Goody Two-Shoes

  After this, Sir _William_ inveighed against the absurd andfoolish Notions, which the Country People had imbibed concerningWitches, and Witchcraft, and having proved that there was no suchThing, but that all were the Effects of Folly and Ignorance, he gavethe Court such an Account of Mrs. _Margery_, and her Virtue, goodSense, and prudent Behaviour, that the Gentlemen present wereenamoured with her, and returned her public Thanks for the greatService she had done the Country. One Gentleman in particular, I meanSir _Charles Jones_, had conceived such an high Opinion of her,that he offered her a considerable Sum to take the Care of his Family,and the Education of his Daughter, which, however, she refused; butthis Gentleman, sending for her afterwards when he had a dangerous Fitof Illness, she went, and behaved so prudently in the Family, and sotenderly to him and his Daughter, that he would not permit her toleave his House, but soon after made her Proposals of Marriage. Shewas truly sensible of the Honour he intended her, but, though poor,she would not consent to be made a Lady, till he had effectuallyprovided for his Daughter; for she told him, that Power was adangerous Thing to be trusted with, and that a good Man or Woman wouldnever throw themselves into the Road of Temptation.

  All Things being settled, and the Day fixed, the Neighbours came inCrouds to see the Wedding; for they were all glad, that one who hadbeen such a good little Girl, and was become such a virtuous and goodWoman, was going to be made a Lady; but just as the Clergyman hadopened his Book, a Gentleman richly dressed ran into the Church, andcry'd, Stop! stop! This greatly alarmed the Congregation, particularlythe intended Bride and Bridegroom, whom he first accosted, and desiredto speak with them apart. After they had been talking some littleTime, the People were greatly surprized to see Sir _Charles_stand Motionless, and his Bride cry, and faint away in the Stranger'sArms. This seeming Grief, however, was only a Prelude to a Flood ofJoy, which immediately succeeded; for you must know, gentle Reader,that this Gentleman, so richly dressed and bedizened with Lace, wasthat identical little Boy, whom you before saw in the Sailor's Habit;in short, it was little _Tom Two Shoes_, Mrs. _Margery's_Brother, who was just come from beyond Sea, where he had made a largeFortune, and hearing, as soon as he landed, of his Sister's intendedWedding, had rode Post, to see that a proper Settlement was made onher; which he thought she was now intitled to, as he himself was bothable and willing to give her an ample Fortune. They soon returned tothe Communion-Table, and were married in Tears, but they were Tears ofJoy.

  There is something wonderful in this young Gentleman's Preservationand Success in Life; which we shall acquaint the Reader of, in theHistory of his Life and Adventures, which will soon be published.

  CHAP. VII. and Last.

  _The true Use of Riches._

  The Harmony and Affection that subsisted between this happy Couple, isinexpressible; but Time, which dissolves the closest Union, after sixYears, severed Sir _Charles_ from his Lady; for being seized witha violent Fever he died, and left her full of Grief, tho' possessed ofa large Fortune.

  We forgot to remark, that after her Marriage, _Lady Jones_ (forso we must now call her) ordered the Chappel to be fitted up, andallowed the Chaplain a considerable Sum out of her own private Purse,to visit the Sick, and say Prayers every Day to all the People thatcould attend. She also gave Mr. _Johnson_ ten Guineas a Year, topreach a Sermon, annually, on the Necessity and Duties of the marriageState, and on the Decease of Sir _Charles_; she gave him tenmore, to preach yearly on the Subject of Death; she had put all theParish into Mourning for the Loss of her Husband; and to those Men whoattended this yearly Service, she gave Harvest Gloves, to their WivesShoes and Stockings, and to all the Children little Books andPlumb-cakes: We must also observe, that she herself wove a Chaplet ofFlowers, and before the Service, placed it on his Grave-stone; and asuitable Psalm was always sung by the Congregation.

