Awake

  A face flashed through my mind, giving me an instant headache. I rubbed my forehead, trying to get the fog in my mind to lift.

  You will guide us.

  I scrunched my eyes closed and shook my head. What did that mean and who had said it? I felt familiarity, comfort and fear at the same time.

  Noah's voice pierced through the haze and pulled me back to reality. He was sitting on his knees right in front of me, eyes wide with worry.

  "I. Um." Licking my lips, I slouched forwards and into his arms. "I think I remembered something else."

  "What was it?"

  "A face of a lady, she was pretty and had long, light brown hair. She said 'you will guide us' and..." I closed my eyes again, trying to go back there, repeating the phrase over and over to try to get my brain to latch onto the memory and give me more. I hated that it was so out of my control. Why couldn't I just get my brain to work properly?

  "Who do you think she was?" he asked.

  "I don't know, could be anyone. I don't recognise her at all."

  "Do you remember her eye colour? Think you could try to draw her? That might help."

  I shook my head. "She would just look like a stick person. I don't remember her eye colour. She had a kind face, though, and she was smiling as she spoke."

  "Do you think it could be..."

  My biological mother. That was what he couldn't finish saying.

  I shrugged, and he immediately wrapped his arms around me. "I don't know. She didn't look like me but then maybe I look like him... My dad. Anyway, I'm tired of this. Can we do something else? Why don't you put a DVD on while I go and get some snacks?"

  His face lit up. "Alright." Before he got up he added, "Hey, you know I love you, right?"

  "I do know. I love you, too."

  "It'll be alright, you'll see," he said and kissed my forehead before going to find something for us to watch. I hoped it would be alright because I missed feeling close to my family. If I could fast-forward to a time when we were past this and had healed, I would.

  Noah

  "IS SHE OKAY?" Marissa asked, wiping her eyes as I got downstairs. Scarlett had fallen asleep, and I didn't want to wake her so I left a note telling her I loved her and would see her in the morning. I wasn't sure where Jonathan and Jeremy were, but I couldn't hear them in the house.

  "She will be," I replied.

  "This is such a mess. I never wanted her to find out. We only ever wanted to protect her."

  "She'll understand that. She just needs time to process everything and adjust. I mean, that was some confession."

  This was the first time since she found out the truth that I was talking to them about it. But everything they'd said was exactly what Donald told me they'd say. Jonathan and Marissa had completely lost sight of what our community was trying to achieve. They'd let their doubt grow into something toxic that clouded their judgement and caused them to make snap decisions that affected everyone. In their heads, they'd turned Eternal Light into something it wasn't.

  When I finally got my chance, Scarlett would see the truth behind her parents' tale.

  Marissa managed a smile. "Yes, it was. We had to get her out of there and when she woke up and couldn't remember a thing it was so easy. It was as if fate had given us this chance to start over and make it up to her. What we almost sat back and allowed happen...." She paused, shaking her head. "Finally we could give Scarlett and Jeremy a normal, safe childhood, so we took it."

  "Did you ever worry about her remembering?"

  "At first, yes. As time went on we assumed it wasn't going to happen. Perhaps we shouldn't have been so complacent."

  "Do you think you should have told her?"

  "No," she replied. "We had to protect her and this was the best way to do it. Those people were going to murder her, Noah."

  I pursed my lips and nodded. That wasn't right. I don't think. Going home hadn't given me the clarity I hoped for. I was still just as confused and kept going back and forth.

  "I'm terrified she's going to hate us and I'm even more terrified that she'll try looking for them. If they knew where she was..." Scrunching her eyes closed, she took a deep breath. "She may not have my blood running through her veins, but she is my daughter and I love her. There's nothing I wouldn't do to keep her safe."

  "You mean leaving town?" I asked. The thought of not seeing her hurt but at the same time I wanted to tell them to take her and get as far away as possible.

  "I don't know what I mean. I don't believe there's any danger to her here. If they knew where she was, they would have tried to take her already. We're safe here; I'm more concerned about Scarlett right now."

