Beat of the Heart

  “I am.”

  “It sure as hell doesn’t feel that way. You’re making me out to be some bad guy that I’m not. I’m just a guy who cares about you and wants more with you. You can’t keep judging me for my past or my occupation.” Staring into her eyes, I shook my head. “I have your ticket waiting. But I’m serious, Mia. I gotta know you’re truly with me and aren’t going to bail. That’s not fair to me, and it won’t be fair to Bella.”

  Tears pooled in her eyes before streaming down her cheeks. “I know. And I’m sorry, AJ. I really am.”

  “Yeah, well, you know where to find me. The flight leaves at two tomorrow afternoon—with or without you.” I leaned over and gave her a brief kiss on the cheek before striding out of the doctor’s office. Even though part of me felt like an ass for being so demanding of her, I knew I had to get my point firmly across. I didn’t play games, and I wasn’t going to continue playing this one with Mia. The ball was in her court, and she had to make a decision.

  As I got on the elevator, I dialed Rhys. “Get your ass over here and pick me up.”

  “Shit dude, did things not go well?”

  “Yes and no.”

  “Well, lucky for you, I’m just five minutes away. Traffic is still crazy as a motherfucker.”

  “Whatever. Just get here when you can. I gotta lot of shit to do before I leave tomorrow.”

  “Mia not coming with you?”

  I sighed as I tugged my hand through my hair. “I don’t know.”

  “I say you at least have time for a few beers after the day you’ve had.”

  With a chuckle, I replied, “That sounds like a plan.”

  The rest of the day after the ultrasound I was an emotional wreck. Before I went back to work, I had put on a happy face at Mama Sofia’s where free desert was given to all the patrons in honor of Isabella—Mia’s Moose of course. My dad was absolutely on cloud nine when I told him, especially about the name. Of course when he had questioned me about AJ, I had shook my head. How could I explain to him what I was feeling? How the doubts and fears of my past continued crippling me in the future with AJ? Not to mention that the one and only time AJ had actually said the words ‘I love you’ was when he was under emotional distress handcuffed to a shower.

  I knew my dad wanted to talk to me about it—maybe even counsel me on what to do. But just like when everything was going so wrong with Jason, I hid from him. Like a total coward, I snuck out of Mama Sofia’s before he could come back to my table.

  In the end, I knew there was no one I could talk to about this. It was my decision, and mine alone, to make. That’s what made it so fucking hard. Of course, the worst part of all was how much I loathed myself. I had become totally unrecognizable to myself, and I couldn’t just blame my irrational pregnancy hormones. No, I was reaping shit I’d sown a long, long time ago. The old me wouldn’t have led Dev on when I knew that I would never take him back. But there was a part of me that got some sick vindication from making him suffer.

  I didn’t know what was wrong with me. Deep into the core of my being, I knew I wanted to be with AJ. There was absolutely no rational reason not to give him another chance. He was the father of my daughter. I had fallen in love with him in the midst of our lust-haze. But nothing about me was rational at the moment. I kept focusing on the irrational side of things—my insecurities about AJ’s career and his women, and the way I felt like I could never be good enough, or even, enough for him. Somehow I always kept coming back to my self-loathing conclusion, that he deserved someone better—although the thought of seeing him with another woman made me physically sick.

  It seemed I had more time to think about it than I should have since things were slow on the floor. Somehow I had resorted to pacing around in the break room while feeling like a total nut-job.

  Dee poked his head in the door. “Mimi, you have a visitor.”

  My heart leapt into my throat, and more than anything in the world, I hoped it was AJ. At the sight of Pesh, my former mentor and Dev’s brother, standing in the doorway, the breath I’d been holding exhaled in a noisy rush of disappointment.

  Pesh’s beaming smile slowly receded as his gaze roamed over me. He stared at my abdomen before glancing back up at me. “Now I know why Dee called me.”

  His words, coupled with the emotional shit-storm of my life, caused me to burst into tears. Pesh rushed forward and pulled me into his arms. “Hey now, if I’m going to have this kind of effect on you, I’ll leave.”

