’s simple design aesthetic. Adept Cirrus’s office had heavy gold drapes hanging from the four windows overlooking the grounds. His walls were a deep green covered with paintings from every era, while a crystal chandelier hung in the center, mysteriously illuminating the room without help from candles. Tall bookshelves lined his walls, on which sat very heavy books neatly organized and manuscripts. The smell of books and rosewood assailed my nose. His desk was clean except for a journal which he had opened with a quill ready in his hand, and I felt a moment of hesitation. He gestured to a plush maroon chair that I sank in with weariness and almost disappeared deep into the cushions. I studied Adept Cirrus warily as he studied me.

  “I really don’t want dig up all of this again,” I told him. “The memories are painful.”

  “I completely understand, Thalia. And we can stop whenever you want to. But I was really hoping to record everything that happened so I can personally look into it further.”

  I raised my eyebrows in question. He recovered quickly. “So that we can catch this person and make him pay for what he did to you. This should have never happened to begin with and I want to make sure it never happens again. And to do that, I need accurate notes of everything you can remember.” His voice became slow, fatherly-like.

  The strong scent of incense perforating the room began to make my eyes water, so I made the quick decision to tell him and get it over with so I could leave. I told him everything, everything I could remember about my imprisonment and escape even Kael’s involvement. He took notes diligently and rarely interrupted me, except when it came to the actual experiments. He wanted specific details concerning the experiments and their results.

  “Well, they failed,” I stated.

  “How so?” Cirrus asked.

  “I’m not different. I can’t do anything special.”

  “Ah…,” he remarked thoughtfully, “but have you tried to summon it, since your escape?”

  “No, I wouldn’t even know how.”

  Cirrus got up from his desk and went over to a bookshelf and pulled down a palm-sized black orb. He brought it over to me and set it on the desk in front of me with a challenging look in his eye.

  “Lesson number one: there is always a cost for power. We don’t poof, wave our hands and make things appear without there being a price to pay for it. Lesson number two: the world is made up of energy and elements, the chair you’re sitting on, the stone floor itself and even the air you breathe. If I concentrate hard enough, I can see the flow and lines of the energy in the world around me.”

  I stared blankly at Adept Cirrus. Unperturbed by my reaction he went on with his lesson as if I were his student. “If I think it’s a little hot in here, I could push the wind toward the window to open it.” As he said this, the window opened up and let in a cool breeze. “If I thought it was too cold, I move the wind toward the fire to get it to blaze a little higher. Do you get it?” This time the fire burned higher in the grate.

  Beginning to understand the concept of what it actually takes to do what the Adepts do, I still couldn’t comprehend how this lesson was going to help me.

  He held his hands out palms up like a scale in front of me. “It is a delicate system of checks and balances. One can't control matter without exhausting their own energy supply. The stronger one is, the more they are able to control and do. With many of the Denai gifts having been lost over the centuries, who’s to say what you can and cannot do?”

  His words began to sink in and I felt a chill race over me at the possibility of never being able to put the past behind me, if I didn't try once and for all to see if I had any abilities.

  “Now back to this orb. Concentrate on it. Can you see any colors around it?” Not wanting to appear as if I didn't care or wasn't trying, I stared hard at the black orb and furrowed my brows in concentration. This was the first time I really wanted to succeed to prove once and for all that I did not have any powers and I wouldn't know for sure if I did it only halfway.

  “This orb is Denai sensitive, it responds almost willingly to a Denai. All it would take is a little nudge, and because it’s round it will move very easily.” He waited patiently, encouraging me silently with his own will.

  I kept staring at the black orb so hard my eyes began to cross until I saw double. I willed the stupid orb to move across the table. Nothing. Moving my hands in front of me, I flicked them at the orb as if swatting a fly. Nothing.

  I looked at him afraid I would see disappointment in his eyes. Instead something else flickered across his face before disappearing behind a smile.

  “Don’t feel bad, Thalia. We had to be sure after all.” He came around the desk and I stood up. Politely he put his hand on my shoulder and led me out the door. “Thank you for your help and rest assured I will find the people who did this to you. Go my child, and get some rest.”

  I stood outside his office looking at the closed door feeling somewhat miffed. But in a way, I understood. I would have been a novelty if I had been gifted with powers. Something he could study and write books about. Instead fame would await whoever uncovered the leader of the Septori. His time would be better spent on finding them. That encounter had been four weeks ago.

