Push and Shove

  “Nathan,” I said, though my voice felt small and thick. “I can walk.” I thought I could. My head felt a little fuzzy.

  “Shush, Trouble,” Gabriel said. He walked alongside Nathan and reached for my face. His rough-skinned fingertips caressed against my forehead as if trying to ease away whatever had come over me. “You’ve been looking ragged for days now. I thought maybe you were on your period, but I guess you’re sick or something.”

  My cheeks heated. “I’m fine, guys. I was just lightheaded and then tripped or something. We can go back.”

  “She doesn’t feel hot. No fever,” Gabriel said, ignoring my protests. He dropped his hand.

  “Text Dr. Green,” Nathan said. “Tell him we’ll meet him at his office.”

  After a minute, Gabriel responded. “He said meet him in the nurse’s office. Where is that?”

  I closed my eyes, feeling disoriented as Nathan carried me through the hallways. He clutched me to his body. My hand landed on his chest, and I felt the swell of muscle. For a split moment, I thought about Karen and how she’d touched me and I wondered what the difference was. From Karen, I cowered. From Nathan and the boys, I craved. I waved the thoughts off. My mind had a hard time staying on task. I blamed my tired state.

  I didn’t open my eyes again until he stopped in front of an office door with a glass panel. Nurse’s Office was marked in black lettering along the bubbled surface. Gabriel held the door open, and Nathan angled me inside.

  Dr. Green’s face swam into view the moment we got inside. His light green eyes had darkened with worry, but lit up when I faced him. Sandy-colored hair hung in front of his eyes and heart shaped face. “Hello there, gorgeous. Didn’t I just see you in class?” he asked, his voice soothing.

  “Hi Dr. Green,” I said. I blinked heavily, trying to swallow back the dizzy feeling.

  “She passed out,” Nathan said. “During warm up exercises.”

  “I’m fine,” I said. “I don’t feel sick. Just a little lightheaded.”

  Nathan planted me on a cot. I sat on it in the middle. I flinched at seeing Mr. Blackbourne standing off to the side, quiet but focused on me.

  Mr. Blackbourne was perfection in a gray suit and red tie. His short brown hair was brushed away from his face and his lips were solidly pursed. His trim figure was leaning against the wall, his arms folded over his chest. Nothing in his face or steel-colored eyes behind those black-rimmed glasses revealed what he was thinking.

  It made me embarrassed to be there in the first place. It was like showing him I couldn’t keep up. I wasn’t good enough for the Academy.

  The nurse’s office was a big room, but we were in a section that was cut off by a movable standing wall. Other cots were positioned across the room, mostly masked by similar short walls. Some cots were occupied. I couldn’t see faces, only the feet and part of the legs. From what I could tell from the shoes, there was a girl and a couple of guys, though I could have been wrong as nearly everyone was wearing sneakers.

  Where was the regular nurse? If kids were sick, is that why Dr. Green had been in here? Is this what he did at Ashley Waters when he wasn’t teaching the Japanese class? It seemed wrong to draw Dr. Green’s attention if there were others who were really sick.

  Even as I thought about it, my body quaked and I felt a wave of dizziness coming over me. I swallowed back those feelings, not wanting to worry anyone. What was wrong with me?

  Dr. Green had a flashlight in his hands. He examined my eyes one at a time. “Tell me what happened,” he said in a soothing voice.

  “I was just doing warm up exercises,” I said. “The next thing I know, I’m waking up on the ground.”

  “She fell over,” Nathan said.

  “Yeah,” Gabriel said. “I thought girls fainted all graceful. She just crashed.”

  I tried to make a face at Gabriel but Dr. Green’s hands spreading my eyelids apart made it difficult.

  Dr. Green put his flashlight down. “Were you up late last night?”

  “I was in bed by ten,” I said. I looked at Nathan to help me confirm.

  “Yeah,” Nathan said. “She tosses around for a couple of hours, though. She does that every night, before she goes to sleep.”

  Heat rose to my cheeks at his revelation. “I do?”

  Nathan nodded, his face grim. “It’s usually not an issue with you, though. You’ve done it for a while. Like you can’t sleep for a couple of hours and then you settle down and sleep. So if you want to be technical, you’re not really deeply asleep until after midnight.”