  "She'll be alright."

  "I hope so," she replied.

  "I've got to head home for a bit, but I'll be back tonight if that's okay?"

  "Of course," she said. "It helps her you being here."

  "I won't be long. See you later."

  I had to get out of there. I couldn't think straight. The walls were closing in, air thinning to the point where I could barely take a breath. My mind hurt, and I was mentally exhausted from trying to work out what I believed and what I was going to do.

  This was exactly what they talked about. They said that the outside world could get to you, make you believe whatever they wanted you to. The government fed you little pieces of information that made you think things were okay.

  I didn't want to be one of them. I wanted to think for myself but what if Donald and Fiona were the equivalent of a government? The tug of war between Eternal Light and Scarlett was going to ruin me.

  Home wasn't even a break from it. The second I got in, Dad told me I needed to call Donald. I just wanted a break from everything, some time where I could be left alone to think independently.

  Scarlett occupied ninety per cent of my thoughts, but that could just be because of the attraction I felt towards her. I liked her, loved her, fancied her like crazy, but I shouldn't let that come between what I'd known my whole life. Everyone back home was family and family came first.

  I went to my room to call him, knowing my dad would allow me privacy to speak to Donald. We held trust very highly, something that made me feel even worse about doubting Eternal Light.

  "Noah," Donald said. His smooth voice calmed me, made me remember what I was part of. I wanted it to be over already; I wanted to be home again, where everything was simple, and I didn't have to constantly struggle and fight to find my way.

  "Hello, Donald. How is everyone?"

  "We are doing just fine. And you, I trust the journey home was pleasant?"

  "Yes, it was alright," I replied, rubbing vigorously between my eyebrows. Headaches were coming all too often now. I never got ill back home where we had little to stress about.

  "Noah, I am going to have to call you back another time, tomorrow perhaps. Fiona needs assistance with something rather urgently."

  I opened my mouth to protest. I should tell him about Scarlett knowing the truth, nothing was more urgent than that, but nothing came out. I'd spent two days pretending everything was alright with her, and I still couldn't tell him what was really going on.

  I should've told him. It should've been the first thing out of my mouth when we arrived home.

  "Alright, was there something you wanted me for, though?"

  "No, it was just to check in and see how everything is this morning. But we will talk later, I have to get back."

  "Speak to you soon," I said, and he hung up.

  I put my phone down and looked up to the ceiling. What am I going to do?

  "Everything alright?" Finn asked. I snapped back to reality to see my brother leaning up against the doorframe.

  "Yes, why?"

  He shrugged. "You look tired."

  That was an understatement.

  "I am. Nothing a good night's sleep won't cure."

  "Alright." He pushed away, and I was left with my obsessive thoughts again.

  Scarlett or Eternal Light? It shouldn't even
be a choice.

  Before I could think anymore, I dialled Donald's number back. Family first. My community had to stay my number one priority. Please don't let him be far enough back to the commune to not get signal.

  My heart was in my throat as I called. Part of me wanted to take Scarlett to the other side of the world away from her family who broke her heart and Eternal Light, who valued their eternal life over her human one. Either way, someone would suffer. And either way, I would suffer.

  I understood why they wanted to do it - Scarlett was our salvation - and we'd be reunited with her afterwards.

  "Noah," Donald said. "Is everything alright?"

  Closing my eyes, I replied, "No. Sorry, you didn't give me chance before but Scarlett knows. Jonathan and Marissa told her everything."

  A minute's silence stretched out in front of us until he finally replied, "I see. When did this happen?"

  Swallowing, I replied with more lies, "Today. What do you want to do?"

  Call it all off. Please.

  "Act," he replied, and I closed my eyes, temples throbbing. "We move this forwards. It's not ideal, but perhaps it will work in our favour."

  "How so?"

  "Right now she will be confused. It will be easier to get through to her with the truth."

