From Friend to Father

  “Guess.” Leaning over, Reece captured her mouth in a kiss that reminded her exactly why her body was so fantastically sore this morning.

  “You taste amazing,” he muttered, against her lips, his tongue gently stroking the corners of her mouth.

  “I taste like coffee and morning breath.”

  “You taste like sunshine.”

  She shot him an amused glance. “Have you been drinking this morning?”

  He arched an eyebrow. “Should I be offended?”

  “I don’t know. But you’re entirely too happy for someone who got—” she glanced at the clock “—about four hours of sleep.”

  “More like two. I let you sleep in.” He stole another kiss, his hand coming up to cop a feel beneath the sheet. “I should get rewarded for that.”

  “Oh, really? And exactly what reward would you like?”

  “I don’t know, but I bet I can think of something.” He stroked her nipple and she found herself arching against him.

  “I bet you can.” Relishing the feel of him so close to her, Sarah closed her eyes and leaned against him for a second. He was so strong that he made her feel safe and protected whenever she was in his arms. As she’d been tackling problems head-on her entire life, it was an unusual feeling. And one that she was deathly afraid she could get used to.

  But that would be stupid, she reminded herself as Reece rubbed her neck and shoulders. Whatever this thing was between them, it wouldn’t last forever. She had to remember that, had to stay focused. Or when he walked away, he’d take whatever was left of her heart with him.

  It was a frightening thought.

  Pulling away from his fabulously talented hands, she took the sheet with her as she headed toward the bathroom. “We’d better get going. The boys will be back any minute. And Rosie won’t stay happy down there much longer.” She glanced at her daughter to make sure she was still okay, then smiled as she watched Rose bat at the light-up balls and animals hanging from the gym.

  “She’s doing really well,” Reece commented as he, too, studied their daughter.

  “I know. The cough is just about gone and she’s back to being her regular self.”

  “So, um, Sarah…”

  She looked at Reece—really looked at him, for the first time since he’d come in the room. The uncertainty on his face had her warming like nothing else could have—he was as unsteady in this situation as she was. Maybe even more.

  That realization gave her strength and a confidence she hadn’t even known she was lacking. Cocking her head to the side, she smiled. “So, do you want to take a quick shower with me?”

  He jumped off the bed and scooped Rose from her play mat before depositing her in the playpen. “I thought you’d never ask.”

  * * *

  AFTER A QUICK SHOWER that was as much about water sports as it was about getting clean, Reece followed Sarah down to the kitchen, where he packed a picnic lunch while she grabbed a quick bowl of cereal.

  He couldn’t believe how excited he was—like a little boy with his first bike on Christmas morning, he couldn’t wait to take his and Sarah’s brand-new relationship for a spin.

  Nothing in his life had felt as good as sinking into Sarah’s arms—and body. Nothing had ever felt as right. Not even being with Vanessa, who he had loved very much, but who had always left the lovemaking in their relationship up to him—unless of course, it was her fertile time. Then she’d all but thrown him on the bed and attacked him.

  After sliding the sandwiches he’d been making into Sarah’s picnic basket, he reached into the fridge and pulled out a bowl of grapes. He bagged a few big bunches as he reflected on the many ways being with Sarah was different from being with Vanessa.

  For one thing, Sarah gave as good as she got. Through the long night, she’d reached for him almost as often as he’d reached for her and while her lovemaking had been a lot of things, passive hadn’t been one of them.

  Though the old guilt rose up, he pushed it down. Refused to let it have any part of this perfect morning. For too long his and Vanessa’s sex life had felt more like going through the motions than an actual means to express their love.

  She’d only wanted him when she was ovulating—the rest of the time, she’d had absolutely no interest in having sex with him. And even when they were having sex, she hadn’t been interested in giving or receiving pleasure so much as making sure she was in the most fertile position.