  About this Time, she heard that Mr. _Smith_ was oppressed by SirTimothy Gripe_, the Justice, and his Friend _Graspall_, whoendeavoured to deprive him of Part of his Tythes; upon which she, inConjunction with her Brother, defended him, and the Cause was tried in_Westminster-hall_, where Mr. _Smith_ gained a Verdict; andit appearing that Sir _Timothy_ had behaved most scandalously, asa Justice of the Peace, he was struck off the List, and no longerpermitted to act in that Capacity. This was a Cut to a Man of hisimperious Disposition, and this was followed by one yet more severe;for a Relation of his, who had an undoubted Right to the_Mouldwell_ Estate, finding that it was possible to get thebetter at Law of a rich Man, laid Claim to it, brought his Action, andrecovered the whole Manor of _Mouldwell_, and being afterwardsinclined to sell it, he, in Consideration of the Aid Lady_Margery_ had lent him during his Distress, made her the firstOffer, and she purchased the Whole, and threw it into different Farms,that the Poor might be no longer under the Dominion of two over-grownMen.

  This was a great Mortification to Sir _Timothy_, as well as tohis Friend _Graspall_, who from this Time experienced nothing butMisfortunes, and was in a few Years so dispossessed of his Ill-gottenWealth, that his Family were reduced to seek Subsistance from theParish, at which those who had felt the Weight of his Iron Handrejoiced; but Lady _Margery_ desired, that his Children might betreated with Care and Tenderness; _for they_, says she, _are noWays accountable for the Actions of their Father_.

  At her first coming into Power, she took Care to gratify her oldFriends, especially Mr. and Mrs. _Smith_, whose Family she madehappy.--She paid great Regard to the Poor, made their Interest herown, and to induce them to come regularly to Church, she ordered aLoaf, or the Price of a Loaf, to be given to every one who wouldaccept of it. This brought many of them to Church, who by degreeslearned their Duty, and then came on a more noble Principle. She alsotook Care to encourage Matrimony; and in order to induce her Tenantsand Neighbours to enter into that happy State, she always gave theyoung Couple something towards House-keeping; and stood Godmother toall their Children, whom she had in Parties, every _Sunday_Evening, to teach them their Catechism, and lecture them in Religionand Morality; after which she treated them with a Supper, gave themsuch Books as they wanted, and then dispatched them with her Blessing.Nor did she forget them at her Death, but left each a Legacy, as willbe seen among other charitable Donations when we publish her Will,which we may do in some future Volume. There is one Request however sosingular, that we cannot help taking some Notice of it in this Place;which is, that of her giving so many Acres of Land to be plantedyearly with Potatoes, for all the Poor of any Parish who would comeand fetch them for the Use of their Families; but if any took them tosell they were deprived of that Privilege ever after. And these Rootswere planted and raised from the Rent arising from a Farm which shehad assigned over for that purpose. In short, she was a Mother to thePoor, a Physician to the Sick, and a Friend to all who were inDistress. Her Life was the greatest Blessing, and her Death thegreatest Calamity that ever was felt in the Neighbourhood. A Monument,but without Inscription, was erected to her Memory in the Church-yard,over which the Poor as they pass weep continually, so that the Stoneis ever bathed in Tears.

  On this Occasion the following Lines were spoken extempore by a youngGentleman.

  _How vain the Tears that fall from you, And here supply the Place of Dew? How vain to weep the happy Dead, Who now to heavenly Realms are fled? Repine no more, your Plaints forbear, And all prepare to meet them there._

  The END.

  APPENDIX.

  _The_ GOLDEN DREAM; _or, the_ INGENUOUS CONFESSION.

  To shew the Depravity of human Nature, and how apt the Mind is to bemisled by Trinkets and false Appearances, Mrs. _Two-Shoes_ doesacknowledge, that after she became rich, she had like to have been toofond of Money; for on seeing her Husband receive a very large Sum, herHeart went pit pat, pit pat, all the Evening, and she began to thinkthat Guineas were pretty Things. To suppress this Turbulence of Mind,which was a Symptom of approaching Avarice,
she said her Prayers earlierthan usual, and at Night had the following Dream; which I shall relatein her own Words.

