The Selection

  “She’s my favorite!” Kriss exclaimed.

  “Well, Tessa’s a dear friend of the family, so she came in and did a concert for my party. I mean, we couldn’t have a bunch of dreary Fives sucking all the life out of the room.”

  Marlee gave me a quick sideways glance. I could tell she was feeling embarrassed for me.

  “Oops,” Celeste added, looking at me. “I forgot. I meant no offense.”

  The sticky sweetness of her voice was infuriating. Once again I was tempted to hit her.... Better not to push it.

  “None taken,” I replied, as composed as I possibly could. “Exactly what do you do as a Two, Celeste? I mean, I’ve never heard your music on the radio.”

  “I model,” she answered in a tone that implied I should have known that. “Haven’t you seen my ads?”

  “Can’t say I have.”

  “Oh, well, you are a Five. I guess you can’t afford the magazines anyway.”

  It hurt because it was true. May loved to sneak peeks at magazines when we managed to go by a store, but there was absolutely no reason for us to buy them.

  Kriss, taking on the role of host again, switched directions.

  “You know, America, I’ve been meaning to ask what your focus was as a Five.”

  “Music.”

  “You should play for us sometime!”

  I sighed. “Actually, I brought my violin to play for you today. I thought it would make a nice gift, but you’ve already got a quartet, so I figured—”

  “Oh, play for us!” Marlee begged.

  “Please, America, it’s my birthday!” Kriss echoed.

  “But they’ve already given you a—” It didn’t matter how I protested. Kriss and Marlee had already shushed the quartet and made everyone come to the back of the room. Some girls fanned their dresses out and sat on the floor, while others pulled a few chairs toward the corner. Kriss stood in the middle of the crowd, clutching her hands with excitement, as Celeste stood by, holding the crystal glass she had yet to take a sip from.

  As the girls settled themselves, I prepped the violin. The quartet of young men who had been playing walked over to support me, and the few wait staff who had been buzzing about the room became still.

  I took a deep breath and brought the violin to my chin. “For you,” I said, looking at Kriss.

  I let the bow hover above the strings for a moment, closed my eyes, and then let the music come.

  For a while, there was no wicked Celeste, no Aspen lurking in the palace, no rebels trying to invade. There wasn’t anything but one perfect note stringing itself to the next in such a way they seemed afraid they might get lost in time without one another. But they did hold together, and as they floated on, this gift that was meant to be something for Kriss became something for me.

  I might be a Five, but I wasn’t worthless.

  I played the song—as familiar as my father’s voice or the smell of my room—for a few brief, beautiful moments, and then let it come to its unavoidable end. I gave the bow one last sweep across the strings and lifted it into the air.

  I turned to find Kriss, hoping she’d enjoyed her gift, but I didn’t even see her face. Behind the crowd of girls, Maxon had walked in. He was in a gray suit with a box under his arm for Kriss. The girls were kindly applauding, but I couldn’t register the sound. All I saw was that Maxon wore a handsome, awestruck expression, which slowly turned into a smile, a smile for no one but me.

  “Your Majesty,” I said with a curtsy.

  The other girls all clambered to their feet to greet Maxon. In the midst of this, I heard a shocked squeal.

  “Oh, no! Kriss, I’m so sorry.”

  A few girls had gasped in the same direction, and as Kriss turned my way I saw why. Her beautiful dress was stained down the front from Celeste’s punch. It looked like Kriss had been stabbed.

  “I’m sorry, I just turned too fast. I didn’t mean to, Kriss. Let me help you.” To the average person, Celeste’s tone probably sounded sincere, but I could see through it.

  Kriss covered her mouth as she started to cry, then ran from the room, which ended the party. To his credit, Maxon went after her, though I really wished he had stayed.

  Celeste was pleading her case to anyone who would listen, saying it was a complete accident. Tuesday was nodding, saying she saw the whole thing, but there were so many rolling eyes and sagging shoulders from the rest that her support was pointless. I quietly put my violin away and went to leave.