  What is the truth?

  "Are you sure, Donald? We're still weeks off."

  "I understand that, Noah, but we do not have a choice. We cannot risk them running."

  "With all due respect, I don't think they are going to run. They have nothing to run from."

  "We can't risk the fear that Scarlett will now undoubtedly have, forcing Jonathan and Marissa's hand. You know they moved every few years in the past. They don't know what to do, so they run; it is their answer to everything. We need Scarlett here, Noah, and the longer we leave it, the higher the risk of something going wrong. We have worked so hard for this. Scarlett will be sacrificed so that we may all live on. She is the one, our salvation, our everything. My daughter is the light that will lead us to eternal life. I am not willing to wait, not another four years, not even another three weeks."

  Ignoring the distaste on my tongue and twist in my gut, I replied, "Yes, Donald. When do you want to do this?"

  "I'll call you tomorrow to finalise the details, but we move on Saturday."

  "Saturday? That's only six days away." I should have weeks. I need weeks.

  "I know. Can you do this, son?" he asked. He often called me and the other guys 'son' but this was the first time it bothered me. That alone left me with an uneasy feeling. I used to rely on him for answers. He always had answers, but they didn't make as much sense anymore.

  "I can," I replied.

  "Good. You are strong, Noah. Do not let the outside world make you crumble."

  Donald hung up, and I dropped the phone on my bed. I wasn't sure that hadn't already happened.

  What have I done?

  "Dad," I called. My heart was stuttering, and my palms began to sweat. "Donald wants it done on Saturday."

  The next thing I heard were three sets of footsteps thudding up the stairs.

  MY FINAL WEEK with Scarlett was passing too quickly. She tried to act as though nothing had happened, but she still hadn't sat down with her parents and sorted their situation out. I wanted them to do it now, more than ever. I didn't want their last memories of each other to be tense.

  It was Wednesday and just three days before we would be in Ireland. And I still hadn't asked her to come with me. We sat on the bench at school during lunch hour while our friends laid on the grass listening to music.

  I was putting off the inevitable. Turning to her, I blurted out in a low voice, "Let's go to Dublin this weekend."

  "Dublin?" Scarlett said, eyes widening in surprise. "You want to take me to Dublin? This weekend?"

  I shrugged, swallowing the acidic taste of bile and took a look around to make sure no one was listening. Chris and Imogen were engrossed in what they were doing, and Bobby was serving detention. If either of them had heard, they would have questioned it or at least looked up "You said you wanted to."

  "I know, but it's a bit sudden, isn't it?"

  "I suppose, but you could probably do with the break and it would be nice to fall off the face of the earth with you for a while. We could do something that's just for us. I'll tell my parents I'm staying with Chris, and you tell yours you're staying with Imogen."

  "Dublin?" she repeated, a slow smile spreading across her face.

  "Yeah, why not? It's no different to going to London for the day; we'd just take the ferry rather than a train."

  "I suppose. I do like it when it's just me and you. We don't get that enough."

  Bending my head, I kissed her and replied, "Me, too. I want us to be alone."

  She gulped, biting the inside of her cheek. "Like...that?"

  "I love you."

  Her breathing came out a little harder, then she smiled. "Yeah, I think I really want that. No, I know I do because I love you, too, so much."

  Her words sucked the air out of my lungs until I felt like I was suffocating. Keeping my calm, I said, "I'm so glad you said that. I would also like us to have fun, and I can show you some of the places I visited a lot growing up."

  "And try Guinness?" she asked, giggling.

  "If we can get served!"

  "You look older than sixteen you'll get served."

  "Then yes, we will try Guinness."

  She watched me for a minute. I didn't want to push it and have her get suspicious, but I think I wanted her to say no. When I imagined her agreeing my stomach churned. She looked at me with big, trusting eyes. Her expression for me was different for everyone else, softer, happier. I didn't deserve it.

  She placed the palm of her hand on my chest as she stared at me.