  "Methought, as I slept, a Genii stept up to me with a _French_Commode, which having placed on my Head, he said, now go and be happy;for from henceforth every Thing you touch shall turn to Gold. Willingto try the Experiment, I gently touched the Bed-post and Furniture,which immediately became massy Gold burnished, and of surprizingBrightness. I then touched the Walls of the House, which assumed thesame Appearance, and looked amazingly magnificent. Elated with thiswonderful Gift, I rang hastily for my Maid to carry the joyful News toher Master, who, as I thought, was then walking in the Garden._Sukey_ came, but in the Extacy I was in, happening to touch herHand, she became instantly an immovable Statue. Go, said I, and callyour Master; but she made no reply, nor could she stir. Upon this Ishrieked, and in came my dear Husband, whom I ran to embrace; when nosooner had I touched him, but he became good for nothing; that is,good for nothing but his Weight in Gold; and that you know could benothing, where Gold was so plenty. At this instant up came anotherServant with a Glass of Water, thinking me ill; this I attempted toswallow, but no sooner did it touch my Mouth, than it became a hardsolid Body, and unfit for drinking. My Distress now grewinsupportable! I had destroyed, as I thought, my dear Husband, and myfavourite Servant; and I plainly perceived, that I should die for wantin the midst of so much Wealth. Ah, said I, why did I long for Riches!Having enough already, why did I covet more? Thus terrified, I beganto rave, and beat my Breast, which awaked Sir _Charles_, whokindly called me from this State of Inquietude, and composed my Mind."

  This Scene I have often considered as a Lesson, instructing me, that aLoad of Riches bring, instead of Felicity, a Load of Troubles; andthat the only Source of Happiness is _Contentment_. Go,therefore, you who have too much, and give it to those who are inwant; so shall you be happy yourselves, by making others happy. Thisis a Precept from the Almighty, a Precept which must be regarded; for_The Lord is about your Paths, and about your Bed, and spieth outall your Ways_.

  _An Anecdote, respecting_ TOM TWO-SHOES, _communicated by aGentleman, who is now writing the History of his Life._

  It is generally known, that _Tom Two-Shoes_ went to Sea when he wasa very little Boy, and very poor; and that he returned a very great Man,and very rich; but no one knows how he acquired so much Wealth butmyself, and a few Friends, who have perused the Papers from which I amcompiling the History of his Life.

  After _Tom_ had been at Sea some Years, he was unfortunately castaway, on that Part of the Coast of _Africa_ inhabited by the_Hottentots_. Here he met with a strange Book, which the_Hottentots_ did not understand, and which gave him some Accountof _Prester John's_ Country; and being a Lad of great Curiosityand Resolution he determined to see it; accordingly he set out on thePursuit, attended by a young Lion, which he had tamed and made so fondof him, that he followed him like a Dog, and obeyed all his Commands;and indeed it was happy for him that he had such a Companion; for ashis Road lay through large Woods and Forests, that were full of wildBeasts and without Inhabitants, he must have been soon starved or tornin Pieces, had he not been both fed and protected by this nobleAnimal.

  _Tom_ had provided himself with two Guns, a Sword, and as muchPowder and Ball as he could carry; with these Arms, and such aCompanion, it was mighty easy for him to get Food; for the Animals inthese wild and extensive Forests, having never seen the Effects of aGun, readily ran from the Lion, who hunted on one Side, to _Tom_,who hunted on the other, so that they were either caught by the Lion,or shot by his Master; and it was pleasant enough, after a huntingMatch, and the Meat was dressed, to see how Cheek by Joul they satdown to Dinner.

  When they came info the Land of _Utopia_, he discovered theStatue of a Man created on an open Plain, which had this Inscriptionon the Pedestal: _On_ May-day _in the Morning, when the Sunrises, I shall have a Head of Gold_. As it was now the latter Endof _April_, he stayed to see this wonderful Change; and in themean time, enquiring of a poor Shepherd what was the Reason of theStatue being erected there, and with that Inscription, he wasinformed, that it was set up many Years ago by an _Arabian_Philosopher, who travelled all the World over in Search of a realFriend; that he lived with, and was extremely fond of a great Man whoinhabited the next Mountain; but that on some Occasion theyquarrelled, and the Philosopher, leaving the Mountain, retired intothe Plain, where he erected this Statue with his own Hands, and soonafter died. To this he added, that all the People for many Leaguesround came there every _May_ Morning, expecting to see theStone-head turned to Gold.