  Nathan slept over more than anyone else, so I suppose he would know. When I thought of it now, I realized I probably did stay awake for a while after I went to bed. I thought it was normal. Like relaxing before you actually slept. How long does it normally take people to fall asleep?

  “Yeah,” Gabriel said. “Now that you mention it, she does do that. Unless she was worn out that day. Then she passes out real quick.”

  I sighed. “I’ve been tired today. That’s all. I just need to go to bed earlier I guess.”

  Dr. Green took my hand, his comforting fingers massaging my palm before he turned it over. He examined my fingertips closely. “When’s the last time you ate something?”

  I opened my mouth to reply but stopped short when I realized I couldn’t remember. I turned to Nathan to help. That was embarrassing, too, that I had to look at other people to answer for me. I blamed my tiredness for my memory temporarily not working.

  He seemed perplexed, too. He scratched at the back of his neck. “You had coffee this morning, didn’t you?”

  That jogged my memory a little. “Yeah, I had coffee. One of those bottled Frappuccinos.”

  “And what else?” Mr. Blackbourne asked sharply, surprising me. Was he angry? “When did you last eat something?”

  “Luke and I split a bag of potato chips yesterday,” I said. I paused for a long moment, not wanting to reveal the truth. “And another coffee that morning. But last night I was up late with homework and—”

  “So you haven’t been eating,” Mr. Blackbourne’s voice rose a notch. He unfolded his arms and started forward until he was standing behind Dr. Green. He nudged the doctor out of the way so he could plant a palm on either side of my thighs, bending over a little so that his face was level with mine. “Why?”

  Heat spread over all of my face. I wanted to look at Dr. Green, or Nathan, or anyone else for help, but Mr. Blackbourne’s steel eyes were unrelenting, holding me captive under his silent demand for a response. “I don’t know. I wasn’t hungry. I forgot. We’ve been busy.” As I said the words, I knew it was the completely wrong answer. I was rattling off excuses. They were my reasons, but I should have known better. Why hadn’t I realized this before? It seemed obvious now that he pointed it out.

  His eyes steeled and he turned on Nathan and Gabriel. “Why haven’t you made sure she eats?”

  My mouth popped open. Why did he make it sound like it was their fault?

  “I thought she was,” Nathan said.

  “Yeah,” Gabriel said. “But ... I guess now that I think about it, I only really see her at lunch time during the week, and then she’ll say she’s not hungry or she’ll split food with people.”

  Nathan sighed. “She was in the bath when I ate last night. I thought she’d already eaten when I was out.”

  Mr. Blackbourne sliced his hand through the air to silence the excuses. “I want everyone on task to make sure she eats, and to make sure she gets to bed an hour earlier for a while.” He turned to me again, standing fully. “Miss Sorenson.” His tone this time was clear. He wanted my complete attention.

  “Mr. Blackbourne?”

  “I’m going to have Dr. Green write an excuse for you to be relieved of gym class for the rest of the week. No Academy tasks for a while. No strenuous activity. If I hear you’re not taking it easy and eating like you should now and through the weekend, I’ll have Dr. Green put you on bed rest for a week and I’ll ground you myself
.”

  He might as well have said he’d command lightning to strike me down where I stood if I didn’t obey. If he had said so, I would have fully believed it. “I will.”

  Dr. Green dug through a drawer and found a white bottle. He checked the label. “I’d like to give you these vitamins, but they expired two years ago.” He slammed the drawer shut, tossing the vitamin bottle into the trash can. “This school is ridiculous. Yesterday I ran out of bandages.”

  “Mr. Griffin,” Mr. Blackbourne barked.

  “I’ll get her new vitamins,” Nathan said.

  Mr. Blackbourne nodded. “And Mr. Coleman, if you don’t have anything pressing...”

  “I’ll keep an eye on her,” Gabriel said, sounding as if he was planning to anyway.

  A rough cough started up from one of the other beds. One of the other sick kids, who I thought was male, twisted where he was lying. His feet picked up off of the edge of the cot and it jerked out. It slid against the tile and crashed against the side table and the wall. The movable wall tilted. Dr. Green dashed over, but the wall tumbled before he got there and it crashed to the ground.