  My throat started to close. A weight crushed my body until I felt like I was going to break. No. She looked at me with such adoration it made me feel physically sick.

  "What's up?" she asked, her voice so low I barely heard her.

  Gulping, I replied, "Nothing."

  "There is. All of a sudden you tensed up and you're looking at me like... Well, I don't know what like."

  "Nothing is wrong, I just really love you, Scarlett."

  It was her turn to get emotional. "I just really love you, too."

  I kissed her. "Right."

  Biting her lip, she did a surveillance of our surroundings. "I want to be with you, Noah. Today."

  My body went rigid. I wasn't supposed to do that. Would it be so wrong to give us that? After what we would both have to sacrifice very soon, was it wrong to want something perfect first?

  "Tonight," I repeated and kissed her. She pulled back smiling and tucked herself into my side.

  She loved me, trusted me, and I was about to throw her to the lions.

  Scarlett

  I FELT A RUSH of adrenaline as we got off the bus at the port. It was a long, four and a half hour drive, and now we had a three and a half hours ferry ride, but I didn't care because we were free until tomorrow morning.

  Imogen was covering for me if my mum called her. Noah said he'd asked Chris to do the same for him. Neither of them knew where we were, we'd just told them we were spending time together and they had to cover.

  Im was too busy telling me all about how I was going to lose my virginity to bother with any other details anyway. Little did she know that I'd lost it on Wednesday. It was perfect, Noah was perfect, and I felt even closer to him than I did before.

  Mum didn't take long before she'd agreed to let me stay at Imogen's for the night, but they never did. I was pretty sure they'd be glad to have me out of the house. Dad had said the space would do us good and he was right. We needed to not be under each other's feet for a day and then maybe when I went home tomorrow we could talk and sort everything out. I was ready for things to be normal with them now.

  We'd get the ferry back at two in the morning and be home by eleven when I could claim to have come
from Im's. It was going to be a long two days, but I needed to get away for a while and spending time with Noah - alone time - was a bonus.

  Noah had our passports - I'd snuck mine out of the drawer last night - and led us through the port. It was obvious he'd done this quite a few times before; he knew exactly where to go. It didn't take long and we were soon sitting in the cafe. After a long drive, I needed a coffee. Noah had green tea. I had no idea how he coped without caffeine.

  "You okay?" I asked.

  He stared at his mug and nodded. "I'm fine, just tired."

  "Me, too. Are you excited to see your aunt again?" It wasn't that long ago he was there but this time he was bringing his girlfriend home, it was a lot different.

  Smiling, he nodded and sipped his tea. "I am. You excited to meet her?"

  "Excited and nervous. You're sure she won't call your parents?"

  "Everyone will love you. I promise. And no, she won't. I'll get told to never go behind their back again, but she will be fine."

  "Wait, everyone? Wow, how many people am I meeting?"

  "Just a few cousins and my aunt's boyfriend. They are all nice, so you'll be fine. She can't wait to see you."

  "You told her much about me?"

  "Maybe."

  "Like what?"

  "Like how amazing you are and how much I love you."

  Yeah, that'd do. I grinned and was pretty sure I blushed as well. Noah was so sweet. Some of the lads at school would never say things like that to their girlfriends in front of people. Noah said it no matter who was around.

  We got off the ferry and were officially in Ireland. If my parents found out, they were going to freak and probably ground me until I was thirty. "We'll definitely be home in time, right?"

  He nodded, not meeting my eye. The closer we got to Ireland the more distant he'd become. He'd usually hold my hand, but he'd dropped that an hour into the ferry ride.

  "You okay?" I asked.

  "Let's get a taxi," he said, taking my hand and ignoring my question.

  Frowning, I followed. Something wasn't right. He was never off with me, and I was worried he was having second thoughts about me meeting his aunt. Maybe it was a too big a step for him, and he hadn't realised until now?

  "Noah, have you changed your mind? If you're not sure about this, we can do it another time. I don't mind."