  He’d gone along with her, wanting to give her what she craved, but by the end he’d lost almost all interest in having sex himself. What had been the use, when it was no longer about giving and receiving pleasure? When it was only about making a baby he hadn’t even been sure that he wanted?

  But with Sarah, everything was different. She wanted him. She wanted the physical and emotional closeness that came from making love.

  “Hey, what are you thinking about?” Sarah’s warm arms slipped around his waist as she rested her cheek between his shoulder blades. “You’re looking awfully serious over here.”

  “I was thinking about you.”

  “Oh, really?” Her arms tightened. “Do tell.”

  Turning, he wrapped his arms around her and savored the feeling of having her strong, soft body resting against his. “Nothing specific, really. I was thinking about how amazing it was to be inside of you.”

  Her cheeks turned pink, even as her eyes shone with a pleased surprise. “Really? Because I was thinking about how amazing it was to have you inside of me.”

  Warmth spread through him at her words, until he only wanted to yank her back up the stairs. His body was as ready and willing as if it hadn’t just spent the night being satisfied in every conceivable way.

  “Mom, Uncle Reece, are you ready to go?” Johnny bounded into the kitchen with Justin hot on his heels.

  Sarah’s reaction was instantaneous—she jerked away from him like a scalded cat and pretended to be really interested in feeding Rose the applesauce the baby had rejected ten minutes before.

  Even as he told himself that, of course, they should keep what was between them private for a while—until they could figure it out—he was smarting over the distance she’d put between them. He’d waited a long time to feel this way about a woman—to explore these feelings about Sarah—and no matter how logical her reaction was, it grated that she wanted to keep things between them under wraps.

  “I think so,” he answered, sliding a few of Sarah’s homemade cookies into the basket, along with a collection of water and juice packs while he tried his damnedest not to pout.

  Then Sarah was there, next to him, as if she understood exactly what he was feeling. Putting her hand on his shoulder, she just looked at him, her blue eyes filled with understanding and affection she didn’t even try to hide.

  And suddenly keeping their feelings to themselves didn’t seem so bad—almost as if it was a secret the two of them shared. Of course, it wasn’t time for the boys to know about what was between them. He and Sarah hadn’t even figured out what they had.

  But as he looked into Sarah’s eyes, he knew that he wanted a hell of a lot more than he’d thought possible when he’d moved in here three months before. In fact, he just might want everything.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  “ARE YOU KIDDING ME, MATT?” Reece whispered fiercely into his cell phone as he let himself out of Sarah’s room at five o’clock in the morning—as he had every morning for the past three weeks. The kids hadn’t begun to stir, but he knew it was only a matter of time and he and Sarah were still keeping the physical aspect of their relationship as quiet as possible.

  “I know things are crazy there with Rose and Sarah and the boys. I can’t go, Reece. I wish I could, but they want you. You’re the one who drew up the plans and you’re the one they want to blame. I’m telling you, these guys are talking lawsuits.”

  “Lawsuits? What the hell for?” He continued whispering until he made his way into his bedroom and shut the door. Then it took every ounce
of self-control he had not to yell.

  “The CE team they hired have run into a bunch of problems—they’re saying you did a crap job on the plans.”

  “Damn civil engineers—half the time they don’t know what the hell to do with plans when they get them. There was nothing wrong with those plans, Matt. I went over them dozens of times.”

  “I know. But this was the project you were working on when Vanessa died. Do you think, maybe—”

  “No. The plans were solid—better than solid. They were fantastic and you know it.”

  “That’s what I thought, but I had to ask.”

  Reece sighed, then ran a hand through his hair in a gesture of pure, out-and-out frustration. “Look, I’ll stop by the office, download the files and send them to you. You can see for yourself the mistakes weren’t on our end.”

  “That’s great.” Matt’s voice was overly solicitous, as if speaking to someone he expected to lose it at any second. “But you still need to go, Reece. There’s no choice.”

  Reece knew that. Just as he knew the trip was going to totally screw him up with Sarah. “Why now? Things are complicated as hell here and this is the worst possible time.”