  Marlee grabbed my arm. “Someone should do something about her.”

  If Celeste could move someone as lovely as Anna to violence, or think it was acceptable to try and take the dress off my back, or make someone as good as Marlee come close to anger, then she really was too much for the Selection.

  I had to get that girl out of the palace.

  CHAPTER 22

  “I’M TELLING YOU, MAXON, IT wasn’t an accident.” We were in the garden again, passing time until the Report. It had taken me a whole day to get a chance to speak with him.

  “But she looked mortified, and she was so apologetic,” he countered. “How could it not have been an accident?”

  I sighed. “I’m telling you. I see Celeste every day, and that was her sneaky way of ruining Kriss’s moment in the spotlight. She’s so competitive.”

  “Well, if she was trying to take my attention from Kriss, she failed. I spent nearly an hour with the girl. Rather pleasant time I had, too.”

  I didn’t want to hear about that. I knew that there was something small and tenuous between us, and I didn’t want to deal with anything that might change it. Not until I knew how I felt about it myself.

  “Then what about Anna?” I asked.

  “Who?”

  “Anna Farmer? She hit Celeste, and you kicked her out, remember? I know Anna had to have been provoked.”

  “Did you hear Celeste say something?” He sounded skeptical.

  “Well . . . no. But I knew Anna, and I know Celeste. I’m telling you, Anna was not the type of person to head straight to violence. Celeste must have said something heartless to her for her to have reacted that way.”

  “America, I’m aware that you spend more time with the girls than I do, but how well can you really know them? You like to hide in your room or the libraries. I daresay you’re more familiar with your maids’ personalities than any of the Selected.”

  He was probably right, but I wouldn’t back down. “That’s not fair. I was right about Marlee, wasn’t I? Don’t you think she’s nice?”

  He made a face. “Yes . . . she is nice, I suppose.”

  “Then why won’t you believe me when I say that what Celeste did was a calculated move?”

  “America, it’s not that I think you’re lying. I’m sure, to you, it seemed that way. But Celeste was sorry. And she’s been nothing but gracious with me.”

  “I’ll bet she has,” I muttered under my breath.

  “That’s enough,” Maxon said with a sigh. “I don’t want to talk about the others right now.”

  “She tried to take my dress, Maxon,” I complained.

  “I said I don’t want to talk about her,” he said fiercely.

  That was all I was going to take. I huffed and lifted my arms in the air just to drop them with a thud against my legs. I was so frustrated I wanted to scream.

  “If you’re going to act this way, I’m going to find someone who does want my company.” He walked off.

  “Hey!” I called.

  “No!” He turned back on me and spoke more forcefully than I’d ever imagined he could. “You forget yourself, Lady America. It would do you well to remember that I am the crown prince of Illéa. For all intents and purposes, I am lord and master of this country, and I’ll be damned if you think you can treat me like this in my own home. You don’t have to agree with my decisions, but you will abide by them.”

  He turned and left, either not seeing or caring that I had tears in my eyes.

  I didn’t look his way
through dinner, but it was difficult to do during the Report. I caught him looking at me twice, and both times he tugged his ear. I didn’t return the action. I didn’t want to talk to him right now. I could only assume I’d be scolded more anyway, and I didn’t need that.

  I walked up to my room afterward so upset with Maxon I couldn’t think clearly. Why wouldn’t he listen to me? Did he think I was a liar? Even worse, did he think Celeste was above lying?

  Maybe Maxon was just a typical guy, and Celeste was a beautiful girl, and in the end that would be what won out. For all his talk about wanting a soul mate, maybe all he wanted was a bedmate.

  And if that was the kind of person he was, why was I even bothering with this? Stupid, stupid, stupid! I kissed him! I told him I’d be patient! And for what? I just—

  I turned the corner to my room, and there was Aspen, waiting outside my door. All my rage melted away into a strange uncertainty. Guards, as a rule, kept their eyes forward and stayed at attention, but he was looking at me with an unreadable expression.

  “Lady America,” he whispered.