  The kid on the cot rifled through the side table’s drawers. I recognized the beet red face. It was the boy who had gotten into the fight earlier. What could be wrong with him? Did he get that hurt?

  "What are you doing?" Dr. Green asked. "Stop it." He tugged at the corner of the wall, trying to lift it, but it was big and awkward. Gabriel and Nathan sprinted over to help him. The three of them managed to move it on top of another empty cot, but it was awkward to correct.

  The boy ignored Dr. Green. He yanked a syringe out of the drawer and examined it in his hands, like he was trying to figure out how to use it. He ripped the cap off.

  "Wait!" Dr. Green shouted. He let go of the wall, jumping over at the boy and trying to grab his arm. "Nathan! Don't let him use it."

  Nathan and Gabriel released the wall and it fell back. They climbed over it, grabbing at arms and legs. The boy went wild, grunting curses. The hand with the needle waved around, avoiding capture. The boy aimed it at his own chest, and when Dr. Green blocked it, the boy aimed for his own arm.

  “Everyone out,” Mr. Blackbourne shouted to the others who were in the nurse’s office. I turned my attention, realizing several people had gotten up from their cots. They had been staring idly at the commotion, but with Mr. Blackbourne’s command, they turned, running for the door.

  I started to get up. I wanted to help. What was he trying to do with an empty needle? I started forward, ready to at least grab a leg.

  Mr. Blackbourne stepped in front of me, blocking me. His hand went up to my shoulder and he pulled me back. “Wait,” he said.

  "What's going on?" I asked. "What's wrong with him?"

  Before Mr. Blackbourne could respond, the wild boy cried out in a rage. Dr. Green had the arm with the needle, but the boy wrenched it away.

  The boy lifted his arm. Gabriel splayed his hand out to stop him. The boy jerked and the needle plunged into Gabriel's palm.

  "Fucking shit." Gabriel swung his arm back, taking the syringe with it. He yanked it out, tossing it away before he dove back in.

  Without the threat of the needle swinging, Nathan and Dr. Green dropped down on top of the boy like rocks, holding him down.

  The boy started moaning, and then let out a loud grunt, as if he were in pain. He was thrashing but with Nathan and Gabriel on top of him, he barely moved.

  "I need a sedative," Dr. Green said.

  Gabriel scrambled up and replaced Dr. Green to hold the boy down.

  Dr. Green dashed around, disappearing behind another wall. He came back with another syringe, and a bottle of liquid. He measured out a few milliliters. He withdrew the needle from the bottle.

  "I need his arm," Dr. Green shouted.

  Mr. Blackbourne released me. He nudged at Gabriel, who shifted slightly. The boy's arm whipped out, punching toward Nathan's face. Mr. Blackbourne snatched it and with a twist of his hand, he singled out the boy's pinkie finger. He forced the finger to curl forward. Mr. Blackbourne pinched it tight and held.

  The boy howled but stopped thrashing. He tried bending his body to stop the pressure on his finger, but Mr. Blackbourne didn’t release.

  "Sang," Dr. Green called, snapping me to attention. "Is there an alcohol wipe in that drawer?"

  I leapt up, sliding the drawer in the table open. I found a wipe, and dashed over to them, opening the package.

  Mr. Blackbourne lifted the sleeve of the boy's shirt. I rubbed the wipe against the boy's bicep and Dr. Green followed up by planting the needle into the boy's arm.

  The boy wailed, starting to thrash again as if trying to avoid this needle. He ripped his hand away from Mr. Blackbourne.

  "Back up, Sang," Nathan said.

  I stepped back, and the guys kept themselves planted on top of the boy. It took a couple more minutes but soon, he slowed. His howls became cries. His cries turned into soft whimpers. Soon, he was still.

  "What the hell was he trying to do?" Gabriel asked, finally releasing the boy when it was clear he was passed out. "It was like he was trying to kill himself."

  "He was doing a horrific job," Dr. Green said. He wiped at his brow. "He's watched too many medical dramas. He didn't even bother with a big enough bubble to cause an air embolism." He looked at Gabriel. "How's your hand?"

  "Tingly." Gabriel rubbed his thumb over the spot on his palm. “At least he used a clean one.”