  “Murphy’s law, man.”

  Wasn’t that the truth, Reece reflected as he hung up the phone after promising Matt he’d be on a flight out the next morning. They rarely had problems like this and usually their out-of-town travel was limited to a few days here or there.

  But if Matt was right and the CEs had messed this up, it would take a lot more than a few days to get things turned around. Which meant leaving Rose and the boys again, even though he’d only been home a month. It meant leaving Sarah again. And just the thought made him feel like a total heel.

  How was he supposed to get her to believe him when he said he cared about her? Now that he’d made love to her—and wanted to stick around—he was bound for Hawaii for weeks.

  He’d have to be sure she understood that he wasn’t running away. Because, honestly, he couldn’t imagine living the rest of his life without her.

  Wandering down to the kitchen, he started the coffee, knowing that Sarah would be down soon. It was a time both of them had begun to treasure—these early-morning talks over coffee, while the house was still quiet around them. It was a chance for them to talk without interruptions, to savor the joy they felt in being together.

  But not today. He had no desire to tell Sarah he was leaving, any more than he knew she’d want to hear it. It wasn’t like he had a choice, though.

  The coffee had barely finished dripping, when Sarah bounded into the kitchen, all rosy and warm from bed. He watched as she poured them both coffee, adding a packet of sweetener to hers and a splash of milk to his.

  How stupid was he that that little flash of domesticity, that little proof that she knew him and cared about his likes and dislikes, filled him with an overwhelming warmth?

  He crossed the kitchen in a flash, had his lips on Sarah’s before she could get the milk back in the fridge.

  “Mmm, well, good morning,” she murmured, her body going soft and pliant against his. “Maybe we should head back upstairs. The kids won’t be up for another half an hour.”

  He was tempted to take her up on the offer, but his imminent departure was hanging over his head, making him feel guilty as hell, even though he knew he was doing nothing wrong.

  Because he’d rather get it over with, he took a deep breath and blurted, “I have to leave tomorrow, Sarah.” He said the words quickly, as they left a bad taste in his mouth. “There’s a problem in Hawaii that I can’t get out of. I’ve tried, but things are exploding there.”

  * * *

  SARAH’S WORLD tilted on its axis, and for a minute all she heard was that Reece was leaving. But after a few seconds the rest of his words sank in and she tried to be reasonable, to tell herself that this wasn’t the same as last time. “I understand work commitments, Reece. I told you that before.”

  “We both know that I didn’t go to California for work. Or at least not exclusively for work.”

  Her heart was beating too fast, and her breathing was uneven. “This time—”

  “This time it is exclusively for work. And if Matt wasn’t tied up in California, and the customer wasn’t demanding that I be there, I wouldn’t be going.” He shrugged, looking as unhappy as she felt. “I’m not ready to leave you, not by a long shot. But Matt can’t do it and someone needs to be there.”

  “Okay.” She eased out of his embrace, backed away with studied nonchalance even while she was shaking apart on the inside. She didn’t want to hear this, didn’t want to know this—not now, not after the past few weeks. He was making too many excuses, and looking far too uncomfortable for this to be the whole truth. “Reece—”

  “I swear, Sarah, it’s not like last time.”

  “I told you, it’s fine.” But it wasn’t fine and they both knew it. With each word he said, each excuse he gave, her past was coming back to her. Her father’s words, pounding in her head. Mike’s words doing the same.

  “No, it isn’t.” He crossed the room and tried to pull her into his arms, but she stepped back, refusing to be placated with sex. “I’m leaving you holding the bag—again. If there was any other way—”

  “I’ve been holding the bag my whole life, Reece. A couple weeks here or there is no big deal.”

  “That’s not what I meant.”

  “I know what you meant.” Forcing a smile, she leaned over and kissed his cheek. “Do you mind listening for Rosie while I take a quick shower? It’s going to be a busy day.”