  “Officer Leger.”

  Though it wasn’t his job, he leaned over to open my door for me. I walked past slowly, almost afraid to turn my back on him, almost afraid he wasn’t real. As much as I’d tried to keep him out of my head and my heart, I just wanted him to be with me in that moment. As I passed, I heard him inhale just next to my hair. It gave me a chill.

  He fixed me with another stare and slowly closed the door.

  Sleep was pointless. I tossed for hours as thoughts of Maxon’s stupidity and Aspen’s closeness battled in my head. I didn’t know what to do about anything. My reflections were so consuming, I didn’t even realize that I’d been mulling them over until well past two in the morning.

  I sighed. My maids were going to have to work extra hard to make me look good tomorrow.

  Suddenly I saw a light from the hallway. So quietly it felt like I was dreaming it, Aspen cracked open the door, walked in, and shut it behind him.

  “Aspen, what are you doing?” I whispered as he crossed the room. “You’ll be in so much trouble if you’re caught in here!”

  He continued to walk silently.

  “Aspen?”

  He stopped in front of my bed and quietly laid the staff he was holding on the ground. “Do you love him?”

  I looked into Aspen’s deep eyes, barely visible in the dark. For a split second, I didn’t know what to say.

  “No.”

  He ripped back my blankets in a move both graceful and violent. I should have protested, but I didn’t. His hand was behind my head, pushing my face to his. He kissed me feverishly, and every good thing in the world fell into place. He didn’t smell like his homemade soap anymore, and he was stronger than he used to be, but every move, every touch was familiar.

  “They’ll kill you for doing this,” I breathed in a brief moment when his lips traveled to my neck.

  “If I don’t, I’ll die anyway.”

  I tried to work up the will to tell him to stop, but I knew any attempts would be halfhearted. A thousand things about this moment felt wrong—that we were breaking so many rules, that as far as I knew Aspen had another girlfriend, that Maxon and I had some sort of feelings for each other—but I couldn’t care. I was so angry with Maxon, and Aspen felt so comforting, I just let his hands travel up and down my legs.

  I marveled at how different it felt. We’d never had so much space before.

  Even with the distraction, I could feel everything else swarming in my head. I was angry with Maxon, angry with Celeste, even angry with Aspen. Hell, I was angry with Illéa. As we kissed on and on, I started crying.

  Aspen kissed me through it, and soon some of the tears were his, too.

  “I hate you, you know?” I said.

  “I know, Mer. I know.”

  Mer. When he touched me like that, called me that name, I felt like I was a world away. Upset as I was, Aspen felt like home.

  We went on for nearly fifteen minutes before he remembered himself.

  “I have to get back, the guard doing rounds will be expecting me.”

  “What?”

  “There are guards who do rounds at random. I might have twenty minutes, I might have an hour. If it’s a short round, I have less than five minutes.”

  “Hurry!” I urged, hopping up with him to help him straighten his hair.

  He grabbed his staff, and we ran across the floor together. Before he opened the door, he pulled me in to kiss me again. It felt like pure sunlight was traveling down my veins.

  “I can’t believe you’re here,” I said. “How did you end up on the palace guard?”

  He shrugged. “Turns out I’m a natural. They fly everyone to this training place in Whites. America, it was covered in snow! Nothing like the flurries we get back home. All the new guards are fed and trained and tested. There are shots, too. Don’t know what’s in them, but I grew really fast. I’m a solid fighter, and I’m smart. I tested the highest in our class.”

  I smiled with pride. “Not surprised by that at all.” I kissed him again. Aspen had always been too good to lead the life of a Six.

  He opened the door and checked the hallway. It looked empty.

  “I have so much to tell you. We need to talk,” I whispered.

  “I know. And we will. It’s going to take some time, but I’ll be back. Not tonight. I don’t know when, but soon.” He kissed me again, so hard it almost hurt.

  “I missed you,” he whispered into my mouth, and went back to his post.