  Tonight I was in the kitchen bringing up apples from the cellar, when Tearsa told me that they were short servers
in the hall and to help bring out the food. My face paled and I swore I felt my heart stutter. There was no way I could avoid running into Joss if I went out there into the dining hall. I missed him and Darren something awful but I felt as if they were stations above me now. So much for that equality speech Berry quoted.

  Gathering my courage, I grabbed the large tray of cranberry stuffed goose and used it as a barrier between my head and the students. I skimmed the outer wall and looked for the table that was missing a goose. Quickly depositing it without incident, I escaped back into the kitchen and looked for a quick exit. Maybe I could feign illness? As soon as I stepped inside, Donn the cook handed me another tray filled with bite-sized ham and spiced cheese. I looked at the petite food in dismay. There was no way I could hide behind this, so I decided try for speed instead of stealth. I rushed out; aiming for the closest table to find they already had a spiced ham and cheese tray. Quickly I moved to drop it off at the next empty table. Backing up, I almost had my head taken off by another servant with a tray and had to quickly duck to avoid a collision. Too late, something caused me to stumble and I fell forward into a young page carrying pitchers of cider.

  I watched in horror as the world slowed and the pitchers in slow motion flew up, up and then down all over me and a few students that were unlucky enough to be close enough to me. The young page, whose name I was unable to recall, looked horrified. I could hear murmurs followed by laughter as students began to gather and applaud at the mess I had made.

  A piercing laugh rang out louder than the rest and I looked up through the tresses of my now sodden black hair to see the sneering face of Syrani. She was sitting precariously close to me and was oddly the only one who was not covered in cider. Her friends and colleagues didn't look amused as they glared at me.

  Tears stung my eyes as I tried to stand up, the laughter continued as puddles of cider pooled around my feet. Keeping my head low in embarrassment, I bee-lined for a hasty retreat; only to slip again and stumble into a broad chest. Hands grabbed my arms to steady me. Too late, I would have recognized his scent if I didn’t recognize his voice. Joss.

  “Thalia? Is that you?” The shock in his voice made me panic. Self-consciously I was thinking about how awful I must look at that moment with wet hair hanging down my face, my uniform stained a dark color from the cider. I knew I looked pathetic and needed to escape his piercing eyes and forthcoming pity. I tried to move away but he was still holding me by my upper arms; trying to get me to look him in the face. I kept my head turned away.

  “You…You're…you're all wet!” he stuttered, looking somewhat confused as if he just noticed the cider seeping through my shirt onto his hand. Or maybe he was used to seeing me like a wet mess. “You look awful!” he muttered.

  Those words pierced my soul like a fiery dart. That was it? That was all he had to say after weeks of not seeing me was “you look awful”? I know that I had gained a lot of the weight back I had lost, my face had filled out, but not too much and I regained soft color to my cheeks. My eyes didn’t have dark circles under them and my dark hair shone in the firelight. I know for a fact that I wasn’t a beauty but I was hoping for a better impression than awful.

  “Look what Joss caught …a rat,” Syrani laughed at her own joke that only she and I would get, but her clique of followers joined in laughing anyway.

  Joss’ hands tightened on my arms angrily, whether it was in response to me or Syrani’s barb I didn’t know.

  “Joss, why don’t you let the kitchen rat scurry along back into the kitchen? You did promise you would help me with my history lessons after dinner,” she pouted beautifully.

  I looked up at Joss for the first time in weeks and studied his outline up close. His jaw showed the shadow of stubble, he was tanner and a little broader in the shoulders, but other than that he was the same. Except now his dimple was hidden by the clenching of his jaw. His fingers were like a vise on my arms, he still hadn’t released me, and showed no signs that he planned to.

  “I’ll be right there,” he said as he let go of one arm and pulled me away from the curious onlookers and Syrani. I glanced over my shoulder at Syrani’s enraged face and knew that I would pay for it later. Joss pulled me toward a hallway.

  “Joss, you have to let me go, I’m going to get in trouble.” Ignoring me, Joss pulled me down another random hallway and as soon as we rounded the corner he stopped suddenly. I had no choice but to run into him. Joss turned on me, a heated look in his eyes.

  “Have you been here the whole time?” he spat out. I could tell Joss was furious, which surprised me.

  I hung my head in shame refusing to look at him. “Yes, I’ve been living and working here at the Citadel for the past six weeks.” I tried to look at a spot over his shoulder so I wouldn’t look him in the eye and have him see how guilty I felt.