  “Of course. But I wasn’t finished yet. I am sorry—”

  “And I told you there’s nothing to be sorry for. Work is work. I get it. Now, I bought Rose a whole slew of new outfits yesterday. Go pick out a pretty one for her.”

  With that, she ran up the stairs and into the bathroom to turn the shower on, then brushed her teeth while waiting for the water to heat up. She opened a new bottle of shower gel and filed her nails. Did any and everything she could come up with to avoid thinking of the conversation she and Reece had just had.

  But when she was in the shower, the hot water beating down on her, she couldn’t avoid the pain any longer. Tears she refused to shed burned in her eyes, even as she told herself she was being stupid.

  Why was she taking this so hard? She’d known all along that he wasn’t going to stick around, had known after their kiss that he was running away from what they felt for each other. Why should this morning have been any different?

  Because, he’d taken everything from her. No, she told herself, trying to be as honest as possible. She’d given everything to him, even knowing that to do so was a risk. But she had wanted him, had needed him. Had trusted him.

  Even knowing how much she had to lose, she had trusted him. So why was she complaining when that trust had backfired? Hadn’t her whole life been one long string of misplaced trust? Why should Reece be any different?

  But he had been different, she admitted, as she searched inside herself and realized that he had shattered some vulnerable place inside her she hadn’t even known existed. Had pulled her kicking and screaming back to life.

  All along she’d been harboring hope that things might really work out between them, no matter what defenses she put up. All along, she’d been praying that he wasn’t like her father. Wasn’t like her mother. Wasn’t like her husband. All along, she’d been hoping that he wouldn’t run when things got tough.

  She should have known better. After all, he’d run twice before—after Vanessa had died and after he’d kissed her. At the first show of opposition, at the first thing that made him the least bit uncomfortable, Reece had been out the door so fast it was amazing he hadn’t tripped over his own feet.

  Why had she expected this time to be different? Just because he’d stuck around a few weeks didn’t mean he had any intention of sticking for the long haul.

  Her laugh was low and bitter, even as she scrubbed a
t her body with an intensity she knew would leave marks. She wanted to erase his touch, wanted to scrub his delicious, masculine scent off her body so that it wouldn’t hurt so much.

  Calm down. It doesn’t matter. You’re both the same people you were yesterday, the same people you’ll be tomorrow. And she knew that was true, had learned that lesson when Mike had lit out.

  But it hadn’t hurt this much when Mike had left, hadn’t felt like she was being ripped in half. Maybe because by the time he left, she’d been almost glad to see him go. Or maybe, it was because—even from the beginning—she’d known he wasn’t the type to stick around.

  But Reece, Reece had stuck around for Vanessa. He’d dealt with her losing her job, losing her mother. Had been right beside her through the infertility treatments and her nearly crazed desire to have a baby. He hadn’t had to travel constantly. Hell, he hadn’t gone anywhere at all. Not like now.

  So it had to be her, then. He simply didn’t feel for her the way he’d felt for Vanessa.

  But he’d come back to Sarah the last time. He hadn’t been able to stay away.

  But he’d returned for Rose, a little voice whispered in her head. He’d had no intention of coming back to her until Rose had gotten sick. He’d told her a few days earlier, that he might have to be in California for a couple more weeks at the minimum.

  And it had been a lie. Everything had been a lie. He’d been out there to get away from her, to get away from the feelings she had for him.

  Part of her wanted to rush out of the shower and confront Reece. To demand an answer to the questions that burned inside of her.

  Why was he so different with her than he’d been with Vanessa? What was it about her that brought out the worst in the men in her life? Was she really that unlovable? Really so not worth sticking around for once things got tough?

  What was wrong with her?

  But she couldn’t do that. Refused to do it. He wanted her to understand, to believe the story about Hawaii like he’d expected her to swallow the one about California. And while it grated on her pride that he thought she was so stupid, at the same time she was determined not to let him see how much he’d hurt her.