  I walked back to my bed in a daze. I couldn’t believe what I’d just done. Part of me—a very upset part—felt like Maxon deserved this. If he wanted to spare Celeste and humiliate me, then I certainly wouldn’t be a part of the Selection much longer. If she could find a way around the rules, there was nothing to stop me anymore. Problem solved.

  Suddenly worn out, I fell asleep in moments.

  CHAPTER 23

  THE NEXT MORNING, I WOKE feeling a little guilty. Frightened even. Just because I didn’t return Maxon’s ear tug didn’t mean he couldn’t come to my room any time he wanted. We so easily could have been caught. If anyone had any idea what I’d done. . .

  It was treason. And there was only one way the palace dealt with treason.

  But another part of me didn’t care. In the hazy moments of waking, I relived every look in Aspen’s eyes, every touch, every kiss. I missed that so badly.

  I wished we’d had more time to talk. I really needed to know what Aspen was thinking, though last night had given me some clues. It was just so unbelievable—after trying so hard to not want him—that he might still want me.

  It was Saturday, and I was supposed to go to the Women’s Room, but I just couldn’t stand it. I needed to think, and I knew that wouldn’t happen in the endless chatter floating downstairs. When my maids came, I told them I had a headache and would be staying in bed.

  They were so helpful, bringing me food and cleaning the room as quietly as possible, that I almost felt bad for lying to them. I had to, though. I couldn’t face the queen and the girls and possibly Maxon while my mind was so solidly fixated on Aspen.

  I closed my eyes but did not sleep. I tried to clear up just how I felt. Before I got very far, though, there was a knock at the door. I rolled over, catching Anne’s face as she silently asked if she should answer it. I sat up quickly, straightened my hair, and gave her a nod.

  I prayed that it wouldn’t be Maxon—I was afraid he’d be able to read my crimes on my face—but I wasn’t prepared to see Aspen’s face walking through my door. I felt myself sit up taller and hoped my maids didn’t notice.

  “Pardon me, miss,” he said to Anne. “I’m Officer Leger. I’m here to speak to Lady America about some security measures.”

  “Of course,” she said, smiling brighter than usual and gesturing for Aspen to enter. In the corner I saw Mary nudge Lucy, who let out a tiny giggle.

  When he heard the sound
, Aspen turned toward them and tipped his hat. “Ladies.”

  Lucy ducked her head and Mary’s cheeks looked redder than my hair, but they didn’t answer. Anne, though she also seemed taken by Aspen’s good looks, was put together enough to speak at least.

  “Shall we leave, miss?”

  I considered this. I didn’t want to seem too obvious, but some privacy would be nice.

  “Only for a moment. I’m sure Officer Leger won’t need me for long,” I decided, and they whisked right out of the room.

  Once they had disappeared behind the door, Aspen spoke. “You’re wrong, I’m afraid. I’m going to be needing you for a very long time.” He winked at me.

  I shook my head. “I still can’t believe you’re here.”

  Wasting no time, Aspen took off his hat and sat on the edge of my bed, setting his hands so our fingers just barely touched. “I never thought I’d count the draft as a blessing, but if it gives me the chance to apologize to you, I’ll be forever grateful.”

  I was stunned into silence.

  Aspen looked deep into my eyes. “Please forgive me, Mer. I was so, so stupid, and I’ve regretted that night in the tree house since the second I climbed down the ladder. I was too stubborn to say anything and then your name got called. . . I didn’t know what to do.” He stopped for a second. It looked like he had tears in his eyes. Was it possible that Aspen had been crying for me the way I’d been crying for him? “I’m still so in love with you.”

  I bit my lip, holding back my tears. I needed to be sure of one thing before I could even think about this.

  “What about Brenna?”

  His face fell. “What?”

  I gave an unsteady breath. “I saw you two together in the square when I was leaving. Is that over?”

  Aspen squinted his face in concentration then burst into laughter. He covered his mouth with his hands and fell backward on the bed before popping up and asking, “Is that what you think? Oh, Mer, she fell. She tripped and I caught her.”