  “Is he sick?” I asked, gazing at the boy. Even in his drugged-induced sleep, he moaned and looked strained.

  “Something’s wrong with him,” Mr. Blackbourne said. “Several other students have picked it up. A strong fever that lasts for about ten hours, heavy vomiting, with delusions and paranoia.”

  “Is it a flu?” Nathan asked. “Is it going around? Are we going to catch this? Should we be wearing masks?”

  “I don’t think so,” Mr. Blackbourne said. “I think there’s something the students are taking. Some new drug, although the students who are sick aren’t talking about it. The students who have come in don’t seem to know each other, and some of the symptoms are different depending on the person. This is the first one I’ve seen that has been suicidal.”

  “Have you put any of them through drug screening?” Nathan asked.

  Mr. Blackbourne nodded. “The results show nothing unusual. I don’t think our tests are picking up whatever drug they’re taking.”

  I straightened, pulling back. “He was in a fight upstairs. Victor was watching it. I've seen him before in the courtyard, too. The fight he had was with his friend. Where is he? Maybe we should talk to him."

  Mr. Blackbourne turned to me, his lips parted as if he wanted to ask but he caught himself. “Miss Sorenson, I told you no Academy activities this week.”

  “I was just mentioning it,” I said, unsure how to take a break from Academy work when they were around me all the time and they were Academy. For someone who wasn’t in, I still somehow felt like part of their private school for... investigators? Security force? I wasn’t sure what, but the more time I spent with them, the more I was diving deeper into their circle. “If I’m still going to school, whatever they are taking, what should I be looking out for? How am I supposed to not get involved if I don’t know what it is?”

  “Just stick with the boys, for now,” Mr. Blackbourne said. “Family first.”

  My lips clamped shut at his reply, not wanting to question Academy rules. Although I would keep my eyes open, for no other reason than I didn’t want to end up like the boy across the room.

  ALONE TOGETHER

  The guys ran back to the gym and collected their bags. When the last bell rang, Nathan and Gabriel returned with my things from my locker. I wondered how they got access, but they must have waited for everyone to leave. I didn’t know they knew my gym locker combination, but then, things like that didn’t surprise me about Academy guys any more.

  We headed out to the parking
lot together, still in our gym uniforms. The rain had stopped for the moment, but the sky was still deeply overcast. There was a slight chill as October was settling in. I fished out a zip-up hoodie to wear to ward off the cold.

  Gabriel reached out and fiddled with the zipper pull. His crystal eyes focused. “This thing has angel wings for a zipper,” he said. “Did I buy you this?”

  “Didn’t you?” I asked, confused. He and Victor bought all my other clothes.

  Gabriel nudged my shoulder, until I turned. He poked at my back where a collection of pink stones were designed into angel wings all along the back. “God damn,” he said. “I didn’t buy you this. Where’d you get it?”

  “From Nathan’s closet,” I said. “I grabbed the first one I saw. I thought you got it.”

  “Did we pick it up and forget about it?” Nathan asked. He reached out, tracing one of the wings on my back. “We got a lot of stuff that day. She had the jeans tucked away for the longest time. I forgot we got those for her until she was wearing them the other day.”

  Gabriel wagged his head. “So much shit has happened, I can’t remember. We’ll have to go through them. I don’t remember this thing. It looks too big for her.”

  “It’s comfortable,” I said.

  A chop landed on my head. “Shush,” Gabriel said.

  The boys and I gathered at Kota’s clunky sedan parked on the outer edge of the school lot. I didn’t think Gabriel would be joining us, but I guessed his plans had changed since Mr. Blackbourne told him to stay near me.

  I spotted Kota approaching from among a small crowd of students heading out to their cars. He carried a thick physics book under his arm, while lugging his messenger bag over his shoulder. Underneath his faux school uniform he had a very strong physique. Most people probably didn’t notice, because he wore black-rimmed glasses. Combined with the neatly trimmed hair and the formal way he wore the collared shirt and tie over his medium build, he appeared to be an average nerd. The glasses did compliment his high cheekbones and a pair of emerald green eyes. If anyone ever gave him a second look, they’d probably notice his handsome features.