  My mirthless laugh was muffled against his chest. “No, that’s not it at all. I’m kinda a mess lately.”

  “Well, I don’t know about that, but you’ve certainly been busy,” he mused.

  I pulled away to shake my head. “I can’t believe Dee called you.”

  “He’s worried about you and the decisions you’re making.”

  With a wince, I said, “I guess you know about Dev.”

  Pesh nodded. “Yes, he told me he was trying to convince you to come back to him.”

  “You don’t sound like you think that’s a good idea.”

  “That’s because I know it’s not.”

  My brows shot up in surprise. “What?”

  Pesh exhaled a ragged sigh before resting his hands on my shoulders. “I know you and Dev were together a long time. Our family will always love you and owe you a tremendous debt for getting him back on track after those wayward years.”

  “Cut to the point, Pesh.”

  He smiled. “Dev is my baby brother, and I love him. But I know in my heart he doesn’t now or will ever deserve you, Mia.”

  I gasped at his admission. “Seriously?”

  “He’s always chased after what he couldn’t have, and once he got it, he wasn’t satisfied. He tried for months to get me to fix you two up, but I refused.”

  “You never told me that.”

  “At the time, I didn’t think you were ready to date after what had happened with Jason. Now I think it was something greater telling me to keep you apart.”

  I groaned. “That would have been really nice to know three years ago. It could’ve saved me some heartache, you know?”

  Pesh grimaced. “I realize that now. It’s the reason why I’m here today. This musician…what’s his name?”

  “AJ,” I murmured.

  Pesh nodded. “This AJ wants you to be with him, doesn’t he?”

  “I’m going to kill Dee,” I muttered through gritted teeth. At the same time I wanted to throttle him, I couldn’t ask for a more faithful, loving friend than Dee.

  “Don’t be mad at him. He loves you—just like I do. He also knows what you’ve been through in the last year might be clouding your judgment.” Pesh’s expression grew sad. “Better than anyone, I know what grief can do to you, Mia. After Jade’s death, I lived a dream-like existence for the last two years. I made decisions that weren’t really me—decisions that my emotional torment caused me to do. I don’t want you to make the same mistakes as I did just because you lost one of the most important people in your life.”

  “That’s very sweet of you.” I then pursed my lips at him. “Does your faulty decision making have anything to do with that pregnant chick you wanted to get with?”

  Pesh laughed. “Maybe a little. But wanting to be with Emma could never be deemed as a ‘faulty’ decision.”

  “You’re not still after her, are you?”

  “No, I’m not. We both realized we weren’t right for each other—that we were in love with other people. Now we’re just really good friends—like we were truly meant to be.”

  “What is it with you Nadeen men and being hot for women who are pregnant with other men’s babies, huh?” I teased.

  He shook his head. “You and Dev aren’t the same thing as Emma and me—you two had a long history together.” He rubbed my cheek tenderly. “Maybe it’s that pregnant women have a glow about them—a beauty that burns bright from inside, like the life growing within them. You’ve always been beautiful, Mia. But you’r
e truly breathtaking today.”

  “Thank you, but somehow I think you might be fibbing considering I have puffy eyes and a red face from crying,” I scoffed.

  Pesh smiled. “None of that matters. What truly matters is the heart inside the person. And I know yours has such great love within it.” He gave me a pointed look. “But it doesn’t truly beat for my brother, does it?”

  “No, it doesn’t.”

  With a wink, Pesh replied, “No, it follows a different drummer, doesn’t it?”

  “Yes, it does,” I replied with an absolute certainty I hadn’t had possessed before.

  Taking my hand in his, he brought it to his lips. After he kissed it, he said, “Now do you have your answer?”

  “Yes, I do,” I whispered.

  “Good. I’m glad to hear it.” He pulled me into his strong embrace.

  As I squeezed him tight, I said, “You’re like my fairy godmother or guardian angel, you know that right? You’re always swooping in to save me.”

  He chuckled. “I think I like being a guardian angel better than a fairy.”

  I laughed as I pulled away. “I think so, too.”

  “So you’re going to go to him now?”

  “As soon as I can pack my bag, I will. That’s if I can actually drive home being a bundle of nerves.”

  Once again, Pesh took my hand. “Come on. Your fairy godmother will take you home and get you packed. Then I’ll take you to AJ’s.”

  My eyes widened. “Really?”

  “Of course.”

  I couldn’t help my bottom lip from trembling. “That’s so sweet.”

  “Before you cry, I have my ulterior motives.”

  “You do?”

  He nodded. “I want some advice on how to get a stubborn woman to change her mind about me. Since you’re the most stubborn woman I know, I figured you could help.”

  I threw my head back and laughed. “I will be happy to do anything I can to help you find happiness and true love. You know that. And just who is this brainless chick who isn’t giving you the time of day?”

  “Her name is Megan, and she’s just set in her mind about something…” He pinned me with a pointed look. “Just like you.”

  “Whatever,” I mumbled.

  Pesh took my hand. “Come on. Time is wasting for you and your prince.”

  By the time I got packed up and back into Pesh’s Jaguar, I was a nervous wreck. For most of the time, Pesh had kept my mind occupied as we worked out a strategy for him to win the girl he was in love with, and who I could tell was also in love with him but just being stubborn as hell. Sound familiar?

  As Pesh started rolling my suitcases onto the front porch, I gave a teary goodbye to Jack Sparrow. “Don’t worry, Jack. Dee’s going to come feed you and take care of you.” He meowed in acknowledgement before nudging his head against my face. When I started out the door, my nerves began spinning in overdrive.

  For the life of me, I don’t know why I thought it would be good to surprise AJ, rather than call him. Showing up at his penthouse seemed so impulsive—the very thing he was trying to get me to do. I was so set in my ways of needing everything to be by the book that I figured this would prove to him, in more ways than one, that I could fit into his life. Of course, I couldn’t help worrying even though AJ had given me the ultimatum, that when it finally came down to it, he would reject me. I’d pushed him too far and for too long. He would have every right to tell me it was too late for us.

  As we pulled up to his building, my stomach lurched, and I fought the urge to throw-up. “Are you going to be okay?” Pesh asked.

  “I hope so,” I murmured faintly.

  “You’re awfully pale.”

  “I’m fine.”

  Pesh eyed me suspiciously one last time before turning off the car and hopping out. As I put my wobbly feet onto the pavement, he grabbed my bags from the trunk. When he rolled them over to me, he asked, “Do you want me to come inside and wait with you?”

  His concern was endearing, but I knew it was time to get my big-girl panties on. “No, I’m fine. I can do this.”

  “Okay, if you’re sure.”

  Slinging my purse on my arm, I wrapped my arms around Pesh’s broad chest. “I can never thank you enough for this…for everything.”

  “You don’t need to thank me. That’s what friends are for.”

  After I pulled away, I kissed him on the cheek. “I love you.”

  “Love you, too.”

  Wagging my finger, I said, “If this Megan chick doesn’t wake up soon, I’m coming to Wellstar and having a little talk with her.”

  Pesh grinned. “Okay, I think I’ll let you.”

  With one last squeeze, I started into the building. Once again I realized how stupid I had been with this impulsive ambush. AJ had said he had errands. What if he wasn’t home? What if I had to sit in the lobby for hours, like a crazy stalker, for him to get in?

  I approached the front desk on shaky legs. “Um, can I get you to buzz AJ Resendiz’s penthouse please?”

  The woman eyed me suspiciously. “What’s your name?”

  “Mia Martinelli.”

  A look of recognition flashed on her face. “One moment.” She picked up the phone. “Yes, Mr. Resendiz, it’s Elana at the front desk. Your guest is down here.”

  My brows rose in surprise. Had he been expecting me? “He’ll be right down,” she replied, with a snooty air in her voice.

  “Thank you.” I hobbled over to the elevators to wait on AJ. My heartbeat thrummed wildly in my chest, and I chewed on my bottom lip until I felt blood rush into my mouth. The moment the elevator doors opened and I saw AJ, I couldn’t contain my emotions anymore, and I burst into tears. His brows rose in surprise, and although I could tell he was fighting himself on whether to step forward for to comfort me or not, he held back, gripping the bar on the back of the elevator wall. It was now or never, even though we had a small audience in both the lobby and on the elevator with him.

  “I’m so sorry for everything, AJ,” I said through my tears. “I’m so sorry for ruining things with us by running all the time. I’m sorry I let my past with men dictate my future with you. I know you aren’t Dev and you could never, ever be Jason. I’m sorry I let my insecurities about your past and who I thought you were screw up the happiness we had. Most of all, I’m sorry I was a stupid fool and didn’t run straight back into your open arms when you offered them to me. You’re a good man, and you’ll be a great father to Bella.”

  Once I finished, AJ stood there staring at me for what felt like an eternity. Oh fuck. He really had changed his mind. Standing all rigid and tense, he looked pissed that I was ambushing him. The people around us stood frozen, watching and waiting right along with me. Finally, he demanded, “Does this little performance mean you’re coming to Mexico?”

  “Yes, I really want to go. If you still want me,” I hiccupped.

  A grin spread on his lips as he pushed off the wall of the elevator and stepped outside to meet me. “I could never stop wanting you, amorcito mio. Even with all your damn stubbornness and freaky, exaggerated shit that goes through your mind, all I want is you.”

  I shook my head furiously. “But I don’t know why. You deserve so much better than me. Someone who isn’t consumed by their past or can’t embrace your profession. I don’t know if I can ever prove to you how good you are to me—how good you are for me.”

  AJ cocked his head at me. “Are you done?”

  “Yes. Why?”

  “Because I want you to shut the fuck up so I can kiss you.”

  Throwing myself into his arms, I wrapped my arms tight around his neck, drawing myself flush against him. As he slid his arms around my waist, my lips sought out his. Applause echoed around us, causing me to jerk away. As I stared wildly around the lobby, one woman asked, “Are they filming a movie or something?”

  AJ and I both laughed. “Come on. Let’s get you upstairs.” Glancing over my shoulder, he saw my waiting suitcases. “You we
re really serious about coming, huh?”

  “Yes, I was.”

  “I’m glad,” he replied as he got my bags. Thankfully, we were alone on the elevator ride up to the penthouse. But the moment the doors shut behind us, I had an elicit flashback to the last time I was in this elevator with him. Heat flooded my cheeks, and I fought the urge to fan myself.

  “Having a sexy flashback of us?” he questioned with a smirk.

  “Not at all. The pregnancy hormones give me hot flashes,” I lied.

  AJ laughed. “Bullshit, Mia.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Okay, fine. Yes, I was thinking about us.”

  He eased closer to me. At the gleam in his eyes, I backed away from him as far as I could until I bumped against the elevator wall. “Don’t even think about it,” I warned.

  “Let me guess, you think when we get upstairs we should be talking and doing more repairing of our ‘broken relationship’?”

  I bobbed my head wildly up and down. “Yes, we have a lot to talk about.”

  “True. But all I want to do is fuck you senseless.”

  I laughed at his honesty. “I would’ve figured as much.”

  He closed the gap between us like a hunter stalking its prey. “The question is do you want to fuck me senseless?”

  I sighed. “Wanting you physically has never been an issue for me, AJ,” I answered honestly.

  “It’s just the emotional part, huh?”

  “Yes. But I’m working on that. I promise,” I whispered.

  The elevator dinged our arrival at his penthouse. After AJ took out his card, he pinned me with a stare. “So you do want me to fuck you senseless?”

  I licked my lips. “Yes, more than anything.”

  “Good.” AJ motioned for me to go on inside. After I stepped into the foyer, he followed me inside with my bags. He didn’t even stop in the living room. Instead, he continued rolling them down the hall, and I simply trailed along behind him. Once we got inside the bedroom, he closed the door behind us. I eyed him, waiting to see what his next move would be. I was pretty sure it involved getting me naked and flat on my back.