  “And you didn’t think to come see me; to tell me that you are all right? I had no clue what happened to you after you told me off. I’ve regretted every day walking out on you.” He ran his hand through his blonde hair, messing it up. I inwardly sighed at how becoming it looked on him.

  “I wanted to be there for you when you spoke with the Adepts, but after what Darren said and then the way you acted, I lost my temper and left. I was angry with you. I told myself you were out of my hands and that I wouldn’t give you another thought. But that was a lie.” He turned to me, his green eyes softening. “Two days later I stormed into Adept Lorna’s office and demanded to know what happened to you. That infuriating woman only smirked and told me that you were in good hands.”

  Speechless, I looked at him, wondering what I meant to him. I felt a guilty thrill race through my body. But then I remembered what Lorna said about what he could one day become. I remembered my station in life and dared to not even hope.

  He slammed his fist into the wall. “But, darn it. Don’t you understand? I..I, when I pulled you out of the river you were almost dead and I kept you alive. I feel responsible for you.”

  My back stiffened. “So that’s all I am to you? A responsibility?”

  “No, that’s not it.”

  He started to lean forward, and I was pinned between Joss and the wall.

  “Then what is it?” I interrupted questioningly, almost dreading the answer.

  “I don’t know, but I…”

  He didn’t get to say anymore before Avina rounded the corner obviously looking for someone, but stopped when she saw the way Joss was leaning over me. Joss looked up.

  “Thalia, you have to get in here NOW! Donn is turning all shades of red because you haven’t come back.” Avina ducked back into the kitchen and I turned to go, but stopped as Joss’ hand touched my shoulder. “Promise me we will talk later?”

  All I said was, “Syrani’s waiting for you.” And I walked into the kitchen. I was a glutton for self-punishment, by pushing Joss away. I was protecting myself. He was a student at the Citadel and would one day be a great Adept, I was a drowned river rat, a nobody that had no real future and no family that had stepped forward to claim me. I was scared that all Joss really felt was a protectiveness over me, and I was right. He felt responsible for me and I didn’t want him to.

  I could take care of myself. Joss deserved someone that wasn’t as messed up in the head as me, someone beautiful, but not like Syrani. I thought of all the girls that threw themselves in his way and became more determined to build a wall up between myself and the very handsome Joss. I wouldn’t hope or dream because I didn’t think my heart was strong enough. And in the end, I was afraid that after everything that had happened to me that if my heart shattered, I wouldn’t know how to put it back together again.

  Slipping into the kitchen I resumed filling trays of food and bringing them back out into the hall; no longer worried about confronting Joss since I had already embarrassed myself. Depositing the tray on a table, I looked around the room to see if I could see him. He was gone and so was Syrani. I felt glad that he was gone, and depressed at the same time because
he was with her. Heading back into the kitchen I decided to take Avina up on her offer to go into the city and spend some of our hard earned silver tomorrow since it was our day off. And I did promise I was going to buy Berry something. I definitely wanted to spruce up our room and get some clothes that looked nothing like my blue and gray uniform. Feeling a little lighter on my feet at the prospect of getting out of the kitchens, the rest of the night flew by.

  Chapter 7

  Freedom! The colors of all the districts, smells, sounds and the fact that Avina and I were running around laughing was the best healing therapy that I could ask for. The smells of the baker’s district made my mouth water and the chocolate pastries made my mouth melt with delight. We had decided to pool our money together and share everything we bought so we could try a wider variety of food. It was the absolute best idea, for I couldn’t remember having a more relaxing day. I was laughing so hard my cheeks hurt.

  After purchasing a book for myself, I was drawn to a colorful stall with small jars of scented perfume. The elderly woman was busy with another costumer so I took the chance to study the perfumes further. There were various herbs and flowers in a beautiful glass-blown bottle with a rubber stoppers for decoration. I picked up a beautiful, light blue orb that felt warm to the touch from being in the sun. Unstopping the stopper, I was assailed with wonderful feeling of absolute contentment with the faint hint of vanilla and cinnamon.

  Once I plugged the bottle of perfume, the feeling faded. Now interested more than ever, I grabbed an amber colored bottle that, once uncorked, unleashed a feeling of bubbling happiness with the scent of sunflowers on fresh wind. The perfumist was obviously a Denai who was able to capture feelings within her perfumes. This amazed me about Calandry, the freedom in which Denai practiced their art and sold it. My fingers drifted over the tops of the other bottles in wonder.