  _Tom_ got up very early on the first of _May_ to behold thisamazing Change, and when he came near the Statue he saw a Number ofPeople, who all ran away from him in the utmost Consternation, hatingnever before seen a Lion follow a Man like a Lap-dog. Being thus leftalone, he fixed his Eyes on the Sun, then rising with resplendentMajesty, and afterwards turned to the Statue, but could see no Changein the Stone.--Surely, says he to himself, there is some mysticalMeaning in this! This Inscription must be an AEnigma, the hiddenMeaning of which I will endeavour to find; for a Philosopher wouldnever expect a Stone to be turned to Gold; accordingly he measured theLength of the Shadow, which the Statue gave on the Ground by the Sunshining on it, and marked that particular Part where the Head fell,then getting a _Chopness_ (a Thing like a Spade) and digging, hediscovered a Copper-chest, full of Gold, with this Inscriptionengraved on the Lid of it.

  Thy WIT, Oh Man! whoever thou art, Hath disclos'd the AEnigma, And discover'd the GOLDEN HEAD. Take it and use it, But use it with WISDOM; For know, That GOLD, properly employ'd, May dispense Blessings, And promote the Happiness of Morals; But when hoarded up, Or misapply'd, Is but Trash, that makes Mankind miserable. Remember The unprofitable Servant, Who hid his _Talent_ in a Napkin; And The profligate Son, Who squander'd away his Substance and fed with the Swine. As thou hast got the GOLDEN HEAD, Observe the _Golden Mean_, Be _Good_ and be happy.

  This Lesson, coming as it were from the Dead, struck him with suchAwe, and Reverence for Piety and Virtue, that, before he removed theTreasure, he kneeled down, and earnestly and fervently prayed that hemight make a prudent, just and proper Use of it. He then conveyed theChest away; but how he got it to _England_, the Reader will beinformed in the History of his Life. It may not be improper, however,in this Place, to give the Reader some Account of the Philosopher whohid this Treasure, and took so much Pains to find a true and realFriend to enjoy it. As _Tom_ had Reason to venerate his Memory,he was very particular in his Enquiry, and had this Character ofhim;--that he was a Man well acquainted with Nature and with Trade;that he was pious, friendly, and of a sweet and affable Disposition.That he had acquired a Fortune by Commerce, and having no Relations toleave it to, he travelled through _Arabia, Persia, India, Libia_and _Utopia_ in search of a real Friend. In this Pursuit he foundseveral with whom he exchanged good Offices, and that were polite andobliging, but they often flew off for Trifles; or as soon as hepretended to be in Distress, and requested their Assistance, left himto struggle with his own Difficulties. So true is that Copy in ourBooks, which says, _Adversity is the Touchstone of Friendship_.At last, however, he met with the _Utopian_ Philosopher, or thewise Man of the Mountain, as he is called, and thought in him he hadfound the Friend he wanted; for though he often pretended to be inDistress, and abandoned to the Frowns of Fortune, this Man alwaysrelieved him, and with such Chearfulness and Sincerity, thatconcluding he had found out the only Man to whom he ought to open bothhis Purse and his Heart, he let him so far into his Secrets, as todesire his As
sistance in hiding a large Sum of Money, which he wantedto conceal, lest the Prince of the Country, who was absolute, should,by the Advice of his wicked Minister, put him to Death for his Gold.The two Philosophers met and hid the Money, which the Stranger, aftersome Days, went to see, but found it gone. How was he struck to theHeart, when he found that his Friend, whom he had often tried, and whohad relieved him in his Distress, could not withstand this Temptation,but broke through the sacred Bonds of Friendship, and turned even aThief for Gold which he did not want, as he was already very rich. Oh!said he, what is the Heart of Man made of? Why am I condemned to liveamong People who have no Sincerity, and who barter the most sacredTies of Friendship and Humanity for the Dirt that we tread on? Had Ilost my Gold and found a real Friend, I should have been happy withthe Exchange, but now I am most miserable. After some Time he wipedoff his Tears, and being determined not to be so imposed on, he hadRecourse to Cunning and the Arts of Life. He went to his pretendedFriend with a chearful Countenance, told him he had more Gold to hide,and desired him to appoint a Time when they might go together, andopen the Earth to put it into the same Pot; the other, in Hopes ofgetting more Wealth, appointed the next Evening. They went together,opened the Ground, and found the Money they had first placed there,for the artful Wretch, he so much confided in, had conveyed it againinto the Pot, in order to obtain more. Our Philosopher immediatelytook the Gold, and putting it into his Pocket, told the other he hadnow altered his Mind, and should bury it no more, till he found a Manmore worthy of his Confidence. See what People lose by beingdishonest. This calls to my Mind the Words of the Poet: